Way The Wind Blows
by Shonetta
Summary: Chakotay meets a young Janeway from the past. J/C. Revised with new additions.
1. Chapter 1

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter One**

Kathryn Janeway picked up a freshly replicated cup of black coffee, took a sip, and then turned to her First Officer who was looking out of the Ready Room window as Voyager slowly gained speed and left behind a fleet of bronze ships.

"So nice to come across a friendly species every now and then," Kathryn smiled, bridging the distance between them. "I'm glad I put my suspicions aside and allowed the crew to take shoreleave. Everyone seems to have had a great time exploring the Daiyk Empire."

"That certainly seems to be the case," Chakotay replied. "But I'd better warn you. Neelix spent all his time collecting as many of their fruits and vegetables as he could, not to mention getting his hands on a whole database of recipes. We're going to be having some culinary adventures for a while."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Perhaps they will make you appreciate my cooking all the more."

"Anything is possible," he teased.

"It's just a shame they're not allowed to share their technology," Kathryn continued. "Their transporters were incredible, even more impressive than those the Sikarans had. Not only could they transport over vast distances, but also through time. If they'd let us use one, we could have got the crew home in hours."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "I saw a couple of them. It's too bad that all the species we've met so far who could help us, won't."

"I think Vorlin wanted too, I really sensed that, but she couldn't break the Empire's laws. But, even though they couldn't help us, they truly were one of the most friendly species I've ever come across. They wanted nothing but to show us a good time and had no hidden agendas."

"I just hope you allowed yourself to enjoy their hospitality," Chakotay said sincerely. "You work too hard, Kathryn."

"Not hard enough," she smiled, taking another sip of her coffee.

Chakotay smiled, but it saddened him to know that a part of her was serious in that remark.

"But you don't have to worry," Kathryn continued, seeing his concern behind his smile. "I did very little work the whole time I was there. I went to several of their great cities, visited museums and galleries, and absorbed as much about their culture and their history as I could. I even accompanied the Doctor to an Opera."

Chakotay relaxed at that. "Glad to hear it."

"What about you? What did you get up too? I've hardly seen you at all over the past week."

"I was invited to an archaeological expedition on Goil, a once occupied planet that is now nothing but ruins. I spent most of my time there. I learnt a lot."

"I'd like to hear more about your adventure," Kathryn said. "We didn't have our weekly dinner last week. How about we make up for it this evening? You can fill me in then."

"Sounds good. Usual...?" He was about to say time when B'Elanna's voice interrupted him over the comm.

"Torres to Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Janeway here."

"I've got something to show you in Cargo Bay 1, Captain, and I think you'll want to come right away."

"On my way," Kathryn said curiously. From the tone of B'Elanna's voice, it didn't sound like she had something unpleasant to show. "Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay spoke, curious himself. "Mind if I come along? The space ahead is safe, they can do without us on the bridge."

"Be my guest," Kathryn smiled.

* * *

When Kathryn and Chakotay arrived in Cargo Bay 1, B'Elanna was standing beside a silver tower that was about ten feet tall. Blue and yellow lights flashed on it, and a horizontal silver arm extended out of the top for about five feet. On the floor beneath it was a silver grid with pink lights illuminating it.

Kathryn recognized the object immediately, having seen one in several Daiyk cities. "A temporal transporter."

"Ours and ready to use..."

"But I thought the Daiyk were not allowed to share their technology," Chakotay said.

"They're not...officially," B'Elanna explained. "But there's no law saying they're not allowed to give a gift to another species."

Kathryn's eyes sparkled as understanding dawned on her. "I see."

"Vorlin told me she would beam a transporter to me before we left. Some militants would object, so she wanted to keep things quiet."

Kathryn studied the device more closely. "And it's ready to use, you say?"

"Yes. Well, at least when I've figured out how to work it. Vorlin sent instructions with it so it shouldn't take me long to get it operational."

"Question is," Chakotay teased, "who's going to be the guinea pig? Thirty five thousand light years is a hell of a transport."

"I'm looking at him," B'Elanna smiled.

Kathryn laughed and turned to Chakotay. "You've always said you'd like to make a mark on history, Chakotay. Now's your chance... Commander Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager, the first human being to be transported by a temporal transporter."

"Not exactly what I had in mind," he smiled.

"Well, it will be over before you know," B'Elanna continued. "I'll transport you to earth and then back again."

He looked at Kathryn, and then back at B'Elanna, and saw he was going to have little choice in the matter. "I see I'm unanimously volunteered," he smiled. "I just hope you don't lose me half away between here and the Alpha Quadrant."

"We won't," B'Elanna said. "This is highly sophisticated technology. Nothing will go wrong."

"But we will need to take precautions," Kathryn added. "We'll need to transport you somewhere close to civilization, Chakotay, just incase we can't get you back. That way, you'll have everything you need to survive."

"There's no way we'll lose him, Captain," B'Elanna said. "This technology is too advanced for that kind of accident."

"Just covering all bases, Lieutenant. And it's best if we stick to the present. We don't want to cause the time police any more headaches."

"I agree."

Chakotay spoke. "Do I at least get to choose my destination?"

"I think we can allow you that," Kathryn smiled. "Where do you have in mind?"

"Mexico City. My cousin lives there."

"Then Mexico City it is." Kathryn turned to B'Elanna. "How long do you think it will take you to familiarize yourself with this technology?"

"About an hour, Captain. Maybe less."

"Then I'll leave you to get started." She turned to Chakotay. "There's no point you taking the bridge. Take the next hour off if you want."

"Yes, Captain."

Kathryn began to walk towards the door. "Inform me when all is ready."

As she left, B'Elanna looked up at Chakotay.

"You'd better go too, big guy. I won't be able to concentrate with you around."

"As you were," he said.

He then followed Kathryn out of the cargo bay and the silver doors shut behind him.

* * *

An hour later, all was ready. Kathryn made her way back to the Cargo Bay, having been summoned by B'Elanna, and found Chakotay already there when she arrived. He was wearing a loose cream shirt over brown pants, and black mock-leather ankle boots. His hair had been extended and was swept back from his face, bouncy and wavy in appearance, a small mustache graced his mouth, and there was only plain flesh where his tattoo should have been.

"Thought I would disguise myself a little, blend in with the natives," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn stared at him, her face pale, her eyes wide as though she had seen a ghost.

The smile left Chakotay's face and he stepped forward in concern. "Are you alright, Captain?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "Yes I...I'm fine."

B'Elanna appeared from behind the tower. "Everything is set, Captain. When Chakotay steps on the grid, all I have to do is press that flashing blue button." The half Klingon saw her Captain's white face and bridged the gap between them. "There really is nothing to worry about, Captain. He'll be there and back in seconds."

Kathryn broke away from her Chief Engineer and walked over to the tower, her mind churning with thoughts. She studied the operating console, her eyes moving sharply over the buttons.

"I don't think we should send you to Mexico City," Kathryn said, speaking to Chakotay but looking at the buttons. "I think we should send you somewhere more isolated, somewhere not as closely monitored. We don't want you to be intercepted."

"I never thought of that," B'Elanna said. "It's unlikely, but certainly a possibility in a high security area."

"My family have a vacation home in Canada," Kathryn continued. "No one ever visits it this time of year and security in the area is minimal. The cabin has replicators, all modern conveniences, and is close to a small town." She paused. "How do I change the destination co-ordinates?"

B'Elanna gestured to the place. "Right here, Captain."

As Kathryn imputed the new data, Chakotay spoke. "Guess I don't get to choose my destination after all."

"Another time," B'Elanna smiled.

"Alright," Kathryn said, drawing away from the operating console. "All done."

"Then let's get this show underway," B'Elanna said, taking Kathryn's place at the tower. She gestured to the grid. "Chakotay..."

Chakotay stepped onto the grid and the pink lights turned green.

B'Elanna pressed the blue button and a red beam shone down on Chakotay. Kathryn watched, a lump in her throat, as the beam turned yellow and Chakotay dematerialized.

* * *

When Chakotay rematerialized, he found himself standing on a grassy slope, mountains all around. A soft breeze blew, and the sky was blue. Chakotay turned around, absorbing his environment, and saw a small log cabin behind him. Smoke was puffing out of a solid stone chimney, one of the two visible windows was open, and the cabin's front door was ajar. The cabin was clearly occupied and this made Chakotay anxious. Kathryn had said no one would be here... But B'Elanna had said he would only be gone seconds. Any moment now he would be back on Voyager_._

Suddenly, a black dog, of medium size, ran out of the cabin and began barking wildly at him. Chakotay swallowed and backed away from the animal.

"It's alright," he said, trying to sound as calm as he could. "I mean no harm."

At his words, the animal growled viciously, teeth showing, and all Chakotay could do was back further away. In the corner of his eye, he saw a woman emerge from the cabin and then heard her call out.

"Here, Petunia! Here!"

Chakotay gasped as he recognized the voice and looked up sharply, the dog momentarily forgotten. There, only a few feet away from him and getting closer, was Kathryn Janeway. Only it was a younger Kathryn Janeway, a Kathryn Janeway who couldn't have been more than twenty eight years old. She was wearing blue jeans and a white sweater, and her auburn hair was loose over her shoulders. Around her waist was a phaser, and he saw her hand move to it as she walked towards him, almost as though she was deciding whether to draw it.

"I'm sorry," she said, grabbing Petunia by the collar and holding the animal against her legs, "my dog's not used to visitors. Very few people pass this way."

Chakotay could hardly breathe as he looked at her. This Kathryn seemed so different to the Captain he knew and loved and yet so dearly familiar too.

Kathryn eyed him with deepening suspicion. "Are you staying in a cabin near by?"

"No," Chakotay said, finally finding his voice. "I'm just..." He racked his brains trying to think what to say, what to do. None of this was supposed to have happened. No one was supposed to have been here. Whatever he said or did now could change the future forever. But he had to say something, do something. He had to salvage as much of history as he could. "I'm just passing through."

"Passing through to where?" Kathryn asked, her voice hardening. "The path only leads to the summit, and you're well off the path."

Now, without hesitation, she reached for her phaser and pointed it at him.

"Tell me why you're here and what you want."

"As I said," Chakotay replied. "I'm just passing through."

"Without water, supplies, or even decent walking shoes?"

Chakotay looked at his boots and then back at her. He saw in her eyes that he was not going to be able to placate her with some story about wondering off the path. He would have to tell her the truth...or at least part of it. All of this was beyond his control, and the only way he could get through it was by playing events by ear, seeing which way the wind blew...

"You're right," he began. "I'm not passing through. I was sent here on a mission. But any moment now I will be transported out of here."

"What kind of mission would bring you to this place?"

"The one that I'm on."

"Which is?"

"I can't tell you. But I mean you no harm, quite the contrary."

Kathryn stepped closer, anger visible in her eyes. "You're a journalist, aren't you?"

"No," Chakotay argued.

"Yes you are. You were sent here to try and get me to talk about what happened to my father and fiancé. Well, you've had a wasted trip because I'm not talking to you or anyone else about it."

"I'm not from the media," Chakotay replied. "I'm from Starfleet."

Kathryn almost scoffed. "You expect me to believe Starfleet would send you to this mountain on a mission?"

"Yes." He paused. "Look, I can't tell you why I'm here or how I got here, Temporal Prime Directive, but I'm not here to harm you."

Kathryn pondered this. "Temporal Prime Directive?"

"Yes. I'm not your enemy, Kathryn. You must believe me."

Kathryn held his gaze for a moment and then seemed to buckle a little beneath it.

"How do you know my name?"

"I just do."

Kathryn hesitated with the next question, clearly trying to work out if she could trust him. "If you say you can't tell me because of the Temporal Prime Directive, you can't be from this time frame. Are you from the past or from the future?"

"The future," Chakotay replied. He then looked around. "And I don't know why I'm still here. I was only supposed to be here for a few seconds."

Kathryn's eyes searched his body. "If you're Starfleet, why are you dressed like that?"

"Part of the mission."

"Whatever this "mission" is," Kathryn said, looking up at him again, "it clearly involves me somehow and I think I have the right to know what it is."

"You weren't meant to be here," Chakotay replied. "I mean, we thought this place was deserted."

At that, Kathryn raised her phaser again. "We? Are more of you going to turn up?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "At least, I don't..." His words trailed as pain throbbed in his head. He raised his hand to his brow and began to sway on his feet as dizziness consumed him.

Kathryn lowered her phaser a little. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," Chakotay replied. "I..."

Then he could say no more as darkness swirled before his eyes and he fell to the ground unconscious.

**END OF CHAPTER ONE**


	2. Chapter 2

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Two**

Chakotay stirred awake and tried to make sense of the shapes before him. As the haze cleared, he saw a familiar, yet unfamiliar, face looking down at him. It was Kathryn...her younger self...and at the sight of her, memories of what had happened came flooding back to him.

"You suffered some kind of post-transportation-trauma," Kathryn said, putting a hypospray to his neck. "Your body was breaking down at the cellular level. I've treated you as best as I can."

"Thank you," Chakotay said, sitting up on the grass.

"I also detected chronoton particles," Kathryn continued. "Which means you might be telling the truth...that you're really from the future."

"I assure you I am," Chakotay said, raising his hand to his pounding head.

"But from the future or not, you really need to see a doctor."

"I can't. Temporal Prime Directive." He looked up into the blue eyes he loved. "I'm just going to have to trust you to take care of me until I'm transported out of here."

"And how long is that going to be?"

"I don't know," Chakotay replied, averting his eyes so he could close them. The light hurt. "It could be a while." Something had clearly gone wrong in the attempt to transport him back to Voyager. But B'Elanna was a capable engineer and if anyone could fix the problem, it was her...

"And how long is a while? Hours, days, weeks?"

"I don't know," Chakotay said again. "I'd guess hours, but it could be longer."

Kathryn could see that he was in considerable pain so she put the hypospray to his neck again. "I'll give you another dose of painkiller. That should ease the headache."

As soon as she administered the drug, the unbearable pain in Chakotay's head began to subside. He looked up at her again, the light no longer hurting. "That's better, thank you."

He smiled warmly at her, but the gesture only seemed to make her nervous. She closed her med-kit, picked it up, and got to her feet.

"I'm sorry for your trouble, but there's no way you can stay here. There's a couple of other cabins within a mile radius. Maybe someone there can help you."

Chakotay slowly got to his feet, the action taking some effort as he was still a little disorientated. "I need you to help me," he said firmly. "Please, Kathryn..."

"I can't," she replied. "And you must think I'm stupid if you think I'll let a strange man stay in my cabin. I'm sorry, but you're not my responsibility. There are other people who can put you up while you complete whatever mission it is you're on. I've done my bit."

She turned to walk away, but Chakotay caught her arm.

"Kathryn, I..."

She tried to shake him loose. "Let go of me!"

At her mistress's distress, Petunia began to growl, but this time Chakotay would not be intimidated.

"I have no where else to go, Kathryn. And if you don't help me now, then one day you might be sorry for it. I don't know what's gone wrong, why I'm here in this time-frame, but I do know that you would want to help me."

Kathryn's lip trembled at his words but her eyes held his, studying him intensely, searching his soul. Petunia began to bark, guarding her mistress passionately.

"Quiet, Petunia," Kathryn said. "Quiet."

At her command, the animal fell silent.

"In this future you're from," Kathryn asked. "Do we know each other?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "I know this is hard for you, but it's hard for me too. None of this was supposed to happen." He paused. "Until my people can get me out of here, I'm trapped in this time-frame. What damage has been done to the timeline, I don't know. But we can't risk any more."

For a long moment, Kathryn said nothing as she processed thought after thought. Then she spoke. "Alright. You can stay. But I'm warning you, just because I'm smaller than you, doesn't mean I can't put up a fight. You try anything untoward with me and I'll make you pay. My cabin is equipped with high security that will detain anyone I identify as an intruder within a forcefield, and all replicators will only recognize the voices they are programmed to recognize. I will allow you to replicate food and clothes, but nothing else. Understood?"

Chakotay nodded. "Understood."

"Then I'll show you inside." She pulled out her phaser again. "But I want you where I can see you."

"As you wish," Chakotay replied. He began to walk towards the cabin, and Kathryn followed.

* * *

The cabin door had almost swung shut, so Chakotay pushed it open and stepped inside. He found himself in a homely living room with a pine floor, a comfortable looking brown sofa, two matching chairs, a pine table with bits and bobs on it including a bottle of water and a glass, and there were a couple of landscape pictures on the wall. There was a window to his left, decorated with brown curtains, and a matching one to his right. In the closest right corner there was a kitchenette, containing a replicator and a pine table with four chairs, and directly ahead of him, on the furthest wall, was an attractive stone chimney with a brown fur rug before it. A fire was burning in the hearth and something appeared to be cooking in a large copper pan. From the aroma, he guessed it was something containing potatoes and onion.

"Cooking?" Chakotay asked, turning to his custodian.

"Just a broth," Kathryn replied, putting away her phaser and putting down her med-kit on the table. "But I wouldn't be surprised if it's burnt by now."

"Maybe you should check it."

He saw suspicion fill her eyes again, then saw them move to her dog.

"Petunia, watch him."

The dog didn't need to be told twice. She sat before Chakotay and fixed her brown eyes on him. Chakotay looked at the animal for a moment, then at Kathryn as she went over to the fireplace.

"You have her well-trained."

"Of course," she replied, picking up a white cloth and using it to pull a solid lid off the copper pot. As she did so, smoke gushed out of the pot, almost choking her.

"Damn," she said, fanning the smoke with her hands. "It's burnt alright." She stepped away from the fire. "Computer, end fire."

Immediately, the fire extinguished.

"There would have been enough for two of us," she said, turning to Chakotay, "but there's no way we can eat it now. I'll have to replicate us something." She wiped her brow. "How does chicken casserole with rice sound?"

"It would sound good," Chakotay smiled, "except that I'm a vegetarian."

At this, Kathryn stilled a moment, then she put down the cloth in her hands. "You are?"

Chakotay nodded. "On principle. Does that surprise you?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "No, I..." Then, for the first time since he had met her, she smiled. "Actually it does. Not because there is anything wrong in being a vegetarian, but because I wasn't expecting it...I mean from you."

Chakotay smiled. He understood her reaction. If he was kind hearted enough to care about animals to the point of being a vegetarian, he couldn't be a man of violence. "You really have painted me as a villain, haven't you?"

"I guess I have," she smiled.

"Everything I've told you has been the truth, Kathryn. I mean you no harm, quite the contrary. You don't have anything to fear from me. I'd give my life to protect yours."

For a moment, just a moment, he saw tears well in Kathryn's eyes. Then they were gone.

"I'll replicate a vegetable casserole instead," she said. "But before I do that, I'd better make you a bed, just incase you have to stay overnight."

"Thank you," he replied.

"And take a seat if you want," she went on, " a drink of water too. The glass is clean."

Chakotay went over to the sofa and sat down. Still on watch-duty, Petunia followed and sat a couple of feet away from him, studying him closely.

Kathryn laughed softly. "Alright, Petunia, honey. You can stop watching now. I think we can trust him."

At that, Petunia got to her feet again and went over to the rug where she lay down.

Kathryn looked up at Chakotay again. "You haven't told me your name," she said. "If you're going to be staying here, then I'm going to have to call you something."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled in amusement. "You already know my name. While I was unconscious out there, you took a DNA sample and searched for a match on Starfleet's database. You found my profile and saw that I am indeed from the future, unless I've prematurely aged by twenty years."

Kathryn flinched. "How do you know that?"

"I know you," he said kindly.

Kathryn swallowed, clearly uncomfortable, and the suspicion that had just left her eyes returned again. "Or...someone could say you had a lucky guess," she emphasized his name. "Chakotay."

"Yes," he said quietly, sorry to see the doubt back in her eyes, "someone could say that."

Kathryn studied him closely and seemed to be battling between doubt and curiosity. "I see I'm going to have to watch myself around you," she said. "You're smart. And, unless you haven't been promoted for the past twenty years, I dare say you outrank me. But we're not in Starfleet now, so what I say goes around here. Understand?"

Chakotay couldn't help smile. Some things never changed. "Perfectly."

"Then I'll go and make the bed."

She looked at him for a long moment, the reels of her mind turning, and then disappeared into one of two doors behind her.

* * *

The sound of a door closing woke Chakotay up. In the quiet warmth of the fire, he had fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry," he said, putting his hand to his neck, "I must have dosed off."

"A side-effect of the drugs I gave you," Kathryn said. "They make you sleepy." She saw that Petunia was lying at his feet, sleeping soundly and smiled. "Looks like you've made a friend."

Chakotay looked down at the dog and smiled in return. "Looks like I have."

"I don't know about you," she said, going over to the kitchenette, "but I'm starving. I'd better make dinner. It's almost 7pm."

"That late?" Chakotay asked. "I must have lost a few hours in the temporal jump. It was only morning on..." He was about to say Voyager, but stopped just in time.

Kathryn turned around. "Morning on?"

"My ship," he replied hastily. Then he got to his feet, eager to steer away from the subject. "Let me make dinner for us. I'm a good cook and I'd like to thank you for putting me up like this..."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Kathryn answered. "You suffered a severe trauma. You need to rest." She gave a wan smile. "But thank you for the offer."

Chakotay nodded, a little disappointed, but appreciated the sentiment.

"It shouldn't take me long to replicate something," she continued. "You can check out your room in the meantime. I've made the bed, cleaned the bathroom, and I've programmed the replicator system to give you food and clothes. To activate it, all you need to do is say Beta 4."

""Thank you," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn gestured to the doors behind her. "First left."

Chakotay gave a nod and then made his way to the door.

* * *

The bedroom was bigger than Chakotay expected, and very inviting. There was a large double bed with pretty yellow sheets, a pine wardrobe, a chair, a replicator, and to his left there was a glass door leading to a small bathroom. He opened the door and looked inside. There was a sonic shower, a white water-closet, and a matching white sink. Clean yellow towels were on pine shelves behind him, and on a thin shelf above the sink was a yellow soap in a silver tub, a tube of toothpaste, an unopened yellow toothbrush, dental floss, a bottle of shampoo with conditioner, a razor, some shaving essentials and body spray. Beneath the sink there was a large med-kit. Kathryn had clearly tried to provide him with everything he needed.

Above the shelf there was a long mirror, and Chakotay couldn't help looked up at himself in it. He had almost forgotten he was wearing a disguise. He touched his mustache and toyed with the idea of shaving it off, but then thought the better of it. Kathryn was suspicious of him enough as it was. To change his appearance could make her even more so.

Kathryn...

Why had she sent him here? Why had she changed his place of destination at the last minute? Those questions were plaguing his mind. Had the future been altered because of his presence in this time frame, or was his presence here part of history? Was that why she had looked at him so strangely when she arrived at the cargo bay and saw his disguise? Had Kathryn sent him here because she knew he had to be here? Had she known of this the whole time he had known her?

He reached into a pocket in his pants and pulled out his commbadge. He knew that the likelihood of him being able to contact Voyager was negligible, but he felt as though he had to try. He hit the commbadge, activating it.

"Chakotay to Voyager."

As he expected, only silence answered.

Resignedly, he put the commbadge back into his pocket. It would help B'Elanna to locate him and beam him back to Voyager...that is if she could. What if he was trapped in this time-frame? What if there was no way she could beam him back? What if something had happened to Voyager in the time he'd been away and the transporter had been damaged?

Was he doing the right thing to stay here? Should he have taken Kathryn's advice and gone to stay elsewhere? How long should he stay here, waiting for B'Elanna to beam him back, before taking matters into his own hands and either trying to get hold of some temporal device, or going to warn his younger self to not be transported in the first place?

There were so many possibilities, so many questions...

He buried his tired head in his hands and tried to think... But the prevailing image that came to his mind was Kathryn's face when she saw him in the cargo bay. Had she sent him here deliberately? Was all this part of some temporal loop? There was only one way to find out, and that was to stay, at least for the moment.

**END OF CHAPTER TWO**


	3. Chapter 3

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Three**

A delicious aroma greeted Chakotay when he stepped into the living room after a quick shower and change of clothes. He was now wearing fawn pants, a brown shirt, and comfortable black shoes. His previous outfit had been soiled by grass and he wanted to be clean for dinner.

"Smells good," he said to Kathryn, who was carrying a bottle of water and two glasses over to the table she had meticulously set.

Kathryn looked up at him and he saw her eyes wander over his body before returning again to his face. "I see you had no trouble with the replicator."

"None at all," he smiled.

"And I trust you found everything to be satisfactory?"

"Absolutely. It's a wonderful cabin you have here. And I'm grateful for all the trouble you've gone to."

"Well," Kathryn replied, a teasing glint in her eye, "I figured that if you're here on Starfleet business, you're going to make a report when you get back. I don't want my hospitality skills called into question."

Chakotay had to laugh at that. "Tell me. Do you regard all men with the same suspicion as you regard me?"

"When they appear out of no where and give dubious excuses, you bet." She boldly held his gaze. "Besides, every good Starfleet Officer knows that trust is a privilege that has to be earned. I trust no one until they prove to me they deserve it."

"And how do I rank on your ladder of trust?"

"At the moment, somewhere in the middle." She then turned to the table before her and gestured to silver dishes upon it. "Vegetable casserole, rice and bread. All ready to eat. I didn't know what you would like to drink, so I replicated a bottle of still water. But I can replicate something else if you want."

"No," Chakotay replied. "Water will be fine."

Kathryn sat down and gestured for Chakotay to do so also. "Please, sit."

Chakotay sat down and Kathryn began to help herself to casserole and rice. "I've got some lemon meringue pie left over from yesterday," she said. "If you like it, we can have that for desert."

"One of my favorites," he smiled.

Kathryn finished dishing herself food so Chakotay began. As he did so, he felt Kathryn's eyes upon him, watching him, studying him, still trying to make him out.

"I've been thinking," she said. "It's a funny kind of mission that would send you to this place, at this time, playing my guest. Are you really on a mission or is something else going on here?"

Chakotay looked up at her. "Such as?"

"You tell me."

"I've already told you," he said, putting the ladle back in the casserole dish. "All this, me staying here, it wasn't meant to happen. What happens next, I don't know. I'm as much in the dark as you. I'm hoping I'll be transported out of here, but I might be trapped in this time-frame. If I am, I'll have to try and find my own way back."

"How will you do that?"

"I don't know," he replied. He looked deep into her eyes. "But I promise you that everything I've told you is the truth."

Kathryn held his gaze and then her eyes smiled. "I believe you."

"You do?"

She nodded. "All other scenarios I can think of don't make much sense. If you were here to stop some impending disaster happening to this region... alien invasion or whatever...you would hardly be sent alone. And if this calamity had happened, you couldn't know me in your future because I would be dead. You can't be here to obtain information from me because I have no classified information to give. If you were here to kill me, you would have done it by now. You could be an alien in disguise, trying to deceive me, but I don't think so." She paused. "All the evidence suggests that you really are from the future. My conclusion, based on the nature of events and your injuries, is that you really were on a mission of some kind, but have been displaced in time somehow, some kind of temporal anomaly that deposited you here, in this time-frame, instead of another one." She paused again. "Am I right?"

Chakotay smiled. "Very close."

Kathryn picked up her fork and began to eat. As she did so, Petunia, who was standing close by, walked over to her, sat in a begging position, and whined.

"Someone's hungry," Chakotay said, amused.

"More like someone's greedy," Kathryn replied. "I've just given her a large bowl of food." She looked down at the dog. "You've had your feed, honey. Besides, I don't have anything you would like tonight."

The dog whined again and looked at Kathryn with such bright hopeful eyes, that she couldn't refuse her. "Oh, alright," she said. "You can have some bread."

She picked up a crusty bread roll, broke it in two, dipped it some casserole sauce, and then handed it to Petunia. The dog took it gratefully and lay down to chew it.

"She's a fine dog," Chakotay said. "How old is she?"

"Almost eighteen months. I found her abandoned in the snow as a pup. It was touch and go for a while whether she would make it, but thankfully she did. She stays with my mother when I'm in space, but I try to spend as much time with her as possible when I'm home. I only go on short missions. Since the accident, I..." She paused, visibly uncomfortable. "You said that in this future you're from, you and I know each other."

It was more of a question than a statement.

"Yes," Chakotay replied.

"But you haven't told me how well." She paused. "I could tell you things that I wouldn't..." She stopped in mid sentence and infinite suspicion returned to her eyes as her face paled. "I never thought of that."

"Of what?"

Kathryn got to her feet, leaving the table. "That you might be my enemy in the future. You could be here befriending me now to learn things about me to use against me. Just because you're in Starfleet now, doesn't mean you always will be...or me for that matter. Perhaps I'm not. Perhaps I'm something else...You don't want to kill me, you want something else, to apprehend me."

For a moment Chakotay said nothing. There was so much suspicion in Kathryn's mind, so much mistrust. She came up with scenarios that he would never have imagined. It was only a transporter that brought him here, nothing more, but she had imagined all kinds of situations... But then, that was what made her such a good captain. She took nothing at face value, analyzed and questioned everything. It made him feel even more privileged that in the future he had earned this woman's complete trust.

"Certainly a possibility," Chakotay replied at last, "but likely? It's incredibly risky to deliberately interfere with history. There are always consequences, and there is no way of knowing what they will be. They can just as easily work to someone's disadvantage as they can to their good. And if I was here now for that purpose, you would remember everything you had told me. If I was your enemy, there would be less dangerous ways of finding out things about you...in more ways than one. The temporal jump almost killed me."

"Good point," Kathryn said, relaxing again. Then she laughed softly.

"What is it?"

"I was just thinking how temporal mechanics always gives me headache. In your case, it was quite literal."

Chakotay laughed softly at this too. "I guess you could say that."

Kathryn sat down again and reached for the bottle of water on the table. As Chakotay continued to eat his meal, she opened the bottle and poured herself a glass of water.

"Admiral Bond once said that imagining motive and move was my greatest strength. He said I would do well in command. Admiral Paris thinks so too. I'm not too sure, though. Command comes with a lot of responsibility and I just don't know if I'm up to that. I only ever wanted to be a science officer and explorer. Being in command would also take me away from home a lot and if I have children then..." A sadness filled her eyes as her words dissipated. "Do you know of it? The accident?"

Chakotay nodded. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn closed the lid on the bottle and put it back on the table.

"I read all your Stafleet profile while I was making dinner," she said, changing the subject. "You have an impressive academic record."

"Thank you," Chakotay replied.

"It must have been difficult, adjusting to our way of life when you were raised in a tribe."

"I think it would have been had I been forced to leave the tribe, but as it was my choice, it wasn't hard. For so long I'd wanted to be a part of the technological world I'd heard about, and for so long I'd wanted to be in Starfleet, so for a while it felt as though I was living a dream. They were good years."

"With your record, you must be a captain by now or at least a First Officer." She paused and then hesitated with the next words. "Is that how you know me? Do I serve on your ship?"

Chakotay looked into her eyes and saw more than just inquisitiveness. There was a longing in them, even a desperation, that he didn't understand. "You know I can't tell you about the future," he said sadly.

"It's not exactly telling to just answer yes or no to a question," she replied. "It's not like you would be telling me what ship, when."

"No. But anything I tell you about the future could change it."

"Not if you were meant to tell me. Perhaps that's why you're here."

"Perhaps," Chakotay replied. "I don't know why I'm here. But I do know it wouldn't be right to tell you what course your life is going to take. You need to discover that for yourself. If we all knew what was going to happen to us, we'd have no use for hopes or dreams, and instead of anticipation we would have only expectation."

"Not necessarily," Kathryn replied. "If we knew that good things were going to happen, then we could live in anticipation of those. Knowing they would happen would help us to enjoy life, to feel we have something to look forward too."

"I think it would depend," Chakotay said, "on whether we felt there was no future to look forward too." He looked at her in concern. "Is that how you feel, Kathryn? That there is nothing to look forward too?"

Kathryn made no reply.

"Kathryn?"

"Sometimes," she said quietly. "Since I lost my father and fiancé, life has been so..." She paused, tears welling in her eyes. "It's been so meaningless. One moment I had everything to look forward too, and the next it was all gone... a whole future dead like them. It didn't seem right, somehow, me being alive and them dead. I didn't want to be alive and face what seemed to be a future of nothingless...it still feels that way sometimes...like there is nothing to look forward too. If someone told me there was, that I would be happy again someday, then it might help to make the present easier to bear..." She looked at him with infinte longing. "Please, tell me if I'll be happy."

There was so much pain in those words, so much pain in her expression, that they brought a lump to Chakotay's throat.

"There's a lot waiting for you in the future," he said encouragingly. "You're going to touch so many lives."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "That didn't answer my question." She got to her feet, visibly trembling. "Or perhaps it did." She turned away from him. "Excuse me."

With that, she left the table and then left the cabin. Petunia followed, leaving Chakotay alone.

* * *

It was twilight outside and everything was a silhouette against a dusk sky. In the fading light, Chakotay looked around, looking for Kathryn, and it took him a moment to spot her. She was sitting on a bench beneath a tree, her head bowed, her arms at her side, and Petunia at her feet. Chakotay slowly walked over to her, walking across the moist grass that bounced beneath his feet. As he got closer, he saw that she was crying.

His shadow fell over her and as soon as it touched her, Kathryn looked towards him. There were tears on her cheek and so much anguish in her eyes.

"Leave me alone," she said tearfully. "I just want to be alone."

"I never meant to hurt you," Chakotay said gently. "Or to give you the impression that the future is bad. I'm sorry."

Kathryn turned away from him and gazed out vacantly at the scenery ahead. "No. You've only told me what I've known since the accident...that I'll never be happy again."

Chakotay slowly sat on the bench beside her. "You will," he said kindly, "of course you will."

Kathryn shook her head. "You're just saying that now because you want to make me feel better. But the truth is, there is nothing in the future for me. I should have died with my father and Justin. I don't want this life."

"I think you do," Chakotay replied. "You were quite defensive earlier. A woman who didn't care for her life would never have responded to me the way you did."

Kathryn said nothing, just looked at her hands.

"You have a lot to look forward to in the future, Kathryn. I'm not saying that to make you feel better, but because it's true."

Kathryn looked up at him, fresh tears in her eyes. "But will I love and be loved? Will I have a child? Those are the only things that matter to me. I don't want to live if I will be alone."

Chakotay gazed at Kathryn sadly. He had never heard her talk like this before and had no idea she had ever felt this way. She had always seemed so strong, so independent. And yet...and yet he had always sensed a vulnerability about her too, a vulnerablity that had always made him want to protect her.

"And I see on your face that I'm not going to have those things," she said. "And if I'm not, what is the point? All I want is to be happy, for all the pain to go away. It never does. It just weighs on me, crushing me, suffocating me... Some days I don't think I can take it any more. I don't want a future of this." She lowered her head as a tear ran down her cheek. "I don't even know what I want anymore, don't even know if I want to be in Starfleet. That's why I'm here, in this cabin. I've taken a break from Starfleet to work out what I want. I just don't know." She paused. "And I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I don't even know you."

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger," Chakotay said softly.

"Perhaps," she answered. "But I don't expect you to understand. You probably look at me and think I'm weak and selfish, that I should just pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself."

"You're the least selfish person I've ever known," Chakotay said sincerely. "And you're the strongest person I've ever known. I would never think you are weak, or selfish. You've been through a horrendous ordeal. You need to grieve, need to work through your feelings. You've lost two people you loved most in the world. There's no pain greater than that. You're hurting, very much. It would be unnatural if you didn't."

Kathryn looked up at him and another tear ran down her cheek. "It hurts so much that sometimes I can't breathe."

"I know," he said quietly.

Kathryn shook her head at that and got to her feet. "How can you know? How can you possibly know?"

"Because I've lost people too...almost everyone I ever loved."

Kathryn swallowed. "You have?"

Chakotay nodded. "I lost my family in tragic circumstances. The pain was unbearable. It almost destroyed me. I was so riddled with anger and guilt and grief that I didn't care what happened to me anymore. Life or death, it was all the same. Nothing mattered. Even now when I think of what happened to them it hurts, like someone has plunged a thousand daggers into my heart."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said quietly.

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and stood before her. "But the pain does ease. These days I find myself remembering the good times I had with them. I remember the laughter and the love. It will be the same for you." He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You will know happiness again, Kathryn, and you will love again. I promise."

Kathryn looked into his eyes and the terrible pain he saw in them began to fade now and was replaced with a new found hope. "Thank you," she said, her lips breaking into a soft smile. "That's all I wanted to know."

Chakotay smiled, but a sadness welled inside. He had spoken the truth, she would be happy again and she would love again, but she would love only to lose again, and would probably never have a child.

"Now, I think we should finish our dinner," she said, drawing away from him, "although I bet it's gone cold now."

"First burnt and now cold," Chakotay teased. "What next?"

"Inedible," she smiled. "Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm the Federation's worst cook."

"I wouldn't say you're that bad."

Kathryn stilled at that comment, and then laughed softly. "Of course, if you know me then you know..."

"That you once made Admiral Jones almost choke to death by not removing all bones from a fish you cooked."

Kathryn laughed. "Now I know the real reason why you offered to cook tonight." She then sobered and averted her eyes. "You won't tell anyone, will you? I mean, all the things I just said? You won't put it in a report?"

"Of course not," he replied. "Whatever you tell me, it stays strictly between us."

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled warmly. "Thank you." She then looked in the direction of the cabin. "Dinner?"

"Dinner," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn then turned around and they slowly walked back to the cabin, Petunia behind them.

**END OF CHAPTER THREE**


	4. Chapter 4

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Four**

"You really didn't have to eat it all," Kathryn said as Chakotay wiped his mouth on a napkin after eating what was left of his dinner. "It's just not the same cold."

"No need to waste it," Chakotay replied. "Cold or hot, it's still nourishment."

"True, but there's no reason why nourishment can't be tasty." She got to her feet. "But hopefully the lemon meringue pie will treat your taste buds. It's homemade, not replicated. I got it when I visited the village yesterday. "

"Sounds good."

Kathryn got up and went over to a tall, but slim, silver fridge freezer that was in a corner of the kitchenette.

"There's about half left, so there's a good slice for both of us."

As she opened the door to get the pie, Chakotay poured himself a glass of water.

"Damn," Kathryn said. "I must have put the pie in the freezer instead of the fridge."

Chakotay looked up and saw her open the freezer section. She reached inside and pulled out a lemon meringue pie that was covered in ice.

"It's frozen solid," she said, putting it down and poking it with her finger. "I could try to thaw it, but I would probably get the wrong setting and it would..." She stopped talking when she realized Chakotay was laughing, and turned to him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just can't help it..."

His laugh was infectious and Kathryn found herself laughing too. "I suppose it is funny. And I guess you got your answer. First burnt, then cold, then frozen...Some might say it was decreed."

Chakotay got to his feet. "How about I replicate us a large bowl of coffee ice-cream with fudge pieces and toffee sauce? We could share it over a game of Connect Four...or Connect Five if you're up to it. Best of seven gets a box of chocolates." He knew it wasn't the most challenging game he could have suggested, but he was still suffering from the effects of post-transportation-trauma, and didn't want to play something he would have trouble concentrating on.

Kathryn's eyes lit up. "Oh yes. You're on...that would be great."

Chakotay smiled, her joy warming his heart. There was too much sadness in her eyes. "We can sit on the rug by the fire, less formal, more comfortable."

"Good idea. I'll activate the fire and put some cushions on the floor while you replicate everything."

She smiled warmly, closed the fridge-freezer door, and then went into the living area, starting immediately at her task. Chakotay watched her fondly a moment, and then went over to the replicator.

* * *

"I win again," Kathryn beamed, proudly looking at her diagonal line of five glowing blue diamonds. "I only need to win one more game and I've won." She looked up at Chakotay with a smile. "But don't worry, I'll gladly share my prize with you."

"Very considerate of you," he smiled in return. "But don't count..." He stopped talking as a sudden pain knifed his head and he raised his hand to his brow.

Kathryn looked at him in concern. "The pain back?"

"Yes," he replied. "But it's not as bad as before." He withdrew his hand. "It's easing now."

"Probably the painkiller is wearing off," Kathryn guessed, "but I'd better exam you, just to make sure." She got up and went to get the med-kit she had used to treat him earlier. As she did so, it started to rain outside and Chakotay looked up at the window. It had been a long time since he'd seen rain.

"It's raining," he said as Kathryn returned with the med-kit.

"Rains a lot here," she replied, kneeling beside him and opening the med-case, "but I've been lucky the past week. It's been sunny mostly during the day." She pulled out a medical tricorder and began scanning him.

"You said you're taking a break from Starfleet," Chakotay said. "How long do you intend to stay here?"

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "A few weeks maybe." She analyzed the tricorder's readings. "As I thought, the painkiller is wearing off. There's no cellular degradation. The treatment I gave you appears to have worked." She put down the tricorder and picked up a hypospray. "I'll give you another dose."

Chakotay moved his head to the side, and Kathryn put the hypospray to his neck.

"You should be better tomorrow," Kathryn said, drawing away, "sleep will help your body regenerate. But you might wake up with a slight headache. I'll give you the hypospray so you can give yourself another shot of painkiller if you need it."

"Thank you," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn handed him the hypospray and then closed the med-kit, continuing to talk as she did so.

"It's probably best that we don't continue our game. It's not a fair challenge when you're not well, and the concentration isn't good for you. We can finish tomorrow." She paused. "If you're still around that is..."

For the first time since he had got here, Chakotay sincerely hoped that he would be. As much as he wanted to get back to his own timeframe, he was enjoying this younger Kathryn's company, and he didn't want to leave her just yet. And, he felt that she needed him to be here, needed someone around who cared. She was alone in this place, except for Petunia, and loneliness and pain was a fatal combination. He felt sure that Kathryn had deliberately sent him here, and perhaps she had sent him because him being here had somehow made a difference.

Having shut the med-kit, Kathryn looked up at him. "You say your people might transport you out of here... How is that going to happen exactly? Are they going to tell you first? I mean, you could be in the shower or anything."

"I never thought of that," Chakotay smiled. "A very good question. I'd hate to appear naked in the transporter room."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Maybe they will give you a warning or transport you to your quarters or something. I mean, they can't lose you for all this time and not except you to need the bathroom."

Now Chakotay laughed. "The scenario gets worse." His laughter faded as he sobered. "But I'm sure my people will have thought of that." If this younger Kathryn had thought of it, then the older Kathryn would have too.

"How long will you wait for them to rescue you before you try to find your own way back?"

"I don't know," he replied. "At the moment, I'm not thinking too much about that."

Kathryn reached for the empty bowl of ice-cream on the floor and picked it up. Unable to resist, she wiped her finger around the remains in the bowl, and put it to her mouth.

"An even worse scenario for anyone," she said, working her finger around the bowl again, "would be to find themselves transported while they were... you know...making out... I think I would die of embarrassment."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "That would be embarrassing."

"Justin and I almost got caught in that kind of situation once," she continued. "We were stuck on a planet for hours and we just happened to be kissing when we were retrieved. We were only spared the embarrassment because the transporter room was empty when we got there." She paused, thoughtfully, and lowered the bowl in her hands. "That's the first time I've talked to someone about something I remember with him..."

"Good," Chakotay said kindly. "And it will get easier."

"I hope so," she replied. "Because I want to be able to talk about him. If I don't then...then it's like he never existed." She paused. "Is that how you feel about your wife?"

Chakotay flinched, the word catching him by surprise. "My wife?"

Kathryn saw the confusion on his face and blushed a little. "You said you'd lost your family...I assumed you meant your family as in a wife."

"No. I've never been married. It was a different branch of family that I lost."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "I'm sorry." She paused. "I find it hard to believe you've never had a wife, though."

Chakotay smiled, rather amused. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, you're intelligent, smart, and from what I've seen, a very patient and caring man...not to mention handsome." She blushed again, having spoken without thinking. "I mean for an older man."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Chakotay teased.

"I guess what I'm saying is I'm surprised you haven't had your choice of women."

"I've had my share of female interest," Chakotay replied, "But there was no one ..." There was no one he had really loved until Kathryn, and no one who could outshine her in his heart. "I guess I haven't been lucky in love."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said sadly.

"But I really shouldn't be telling you all this," Chakotay continued. "It isn't right...Temporal Prime Directive."

"The almighty," she replied, a trace of contempt in her voice. "But you don't have to worry. I won't tell anyone, and I won't tell your younger-self either. Remember, I'm a Starfleet Officer too and am bound by the same rules. Although I played no part in you getting here, I'm a part of what is happening, so the Temporal Prime Directive applies to me too."

"I guess it does," Chakotay replied.

"Besides," Kathryn continued. "Before today, I didn't even know you existed. I could hardly go up to your younger-self and say he'd visited me from the future. And there's always the possibility that as a result of you being here, the future you come from no longer exists. There's also the possibility that when this is over, we'll have no recollection of ever meeting. It would be foolish of me to say anything to anyone." She paused. "But I've been thinking...The tragedy that happened to your family...perhaps I can stop it somehow."

Infinite pain filled Chakotay's eyes and he lowered them. "I appreciate the gesture," he said quietly, "but there's no way to save them. I thought about it myself, when it happened, of trying to change history somehow, but I knew in my heart that it would be wrong. I also knew that even if I could get hold of a temporal device, the events surrounding their death were too complicated for me to do anything." The only way of saving them would have been to remove them from Trebus before the Cardassians attacked, but his family would have preferred to die than leave their homeplanet. "My family were spiritual people, they wouldn't have wanted me to change the past to benefit them. I knew, even in those early days, that I would do them more honor by not interfering with history than I would by intervening to save them."

"I understand," Kathryn replied. "I went through the same thing after my father and fiancé died. I thought that if I could just go back in time to warn us all what would happen, then everything would be okay. But my father and Justin both believed firmly in the Temporal Prime Directive. It would have dishonored their memory to save them by something they didn't believe in. My father never broke the Prime or Temporal Directive in his entire career, and he was very proud of that." She paused. "But what has happened to your family hasn't happened yet. If there's a chance that I can stop it somehow...I think there's a difference between taking advantage of an opportunity and directly creating it."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "I believe that sometimes temporal disruptions happen because they were meant to happen. I believe there is a difference between innocently finding ourselves displaced in time and discovering we have a role to play in shaping the future, than deliberately orchestrating our displacement ourselves." He paused. "But as I said, the circumstances surrounding my family's death were very complicated and I'd have to tell you things about the future that you really shouldn't know. And, even if I did tell you, there would be nothing you could do." He looked deep into her eyes. "But I really do appreciate the thought. Thank you."

Kathryn held his gaze for a moment, and then looked away, almost as though she was uncomfortable. "It must be almost midnight," she said quietly. "We've played for a while." She addressed the computer. "Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is zero hours and eight minutes."

"Passed midnight," she corrected herself. "You really should be getting some sleep. Your body needs it."

Chakotay nodded. "I'll just clear away..."

"No," Kathryn replied, getting to her feet. "I'll do it."

"But I'd like..."

"No buts," she protested. "You're my guest. So far, I've ruined dinner and dessert. At least let me try and reclaim some hospitality credits, okay?"

"Okay," Chakotay smiled. He got to his feet. "I'll say goodnight then."

Kathryn stepped closer, bridging the gap between them. "You know...if you're still around tomorrow and the rain stops, then maybe we could go down to the lake for a while. There's a castle ruin there that is over 200 years old."

"That would be good," Chakotay replied. "Archaeology, especially historical architecture, is a great passion of mine."

"Mine too," Kathryn smiled. "I love it, especially gothic architecture." She paused. "But you might be gone by the morning. If that's the case then..." she held out her hand to him. "It's been an honor to meet you and I look forward to knowing you in the future."

Chakotay took her thin hand in his and shook it gently. "It's been an honor to meet you too."

They locked eyes for a moment, and then Kathryn drew away. "Goodnight, Chakotay."

"Goodnight," he said kindly.

He then made his way to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

* * *

The rain was now torrential and beat down heavily on the cabin. Chakotay listened to the down pour as he changed into black pyjamas he had replicated for bed, and the sound reminded him so much of his boyhood in the tribe. He had lived most of his childhood in a cabin, and had fallen asleep many nights listening to the rain.

Suddenly, a streak of white lightening illuminated the room and was followed immediately by a clap of thunder. The clap was so loud that it seemed to shake the whole cabin. Chakotay closed the buttons on his shirt and then wandered over to the window. Just as he reached it, another streak of lightening flashed across the room, followed by a clap of thunder even louder than the first.

_"Forget particle fountains and subspace inversions. There isn't an anomaly scarier than a thunderstorm on the plains, especially when you're six years old. I remember watching a bolt of lightning split an oak tree in my grandfather's yard. I'd climbed it just a few hours before..."_

The words Kathryn had spoken following their recent encounter with a temporal anomaly, returned to Chakotay. It was very rare for Kathryn to admit that anything was frightening. Even if she was scared, she would pretend as though she wasn't. But he firmly believed that everyone had some secret fear, some particular thing they had been afraid of since childhood. For some it was spiders, for others it was snakes or water or heights. Perhaps for Kathryn it was thunderstorms. Seeing a streak of lightening split a favorite tree in two as a child could certainly instill a lifelong fear. And he remembered how afraid she had been during the storm on New Earth. The only time in seven years she had allowed him to comfort her was while they were hiding under the table during the storm.

Chakotay pulled shut a brown blind on the window, shutting out the storm, and then went over to the replicator. He replicated a pair of black slippers and a black night-robe, and then put them on. If Kathryn did find thunderstorms unsettling, then perhaps she would appreciate some company for a while. Until the storm passed, it was unlikely they would sleep anyway.

* * *

Two wall lights gave off a soft night glow in the living room, and Chakotay made his way to Kathryn's bedroom door. He knocked it lightly and then called out.

"I was thinking. As this thunderstorm's going to keep us awake, how would you like to finish our game?"

There was no response.

Chakotay frowned. It had only been about thirty minutes since he had last seen her, she couldn't have cleared up the living room, got ready for bed and fallen asleep so quickly...at least not unless she had fallen asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow, and the Kathryn he knew and loved was not such a good sleeper. In fact, she was a very poor sleeper, and a light one at that. If she had fallen asleep, the thunder would have woken her up. She could be taking a bath or a shower, but at this time of night he doubted it. Besides, the cabin walls were thin. Even with running water she should have been able to hear him...

He knocked the door again. "Kathryn?"

Still no response.

There was a noise at his feet, and Chakotay looked down. Petunia was pushing her way through an animal hatch he hadn't noticed on the door. When she was through, she sat on the wooden floor and looked up at him.

Chakotay knew that dogs were highly intelligent, and this one appeared to be more than most, so he questioned. "Is Kathryn alright?"

The dog just looked at him, and then climbed back into the hatch, disappearing as it flapped.

Chakotay was very worried now. He couldn't explain it, but a sixth sense was telling him that something wasn't right...that he shouldn't just walk away... It was also lurking in the back of his mind that he was here for a reason...not to change history, but to preserve it...and that made him more anxious than usual about Kathryn's safety. There were all kinds of reasons why he could be here, and to stop something happening to her could be one of them... With that thought in mind, he tried the door handle and found that it was unlocked. Quietly, he opened the door and stepped inside.

* * *

The same soft glow of night lights that had greeted him in the living room, greeted him in Kathryn's bedroom, and Chakotay looked around in the pale light. The bedroom was very much the same as his, only the bed was beneath the window, the foot of it directly opposite the door. Kathryn seemed the be lying upon it, Petunia at her feet. Chakotay slowly walked over to the bed and Petunia watched his every move. The closer he got, he saw that Kathryn was lying partly on her side, partly on her back, and was wearing a low cut white satin nightdress. Her right arm was outstretched and her left arm was folded over her chest. The pink sheets were disheveled and hardly covered her, and a strand of long auburn hair fell over her face.

A streak of lighting suddenly tore across the room. A blinding reflection in the corner of Chakotay's left eye made him turn in that direction, and he saw that it came from what appeared to be a bottle and a glass tumbler resting on a small bedside table. He read the label on the bottle and saw that it was a bottle of Irish whiskey. Next to the bottle was a box of pills. Chakotay picked the box up and studied it. They were sleeping pills. The box was open so Chakotay looked inside. Only four out of twenty pills were left. Kathryn clearly hadn't taken these just because of the storm. They appeared to be a habit.

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered. Alcohol and sleeping pills... aswell as all the things she'd said earlier about the future holding nothing for her...she was clearly far more depressed than he had realized.

A terrible thought then occurred to him. What if she had taken too much...or rather taken enough to make sure she would never wake up again?

He put down the pills and hurried into the bathroom, hoping he would find a med-kit under the sink, just as there had been in his room. There was. He quickly opened it and pulled out a medical tricorder. After checking it was working, he got up and made his way back to Kathryn. He sat on the edge of her bed and began to scan her. Instantly data was displayed, and relief consumed Chakotay at what it told him. Kathryn wasn't dying, she was just sleeping. She hadn't taken too many pills, in fact no more than two...

Chakotay put the tricorder in his pocket and then looked at Kathryn sadly. There were dark shadows under her eyes and her freckled face was so pale and thin. There was pain etched in every feature and her pain hurt him, as it always had. He reached out slowly and tenderly brushed away the stray strand of hair from her face.

Petunia growled at him, almost as though she knew her mistress could not defend herself, and Chakotay turned to the dog. "It's alright," he said softly, "I won't hurt her." He could never hurt her. From the first day they had met, all he had wanted to do was protect her. Why or how, he didn't know. Perhaps because a part of him had fallen in love with her that very first day...

Chakotay gazed at Kathryn for a moment longer and then got to his feet. As gently as he could, he raised the covers over her and made sure they were secure. The night was chilly, she needed to be warm. He then closed the blind on the window behind her and took the tricorder back to the bathroom before leaving. When he was gone, Petunia snuggled up to her mistress and finally surrendered to sleep.

**END OF CHAPTER FOUR**


	5. Chapter 5

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Five**

The morning was sunny, a total contrast to the night before. Chakotay worked busily in the kitchenette, preparing breakfast for himself and Kathryn. He'd already set the table, replicated some apple juice, fruit chunks, toast, a jug of maple syrup, and was now putting a lid over freshly cooked pancakes to keep them warm. To protect his clothes, he had replicated a white apron, and was wearing this over black jeans and a beige sweater. The computer had told him it was late summer, 2360, but there was a chill in the air, so he had replicated appropriate garments.

Just as Chakotay was carrying the pancakes over to the table, Kathryn's bedroom door opened and Kathryn appeared, followed by her dog. She was wearing a blue velvet dressing gown and matching blue slippers, and her uncombed hair was loose over her shoulders. Even though she had slept for hours, she looked exhausted. When she saw Chakotay at the table, a light filled her dull eyes.

"Chakotay," she said. "You're still here..."

Chakotay smiled warmly. "Good morning, Kathryn."

Her eyes wandered to the table and she looked at what he had prepared. "And you've made breakfast." She walked towards the table. "You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," he said, picking up an empty glass and filling it with apple juice. "I dare say you would rather have coffee, but juice in the morning is far more healthy."

He held out the glass to Kathryn, and she took it with a smile. "You really do know me."

She took a sip of the juice, and then lifted the lid on the plate Chakotay had just put down, eager to know what was on it.

"Mmm. Pancakes..."

"Real, not replicated," he smiled.

"And they smell wonderful," Kathryn said, sitting down. "You really must be a good cook."

Chakotay took off his apron, put it behind a chair, and sat opposite her. "Help yourself to as many as you want."

"I think I will," she smiled. "Thank you."

"I've also replicated us a packed lunch each," he continued, as Kathryn began helping herself to several pancakes, "so we can spend the day at the lake."

Kathryn picked up the jug of maple syrup. "Quite an early bird, aren't you? I'm never good in the mornings."

Given that she was taking sleeping pills and whiskey, Chakotay wasn't surprised. The habit was worrying him and he wanted to talk to her about it, but he knew he would have to choose his moment carefully. Breakfast wasn't it. She was thin enough as it was, he didn't want to raise a subject that would most likely make her lose the little appetite she had.

Kathryn poured the syrup over her pancakes. "How is the headache today?"

"Seems to have gone. I feel good."

"I'm glad. It's quite a walk to the lake. I was worried, after I'd suggested it, that maybe it would be too much for you."

"Not at all, I'm sure the fresh air will do me good." He poured himself a glass of apple juice. "So, tell me about the castle. Is it the same one you found a sick old lady in once?" He remembered a story Kathryn had once told Naomi and the Borg children about an adventure she'd had in her youth. She and some friends had broken into an old spooky mansion and almost burnt it to the ground after being terrified by a mad old lady they thought was a ghost.

"You know about that?"

Chakotay nodded. "As I recall, saving the old lady made you quite a heroine."

"Yes," she smiled. "But boy, I sure got into trouble for being there in the first place." She paused. "But to answer your question, no, it's not the same castle. It's from the same period, the twenty first century, but Magruder Mansion was well preserved. This castle is nothing but stone ruins, at least as far as I know. I've never been inside."

"I'm surprised."

"Well, I've only stayed here a couple of times and the weather just wasn't favorable."

"Who built the castle?"

"A Canadian businessman called William Foster. Gothic architecture was popular in the late twenty first century and a lot of castles were built. When a successful business venture made him a fortune, he decided to build a castle that would be greater than all the others and rival any in Europe. If I remember correctly, it took over three years to build. When it was complete, he gave up the business world to live in it with his family. He wanted them to live like they would have lived in the nineteenth century, so he employed servants to take care of them and wouldn't allow modern technology into the castle. He even went as far as buying a dukedom so that he and his family would have a title. He and his wife became known as the Duke and Duchess of Cranbury, and his two sons, Peter and John, became lords. The castle became a popular tourist attraction and every summer the duke would open it the the public. When he died, the castle passed to his eldest son, just as it would have done in ancient times, and his second son hardly inherited anything at all. His father's will said that he was allowed to live on at the castle for as long as he wanted, but that wasn't enough for him. He was jealous of his brother and very bitter. He gambled, drank a lot, and one night during a drunken stupor accidentally started a fire. Within minutes the fire was out of control and many people were killed as it ravaged the castle, including John himself, the old duchess, and the new Duke's wife and children. The Duke was devastated and never got over what happened. He never set foot near the castle again and let it fall into decay. A campaign was started by local people to preserve the castle and restore it, but the Duke wanted nothing to do with it. When the family finally gave the castle over to National Heritage, it had decayed so much that restoring it would have been too much work. So they just made the ruins safe for people to visit."

"A sad story," Chakotay said.

"Yes. Even now there is a sense of sadness around the place. Like all buildings with a tragic history, it's said to have a few resident ghosts. Lord John, his mother, and many others who died that night. My sister swears she saw a woman in white standing at a window in one of the towers when she visited the castle, but it was probably her imagination. I don't believe in ghosts." She returned to her pancakes. "Do you?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "I'm a spiritual man. I believe there is more to our existence than what we can see and touch."

"I don't. Not in that way. I don't believe we have a soul or that we go anywhere when we die, except to a grave. When we die, I think there is...nothing."

"Perhaps there is nothing," Chakotay replied. "But I choose to believe there is something."

"I wish I could believe," Kathryn said, lowering her knife and fork and looking up at him again. " I think it would help, you know, with all that has happened...But I don't."

"And there's no rule to say you have too," Chakotay said kindly. "All I would say is don't totally close your mind to the possibility. After all, energy never dies, it only changes form. And remember, the good scientist never excludes a possibility, however unlikely or remote that possibility seems."

"I suppose you're right," she said. "I just..." She was interrupted by Petunia's bark. The animal was standing outside the bedroom, obviously trying to communicate something. "Damn," Kathryn said, getting to her feet. "I forgot I was running the bath!" She turned to Chakotay. "I'd better attend to it before we find ourselves swimming. Excuse me."

She hurried into the bedroom and Chakotay laughed softly to himself as she went.

* * *

From the top of the highest surviving castle tower, Chakotay looked out at the large lake below. Birds flew over it and the silver water rippled gold as it caught the afternoon sun. It was a beautiful scene in a very beautiful part of the world. He could understand why William Foster had decided to build his magnificent home here, it was such a peaceful place of unspoiled beauty. Just from looking at the castle's remains, Chakotay could tell that it had once been a glorious building. He looked out at the scenery for a moment longer, and then at Kathryn. She was standing beside him, looking out at the same view. She was wearing gray jeans, black sneakers, and a blue sweater. On her back she carried a rucksack, and there was a tricorder and phaser strapped to her waist. He had wanted to carry the rucksack, but she had been so determined to be the one to carry it that he had given in. Her long auburn hair was tied back casually from her face in a ponytail, but a few loose stands blew in the breeze. Chakotay couldn't help gaze at her. She was so beautiful to him. He loved everything about her from the dozens of freckles dusted over her face to her pretty blue eyes and delicate lips.

"I would love to have seen this place in its hey day," Kathryn said. "Or better still, to have stayed here as a guest." She paused. "It's hard to imagine now that once this place was thriving with people, that horses and carts would pull up outside. Stagecoaches too. William Foster wouldn't let any modern transport come within a mile of this place."

"I've always felt it's a great honor to visit places like this," Chakotay replied, "to walk in the footsteps of those who have come before us and share what was once such an intimate part of their existence. There's nothing more intimate than a home, be it a small cottage or a grand castle." He turned to Kathryn and gestured to steps behind him. "Shall we go down?"

Kathryn nodded and made her way to the old worn stone steps. Chakotay let her descend them first, and then followed. The steps were slippy and winding, and both Kathryn and Chakotay held tight to a thick rope that was their only lifeline in this dark turret.

"It's a good thing we didn't bring Petunia," Kathryn said, slowing a little as the light faded further, "she would either have got lost or fallen to her death by now."

The light suddenly grew stronger, and Kathryn and Chakotay found themselves in the remains of a large ground room that was very well preserved. Kathryn looked around, getting her bearing. "We came that way," she said, pointing to her right, "so we need to go that way..." she concluded, pointing to her left.

Chakotay followed her into a narrow corridor and they walked down it until the corridor gave way to another large room. It was circular in shape, perhaps the base of another tower. It was difficult to tell as the ceiling was still intact. There were two large windows in the gray stone walls, but like all other windows in the castle, they were glassless, exposing the room to all the elements. At the center of the room was the remains of a stone well, about three foot in height, and full of water. There was a board beside the well, providing visitors with information, and Kathryn wandered over to it. As she read the board, Chakotay studied the well.

"According to legend," Kathryn said, "if a maiden puts a lock of her hair into the well on the day of a full moon, she will see in the water the face of the man she will marry."

"Does it say the origin of the legend?" Chakotay asked. "Folklore is a fascinating subject."

"No," Kathryn replied, pulling her rucksack off her back, putting it on the floor, and opening it.

Chakotay watched her curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Giving it a try," she said, rummaging in the bag. "There's a full moon tonight. Can't hurt."

She pulled out a little pair of scissors from a silver sewing kit, and then cut off a small lock of her hair, no more than about half an inch. "That should be enough."

Holding the severed hair in her hand, she stood over the well, closed her eyes, and let the hair fall into the water. Then she opened her eyes and looked for her answer.

Chakotay stepped closer. "Do you see anything?"

"No," she said, a trace of disappointment in her voice. "The only face I see, except my own, is yours." She sighed, put away her scissors, picked up her rucksack, and wandered over to the window. "I don't know why I expected to see anything, anyway. It's just a stupid legend."

She sat on what was the remains of an old windowseat and pulled out a cigarette from a box in her rucksack. "I know it's bad manners to smoke in front of someone," she said apologetically, "but I haven't had one all day and I need a fix."

Chakotay looked at her in concern. "What are you smoking?"

"Just tobacco," Kathryn said, carefully lighting up the cigarette, putting away the lighter, and taking a puff. "Not that I smoke a lot, just when I feel like it."

Chakotay went over to her and took the cigarette from her hand. "Make that your last one."

He took the cigarette over to the well and drowned it in the cold water. As he did so, Kathryn got to her feet. "How dare you tell me what to do!"

"Someone's got to," Chakotay said, putting the wet stump in his pocket and walking back over to her. "What are you trying to do, kill yourself?"

"It's none of your business what I do!"

"You can't go on like this, Kathryn. Whiskey, sleeping pills, cigarettes...anything else I should know about?"

Kathryn flinched. "How do you know about the whiskey and sleeping pills?"

"I saw them in your room last night when..."

Kathryn interrupted him, her anger soaring. "You came into my room last night? What the hell do you think you were doing?"

"Checking to see if you were alright, that's what. I got no answer from knocking your door and..."

"Didn't it occur to you that I might have been asleep or in the bath.?"

"Yes, it occurred to me, but the cabin walls are so thin that I could hear you call Petunia when I was taking a shower. You would have heard me, even if you were in the bath, and there's no way the Kathryn I know and love would have slept through the thunderstorm last night."

"I don't care what you thought your reasons were. You had no right to come into my room, none at all!" Tears welled in her eyes. "I trusted you, Chakotay. I took you into my home. But now I see that I was right to distrust you all along."

"I'm only saying all this because I care, Kathryn. I don't expect you to like it. If I didn't care, I would say go ahead, smoke yourself to death, drink as much alcohol as you want and take a whole box of sleeping pills. But what kind of friend would that make me?"

"You're not my friend," Kathryn cried. "I don't even know you! What I do is my business, mine! It's nothing to do with you! I take the pills because I have too, because if I don't, I'm back on that shuttle with Daddy and Justin and the accident happens over and over! I can't take it. I'm getting through as best as I can. You have no right to condemn me!"

Chakotay took a deep breath, his manner and tone softer. "I'm not condemning you, Kathryn. I'm concerned about you. Alcohol, pills, cigarettes, they're not good. You must know that you're not supposed to take alcohol with sleeping pills."

Kathryn turned back to the window. "What does it matter? The whiskey helps me sleep faster."

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and stood close behind her. "It seems to me that you're trying to deal with a tremendous amount of pain all by yourself," he said kindly. "Instead of easing, it's building up inside you and destroying you. I've been down that road myself, it almost destroyed me too. You need to share your pain."

"Share it with who, exactly?" Kathryn asked, turning to him again. "I can't talk to my mother and sister about it because they're hurting too. And even if they weren't, I'm not exactly close to them that way. My mother's not a very affectionate woman, not with adults. It's just the way she is, the way she was brought up. She knew how to comfort me as a child, but as I grew up she just didn't have a clue. I think she understands my sister better, but my sister doesn't understand me."

"What about friends?"

Kathryn almost scoffed. "Ever heard the saying that it's in times of trial that you find out who your real friends are? Well, I can tell you it's true. Since the accident, it's amazing how many "friends" have forgotten I exist. And those I do still have are either too busy with their own lives to have any time for me or are in space."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said sadly.

"But I don't need them anyway," she continued. "I don't need anyone. When it first happened, the accident, I didn't know how I was going to get through. But I have got through, in my way. I eat, I sleep, I function, and as long as I do that, everyone is happy."

A lump gathered in Chakotay's throat to hear her talk like this. All he wanted was take away the pain somehow, but he didn't know how.

"Every day I wish I was dead," she went on, "but it would hurt the people I love too much if I took my own life, so you can stop worrying about that, if that's what's bothering you. I couldn't do it to them, they've been through enough. So I keep going as best as I can, living because I have too, not because I want too. And I know what you're going to say...that I'm young and smart and have everything to live for...so don't waste your breath. It's easy to say that when you're on the outside. On the inside, in here..." she put a fist to her heart. "It's cold and empty and the only thing I feel is pain..." Tears flooded her eyes and she could say no more as she tried to fight them.

Chakotay opened his arms to her, but she made no response. Seeing the battle in her eyes between longing and misgiving, he kept them open, waiting patiently. Slowly, hesitantly, she drew close and stepped into his arms. He gently gathered her against him and Kathryn wrapped her thin arms around his neck. As his arms closed around her, holding her tenderly, Kathryn gripped him tight and wept.

**END OF CHAPTER FIVE**


	6. Chapter 6

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Six**

It was a long time before Kathryn drew away from Chakotay. His body was warm and soft and the feel of his strong arms around her was comforting. For the first time since the accident she felt safe, at peace, and was afraid those feelings would leave as soon as she let go of him.

As she slowly drew away, Chakotay gently released her. She had cried long in his arms, cried hard, and he knew that with every tear shed, a little of her pain had gone with it.

Kathryn avoided his eyes as she pulled away, almost as though she felt embarrassed or awkward, and looked down at her hands.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Don't thank me, Kathryn," Chakotay said softly. "It was a privilege."

Kathryn looked up at him now and he smiled warmly. For a moment she lost herself in his dark chocolate brown eyes. There was so much warmth in them, so much kindness.

"You really do care for me, don't you?"

Chakotay nodded. "Very much."

Kathryn lowered her eyes again and fidgeted with her fingers. "And you're right. I can't go on abusing myself the way I have been. I just...they help, you know, the pills and the whiskey, to numb the pain..."

"I understand," Chakotay replied. "But sometimes the only way to let go of a pain is to allow ourselves to feel its full force. Like weathering a storm. You can see a black storm approach on the horizon and try to out run it, getting weary and lost in the process, or you can stay, let the storm do its worst, and then be free." He paused. "And I think here, today, you did that."

Kathryn nodded. "I was afraid to cry for them. I thought that if I did, I would never stop. But you're right on that too. I feel different now somehow, as though a crushing weight has been taken off me." She paused. "But it feels wrong too, like a betrayal...like it would be a betrayal to be happy...I can't explain it."

"You don't have too. I felt the same way when my family died. I felt it would be wrong to ever be happy again, that I had no right to be happy when they were dead. But my family loved me as much as I loved them. They wouldn't have wanted me to waste my life grieving for them, just like I wouldn't have wanted it for them. The pain of those we love hurts us. It would hurt your father and fiancé for you to be unhappy. The best way to honor their memory is to live your life to the full."

"You're right. It's just...it's just been so hard. There have been so many conflicting emotions. On the one hand I felt it would be wrong to be happy, but on the other hand I just wanted the pain to go away." She paused. "And I can't help thinking that it's my fault that Justin died. If it wasn't for me, he'd never have been on that shuttle in the first place. It should have been me who died, not him."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "It's wasn't your fault, Kathryn. It was an accident. When my family died, I felt that it was partly my fault for not being there to protect them. I blamed myself for pursuing my own interests instead of honoring my heritage and staying in the tribe. For a long time that tortured me. But there's no way of knowing how things will turn out, no matter what course of action we take. We assume that because things turned out one way, if we'd have done things another way, they would have turned out better. But they might have turned out worse. If I hadn't pursued my own life, done what I wanted to do, perhaps the only thing different would be that I would be dead too. We can't live our lives fearing the future or regretting the past. Things happen that are out of our control. We can only live our lives for the moment. If we strive always to do the right thing and love the special people in our lives with all our heart, then we can look back without regret or reproach."

Kathryn looked up at him, peace returning to her eyes. "It might be selfish of me, but I'm glad you're here, Chakotay. You really understand me, and what I've been through. Most people don't understand, not really."

"I'm glad I'm here too," Chakotay said kindly.

"And you like coffee ice-cream and gothic architecture," she teased. "I'm not surprised we're friends in the future."

She smiled warmly and Chakotay smiled in return. Then, the sound of rain caught Kathryn's attention and she turned to the window.

"Damn, it's raining." She looked up at the sky which was now a dismal gray. "And from the look of the clouds, I'd say it's going to last a while. It's a good thing we've been up all the towers. I saw a sign back there that said visitors shouldn't climb them in the rain."

"I can see why. I felt like I was walking on banana skins as it was."

Kathryn laughed softly at that and then turned back to him. " We could look at the rest of the castle, but I have feeling we've seen all there is to see. There doesn't seem to be any way forward from here."

"No. I think this is the end."

"So, I guess we only have two choices. We either venture back to the cabin and get wet, or take shelter here for a while and see if the rain stops."

"Seems a shame to cut our trip short. Why don't we set up camp in here for a bit? It's been a while since lunch, we could snack on what's left over."

"Sounds good. I still have that flask of black coffee you replicated for me. We can share it with some chocolate cookies I packed...if you like black coffee, that is."

"It's tolerable," he smiled.

"Nothing like it for me. And if I can't have my tobacco fix, at least I can have caffeine."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled in amusement and Kathryn perfectly interpreted the look on his face.

"When I asked you to replicate the flask of coffee, you made it decaffeinated, didn't you?"

"Guilty as charged."

Kathryn studied him curiously for a moment, and then picked up her rucksack and went to sit at the foot of the well. She leant back against the old stones and began to search through her bag. "You don't smoke, drink alcohol, eat meat or take caffeine. Don't you have any vice?"

"I haven't said I don't drink alcohol," Chakotay said, going over to the well and sitting beside her. "I just don't drink it to excess."

Kathryn pulled out a red flask from her rucksack and looked up at him with a smile. "My mistake." There were two silver cups slotted together on top of the flask, and Kathryn pulled them off and separated them as she talked. "So, what do you like to drink? Beer? Wine? Spirits?"

"Depends on the occasion. But I'm very partial to Cider and Cabernet sauvignon."

"Me too. Something else we have in common. Isn't it amazing all the same things we like?"

"Yes. Kindred Spirits," he smiled.

With a single swirl of the wrist, Kathryn opened the flask and then began to pour hot coffee into the two cups.

"I mainly drink synthesol these days, though," Chakotay continued. "I have some vintage bottles of Antarian Cider that I bring out when we're in safe space, but that's not very often. They've consequently lasted a long time."

"I'm surprised your comrades haven't helped you to finish them." She held out a cup of steaming coffee to Chakotay, and he gratefully took it.

"On my ship, a person has to be crafty if they want to keep a luxury. I hide the bottles in the cargo bay so that no one..." He stopped as a memory jolted him and he realized what he'd just said...

_"...in a few minutes, this bottle will be empty."_

_"Then maybe you should go to the Cargo Bay and grab another one."_

_"How do you know that's where I keep it?"_

_"I can't tell you."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Temporal Prime Directive."_

Kathryn had known where he had kept the cider because he had told her...almost two decades before...

And if she remembered this, then the implication was that she remembered everything. He had suspected this from the beginning...that she had known of this all along and deliberately sent him here...but this apparent affirmation was still unsettling.

Kathryn's voice brought him out of his thoughts. "Are you alright, Chakotay? Is the headache back?"

"No," he replied, turning to her. "I'm fine. I was just...remembering something." Wanting to change the subject, he gestured to the cup of coffee in his hands. "So, do I get a cookie?"

"Of course," she said, "I'm sorry..." She put down her own cup of coffee and began searching through her rucksack again. "Here they are," she said, finally finding a packet of rich milk chocolate chip cookies. "Help yourself."

Chakotay put down his coffee, took the packet of cookies, and opened it.

Kathryn picked up her drink again. "I'd hardly say a glass of cider now and then is a vice, though. And you must have one. What about women? Are you quite a ladies man responsible for a trail of broken hearts?"

"No," Chakotay smiled, dipping a cookie in his coffee. "If anything, it was the other way around."

"You must have been with a few women, though? I mean...you know...inevitably..."

Chakotay looked up at her, skirting around the question. "Is anything inevitable?"

"Now you're sounding like Hobbes...I mean Mark...I keep forgetting he's changed his name. He's a philosopher and can talk for hours on that kind of thing. If character is fate, and fate is predestined, is character fated?" She boldly met his gaze. "But you didn't answer the question."

"Some questions it's polite not to ask..."

At that, Kathryn flushed crimson. "Of course...I'm sorry...you must think me terribly rude..." She reached for a cookie in the open packet and cast a sheepish glance at him. "But, seeing as we're both being honest about things here, and you've done some considerable prying into my business, are we talking about more than five women but less than ten, or a multiple of a dozen?"

Chakotay took a sip of his coffee. "You don't give up, do you?"

"Never..."

"Let's just say," he said uncomfortably, "less than a dozen, but more than two."

Kathryn considered this a moment. "Quite a number... I mean, to some people. To Mark it would be certainly. He's very straightlaced. I used to think he was kind of an odd person...I mean when we were growing up. We all did. He was always going on about the greater good and what was right and wrong, and we all thought he was extremely boring. But now I'm older and know him better, I like him a lot. I used to think he was weak, but it took a lot of courage for him to stand his ground on things. The weak thing would have been to just do what everyone else did. But he wasn't like that. He wouldn't compromise what he believed in to be popular. I really admire him for that."

"It's certainly a commendable quality," Chakotay replied. She clearly already had a deep fondness for Mark, one he knew would eventually turn into love, despite the vast differences in their characters. And, if he was honest, he couldn't help feel a twinge of jealousy at that.

"But, apart from your differences, I'd say you're the first person I've ever met who is as disciplined as him. And I mean that in a good way. Self-discipline is admirable, especially in a Starfleet Officer. I wish I was more disciplined. If I stay on at Starfleet, I'm afraid it's going to be the one area I struggle in. I'm focussed, dedicated, determined, but I have trouble keeping to the rules..."

Chakotay made no reply to that. In his opinion, she was the most disciplined Starfleet Officer he had ever known. She always tried to do things by the book, even at personal cost.

"But I guess I must stay on at Starfleet because otherwise you wouldn't know me...unless we meet somewhere else and..." She paused. "This is so unfair...you having all the answers and me only questions."

"I don't have all the answers. I've seen more of what the future holds than you, but I haven't seen it all. You could say I've seen the beginning and the middle, but not the end."

"I do go back to Starfleet, though, don't I?"

Chakotay wasn't going to respond to that either and just took another sip of coffee.

"I suppose I would. I mean, a Starfleet officer is all I've ever wanted to be. I've just been feeling, you know, kind of disillusioned with it all lately, like I was heading at warp speed in a direction I wasn't sure I wanted to go." She paused. "Have you ever felt that way?"

"Yes. I lost direction for a while and questioned my choices."

Kathryn picked up another cookie. "According to your profile, you're a tactical officer...at least you were. What made you choose tactics over other areas like science?"

"It's what I was best at. Also what I enjoyed most."

"That kind of surprises me. I can definitely see you as a Captain or a First Officer, even an Admiral some day, but I'd have thought the combat aspect of being a Starfleet Officer would have been the least appealing part for you."

Chakotay smiled, amused. "Because I'm so disciplined and a vegetarian?"

"Amongst other things. Doesn't seem to fit your nature somehow."

"Then it might surprise you to know that I was a champion wrestler."

Kathryn put down her coffee. "You were?"

"I won over ten championships."

"Congratulations. But you're right, it does surprise me. I wouldn't have thought of you as the wrestling type."

"I enjoy the challenge," Chakotay explained. "For me, and for my people, discipline is a tool we use to help us reach our full potential, but we don't believe in suppressing emotion or desires the way that Vulcans do. We only believe in finding appropriate channels of release. There's a lot of energy and passion in my culture. We develop our physical strength, nurture our inner strength, and always strive for harmony of body and mind."

Kathryn took another sip of her coffee. "Do you still wrestle now?"

"Only on the holodeck. I don't compete any more. I box too, but only holograms."

At those words, Kathryn studied him again, clearly both intrigued and impressed. "You are a man of surprises. I hope you box with the safeties on though."

"Yes. It would be irresponsible of me to risk injury and not be able to report for duty."

Kathryn topped up her coffee from what was left in the flask. "A tactical officer, a champion wrestler, and a boxer... sounds like someone would be hard pressed to defeat you in one to one combat. Perhaps when we get back to the cabin, you can give me some tips? The living area contains holo-projectors. We can move the furniture aside and run a suitable martial arts program."

"Sounds good. I'm sure there's little I can teach you," Chakotay said honestly, "but, it could prove to be a worthwhile exercise. It's good to keep in practice."

"It certainly is."

A ray of sunshine suddenly fell on them and Chakotay looked up at the window. "Looks like it's stopped raining."

Kathryn got to her feet, her cup of coffee still in her hands, and went over to the window. "It's stopped alright." There was a perfect rainbow in the distant sky, rising from a forest of evergreen and falling into a black mountain. "And there's a rainbow," she said. "A very pretty one too."

Chakotay got up now and joined her at the window. "Very vibrant."

"When I was a little girl, I tried many times to reach the end of one. But they would always disappear before I could."

Chakotay smiled. "Hoping to find a pot of gold?"

"No," Kathryn clarified, "hoping to prove the end could be reached. In my mind there had to be an end because everything had to have one. To me, it was a scientific investigation. I even took along a tricorder." She paused. "What does the rainbow represent in traditional Mayan culture?"

"It depends a lot which tribe you belong too. Mayan culture is very diverse, even more so since other belief systems have influenced it. In my tribe, which has rejected most of those influences, the rainbow represents peace and renewal. My people believe in a time of great destruction on the earth, a time when a lot of land was destroyed by a rain of fire. The rainbow was given as a sign from our supreme deity that the time of destruction was over and a new era had begun."

"Sounds a lot like Noah and the Ark, only it was water and not fire that destroyed the earth."

"Yes. Other cultures also refer to a time of great rain or destruction. It can only mean that there was indeed a period of such devastation and it became a part of various faiths and mythology."

"Do your people believe in a rainbow god?"

"In the sense of a god living in the rainbow, no. But my people do believe in a goddess of the rainbow, Ix Chel. She's also goddess of the moon, fertility, childbirth, medicine, and mother of all other gods, except Hunab Ku, our supreme god and creator, and his son, Itzamna, who is her husband."

Kathryn thought on his words a moment. "It must be hard for you to reconcile your faith with science...I mean if you believe all that."

"I believe some of it," he replied. "I believe in a supreme deity and lesser gods or spirits, and I believe in the human spirit and after life, but I don't believe all of it. I believe that essential truths have been embroiled with myth and legend over the centuries to become something more fantastical than they really were. But I don't find it hard to reconcile my faith with science. Quite the contrary. To me, they compliment each other. Science helps me to understand the universe and faith helps me to appreciate it. Just because science can't detect supernatural deities, doesn't mean they don't exist. Centuries ago, people doubted the existence of aliens because their technological limitations meant they weren't able to travel far enough to find them. If a creator god exists outside of our universe, in a place that has completely different laws of physics, then our present technological limitation means we'll never detect him."

"Perhaps," Kathryn replied. "The existence of a God or gods is certainly scientifically possible. I just find it hard to believe in gods and spirits. I don't believe we were created and I don't believe the universe is under the control of a superior being. I believe that we, as in human beings and humanoids, control our own destiny and can learn to control the natural world around us by scientific research and application."

"A very comfortable position," Chakotay commented. "Atoms, particles, molecules... all things you can comprehend and control. But gods, spirits, and an after life...all unseen forces and unknown dimensions of existence...all things beyond your comprehension and beyond your control."

For a long moment Kathryn was silent, the truth of the words clearly having confounded her. Then she spoke. "You're a strange man, Mister Chakotay. You seem to understand me so well but I can make neither head nor tail of you."

Chakotay smiled. "Well, being from the future, I do have several years unfair advantage."

The rainbow faded softly and a dark cloud passed over the sun. Chakotay gestured to the cup in his hands.

"Shall we finish up and head back before it rains again?"

Kathryn nodded. "I think that would be wise." She drank the remaining coffee in one go, and then went over to her rucksack. "I hope Petunia hasn't wrecked the cabin while we've been gone. I've never left her alone in it before."

"I'm sure she's been a faithful guard dog."

"Oh, I don't know," she answered, picking up the flask and putting the packet of cookies into her rucksack. "She may have thought that if she destroys the place in my absence, I'll never leave her alone again. Believe me, she's that smart."

"I can believe it."

He turned to the window and was just about to pour the remains of his coffee onto hard mud outside, when Kathryn's words stopped him. "No, wait..."

She bridged the gap between them, took the cup from his hand, and drank what was left of the coffee.

"Shame to waste it," she smiled.

She then slotted the cup on top of the flask and put the flask into her rucksack. After closing all the zippers, she fixed the bag to her back.

"Ready?"

"Ready," Chakotay smiled.

With that, Kathryn turned around and began to walk towards the old arched empty doorway. Chakotay walked behind her and followed her into the narrow corridor beyond.

**END OF CHAPTER SIX**


	7. Chapter 7

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Seven**

Curled up before a roaring simulated fire, Petunia happily chewed on a large bone Kathryn had given her after they had all shared dinner. She was enjoying the meaty treat so much that she hardly paid Kathryn and Chakotay any attention as they vigorously tested self-defense skills against each other in the middle of the room. They were both wearing a tight fitting white body suit and were standing on a large padded holographic black mat that covered most of the floor. It had only taken them minutes to move aside the small amount of furniture in the room, but to her disappointment, Kathryn had found that the cabin's holo-projectors were designed to only project objects, not holographic environments. The computer only had a limited database of possible objects too, but a martial arts mat was amongst them, so she and Chakotay had decided to use that. It was all they really needed, anyway.

Chakotay was very impressed with Kathryn's defense skills. She was quick, vigilant, firm, and completely focussed. They had begun with rather simple exercises, but were now progressing to more challenging ones that required intense concentration on both their parts.

As they took a much needed moment of respite, Kathryn dried her sweating face with a towel and then gulped down a glass of cool water.

"This is the toughest challenge I've ever had," she said, still slightly breathless from the exertion. "You're so good."

"So are you," Chakotay replied, drying his own brow with a towel. "What we're doing is very advanced, but you're holding your own."

"Last time I was pushed this hard was in Davison's class at the Academy," Kathryn continued. "You're an instructor, aren't you...or rather have been?"

Chakotay smiled at that correct assessment. As part of his job as a tactical instructor at the Academy, he had taught several self-defense classes. "Perhaps."

He smiled warmly and Kathryn walked back over to the mat. "Alright, I'm ready for round two."

Chakotay joined her on the mat and began to explain the next exercise. Kathryn listened carefully and watched as he illustrated some moves. The challenge sounded a lot tougher than the previous ones, but she was up for it.

When Chakotay was sure she was ready, he initiated the challenge. Kathryn responded, but within seconds was horizontal on the mat. She immediately got to her feet and continued to fight him. After a long struggle, she managed to throw him to the ground. Just like she had done, he got to his feet and continued the challenge. Kathryn fought him hard, but was beginning to tire. His body was strong, heavy, and she felt herself weaken. As she did so, Chakotay seized her and locked her tight in his arms.

Panting, Kathryn leant back against him. "You win," she said. "This time..."

Chakotay released his hold on her. "I think we've done enough for today. We don't want to push ourselves too hard." He knew Kathryn had really struggled in that round. He didn't want to push her, not when she wasn't physically at her peak.

"You mean you don't want to push me," she smiled. "But don't worry, I know when I'm beat."

She went over to the table, poured herself another glass of water, and then slumped into a chair.

"Boy, I wish you'd been my instructor at the Academy. Davison was good, but you're way better. Very few people defeat me."

Chakotay could believe it. Physical strength was a huge advantage, but the ultimate quality was skill, and Kathryn had that in abundance.

"But I think I'm going to pay for it later," she continued. "My body is aching all over. Especially my back and shoulders."

Chakotay went over to the table and poured himself a glass of water. "What you need is a hot bath and a massage."

"Is that an offer?" Kathryn teased. "I mean, the massage?"

"If you would like it to be," Chakotay said, sitting opposite her. "I'm good. I've given a number of massages over the years and recently I took a series of classes, courtesy of our holodeck."

Kathryn considered this a moment, then smiled. "Alright. Why not?"

Chakotay smiled in return. "While you take a bath, I'll get this room back in shape and get everything ready."

* * *

After a long relaxing soak in the bath, Kathryn returned to the living room. As she entered the room, a white bathrobe around her and her hair tied back from her face in a ponytail, she gasped at what she saw. There were candles on all the window sills, bathing the room in a warm bronze glow, and in the middle of the room was a high narrow bed with a very comfortable looking brown mattress and a cream pillow. There was a brown trolley beside the bed on which rested a fluffy white towel, and a bowl of what appeared to be clear copper liquid. Classical music was playing and a beautiful sweet smell filled the air.

Chakotay appeared from the kitchenette, wearing black trousers and a loose short sleeved black shirt. He smiled warmly.

"Did you have a good bath?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied, "thank you. But all of this...Chakotay...I wasn't expecting it..."

"A relaxing environment makes all the difference," he answered.

Kathryn wandered over to the bed and put her hand on the mattress, feeling the fabric and testing the firmness. "So soft and bouncy..." She then peeped into the bowl on the trolley. "What's this?"

"A blend of Lavender, Marjoram, Chamomile, and Eucalyptus oil," Chakotay explained. "It helps relax and heal muscles. I've warmed it so it won't feel cold on your skin."

Kathryn reached up to her hair and pulled out her bobble. She then made a high pony tail and wrapped her hair around itself into a casual bun, securing the bobble around it. "I've never had a massage like this before," she said. "In fact, I've never really had a massage. I always skipped them after training at the Academy because they'd take up too much time and I wanted to get back to study."

"Then you're in for a treat," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn undid the tie on her bathrobe. "What will you do first?"

"Your shoulders and back," he said. "Then your legs."

Kathryn looked up at him as she was about to pull off her bathrobe. "Turn around."

Chakotay dutifully turned around and Kathryn carefully removed her bathrobe, revealing only blue hotpants beneath it. She folded the bathrobe, put it down on the trolley, climbed on the bed, and lay down on her front.

"Alright," she said. "I'm decent."

Chakotay turned back to her and couldn't help gaze at her body. Her bare back was snow white and dusted all over with pretty copper freckles... His eyes found their way to her face, and he saw that she was lying with her eyes open, waiting for him to begin.

He questioned. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Then we'll begin." He turned to the trolley. "I'm going to put the oil on you first, and then I'll begin massaging you. If at any time you experience pain or discomfort, let me know."

"Okay," she said quietly.

Chakotay could tell she was nervous, but hoped she would relax once he began. He dipped his fingers into the oil and then gently put his hands on her back. Kathryn flinched a little, and her body was rigid and tense beneath his fingers. But as Chakotay gently rubbed the oil over her shoulders and back, his touch almost a caress, he felt her tension ease. Kathryn closed her eyes at the sweet sensations his fingers evoked, and when he began to massage her, she sighed with bliss.

Chakotay smiled. "Feel good?"

"Very good," she replied.

Chakotay worked slowly over her back, and felt all the tension in her thin body melt away beneath his touch. A smile graced her lips and the look of serenity on her face warmed his heart. There had been too much pain in her life, not enough pleasure. He deliberately took his time, wanting to prolong the pleasure as long as he could. When he had finished her back, he turned his attention to her legs and massaged them all the way from her feet to her thighs.

Then, at last, he was finished.

"All done," he said, turning to the trolley and drying his hands on the towel.

Kathryn sighed, this time from regret that it was over. "That was... incredible."

Chakotay smiled and picked up her bathrobe. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

He gently put the bathrobe over her. "When you're ready, go and curl up on the couch. After I've washed my hands, I'll bring you a glass of water topped with a slice of lemon. Massage releases toxins that build up in our bodies, so it's always a good idea to drink water afterwards."

Kathryn smiled. "You're spoiling me."

"Good," he said kindly. "You deserve it."

He then went into the kitchenette and Kathryn slowly sat up. As Chakotay washed his hands, Kathryn got off the bed, put on her bathrobe, and made her way over to the couch. Petunia, who had tired of chewing her bone, jumped onto the couch and sat beside her mistress. Kathryn put her arm around her beloved dog, leant her head against the animal's soft head of black fur, and watched as Chakotay replicated two glasses of water.

"Isn't he amazing?" she whispered. "Wasn't it our lucky day when he turned up?"

Chakotay picked up the two glasses of water and made his way over to her.

"Here," he said, holding out a glass.

Kathryn took the glass gratefully. "Thank you."

As Chakotay sat beside her on the couch, Petunia jumped off and returned to her place before the fire.

"Thank you for the massage too. It was wonderful."

"You're welcome. Perhaps I can give you another one before I leave."

Kathryn's eyes lit up at that. "I would love that." She smiled warmly at him and then took a drink of water. "I was thinking," she continued, "that if you're still around tomorrow, we could go back to the lake and take Petunia with us...if the weather's dry, that is. I don't want to leave her alone for another day. We could walk around the lake."

"Good idea."

"I was also thinking that if you're still around tomorrow evening, we could go to an old restaurant in the village. I've never been there, but I've always wanted too. They serve Victorian style food and everyone has to wear Victorian costume to go in." She paused. "I understand if it wouldn't appeal to you, though."

"I'd love to go," Chakotay said sincerely. "But how would we get there?"

"My father built a transporter room onto the back of this cabin as he needed a way to get to Starfleet Headquarters quickly. It's only a small room, but the transporter can beam up to two people at a time. You don't seem to be suffering from post-transportation-trauma any more, so it should be safe to transport you."

Chakotay took a sip of water. "How long has this cabin been in your family?"

"About ten years. It belongs to my Aunt Martha, but she hardly ever comes here since her husband died. Rather than have the place stand empty all year, she lets us, her family, share it. My cousins...my aunt's sons... stay here a lot with their families, especially during the summer. I was going to bring Justin here but... well... it never happened. My sister comes here often as she's an artist and likes to go down to the lake and paint." She paused. "Do you paint?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "But I do enjoy making things out of wood."

"What kind of things?"

"All kinds of things. Over the years I've built a boat, a hut, a table, a chair, and have made lots of carvings."

"Impressive. You seem to be a man of many talents. I bet you play a musical instrument too, don't you?"

Chakotay smiled. "As it happens, no."

"Really? Neither do I. Something else we have in common." She put her now empty glass of water down on the floor. "I wish I'd learnt, though. I kind of regret it. But I don't know which instrument I would have picked. The piano, maybe, or perhaps the guitar. But it helps if you can sing with those and my speaking voice is bad enough. I'd never inflict my singing on anyone. So, I probably would have chosen the flute or violin."

"I like your voice just fine," Chakotay said. "And I wouldn't mind hearing you sing."

Kathryn looked at him curiously. "You sure must be a glutton for punishment. Either that or you have a hidden agenda." She smiled, teasing. "Some might say all this pampering and spoiling is part of some elaborate seduction plan."

Chakotay smiled. "I assure you that is not the case."

At those words, Kathryn's face fell and her bright eyes dulled. "Well," she said, "at least you're honest."

"No," Chakotay said, desperately trying to correct the implication he had given that she was not attractive to him. "I didn't mean to imply..."

Kathryn looked up at him. "What is it? The hair or the freckles?"

"Neither," he answered, putting his glass of water down and turning towards her. "Your hair is lovely, your freckles too. I think you're a very beautiful woman."

Kathryn smiled as she saw the sincerity in his eyes. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

Kathryn turned her body slightly towards him. "Well, for what it's worth, I think you're handsome too."

Chakotay couldn't help tease. "For an older man?"

Kathryn laughed softly. "For any man." Then, almost without thinking, she reached out and brushed her fingers against his cheek. "You have such pronounced features and there's so much warmth and kindness in your eyes."

Her eyes held his and they gazed deep into each other's eyes, losing themselves.

Then, Kathryn slipped her hand to his neck and slowly, tentatively, edged closer. Just as her lips were about to touch his, Chakotay drew away and got to his feet.

"It's...It's getting late," he said uncomfortably. "I'd better say goodnight."

Kathryn also got to her feet. "You don't have too," she said. "I mean...say goodnight. If you want we can...we can spend the night together..."

There was a profound longing in her eyes, a longing that was almost a plea, and Chakotay had to avert his eyes.

"We can't, Kathryn," he said quietly. "It wouldn't be right."

For a long moment, there was a horrible awkward silence. Then Kathryn spoke. "I see," she said sadly. "And you don't have to explain. You don't want to and..."

Chakotay looked up at her now and saw that she was looking down, fidgeting with her fingers. "I didn't say I didn't want too," he said kindly. "I said it wouldn't be right."

Kathryn nodded, but evidently didn't believe him. "I understand. Temporal prime directive and all that..." She put her hand to her neck, visibly uncomfortable. "Well, as you say, it's getting late and we'd better get to bed...I mean our own bed...and..." She paused. "Goodnight, Chakotay."

Without looking at him, she walked passed him and hurried into her bedroom.

When she was gone, Chakotay sat on the couch. His rejection had hurt her, he could tell, and hurting her was the last thing he had wanted to do. But there was no way he could have spent the night with her. All other considerations aside, it would have been wrong as a Starfleet Officer caught in a temporal aberration, and it would have been wrong as a man to take advantage of a woman who was grieving, confused, lonely and vulnerable. And, even though he loved this younger Kathryn, she wasn't "his" Kathryn. She wasn't the Kathryn who knew him and loved him, wasn't the Kathryn who was his friend and companion. It was that Kathryn he wanted to kiss and caress and make love with. For years he had hoped the day would come when they could finally consummate their love, but now he doubted that it ever would. He had thought time was all Kathryn needed, that in time she would change her mind about her position as captain being a barrier to a relationship, but if she hadn't changed her mind in seven years, it was unlikely she ever would. Letting go of the hope had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do. It hurt so much to love, and be loved by, the one woman he could never have.

He buried his head in his hands and rubbed his tired eyes. He would have to leave. That was all there was to it. He would have to leave this cabin and take his chances in the world beyond. It would be cruel to stay and toy with Kathryn's heart, and the entire situation was doing no good for his own. Kathryn needed a friend, needed that desperately, but perhaps someone else was destined to fill that need at this point in her life. Perhaps it was a role Mark was meant to play. Kathryn had once told him that she and Mark had been friends for a long time before they were lovers. Perhaps it was his place to be here now. It would be easy enough to leave. Kathryn had mentioned a village nearby and he could make his way thereon foot. From there he could work out what to do next, where to go.

He would leave at the first light of dawn. That would give him time to tidy up the living room, shower, replicate essential supplies, and get four or five hours sleep before beginning the long journey. When Kathryn woke up in the morning and found him gone, she would simply assume he'd been transported back to his own time. If his timeline still existed, the next time she would see him would be at the Caretaker's array in the Delta Quadrant, eleven years from now.

* * *

At sunrise, Chakotay was ready to leave. The replicator had refused to replicate him a rucksack, or a bag of any kind, so he had replicated a plastic coat and then used a kitchen scissors to make himself one. After recycling all the left over material, he'd replicated some food and water and put them into his self-made bag. There was no way he could replicate a phaser or a tricorder, but a sharp kitchen knife would serve as both a tool and a weapon, so he had packed one.

The clothes he had arrived in had long been recycled, so he was leaving in black jeans, walking shoes, and a warm black sweater. Just incase it rained, he replicated a mack and packed it away with his supplies. As he did so, Petunia emerged from Kathryn's bedroom, having heard movement in the living room. She walked over to him and Chakotay knelt to the animal's level.

"I'm leaving now," he whispered, patting the dog. "You take care of Kathryn, understand?"

He then got to his feet, picked up his bag, and went over to the front door. He looked around the cabin one last time, and then ventured alone into the wilderness outside.

**END OF CHAPTER SEVEN**


	8. Chapter 8

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Eight**

Cold drizzle fell on Chakotay from a bleak sky as he walked down the mountain to the lake. He was following the same path he and Kathryn had followed the previous day, and had planned on following it until he came to civilization, but the deteriorating weather had forced him to change his plans. From his experiences as a boy, he knew that the changing moods of a mountain had to be respected. He'd learnt the hard way that a sun-kissed mountain could in minutes become a foggy death trap. Already he was surrounded by a mist that seemed to be thickening. Knowing it wouldn't be wise to continue walking in unfamiliar territory without so much as a tricorder to navigate direction, he had decided to take shelter in the castle until the weather improved.

By the time Chakotay reached the lake, the mist had turned into a thick fog and he could hardly see the ground beneath his feet. Diverting from the path, he used the water's edge as a guide to lead him to the castle. He took his time as the ground beneath his feet was stony and wet. The castle was built on a solid rock that rose up out of the lake, almost looking like a cliff. To reach the ruins from where he was, he would have to walk up a steep rocky slope. From the little that he could see in the fog, there seemed to be a narrow path winding up through the large rocks, perhaps a short cut made by servants in days of old. He decided to follow it and see how far it took him.

The path was harder to climb than Chakotay had imagined. The stones beneath his feet were uneven and very slippery, and sometimes he had to hold on to the tall rocks around him for support. When he was about two thirds of the way up the slope, he found that the winding path was blocked by fallen stones. They were heaped clumsily on top of each other, presenting a barrier of at least ten feet.

Using his trained Starfleet eye, Chakotay studied the stones to determined if there was a way to climb over them. To do so would carry some risk, but so too would going back down the slope and, as part of his Starfleet training, he had successfully overcome many a worse obstacle. Seeing a way over the stones, he threw his bag on top of the mound, and then carefully began to climb. In no time at all he was on top of the heap. He picked up his bag and carefully moved over the stones to the other side of the mound. The drop was less this side, but still considerable. Chakotay threw his bag to the path, and then began to climb backwards down the wall of stone. It was much harder climbing down than up because he couldn't see the stones below him very well and had to guess his footing. He put his foot into what he believed was a solid crevice, but the stone fell away, taking others with it. Chakotay tried to stop himself falling, but he lost his grip of the wet stones and slid to the ground. As his head hit the rocky path beneath him, he drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

Only silence and emptiness greeted Kathryn when she emerged from her bedroom a little after 9am. Unlike the previous morning, she emerged fully dressed. She was wearing black dungarees over a pale blue sweater, her favorite black sneakers, and her hair was tied back from her face in a ponytail. She hadn't rushed to leave her room, but she hadn't prolonged leaving it either. As embarrassed as she was about what had happened the night before, she was eager to clear the air. Chakotay seemed to be a very mature and caring man. She was sure they could put the incident behind them and continue to enjoy each others company the way they had been.

The silence and emptiness was unsettling. She had expected to see Chakotay up and about, perhaps making breakfast as he had done the day before, but there was no sign of him, no sound. She walked over to the kitchenette and looked around, hoping to see some indication that he had already eaten breakfast, but there was none. She looked towards Chakotay's bedroom door, and saw that it was firmly shut. She walked over to the door and put her ear to the wood. Perhaps Chakotay was taking a shower or was getting dressed. But there was no sound coming from the room, none at all.

Slowly, hesitantly, Kathryn reached for the door handle and opened the door. She peeped her head inside the room and listened avidly as she looked around. But there was no one to see, nothing to hear. Pushing the door further open, she stepped into the room and looked in the direction of the bed. The sheets were ruffled, but there was no sign of Chakotay. She now turned in the direction of the bathroom. The door was open and there didn't appear to be anyone in the room. Wanting to be sure, she walked to the doorway and looked inside. There was no one there.

Kathryn averted her eyes as tears welled in them. Chakotay couldn't possibly be outside as it was wet and foggy. That could only mean one thing...his people had come for him and he was gone.

* * *

Pain was the first thing Chakotay became aware of as he regained consciousness. His whole body seemed to be hurting, but the agony was worse in his right leg. It took a moment for him to remember where he was, what had happened, but then it all came back to him. He opened his eyes, but had to shut them again as a bright sun momentarily dazzled him. The fog must have cleared. Slowly, he sat up, but cried out as a searing pain shot up his leg. He looked down and saw that his lower right leg was trapped beneath a large stone. From the terrible pain, he was sure it was broken. Panting from the pain, he reached over and pushed the stone away. As it rolled aside, he pulled up his trouser leg to look at his injury. His shin was bruised and horribly swollen. There was no doubt, his leg was broken.

Just a few inches away from him, he saw his bag. He reached for it, opened it, and took out a bottle of water. He was thirsty, very thirsty. His hands were bleeding from the roughness of the rocks he had held on to in the vain hope of preventing a fall, but he ignored the pain and the blood and opened the bottle. When he had quenched his thirst, he closed the bottle, put it back in his bag, and looked up and around his position. It wasn't far to the top of the slope, about twenty feet at most, and the pathway was clear. It was even less of a walk to the castle. If he could just make it to the ruins, he would have a place to shelter until he could be transported back to _Voyager_...if he could be. If not, he would at least be in a place where someone might find him and help him. All he needed was for someone to treat his injuries with a med kit.

Chakotay tied his bag to his shoulder and then forced himself to his feet. Pain again shot up his leg as he put weight on it, and instinctively he lifted his foot off the ground. Hopping, he closed the small distance between himself and a large bolder of rock, and leant against it for a moment, getting his balance and his breath. He then looked up at the path ahead and knew it was going to take a lot of time and a lot of effort to reach the top. He was going to have to hop and use the solid rocks beside him for support. But there didn't seem to be any other choice. He needed to find shelter as it could be days before any one passed this way. He didn't want to raise a general alarm by starting a fire because it would most likely alert the emergency authorities, and if they found him here, it could contaminate the timeline. There was nothing he could do except try and reach the castle.

* * *

Petunia wagged her tail happily as her mistress presented her with a large bowl of juicy meat chunks. As soon as the bowl was put before her nose, the animal began to eat them. Kathryn watched her dog for a moment, and then went over to the replicator.

"Coffee, black."

Instantly a cup of black coffee materialized. Kathryn picked it up and wandered into the living room. As she did so, she saw her rucksack tucked away in a corner of the room. She went over to it and picked it up. Then she put down her coffee, sat on the couch, and began to take out the remains of yesterday's food supplies from the rucksack. Rummaging through her bag, she found her packet of cigarettes. At the sight of them, a profound craving consumed her. Unable to resist their call, she opened the packet and reached for a cigarette. Just as she did so, Chakotay's face came into her mind, and with it all the things he had said to her. He had cared so much for her, more than she cared for herself. Clinging to the memory, she shut the cigarette box, took it over to the recycler, and watched as it disappeared.

Just as she was returning to the living room, she was startled by a knock on the front door. At the sound of it, Petunia abandoned her food and ran over to the door, barking defensively. Kathryn went back to the kitchenette, picked up her phaser, and went over to the door. She looked inside a small security monitor and saw that her unexpected visitor was Mark. His hair was as unkempt as ever and he seemed to be wearing a long beige raincoat over black pants. Glad to see him, she put down her phaser and opened the door.

Mark greeted her with a warm smile. "Hi, Kath."

"Hi to you too," she replied happily. "But what are you doing here?"

"I have the rest of the day off as a conference I was meant to be attending was canceled. I thought I'd drop by and see how you're doing."

"And I'm glad you have." She stepped aside. "Please, come in."

Mark entered the cabin and tried not to look at the now very welcoming dog at his feet.

"This is a real nice cabin, Kath," he said, looking around. "In a nice place too. I'm not surprised you plan on staying a while."

"I don't know," Kathryn answered. "I think I've stayed here long enough. It's time I got back to real life."

"Real life. Who's to say what that is? We've been discussing this recenty at the symposium. Is reality merely the inability to live our fantasy, or is fantasy merely the desire to experience someone else's reality?"

"I never thought about it that way," Kathryn considered. "Very profound questions."

"Definitely. Philosophy isn't just about abstract ideas, it's about the whole way we live our lives and the way we perceive ourselves. It's constantly questioning our assumptions and in doing so redefining them."

Kathryn smiled. "Sounds a lot like science." She gestured to the table on which her cup of coffee rested. "I was just having a coffee, would you like one?"

"No, thank you. I've just had a drink at the complex."

Kathryn made her way over to the couch and sat down. As she reached for her coffee, she saw that Mark was still standing. "Please sit," she said, gesturing to a chair opposite her. "Make yourself at home."

Mark went over to the chair and sat down. Petunia followed him and sat at his feet, gazing up at him in anticipation. Mark reached into his large coat pocket, pulled out a round doggie chew, and threw it to the dog.

"Oh, Mark," Kathryn laughed. "You don't have to feed her every time you see her. She won't bite you. You don't have to be afraid of her."

Mark shifted uncomfortably, somewhat embarrassed that she had figured out his trick. He didn't like dogs, not that much...or rather, he was afraid of them... and he had learnt over the years that giving peoples dogs treats, helped to keep them friendly.

"I'm just...I'm just not a dog person," he said. "I find this is a way of keeping them on side."

"Maybe too on side," Kathryn replied. "If they think they're going to get treats from you every time they see you, they're going to make a bee line for you."

"I suppose. But it makes me feel better...you know...to have something to give them."

"Well, Petunia's certainly not complaining," she smiled. The dog was chewing her treat happily, tail wagging.

"So," Mark said, changing the subject. "What have you been doing with yourself?"

Now it was Kathryn's turn to feel uncomfortable. "Oh, not a lot...this and that...Been down to the lake a couple of times and visited the local village..." She paused. "In fact, I was going to take Petunia down to the lake after lunch. You can come with us if you want."

"Yes, sure. I'd love to see the lake. But does the dog have to come? We could have a boat beamed to the lake and take a ride."

"A nice thought, but I don't want to leave her alone." She almost said "again" but stopped herself just in time. "And I've already promised her we're going."

Mark smiled. "I doubt she understood you."

"Oh but she does," Kathryn answered. "She's a real smart cookie and understands everything..."

Mark looked down at the dog, a rather regretful look on his face. "In that case, we'd better take her along. I'd hate to be the cause of disappointment."

Kathryn took a sip of her coffee. "We can go down in a bit. I just need to have something to eat first." After waking up to find Chakotay gone, she had lost the little appetite for breakfast she had possessed. She didn't want to walk all the way down to the lake on an empty stomach. "Have you had lunch?"

"No," Mark replied.

"Then I'll replicate you something too." She put down her coffee and got to her feet. "Cheese and pickle sandwich sound okay?"

"Yes. Great."

As Kathryn made her way back to the kitchenette, Mark's eyes were drawn once more to the dog at his feet. The animal had finished her treat and was looking up at him with gleaming eyes, waiting for more. Not knowing what else to do, he reached into his pocket and threw her another chewy.

* * *

It took Chakotay almost an hour to reach the castle ruins. He had stopped many times for a rest as he didn't want to over exhaust himself. He was already sweating profusely, and to sweat was to waste body water. Slowly, painfully, he made his way along the castle wall, holding onto the stone wall for support. After passing several windows, he came to an open arched doorway. He hopped over a small step that graced the entrance and made his way inside. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did, he found himself in a corridor that extended both left and right. He recognized the corridor. It was the one he and Kathryn had walked through to the circular room that contained the well. The room would be a perfect place to shelter. It was well preserved and he could use the water in the well to wash his bleeding hands. Slowly, he turned right and began to hobble down the corridor, using the wall as a support.

* * *

As Kathryn zipped up her now reorganized backpack, Mark looked out of the living room window.

"Do you think it will rain, Kath? The sky's kind of gray."

"The weather forecast says it should be dry all afternoon, but in this place, anything can happen. But you've got a raincoat on, you'll be fine."

Kathryn got to her feet and picked up her silver mack from a chair. The image of the mack brought Chakotay to her mind, but she forced herself to push him out.

Mark turned away from the window. "If it does rain, make sure you keep that animal away from me," he said, half serious, half joking. "I don't want to go back to the complex smelling of wet dog."

Kathryn put on her mack. "Don't worry. I've packed a leash. Petunia so loves to wander off and there's some dangerous spots down there for an inquisitive little dog."

Mark looked at Petunia, who was waiting impatiently to go outside. "I'd hardly describe her as a "little" dog."

Kathryn picked up her rucksack and fixed it to her back. "Then just wait until you see the neighbor's dog. You might change your mind."

Mark's face paled and Kathryn laughed softly. "I'm only kidding. The nearest neighbor is about a mile away and we won't pass any residence on our way to the lake."

Mark eased. "You had me going there for a minute."

Kathryn smiled. "Come on, let's get going before it's time to return already."

* * *

The water in the well was cold and soothing. After washing his bloody hands, Chakotay washed his face and let the refreshing water drip down his skin. He then lowered himself to the ground and sat back against the stone wall of the action hurt his bruised back, but he tried not to think about the pain. He looked around and realized that he and Kathryn had sat in almost this exact same spot the day before. But, without her, the whole place seemed different. It was so lonely and quiet.

For the first time since he had got to this time-frame, he began to think seriously about what had happened, the implications, and how he was going to get back to _Voyager_. Until now, he'd strongly thought that perhaps Kathryn was keeping him in this time-frame for as long as he needed to be here. After all, the temporal transporter made it possible for her to transport him to one point in time and retrieve him from another. In that way, he could spend weeks or even months in this time-frame but for only seconds to have passed on _Voyager_. But now he wasn't so sure. If that was the case, wouldn't he now be back on _Voyager_? Kathryn's younger self must have woken up by now, found he was gone, and come to the conclusion that his people had come for him. On _Voyager_, Kathryn would have transported him back, believing it was her place to do so.

Perhaps the first thought that had come to his mind when he had realized he was displaced in time was the correct one...that something had gone wrong. Perhaps none of this was ever meant to happen. Perhaps this having happened meant that the future he was from no longer existed. And if it didn't? What then? But if his future didn't exist, could he still exist?

He closed his eyes and tried to plot a course through his confused thoughts. For Kathryn to have sent him here in the first place, something like what had happened between them over the past couple of days must have been a part of her past. If that was the case, then he could safely write out the possibility that his temporal displacement was an accident, and safely conclude that she had deliberately sent him here to preserve history. If she had, he could only suppose that his continued presence in this time-frame was due to an unexpected problem with the temporal transporter. And, as the passage of time on _Voyager_ had no bearing on the passage of time for him, his continued presence in this era had to mean the problem with the transporter was permanent. No matter how long it took B'Elanna to fix the transporter, he could be retrieved at any time from the same point in history.

This could only mean one thing...he would have to find his own way back. Somehow, he would have to get hold of a time-ship or a temporal deflector. How, exactly, he didn't know as such technology was illegal. But there were plenty of star-bandits and shady characters who could undoubtedly tell him where to find one if there was something in it for them. He would just have to find a way of penetrating their secret world.

But, first things first, he would have to be found. He only had enough food and water to last a couple of days, so if someone didn't find him before the end of the week, he would be in serious trouble. From what Kathryn had said, not many people came here, so he could be in for a harrowing time once his supplies ran out. But, the human body could survive on just water for a few weeks, so if push came to shove, he could drink the water in the well. It would be better to risk sickness than to die from dehydration.

In the meantime, he would try to get some sleep. In the absence of any medical relief, sleep might offer a temporary respite from the pain. He zipped up his mack and then positioned his bag so he could use it as a pillow. Then, he slowly lay on his back and made himself as comfortable as he could. He closed his eyes, focussed on some mind over matter meditation skills that his father had once taught him, and in minutes was asleep.

**END OF CHAPTER EIGHT**


	9. Chapter 9

_Star Trek Voyager _characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Nine**

Kathryn walked with Mark along the lakeside while Petunia ran before them, sometimes diving into long grass, other times running into the lake. As they walked, Kathryn told Mark about the castle's history and all about her adventure with Cheb in a similar castle in Ohio. Mark laughed and went on to tell her amusing stories from his youth.

After walking for a while, they stopped by a cluster of rocks and decided to rest for a moment. From their position, they had a good view of the castle and Mark studied the impressive ruins.

"If I didn't know we were in Canada," he said, "I could well believe we were in Austria or Germany or somewhere else in Europe that has ancient ruins." He paused. "I wonder why they built the castle in such an elevated position, though. It would have been easier to build on flat land and not so awkward to get too. It's quite a climb up that slope from here."

"This is the back of the castle," Kathryn explained. "The main entrance is the other side. They probably wanted the castle to be accessible, but not too accessible, and the rocks would offer a solid foundation to build on. Many castles in Wales are built on rocks, for example. Also building it up there would give them a better view."

"I guess. Have you ever been inside?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied, rather uncomfortably. "The view from the towers is quite spectacular." She paused. "It's quite a dangerous place for dogs, though, otherwise I'd offer to show you around." In many ways, she was glad of having Petunia as an excuse. She associated the castle with Chakotay now, and his departure from her life had unexpectedly left an ache in her heart.

"It's okay, Kath. I don't really enjoy looking around castles. I'd much rather take a swim in the lake."

Kathryn smiled. "Well, perhaps we can do that sometime." She then fell serious and averted her eyes. "Mark, do you believe in love at first sight? Or if not at first sight, exactly, at first meeting? I mean, do you believe it's possible?"

"I don't know," he considered. "I suppose. People have talked about it and written about it for centuries, so I suppose there must be some truth in it."

"But how can you love someone you hardly know?"

"A very philosophical question. How would you define "knowing" a person? How long does it take to know a person? Can we ever really know a person? Can a person really even know themselves? How long does it take to love someone? Can love exist before the experience of falling in love? If so, is falling in love really falling into love or something else? Is it falling in awe? Can there be one universal answer to these questions? I don't think there can be." He paused. "Have you met someone, Kath?"

"Not really," she replied. "I mean...I have met someone, but not in a conventional way. We only spent a couple of days together, but there was something about him that I can't forget. When I was with him, I felt...I've never felt that way before, not even with Justin." She paused. "But I'm just being crazy. He was a stranger and I'll probably never even see him again."

"It's not crazy to have feelings for someone, Kath. Sometimes there's an instant spark between two people. Perhaps that's what love at first sight really is...being immediately captivated by someone."

"Perhaps. He was captivating."

"Maybe you should track him down. If you feel you could have something special with him, I think you should."

Kathryn made no reply. She couldn't tell him that it would be impossible. The only Chakotay she could track down would be his younger-self, and she didn't see the point in that. The older Chakotay had clearly not been interested in her that way. And yet...and yet there were times when she was sure she saw desire in his eyes. "What about you?" She asked, wanting to divert the attention away from herself. "Have you met anyone recently who could be special?"

Mark smiled. "As it happens, I have. Her name's Olivia. I met her at a wedding a few weeks ago. I like her a lot and I think she feels the same way."

"That's great."

"She's invited me to her church's annual spring festival at the weekend. It should be a lot of fun."

Kathryn was going to answer, but just as she was about to, she noticed that Petunia was no where to be seen. Concerned, she got to her feet. "Where's Petunia?"

"I don't know," Mark replied. He gestured to the slope. "She was just by those rocks a moment ago."

Kathryn raised her hand to her brow to shield her eyes from the dazzling sun, and scrutinized the rocks. She saw Petunia about half way up the path.

"I see her," she said. "She's climbing the path. I'd better go after her before she wanders too far and either gets lost or does herself an injury."

She pulled her rucksack off her back and rummaged inside it for Petunia's leash. "I knew I should have put the leash on her," she continued, "but I didn't have the heart as she was having such a good time."

Kathryn pulled out a belt, to which was strapped her tricorder and phaser, and began to fix it around her waist. "I'd better put this on, just incase." She then returned to her rucksack and pulled out the leash. After closing the rucksack, she put it down on the ground and addressed Mark. "You stay here."

Mark was only too glad to oblige. The prospect of chasing a mischievous dog up a slope did not appeal to him at all.

* * *

As Kathryn hurried up the slope, she called Petunia to her, but the animal ignored her cries. Unable to see her dog, Kathryn pulled out her tricorder and searched for the animal's lifesign. It was not like Petunia to be disobedient. Perhaps she was hurt. It took only a moment to find Petunia's lifesign, and Kathryn saw that the animal was lingering on top of what seemed to be a mound of stones. Kathryn quickly made her way to the mound, and when she got there, she found Petunia standing on top of it, wagging her tail. As soon as the animal saw her, she disappeared over the heap.

Kathryn knew her dog well and knew she wanted to play chase. It was one of her favorite games. "Not now, honey," Kathryn said. "No game now. Come on."

The dog did not reappear.

"Petunia. Come here!"

Kathryn heard the scutter of feet against stone, and then Petunia appeared on top of the mound. The gleaming anticipation in the dog's eyes had gone now and she began to bark.

Kathryn knew that bark, Petunia was trying to tell her something. "What is it, honey?"

The dog disappeared over the heap again and then reappeared, barking all the while.

Kathryn turned to her tricorder and studied the information it displayed about the rocks.

"I don't see anything," she said. "There's no cause for alarm, honey."

But the dog would not be placated and disappeared over the mound again. When Petunia did not reappear, Kathryn looked at her lifesign on sensors. The animal was making her way slowly up the path, so slowly that it made Kathryn wonder if she was sniffing a trail.

Kathryn performed a wider scan with her tricorder and detected a male lifsign in the castle. She then called to her dog. "You've tracked the scent of a visitor, honey, that's all. Come on. Come here!"

But the dog did not return. The trail the animal had found was evidently fascinating her, and she was not going to abandon it. Kathryn sighed. The stones looked too slippery to climb safely, so there was no way she could go after her dog. There was only one thing she could do. She and Mark were going to have to make their way to the front entrance of the castle, enter the ruins, and meet with Petunia at her destination. All Kathryn could hope was that Petunia would greet the visitor as a friend, not a foe, and that the man liked dogs.

* * *

Petunia determinedly followed Chakotay's scent all the way up the path. Then she followed it along the castle wall, into the ruins, and down the corridor until she reached the room with the well.

Chakotay was still asleep on the floor, and Petunia went over to him. She studied him for a moment, whimpered when she realized he was hurt, and then began to lick his face.

Chakotay slowly stirred awake and recognized the animal right away. "Petunia?"

He sat up, pain searing through his body as he did so, and looked towards the door. "Where's Kathryn?" If Petunia was here, then Kathryn had to be around somewhere.

Petunia barked, trying to communicate something, and then ran into the corridor beyond, leaving Chakotay alone again.

* * *

Following Petunia's lifesign, Kathryn and Mark entered the castle ruins and crossed a grassy courtyard.

"She's leaving the man," Kathryn said, "and heading the way she came."

"Shall we turn around and head back to the slope?"

"No need for that." Kathryn put two fingers into her mouth and whistled hard. Then she looked at Petunia's lifesign on her tricorder and saw that the animal had changed direction. "She heard me."

Just to give her pet better bearings, Kathryn whistled again. Not long after, Petunia appeared in a collapsed doorway and began to bark at them.

Mark questioned. "What's the matter with her?"

"She wants us to follow," Kathryn replied.

"What for?"

"Doggie fun, I guess. She loves to play chase." Petunia disappeared inside the castle and Kathryn turned to her companion. "And looks like she's successfully roped us in," she smiled. "Come on, let's just give her what she wants and get this over with. I'm sure we can tempt her into this leash with a few doggie treats."

* * *

Kathryn and Mark followed Petunia's lead through the castle ruins, and eventually came to the corridor that lead to the well. As they walked down it, Mark noticed some blood stains on the left hand side wall and pointed them out to Kathryn.

"Someone might be hurt," Kathryn concluded. "Perhaps that's what Petunia's trying to tell us." She pulled out her phaser. "But it's best to be prepared. Anything could be going on here." She put her hand on Mark's arm. "You go and wait outside. There's no point both of us walking into who knows what kind of situation."

"I'm not leaving you, Kath."

"If something untoward is going on here, then one of us needs to keep out of danger. You're unarmed and you're a civilian. You're not trained for this kind of thing." She paused. "Do you have a communication device with you?"

"Yes...in my pocket."

"Give me twenty minutes. If I'm not out by then, raise an alarm."

"Alright," Mark said reluctantly. "But if you're not out in ten minutes, I'm calling someone."

"Deal. Now go."

Mark turned to leave, and when he was out of sight, Kathryn made her way down the corridor. Petunia was waiting outside the room with the well, and barked impatiently.

"Alright," Kathryn said. "I'm coming."

Just as she was reaching the room, Petunia went inside, and Kathryn followed her.

Chakotay was sitting at the foot of the well... dirty, disheveled, and clearly injured. At the sight of him, Kathryn froze in her tracks.

"Chakotay," she gasped.

"Hello, Kathryn," he said, rather apologetically and with a hint of embarrassment.

Kathryn put away her phaser. "What are you doing here? I thought your people had come for you. What happened?"

"I fell on the rocks outside. My leg is broken."

Kathryn went over to him. "But what were you doing on the rocks in the first place? What were you even doing out here?"

Chakotay hesitated with his reply. "I think I'm trapped in this time-frame. I'm going to have to find my own way back. I won't be able to do that from your cabin."

"But to leave without saying goodbye?" She averted her eyes. "This is because of what happened, isn't it? I mean...between us...what I suggested."

"I just thought it was time I left," Chakotay said kindly. "The situation was getting too complicated, for both of us. One day you'll understand."

"Well," Kathryn replied, forcing herself to look up at him, "complicated or not, it looks like you're going to have to stay a while longer."

Suddenly, footsteps sounded behind them and Kathryn turned around. Mark entered the room.

"Mark," she said, "I told you to wait outside."

"I couldn't leave you, Kath," he answered.

"But you shouldn't have come after me. As it happens, I know this man, we met a few days ago, but you could have put us both at risk."

"I told my friend Bob what's happening before I came after you." He glanced at Chakotay. "Shall I request an emergency medical transport?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "There's no need for that. I'm more than capable of treating him back at the cabin."

"I'll request a transport for us all there, then."

"No," Kathryn said, urgently this time. "You can't do that. This man's on a mission...Starfleet...No one's supposed to know he's here."

"I see," Mark replied.

"You'll have to go back to the cabin and transport us."

"I can't. I mean...I don't know the first thing about transporting..."

"Then I'll have to come with you." She didn't like the idea of leaving Chakotay alone with Mark. Chakotay could tell him things that she didn't want him to know.

Mark protested. "We can't leave..." He looked at Chakotay, his eyes asking for a name...

"Chak," Chakotay offered, not wanting to give his full name.

"Jack," Mark said, mis-hearing the name. "I'll stay with him while you go back to the cabin."

Kathryn hesitated, but Chakotay gave a subtle nod, suggesting that she go, and she saw that she had little choice.

"Alright," she replied. "I'll be as quick as I can." She turned around. "Petunia, come."

As her mistress left the room, Petunia followed, leaving Mark and Chakotay alone.

**END OF CHAPTER NINE**


	10. Chapter 10

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Ten**

When Kathryn left, Mark wandered over to the nearest window and looked out. Chakotay studied him carefully. So, this was Mark. This was the man Kathryn would have married had Voyager not been stranded in the Delta Quadrant. He wasn't exactly what Chakotay had imagined, even though Kathryn had shown him a couple of photographs. With his untidy hair and shabby long coat, he didn't look like the distinguished and accomplished scholar Kathryn had described.

"Great view," Mark said. He then turned back to Chakotay. "Nice place here, isn't it?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "It's a very beautiful part of the world."

Mark sat on a stone windowseat. "I don't believe I've told you my name. I'm Mark, Mark Johnson."

"Pleased to meet you."

Mark studied Chakotay as closely as Chakotay was studying him. Could this be the man Kathryn had been talking about earlier? Was this the man she had found "captivating"? He was certainly very handsome, even if he was Kathryn's senior by at least fifteen years.

"I take it you're a Starfleet officer?"

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "What about you? What's your profession?" He thought it was better to pretend he didn't know.

"I'm a philosopher. I'm part of a symposium in south America, the Questor Group."

"Very impressive," Chakotay replied. "The Questor Group is famous throughout the Federation for producing thought provoking theories that are scientifically sound."

"Yes. I'm privileged to work with some great philosophers. I'm not really involved in the scientific side of things, though, but I am active in debates over the origin of our existence. The Group works so well because we have people from all different kinds of backgrounds and religions, so there is never any bias towards one. I'm a theist, for example, so I always present things from a theist perspective, whereas others will present things from an atheist or polytheist perspective. I don't think the Group would work as well without our diversity."

There was a moment of silence, then Mark spoke again.

"For you to be here, this mission you're on must involve this area somehow. I know you can't tell me much, if anything, but Kathryn's my friend and I care about her. Is this area under any threat? Is she safe here?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "She's safe. There's no threat to this area."

"Kathryn clearly knows something about what is going on, but I don't believe she's involved in this mission. If she was, it wouldn't have been left to her dog to find you." He paused, his tone not exactly friendly. "And I think it should stay that way. Don't endanger her life just to save your own."

"I'd never do that," Chakotay replied. "I care for her too. She's not in any danger."

Mark hesitated with his next words. "I don't know if Kathryn's told you, but if she hasn't, then I think you should know. She's been through a difficult time over the past couple of years. Her father and fiancé were killed in a terrible accident which she herself was in. Aswell as having to deal with their loss, she's had to deal with survivor guilt. She tries to make out that she's a real tough cookie, but she has a tender heart, and right now it's very fragile." He looked Chakotay direct in the eye. "Don't break it."

Chakotay flinched at his words and Mark responded.

"I wasn't born yesterday. I can see that something is going on between you and Kathryn...or at least that it might. And if does, be good to her. She deserves to be happy."

Chakotay made no reply. Mark was clearly a very caring, moral, intelligent and well-educated man; exactly the kind of man Kathryn deserved. It wasn't hard to see why she had fallen in love with him. And Chakotay couldn't help feel a sense of inferiority in his company. For almost seven years he had loved Kathryn deeply, but always, in the back of his mind, was the feeling that he wasn't good enough for her.

Mark got to his feet. "I'd better tell my friend that all is well. He'll only be worrying. Do you mind if I go outside?"

"Not at all," Chakotay replied. "Go ahead."

"I won't be long."

With that, he left the room, leaving Chakotay alone.

* * *

As soon as she arrived back at the cabin, Kathryn hurried to the back yard and over to the added transporter room. It was quite a large extension, but could only be accessed from the yard. Kathryn quickly keyed in the access code. She was breathless and sweaty, as she had run up the mountain, wanting to reach her destination as quickly as she could. Never had she made it from the castle to the cabin in such a short time before, and she doubted she ever would again. It usually took over an hour to make the journey, she had made it in twenty minutes.

Unlike the rest of the cabin, the transporter room had an automatic door, and it slid open. Kathryn stepped inside, and Petunia faithfully followed. The room was dark as it only had a small window that gave poor light.

"Computer," Kathryn said. "Lights."

Lights instantly came on, giving Kathryn much better vision. To her left, a large cobweb hung from a transporter pad, and Kathryn brushed it away with her hand, thankful there was no spider attached to it. She hated bugs. Then she went over to a long console at her right and switched it on. As soon as it illuminated, she scanned the castle area for lifesigns. There were only two, both male. One was moving, the other was still. They had to belong to Mark and Chakotay. She locked on to their lifesigns, energized, and then turned around to watch them materialize on the pad.

When they appeared, Kathryn smiled. "Looks like I got you both safe and sound." Still sweating, she wiped her brow and made her way over to a small replicator in a corner of the room. "Excuse my poor hospitality, but I need a drink." She replicated a glass of water and gulped it down as soon as it materialized. When she was finished, she turned back to her guests.

"Would you gentlemen like a drink?"

"No, thank you," Mark and Chakotay answered, almost in unison.

Then Mark spoke again. "I think I'd better get back to the complex, Kath. Bob says some impromptu lectures are taking place. I'd better attend them."

Kathryn suspected this was more of a gesture than a genuine desire to leave, but she wasn't going to argue as his presence was unnecessarily complicating things.

"Sure. Would you like me to transport you there?"

"No, it's okay. I can request a beam out."

As he reached into his pocket for his communication device, Kathryn stepped forward. "I'm really glad you came today, Mark. I've enjoyed your company. Are we still on for tennis next week?"

Mark smiled. "You bet."

Kathryn smiled in return. "I'll see you then, then."

Mark turned to Chakotay. "It's been good to meet you, Jack. I wish you all the best with your mission."

"Thank you," Chakotay replied.

Mark then activated his communication device. "Johnson 05 to Platonian 03. Return transportation request."

A woman's voice responded. "Request received. Stand by for transport."

Mark smiled at Kathryn again. "Goodbye, Kath."

"Goodbye, Mark."

A blue transporter beam then engulfed him, and he dematerialized.

When he was gone, Kathryn looked down at Chakotay. "You didn't tell him, did you? I mean, about staying here?"

"No," Chakotay answered. "I didn't tell him anything."

Kathryn relaxed at that and then returned to the transporter console. "I'll transport you to the living room. It's more comfortable there to treat you. I would have transported you there directly, but this transporter has limited functions. All transports must either begin or end here." She worked the console. "Initializing transport."

Seconds later, Chakotay disappeared.

* * *

When Chakotay rematerialized in the living room, he found himself sitting on the soft rug before the fireplace. There was no fire in the hearth now, but the room was still warm and inviting. He couldn't believe that of all the people who could have found him, it had to be Kathryn. But perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps her finding him was the reason he had not yet been transported back to Voyager. Perhaps his role in the history of her life was not yet over.

An exterior door in the kitchenette opened, and Kathryn appeared, followed by Petunia. As she passed through the kitchenette, she replicated a bowl of water and gave it to her dog. Petunia eagerly began to drank it. Kathryn then washed her hands, picked up her med-kit, and made her way into the living room.

"Welcome back," she said, making her way over to Chakotay.

"Thank you," he replied. "And thank you for all you did just now... for not revealing my identity."

Kathryn took off her mack and threw it to the sofa. "Far be it from me to ruin this "mission" that you're on," she smiled. She knelt beside him. "If you fell on the rocks, how on earth did you manage to make it up to the castle?"

"Sheer determination. I knew I had to make it there if I wanted to be found. I also needed a place to shelter in the meantime. It could have been days before someone found me."

"It could have indeed. And whoever found you would most likely have sent you to a doctor, if not to a hospital."

"I know. I was just hoping I could talk them into treating me themselves."

Kathryn opened her med-kit.. "What were you doing going to the castle, anyway? Do you have a cloaked ship there or something? I mean, you weren't likely to find anything there that would help you return to your own time-frame."

"I was just going there to take shelter. The weather had turned pretty bad so I thought I'd go there until it improved." He paused. "I should never have wandered away from the path, though. I should have stayed where I was. I broke the golden rule of mountain survival...stay where you are in a fog."

Kathryn looked down at Chakotay's legs. "Which leg do you think you've broken?"

"My right."

Kathryn gently pulled up his trouser leg so she could look at his injury, and saw that it was painfully red and swollen.

"Sure looks broken. Let's just see how broken." She picked up a medical tricorder and scanned his leg. "Not too bad. A clean break in the tibia." She then began to scan the rest of his body. "Multiple bruises... three cracked rear ribs... cuts to the hands... head trauma...mild concussion..." She looked up at him. "Quite a fall. You must be in considerable pain."

Chakotay smiled. "Let's just say I've felt better."

Kathryn put away her tricorder, picked up a hypospray, fiddled with it, and then put it to Chakotay's neck. "This will anaesthetize your lower leg."

The drug worked immediately. As the terrible pain eased, so did the grimace on Chakotay's face. "Thank you..."

"It shouldn't be hard to set your leg," Kathryn continued. She looked up at him, half in seriousness, half in jest. "That is if I am so inclined. If I fix your leg, how do I know you won't try to run away again and get yourself into worse trouble?"

"I think I learnt my lesson," Chakotay replied.

"I hope so. You can't wander around the countryside, just hoping you'll get where you want to be. You're going to need help to get back to your own time-frame."

Chakotay smiled. "Are you volunteering?"

"Of course," she smiled in return. "But I think we should wait a few days before doing anything. Your people might yet come for you, it hasn't been that long, and you're going to need to rest for a couple of days."

"That's fine with me."

Kathryn then averted her eyes and was distinctively uncomfortable. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sorry about what happened last night. You tried to do something nice for me and I...It won't happen again."

"It's alright, Kathryn."

Kathryn continued to look at her hands. "I don't make a habit of it, you know...offering myself to men I don't know."

"I hope not," Chakotay said kindly. "Because it won't do you any good. It might offer a brief respite from the pain, but in the end it will only hurt you more."

"It just felt right," she went on, "even though I know it was wrong. You don't feel like a stranger to me. I feel like I know you. And when I'm with you, I feel loved."

"That's because you are," Chakotay said gently.

At that, Kathryn looked up at him and looked deep into his eyes. "Yesterday, when I looked into the well, I saw your face. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I'm thinking..." She paused. "In the future, are you my husband?"

Now it was Chakotay's turn to avert his eyes. "I've told you, Kathryn. I'm not married."

"I know, but I thought that perhaps you were just saying that."

"No, it's the truth." He looked up at her. "But I do love you, Kathryn. Very much."

Kathryn frowned, perplexed. "Then why aren't we together? Don't I love you?"

She asked that question as though it seemed impossible she could not. "I can't speak for your heart, Kathryn."

"But how could I not love you? Am I insane in the future?"

Tears unexpectedly welled in Chakotay's eyes at that. This Kathryn was so sure that she could love him, was so sure that he was worth loving.

"I'm not the man you think I am," he said quietly. "Between now and when you know me, a lot is going to happen to me. I'm not the great Starfleet Officer you think I am."

Kathryn considered a moment, and then questioned again. "If we're not married in the future, are we lovers?"

"We're colleagues and we're friends," Chakotay replied. "That's all you need to know."

His words were unsettling and Kathryn uncomfortably got to her feet. "I'd better get started on your injuries. I'll treat your back first and then set your leg. I think it would be better to put you to sleep. It could take a while."

"Alright."

"Let's get your mack and sweater off."

Kathryn helped Chakotay to remove his mack and sweater, and then helped him to lie on his front. His back was covered in bruises, but Kathryn couldn't help observe how well-toned his body was and what soft and smooth skin he had. Goose bumps appeared on his flesh and Kathryn spoke.

"You're cold." She addressed the computer. "Computer, increase room temperature by five degrees."

The room instantly warmed up.

"Better?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "Thank you."

Kathryn then picked up a hypospray, adjusted the setting, and put it to his neck. In moments, Chakotay was asleep.

**END OF CHAPTER TEN**


	11. Chapter 11

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Eleven**

His injuries all healed, Chakotay took an uncharacteristic soak in the bath. It was good to feel whole again, and the warmth of the water helped ease the slight tension in his right leg. Kathryn had done a good job of treating him, but she had received basic medical training at the Academy, and was no doubt a more skilled medic than she had ever given herself credit for.

When the water started to cool, Chakotay got out of the bath, dried himself, emptied the water, and went over to the replicator. The sun was still shining outside, and the evening was warm and pleasant. He replicated himself a navy sweater, brown pants, socks, underwear and a pair of casual shoes. He then put on the clothes and shoes, combed his hair, and left the room.

* * *

Kathryn was busy bathing Petunia when Chakotay arrived in the living room. The animal was sitting...or rather wriggling... in a pink bath-tub and was splashing soap suds all over floor, and all over her mistress, by wags of her tail.

"Sit, Petunia," Kathryn said. "Sit still."

Chakotay smiled and watched the scene for a moment. Then he spoke.

"Who's bathing who here?"

Kathryn turned around and wiped some soap suds from her forehead.

"Chakotay. I didn't hear you come in."

Petunia jumped out of the bath at the sight of Chakotay, spilling water all over the floor and soaking Kathryn. The animal then jumped up on Chakotay, wetting his clean clothes.

"Down, Petunia," Kathryn cried, getting to her feet. "Down!"

The animal did as she was told and Kathryn went over to her, restraining her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "She's such a live-wire. Please excuse her bad manners."

"Certainly," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn looked back at the half empty bath and soapy floor behind her. "Look at the mess you've made, honey. What are we going to do with you?"

"Would you like a hand to bath her?"

Kathryn turned back to Chakotay. "No, thank you. I think she's clean enough."

"I'll help you tidy up then."

"There's no point both of us getting wet." She looked at the wet marks on Chakotay's clothes and smiled. "Or rather wetter. I'll tidy up." She paused. "If you want, you can replicate us something for dinner, though. That would be a great help."

"Gladly. It's a lovely night. How about I make a fire outside? As long as we put Petunia on a leash, she'll be fine. We could roast some potatoes on the fire. Add some salad and we've got ourselves a mighty fine meal."

Kathryn's eyes lit up at the thought and she smiled. "Sounds wonderful."

* * *

It didn't take Chakotay long to make a fire in the backyard. After preparing a suitable spot with stones, he'd replicated some kindling tinder, firewood, coal and a bucket of water incase he needed to quickly extinguish the fire. Kathryn had extended his replicator privileges, so he could now replicate anything he wanted. The kindling had caught fire straight away, and he'd used the wood and coals to build up the fire. Then he'd put a grill over the fire, making sure it rested on the surrounding stones, and put two large semi-cooked skinned potatoes to roast.

With the roasting underway, Chakotay went on to put a couple of blankets on the ground, and placed a small picnic table nearby. He then returned to the cabin to replicate salad, drink, cutlery and plates.

At last, everything was ready. Chakotay poured himself a glass of sparkling mineral water and sat on a blanket to wait for Kathryn.

When Kathryn finally emerged from the cabin, Petunia beside her on a leash, she smiled in delight at the sight of the fire, the roasting potatoes and the picnic. She was wearing a pretty white blouse over an ankle length brown flare skirt, and her copper hair was loose over her shoulders. Gold hoops hung from her ears and she was wearing dainty flat gold sandals on her feet. Chakotay thought he had never seen her look more beautiful, but then he had thought the same thing more than a thousand times over the past seven years.

"This is great, Chakotay...really great..."

She fixed a small silver gadget with a blinking blue light to the cabin wall, and then a smaller one to Petunia's neck. She then walked the dog over to the picnic area, and sat down before the table. Petunia sat beside her, and Kathryn fiddled with the gadget on her neck. "A pet restrainer," she explained. "It's better than a leash because it doesn't restrict her, but will restrain her if she wanders beyond a specified distance. Another advantage is that it can be set to deactivate indoors, which means she can wander in and out at her leisure. I've unlocked the animal hatch." Kathryn removed the conventional leash and cast it aside. She then turned to the table. "What do we have here?"

"Caesar salad, butter, cheese, tortilla chips, and sour cream sauce. Help yourself."

Kathryn reached for a plate and began to help herself to the salad. "All looks delicious. What's the cheese?"

"Goat's, Brie and Irish Cheddar."

"Three of my favorites." She glanced at two tall glass bottles, one containing clear liquid, the other pale gold, but couldn't quite see the labels. "What's to drink?"

"Sparkling Mineral Water or Elderflower juice."

"I think I'll take some of both." She reached for the Elderflower juice and poured herself half a glass full. Then she opened the bottle of mineral water and poured it on top, speaking as she did so.

"How long will the potatoes take to cook?"

"They should be ready. They've been roasting a while."

He went over to the potatoes and checked their tenderness with a knife.

"Yes, they're ready. Would you like yours now?"

"Please," Kathryn said eagerly. She passed him her plate and Chakotay carefully retrieved a potato for her.

"Be careful, the potato is very hot."

Kathryn took back her plate and, while Chakotay retrieved a potato for himself, she sliced it open and put a generous knob of butter inside. The butter melted swiftly and Kathryn's mouth watered.

"This looks so good." Petunia sniffed her plate and Kathryn laughed. "Not for you, honey." She handed the dog a tortilla chip. "Here..."

Petunia took the chip and lay down again.

Kathryn began to eat her potato. "I can't believe that of all the days Mark could have come to visit, it had to be today."

Chakotay sat back down. "Murphy's law."

"I guess so. Mark's great, isn't he? I wish I could be more like him. He's so content and happy with who he is and so sure about what he believes. He never has any trouble identifying what's right and wrong."

"Having a pre-defined moral code to follow can simplify life," Chakotay said, slicing open his own potato and filling it with butter and cheese, "especially if the following of it is done with a willing heart. The life that my people have enjoyed for generations is very simple and humble. They work the land, marry young, have lots of children, and pass on our culture to the next generation. That's the circle of life, the great wheel. There's no expectation beyond that and there's no desire beyond that. If I'd have stayed in the tribe and embraced the rotation of the wheel instead of challenging it, my life would have been simple in essence."

"Why did you challenge it? It's not usual for someone from an insular society to challenge the ways of their culture."

"My tribe wasn't exactly insular. We mixed with other tribes and some of them used modern technology. Some tribes were seasonal, meaning they lived in the technological world of the 24th century for most of the year, but came together and adopted a tribal existence for the summer. I became friends with a boy called Ankura who was from one of those tribes, and I was fascinated by all the things he said existed on Earth. Our home planet was also close to Cardassian space, so it was impossible for our tribe to shut out the 24th century completely. Starfleet ships patrolled the border and Starfleet officers would frequently visit Trebus. Captain Sulu dined with us several times, and I got to know him quite well. I longed to become a Starfleet Officer like him and asked him if he would sponsor me to go to the Academy, and he was only too happy to do so. My father wasn't happy about it, though, quite the opposite, and I left the tribe without his blessing. Sadly, he died before we had a chance to heal the rift."

"I'm sorry. My relationship with my father wasn't always easy either. He was so busy with the war and away from home a lot. I think a part of me worked so hard because I wanted to impress him. It was so hard to get his attention or his affection. Doing something impressive always got both." She paused. "You say that in your tribe, couples have lots of babies. Is birth control forbidden?"

"Not forbidden, exactly, more of a non-issue. Couples welcome as many babies as they get, and the more they get, the more they feel blessed. It's a very different way of life."

"Is the tribe patriarchal?"

"Yes, but not because males are considered superior to females in any way. The way they live means that women spend years pregnant and raising children, so the running of the tribe and gathering of food and resources is left to men. Boys are raised to be leaders, providers and protectors, whereas women are raised to be homemakers, mothers and teachers."

Kathryn took a sip of her drink. "If those are the beliefs of your people, then you must have been raised that way too."

"Yes. That's partly why my father was so disappointed in me. Not only did he have a lot of expectations of me as his first born son, but he expected me to marry a girl from our tribe as soon as I was eighteen and start a family."

"Quite an expectation. If you had stayed in your tribe, would you have liked to have so many children?"

Chakotay smiled. "Maybe not quite so many children."

"I think I would like two. A girl and a boy. I've always thought that would be nice. But, of course, I would be happy with two girls or two boys, or even just one child." She put more butter on to her potato. "I've decided to go back to Starfleet, by the way." She paused. "But, I expect you already knew that I would."

"What made you decide?"

"Lots of things. But mainly you being here. Ever since the accident, I've dreaded the future. I didn't think it held anything for me. But since you came into my life, I don't feel that so much." She looked up at Chakotay and smiled warmly. "My future can't be all that bad if you're in it."

Her words and sincerity deeply touched Chakotay and he smiled, a lump in his throat.

Kathryn turned her attention again to her food. "How would you like to go swimming in the lake tomorrow? It was kind of Mark's idea, but I doubt he and I will get round to it any time soon. The exercise would be good for your leg."

"I'd love to."

Kathryn smiled. "Then we will." Her potato finished, she began to eat her salad. "You must have eaten around fires like this a lot as a boy."

"Yes," Chakotay replied, helping himself to more salad. "We'd cook all kinds of things this way. Fire was a central part of our culture. Not only did we cook on it, but we danced around it, used it to warm ourselves, to burn unwanted goods, and to sit around while someone told us a story. I loved the night time because that's when everyone would get together and we'd have music and dancing and storytelling. I really missed that part of my life when I left."

"What kind of music did you have? I've never really heard Native American music."

"Mainly drums, flutes, rasps and rattles, accompanied by singing."

"It's too bad you never learnt how to play the flute or drum."

"I can play some rhythms on the drum," Chakotay answered. "I was taught as a boy."

Kathryn lowered her plate. "Then you _can_ play an instrument."

Chakotay smiled. "Not exactly. Being able to beat a few rhythms on a drum is hardly the same thing as being able to play a clarinet or violin. I can't read music."

"But you can play, nonetheless. And I'd love to hear you." She put her plate and cutlery down on the table. "I'll replicate a drum so you can play..."

"I don't know," Chakotay said reluctantly. "It's been a long time."

"Then all the more reason for you to play. Please, I'd really love to hear you..."

There was such anticipation on her face that Chakotay couldn't bring himself to disappoint her.

"Alright."

Kathryn beamed a smile. "What kind of drum should I replicate?"

"A traditional hand-drum should be okay. Mostly I would play with others on a communal drum, but I can play the hand-drum too."

"A traditional hand-drum it is, then. I'll be right back."

With that, she got up and hurried inside. In no time, she returned with an attractively carved cedar wood hand-drum and thin drumstick. "Will this drum do?"

Chakotay took the drum and admired it. "Very nicely. I won't need the drumstick, though, as I play with my hands."

Kathryn sat again and Chakotay positioned the drum between his legs. He then ran his hand over the top of the drum and tested the beat.

"Good beat."

Petunia evidently didn't think so as she got to her feet and headed towards the cabin. Kathryn laughed heartedly and watched as her dog disappeared inside.

"Clearly not a fan," she said, turning back to Chakotay. "But I am, so play me something."

Chakotay smiled. "Brace yourself."

He then began to play and a wonderful rhythmic chant filled the air. Kathryn listened in awe and watched as his hands skillfully beat the drum.

All too soon he stopped.

"No," Kathryn said, getting to her feet. "Don't stop. Keeping playing..."

Chakotay continued to play and Kathryn got to her feet. She slipped off her sandals and began to dance barefoot on the blanket beneath her. Moving in perfect harmony to the beat, she turned around, swayed, and raised her hands in the air. Every now and then she smiled at Chakotay and he smiled in return. He loved to watch her dance. She always looked so happy, so carefree...so beautiful...Every time she danced for the crew during Neelix's Talent Night, he wasn't able to take his eyes off her.

At last, Chakotay finished playing, and Kathryn sank to the ground, laughing. "That was great! You play so well."

Chakotay smiled. "Not as well as you dance."

"I love to dance. Did you know I'm a trained ballerina? Not professionally, but I had lessons for years."

"I might know," Chakotay teased.

Kathryn picked up her drink, took a sip, and then put it down. "Could you show me how to play?"

"Sure. It isn't difficult, not if you have a sense of rhythm, and you definitely do." He passed her the drum and went to sit opposite her.

"Put the drum between your legs, like I did."

Kathryn did as he said.

"Now, put your hands over the drum, close your eyes, and just feel a rhythm inside you, like a heartbeat."

Kathryn closed her eyes and put her hands over the drum. Then, she tentatively began to beat it, using each hand in turn.

"Good," Chakotay said. "Now, try to make a rhythm...one beat with your left hand and two quick beats with your right."

Kathryn eagerly did so and laughed as she heard a rhythm emanate from her hands.

Chakotay then laid his hands over hers and guided them over the drum, turning a simple rhythm into a melodious chant.

Kathryn opened her eyes looked up at him, losing herself in the beat and his closeness.

Chakotay's eyes met hers and he caught his breath at the warmth he saw there.

He then gently eased the beat and drew away from her.

"You're an amazing man, Mister Chakotay," Kathryn smiled. "Is there no end to your talents?"

"Well," Chakotay teased, "I can never remember the Schröödinger equation."

Kathryn laughed. "A major flaw." She removed the drum from between her legs and turned to face him. "What's for dessert?"

"I thought I'd leave that for you to decide."

"Then I choose apple pie with strawberries and cream."

"Good choice." He took a tortilla chip from his plate and ate it.

"It's going to start getting cold out here soon," Kathryn remarked. "How about we clear up and go inside to enjoy our treat? We can finish our game of connect 5. We never did finish it and we have a box of chocolates to play for."

"We certainly do."

Kathryn's eyes twinkled. "Even if we know the outcome is a foregone conclusion."

Chakotay smiled. "Don't worry, I'll share my prize with you."

Kathryn laughed softly and got to her feet. "You take care of the fire and I'll take care of the food."

"Yes, Ma'am."

As Kathryn began to clear away the plates of food, Chakotay got to his feet and picked up the bucket of water he had replicated earlier. He then poured it over the fire, and the flames instantly expired.

**END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN**


	12. Chapter 12

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twelve**

After spending the afternoon swimming, Kathryn and Chakotay arrived back at the cabin. It had started to rain as they walked, but their macks had offered good protection, and only their jeans were wet. As soon as they stepped inside, Petunia, who had accompanied them, shook off excess rain and hurried over to her doggie bowl in the kitchen and took a much needed drink.

Chakotay unloaded himself of a heavy backpack, which contained a tent he and Kathryn had used to change their clothes in, and Kathryn unloaded herself of her rucksack. After putting her bag to the floor, Kathryn stretched her back and arms and put her hand to her shoulder, rubbing firmly.

Chakotay noticed. "Aching?"

"Just a little," she said. "I haven't been swimming in a long time and think I'm out of shape. But a long soak in the bath after dinner should put me right."

Chakotay smiled. "I would have thought you'd had enough of water for one day."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Then perhaps you don't know me after all. Because if you did, you'd know I could never get tired of warm soapy relaxing baths."

She went over to the table and flipped open the lid of a large box of chocolates. The box was full of all kinds of chocolates wrapped in different color papers. Kathryn picked one out that was wrapped in gold paper and began to unwrap it, speaking to Chakotay as she did so.

"Want one?" She looked up at him, a glint in her eye. "After all, I did say I'd share my prize with you."

Chakotay smiled. "Do I get to choose, or do I just get offered the ones you don't like."

Kathryn laughed again. "Anything but coffee cream."

"In that case, I'll have a chocolate orange."

Kathryn searched the box for a chocolate orange and then threw one to him. He caught it effortlessly.

"When you've had your bath," he said, unwrapping the glittering orange paper on the chocolate, "would you like another massage?"

Kathryn stilled and was a moment in replying. "I would, but would you be comfortable with it? I mean, after what happened the other night?"

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise."

"Then yes," Kathryn smiled. "I'd love another massage."

* * *

Dressed in a black bathrobe, and with her hair swept up from her face in a high bun, Kathryn replicated a large bone for Petunia in the kitchenette, while Chakotay got everything ready for her massage in the living room. She had enjoyed a long soak in the bath, and was now looking forward to her massage. The bone would keep Petunia occupied for a while, which would in turn give her and Chakotay peace. As soon as the bone was in Petunia's mouth, the animal wandered over to the rug before the fire and curled up to eat her treat. Kathryn left the kitchenette and made her way into the living room. Chakotay was lighting some candles he had placed on the windowsill. He was wearing a long cream shirt over dark brown pants, and a loose fawn waistcoat. Kathryn thought they suited him well and made him look even more handsome than he did already.

"Swimming uses almost every muscle in the body," he said, lighting the last candle. "How would you like a full body massage? It's important to take care of front muscles too."

"Sure," Kathryn replied. She looked into the bowl of oil Chakotay had replicated earlier. "Same oil as the other day?"

"Yes." He left the window and made his way over to her. "I can use a towel to cover your chest if you want, but you might want to put on a bikini top...one that clips open at the back."

"Good idea. I'll go and replicate one and put it on.

She disappeared into her bedroom, and Chakotay went into the kitchenette to wash his hands. As he was drying them, Kathryn returned. When she entered the living room wearing only yellow hotpants and a matching bikini top, he couldn't help gaze at her.

Kathryn was carrying her bathrobe on her arm, and when she reached the bed, she carefully put it over the bottom.

"What do you want to do first?" she asked. "My back or my front?"

"Your back," Chakotay said, leaving the kitchenette and making his way over to her.

Kathryn climbed onto the bed, lay on her front, and unclipped the strap on her bikini top.

"I might get some oil on your top," Chakotay said, dipping his hands into the warm oil.

"Doesn't matter. I don't intend to keep it."

She closed her eyes and Chakotay noticed that she was much more relaxed than she was last time. He gently began to rub oil onto her back and Kathryn sighed her approval.

Once again, Chakotay took his time, working his fingers slowly and skillfully over her shoulders, back and legs. Kathryn lay in blissful silence and Chakotay felt the tension in her body melt away with every stroke.

At last, he was finished doing her back. Before drawing away from her, he clipped her bikini top back in place and made sure the top was positioned properly.

Kathryn stirred beneath him. "Time for the front?"

"Yes," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn lazily turned on her back and closed her eyes, eagerly waiting for him to continue.

"I'll be working from bottom to top this time," he said, dipping his hands into the oil again. "Remember, tell me if anything I do causes discomfort."

"I will."

Chakotay began by massaging her legs, and then turned his attention to her torso. Using gentle circular strokes, he massaged around her naval.

Kathryn flinched beneath him and her whole body tensed. Chakotay looked up at her. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she whispered. "Please, go on."

Chakotay continued, easing the pressure a little, and then lightly stroked over her ribcage and up over her breastbone.

Kathryn murmured, but it wasn't a sound of pleasure, and she suddenly sat up. She was trembling violently and there were tears in her eyes.

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder in concern. "Kathryn? What's wrong?"

Kathryn pulled away from his touch and got to her feet. "I'm not feeling well," she said. "I...Excuse me."

With that, she hurried into her room, shut the door, and Chakotay heard the lock bolt.

* * *

Chakotay sat before the fire and gazed vacantly into the dancing flames. He hadn't seen Kathryn for over an hour and he was very worried about her. He went over and over what had happened in his mind, analyzing his every move. He didn't believe for a moment that she was sick. Something he had done had upset her...or triggered a memory.

At last, Kathryn's bedroom door opened and Kathryn appeared. She was fully dressed in blue jeans and a black sweater, and had her favorite sneakers on her feet. Her hair was loose, but looked like it had just been brushed.

"I'm much better now," she said, making her way into the living room. "I've had a little nap and a glass of water and they seem to have done the trick. I think I exhausted myself swimming. I thought I'd take Petunia outside for a bit and get some fresh air."

She went over to a chair and picked up her mack. As she did so, Chakotay got to his feet.

"Kathryn..."

"Yes?"

"We need to talk."

Kathryn froze for a moment, but then continued to put on her mack. "What about?"

"About what happened just now..."

"I was just feeling sick, that's all. I'm better now."

"I don't think you were sick, Kathryn. I think you were upset."

Kathryn zipped up her mack. "Why would I be upset?"

"I was hoping you would tell me."

"There's nothing to tell."

"I think there is." He slowly bridged the gap between them. "For you to have reacted the way you did, either something I did upset you or you had a flashback."

"I told you, Chakotay. I was sick."

"I don't believe you."

He held her gaze firmly, unrelentingly, and Kathryn was humbled.

"You're right," she said, lowering her eyes. "I did have a kind of flashback." She then looked back up at him. "But I'm better now, it's all forgotten."

Chakotay had suspected she'd had a flashback, but a sadness welled inside him at the confirmation. "Tell me what you remembered."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I think you need too. If..."

Kathryn interrupted him. "Ever since you got here, you've been telling me what I should and should not do. You think you know me because you know some Kathryn in the future, but the truth is you don't know anything."

"Then tell me," Chakotay said calmly.

"It's none of your business! Nothing I do, or don't do, is any of your business. I've given you a place to stay, even though you're nothing but a stranger to me, so just be grateful for that and leave me alone." She turned to her dog. "Petunia, walkies."

The dog gave a woof and hurried over to her mistress. Without another word, Kathryn left the cabin and Petunia followed.

Chakotay walked over to the window and watched as Kathryn crossed the grass, shoulders hunched, head lowered, and went to sit on a bench. Petunia ran around her, but Kathryn sat perfectly still. Chakotay put his hand to his chin and rubbed it. He wanted to go to her, wanted to try and get her to talk, but he knew that pushing her too far, too soon, would only make her retreat further into herself. He had to be patient, had to give her space.

* * *

Kathryn was a long time outside, but when it started to rain, she came indoors. Chakotay was busy in the kitchenette, boiling some milk and stirring in some chocolate pieces.

"I'm making some hot chocolate for us," he said. "I thought you would like one."

"I would, thank you," Kathryn replied.

She took off her mack and made her way into the kitchenette.

Chakotay glanced up at her and saw that she looked very pale.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sorry for all the things I said. I know you were only trying to help me."

"It's alright, Kathryn."

"I just...I've never talked about it...what happened."

Chakotay poured the now steaming chocolate milk into two brown mugs. "Then that's all the more reason for you to tell me."

Kathryn was quiet for a moment, and then began to talk.

"It happened when I was thirteen. It wasn't anything, really, I mean, worse things have happened to me. I don't know why I even still remember."

Chakotay squirted some fresh cream on top of the drinks. "Some things stay with us forever...something someone said, something they did... something that really hurt us, even if it wasn't intentional." He sprinkled some fudge powder on top of the cream. "Tell me what happened."

"I'd gone with my parents and sister to a party my father was invited too," Kathryn began. "It was in a complex in Florida, I can't even remember where exactly, only it was by the sea and our hotel was just across the beach. I wanted to go to the bar with a couple of girls my age that I'd met at the party, but my father wouldn't let me. I begged him to let me go, but he wouldn't relent. I sulked and ran away from the party. As I was running across the beach, some teenage boys came towards me. There must have been about four or five of them." She cleared her throat and put her hand to her neck, rubbing nervously. "They grabbed me and...and they dragged me into some dunes. Some of them held me down while others did things to me...Indecent sexual assault I guess you would call it...and they were laughing and joking the whole time." She paused. "Then lights illuminated the beach and people gathered for some kind of party. The boys let me go and I ran back to our hotel."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said sadly.

"It was a long time ago. I've dealt with it and moved on."

Chakotay didn't think she had really done either, but he would have to tread carefully, chose his words with caution.

" I don't even know why the massage brought it all back to me," she continued. "It's not like I was thinking about it."

"Massage can unlock the subconscious and cause an emotional response," Chakotay replied. "It's not uncommon."

"Then that must have been why. End of mystery." She stepped forward and picked up a hot chocolate. "This looks wonderful, thank you."

"You said you haven't talked about what happened," Chakotay continued. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I was too afraid to. When I got back to the hotel, I took a shower to wash off the smell of them and I went straight to bed. My father came looking for me not long after... I guess just to see if I was alright. When he saw me safely tucked up in bed, he started to go on about how bad I had been and how anything could have happened to me and how I was never to run away like that again. I didn't dare tell him that something had happened." She paused. "You're the first person I've told."

"You didn't tell Justin?"

"No. I was always the strong one, you see...I mean emotionally. He needed me to be the strong one. He'd had a difficult childhood and he'd been horrifically tortured by the Cardassians. He was very introverted, very withdrawn socially, and he had a lot of issues to deal with. Intimacy wasn't exactly easy for me, but it was a huge problem for him. He wasn't comfortable with touching or kissing or even being hugged. It took us a long time for him to be comfortable with affection. I couldn't tell him what had happened to me because he didn't need to deal with it. And it wasn't an issue, anyway. I was long over it."

Chakotay didn't think all this was a good recipe for a successful marriage. He believed that the best relationships were those where the couple complemented each other, where one had strengths where the other had weaknesses. He didn't think two people with the same weakness was a good match. But Justin was dead now, so there was no point dwelling on that thought.

"I've never told anyone this either," Kathryn continued, "but Justin and I never consummated our relationship." Tears welled in her eyes. "I asked him to marry me because I wanted to show him just how much I loved him, just how committed I was to him. He didn't accept at first, but eventually he did. But we were still working on the intimacy." She paused and her words were barely a whisper. "I'm still a virgin."

Chakotay was silent a moment as the implication dawned on him. "Then the other night..."

Kathryn nodded. "It would have been my first time." A tear ran down her cheek. "You're such a kind and gentle man and you made me feel so cared for, so special. I felt I would be safe with you and I could pretend that you loved me."

Chakotay put his drink down and put his hand on her shoulder. "There would have been no need for pretence, Kathryn. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. But that's why I couldn't agree to it. You don't love me. You hardly even know me. And, as gentle and as kind as you think I am, that's no substitute for love."

"I do love you," Kathryn said quietly. "I can't explain it, but I do. I fell in love with you that day at the castle, perhaps even before. And the more I'm with you, the more I love you."

Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "This is why I left, Kathryn. I didn't want this to happen. I don't belong in this time-frame. I can't stay. It isn't right for me to waltz in here, steal your heart, and then break it."

"I know you can't stay," Kathryn replied. "I've always known that. But if there's anything I've learnt in my life, then it's how fragile and uncertain our existence is. As a result of you being here, the future you come from may no longer exist. And if it doesn't, then you...as you are now...will no longer exist. We might never find each other again, and all the feelings we have for each other now will be for nothing." She put down her drink. "I don't know what happens between us in your future, don't know why we can't be together, but we can be together now, Chakotay...for as long as you are here." She averted her eyes. "I know I'm not the Kathryn you love, but she was once me, and maybe she needs you now."

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes. He had never thought of that. All he had thought was that to love this Kathryn would be to betray his Kathryn. But if his future still existed, then this Kathryn was his Kathryn, and for her to have sent him here, everything that was happening now had to be a part of her past, had to be embedded in her memories. This Kathryn and his Kathryn, they were one and the same. But even if that was so, and he really was no closer to figuring out what was going on than when he had arrived, it would still be wrong to cross the line. If he took advantage of Kathryn now, while she was young and ignorant of the future, not only would he never again be able to respect himself, but the Kathryn he hoped to get back to could never respect him either.

"Whatever you want of me, Kathryn, whatever you need, I'll gladly do," he said quietly. "But a relationship between us is out of the question. I love and respect you too much to love you and leave you. I would rather die than ever hurt you, and that is what would happen. And what would you do? Drink more alcohol? Take more pills?"

"I wouldn't need them," she said, "because I'd have the hope we'll find each other again." A tear ran down her cheek. "Now I have nothing...nothing to live for, nothing to hope for."

"You have everything to live for," Chakotay answered. "And everything to hope you. You're the most amazing person I've ever known and have an amazing future to look forward too. And in that future you'll understand why we...why we need parameters now."

Kathryn looked up at him. "I wish I understood now, but you're right, it would be wrong to complicate things." She paused. "I just hope your future still exists, because right now the only thing I have to look forward to is meeting you there."

"Not the only thing," Chakotay said, gesturing to the mugs of cooling hot chocolate. "Shall we enjoy?"

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Let's enjoy."

**END OF CHAPTER TWELVE**


	13. Chapter 13

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Two Weeks Later**

Sitting on a rock beneath a waking sky, Chakotay looked out at the golden lake. Above him birds soared, singing in dawn chorus, and lazy clouds rolled by. In the distance, Petunia ran around while behind him Kathryn tried to prepare breakfast on their camp fire.

"I'm pleased to say," Kathryn said, coming over to him with a plate of scambled eggs and vegetarian sausages, "that apart from some scalding, breakfast is in good shape."

Chakotay took the plate from her and saw that indeed breakfast was a great improvement on yesterday's efforts. "Looks good," he said.

Kathryn then loaded herself a plateful of food and sat beside him. "I used to hate camping as a kid," she said, "but I've really enjoyed the passed few days. In fact, if rain wasn't promised for this afternoon, I'd suggest we stay another night."

Chakotay made no reply, just ate in silence.

"But as it is going to rain, how about we try again to get a table at the Victorian restaurant?"

When Chakotay made no reply, Kathryn prompted.

"Chakotay..."

Slowly, sadly, Chakotay looked up at her. "I think the time has come for me to leave."

At those words, pain filled Kathryn's eyes.

"If my people were going to come for me," he went on, "they would have done so by now, I'm sure of it." Even if it took them a year to reconfigure the temporal transporter, it would make no difference to how long he had to be on Earth. All they had to do was set transport to the time he arrived. "That means I'm going to have to find my own way back." Tears then filled his eyes and he looked away. "I just don't even know where to begin."

Gently, Kathryn reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to. Stay."

"How can I? I don't belong in this time-frame."

"Maybe you do. The reality is your future might not exist any more. I really don't think it does. And if it doesn't, you have no where to go back to."

Chakotay made no reply, just looked out at the water.

"But you can have a life in this time-frame, Chakotay. You can have a life with me. We belong together, I feel it."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. He loved this Kathryn every bit as much as he loved her older counterpart, perhaps even more because she loved him in a way he could only ever dream of her older self expressing, but in his future, or this future, a life together was impossible.

"There can't be two Chakotay's," he said. "If I'm stuck here then...then I'm not real. All I am is just...I'm just an echo."

"You are real," Kathryn said firmly. "Even if the future you're from doesn't exist anymore, it was real for you. Everything you are, everything you feel, it's real. And so is what we feel for each other."

Slowly, Chakotay turned back to her. "If I stayed, we'd have to live our lives in the shadows, always having to hide my existence. Your friends, your family, they could never know about me. And all the things you want...marriage and children...we could never have. What kind of life would that be for you?"

"I don't care about all that," Kathryn answered. "All that matters to me is being with you." A tear ran down her cheek. "Stay. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Chakotay replied. "But it would be wrong to stay. It would..."

But before he could finish his sentence, Kathryn silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"It would be wrong to leave," she said. "Without the help of your people, it's unlikely you're ever going to get back to your future. That's the truth. And in your heart, you know it too, don't you?"

Chakotay hesitated, but then nodded.

"So forget about leaving. Stay with me. I can get a research or teaching post here on Earth and we can live somewhere remote."

For a moment, just a moment, Chakotay was tempted. To love and be loved by Kathryn, to have a life with her, it would bea dream come true. But then reality bit. No matter how much he wanted to stay, it would be wrong.

"We can't," he said quietly. "I have to leave."

"You don't," Kathryn protested. "Why won't you even consider..."

"Because it's out of the question," Chakotay interrupted. "I have to leave, Kathryn. And I think I should leave today."

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes and she unexpectedly got to her feet. "Then leave! Do what you want! Go to hell!"

Without another word, she turned around and began to run up the hill.

Chakotay got to his feet and called after her, but she was gone.

* * *

When Chakotay reached the cabin, he found Kathryn sobbing her heart out on her bed.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said, standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry."

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn turned her back to him. "Go away. Leave me alone."

But quite the contrary, Chakotay made his way over to the bed. "Someday you'll understand why I have to at least try to get back to my own time-frame."

"I said, go away!" Kathryn cried.

"We need to talk about this. You have to understand..."

At this, Kathryn sat up. "I understand," she said. "You'd rather die trying to get back to your future than make another future with me."

"That's not it," Chakotay replied. "I just..."

"Yes," she interrupted. "That is it." Tears streamed down her face. "You say you love you, you say I'm so special to you, but it's her you love, some older me. It's not me!"

"That's not..."

"Yes," she cried. "Yes it's true. If you love me, why don't you want me? The future you're from is gone. We both know that! If you love me so much, why don't you want to make a new one with me?"

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes. "Because a life in the shadows wouldn't be fair to you. You're an amazing woman, Kathryn, an amazing officer. It would be wrong for you to give up your career for me."

"Don't you get it," Kathryn snapped. "I don't care about my career. I don't care! Everyone else cares about it. Not me! All I want is to be happy."

"And I can't make you happy," Chakotay answered. "Not like this."

"How do you know? You don't know. Just be honest, Chakotay. Just say you don't want me."

Chakotay gently seized her, tearful himself. "I do want you, Kathryn. I want you so much that...that the thought of leaving is killing me. You say I want your older self, and yes, I love and want her too, but she doesn't want me. For years I've loved her, for years I've hoped that we could be together, but always in vain. I know all this is difficult for you but it's difficult for me too. In fact it's heaven and hell all at once. It's everything I've ever dreamed of to be loved and wanted by you, but absolute hell to know we can't be together."

"I wish you'd never come," Kathryn said, averting her wet eyes. "I wish I was dead."

"Don't say that," Chakotay replied.

"It's true," she said. "I hate my life. I hate it."

She wept painfully, every sob knifing Chakotay's heart. He softened his grip on her arms and tried to draw her close, but Kathryn pushed him away.

"Don't," she said, picking up her pillow and hugging it. "Just leave. Just go."

For a long moment, Chakotay watched her weep, his heart breaking at her pain, but then he got to his feet. He was going to speak, going to say that he only wanted to do what was right by her, that one day she would understand, but he had said those words already. The best thing to do was just to leave.

* * *

When he had finished replicating everything he would need for his mission, Chakotay stood at the dining table and carefully packed them into a bag. It was true what he had said to Kathryn, he had no idea how he was going to get back to his future, didn't even know if that future still existed to get back to, but even if his mission was hopeless, he couldn't stay here. Already he had caused too much pain.

"You're really going then."

The voice was Kathryn's.

Chakotay looked up in the direction of it and saw Kathryn standing outside her bedroom door, wrapped in a white satin dressing gown.

"It's for the best," Chakotay replied.

"I know you think that," she said. "And I have to respect that, but I really don't think your future exists anymore."

Chakotay made no reply, just averted his eyes. In his heart, he didn't think so either. Never had Kathryn given any indication of knowing him prior to Voyager. The Kathryn he had met when the ship was divided into different time-frames certainly hadn't met him.

Slowly, Kathryn closed the gap between them. "And if your future doesn't exist anymore, then everything you know might never happen. We might never meet and...and all this love you say you have for me will just go to waste." Tears welled in her eyes. "But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I behaved."

"It's alright," Chakotay said looking up at her.

"No," she replied. "It isn't. I was being selfish. All I was thinking about was myself...how much I wanted you to stay. But I understand that you have to try to get back to your own time." A tear ran down her cheek. "But I don't want my last memory of you, or your last one of me, to be one of pain. I'd like us to part with..." her voice fell to a whisper "a kiss."

Chakotay hesitated, so many reasons why they shouldn't kiss racing through his mind, but at the profound longing in Kathryn's eyes, all objections faded. Gently, tentatively, he put his hands around her waist and drew her thin body against his. Kathryn's arms found their way to his shoulders and then locked around his neck. She was trembling slightly and her heart was pounding. Slowly, Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and kissed her with all the sensual tenderness of his love. Kathryn kissed him in return, and they kissed softly, kissed long.

When at last they drew away, Chakotay picked up his bag and looked at her one last time. "Goodbye, Kathryn."

Kathryn made no reply, just watched tearfully as he walked over to the front door.

Slowly, regretfully, Chakotay opened the door, but just as he was about to step through it, something made him turn around. It had felt so right to leave, so necessary, but now, now that it came to it, it suddenly felt so wrong.

"I can't," he said. "I can't leave you."

A light filled Kathryn's tortured eyes. "Then stay."

Chakotay slowly put down his bag. "I'll stay."

He then opened his arms to Kathryn and she happily rushed into them.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN**


	14. Chapter 14

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Hell," Kathryn said, looking at her sun kissed face in a hand mirror, "I'm more freckled than a Karantu egg."

Chakotay laughed softly and put the cups of coffee he was holding down on the dining table.

"I'm going to need a ton of make-up to cover these up." She zoomed in on one particularly offending freckle. "Damn, this one's the size of an orange."

As she studied herself, Chakotay reached into a pocket of his shirt and pulled out a small envelope. "If your vanity can spare you a moment, this is for you."

At the presentment of a gift, Kathryn forgot her freckles, put down the mirror and reached for the envelope. "For me?"

Chakotay nodded. Eagerly, Kathryn opened the envelope, and her face lit up when she pulled out a card from Victoriana, the Victorian restaurant in town.

"You got us a table," she smiled, reading the text. "19:00 hours tomorrow. But how? They said they were fully booked until next week."

"There was a cancellation. They called when you were in the shower. I booked us in and they tele-mailed this."

"Fantastic," Kathryn said. "I can't wait." She then gestured to her freckles. "Just too bad my face is at red alert. Urgent cosmetic treatment required."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I love your freckles," he said, gazing into her eyes. "Every one of them."

Kathryn edged seductively closer. "Really? Every one?"

"Every one," he smiled.

Kathryn pointed to the most offending one. "Even this one?"

Chakotay gently removed her hand and kissed her cheek. "Especially that one."

He then sat back in his chair and took up his cup of coffee. Kathryn watched him for a moment, her eyes sparking with love and anticipation. "You know," she said, somewhat tentatively, "that was a pretty awesome kiss earlier."

Chakotay looked up at her. "It was."

"I'd kind of like another."

Chakotay smiled. "What about your coffee?"

"It can wait."

"I never thought I'd see the day," he teased, "when Kathryn Janeway has coffee beat."

Kathryn laughed. "It was a close call. But you nailed it by a whisker."

Chakotay put down his coffee and got to his feet. "Care to show me which one."

Kathryn stood up too, closed the small gap between them, and gently lay her finger on his mustache. "That one."

"I see," he smiled. He then took her hand in his, kissed it, and then slipped his arms around her as she locked her arms around his neck.

"I'll make you happy," Kathryn said. "I promise I will."

"You already do," he replied. "All I want is for you to be happy."

"And I am," she said. "Happier than I've ever been in my whole life."

She smiled warmly and then slowly, gently, raised her lips to his. As their lips touched, Chakotay kissed her in return, and soon they were kissing in blissful rhythm.

* * *

A rainbow of brocade and taffeta garments cluttered Kathryn's bed. Standing before a long mirror, wearing only a large petticoat with a bustle, Kathryn held up an elegantly embroidered pale yellow bodice of brocade against her chest. Petunia sat close by, watching her mistress avidly.

"What do you think, honey?" Kathryn asked her dog. "This one or the green taffeta?"

The dog, of course, made no reply, but Kathryn continued to talk.

"This one compliments my hair, but the green suits my complexion." She put down the yellow bodice and picked up the green. As she did so, her eyes fell on a dark blue taffeta bodice trimmed with lace.

"But I like the blue too," she said, picking up the bodice. "It highlights my eyes." She sighed. "I really don't know, honey. There's only one thing for it..." She took a breath. "Computer, activate internal communication."

"Internal communication activated."

"Kathryn to Chakotay."

In seconds, Chakotay's voice responded. "Chakotay here."

"Which color do you prefer? Green, blue or yellow?"

"Blue," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you, Kathryn out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn happily looked at her dog. "Then blue it is."

* * *

An hour later, Chakotay waited in the living room for Kathryn to appear. He was dressed in a black tailcoat suit with a white waistcoat and a white shirt. Around his neck he had a high collar that parted just above a white bow tie, and white gloves adorned his hands. On his feet were shiny black shoes, and a gold pocket watch and gold studs and cufflinks completed his appearance.

At last, Kathryn appeared, and Chakotay caught his breath at the sight of her. She was wearing a stunning gown of dark blue taffeta that had a revealing diamond cut neckline trimmed with lace, short puff sleeves, and a front fastening pointed bodice that fell over a ruffled and puffed skirt that was also trimmed with lace. Around her neck was a gold and sapphire pendant, and sapphire drops fell from her ears. Her hair was decorated with lace and blue ribbon and was swept back elegantly from her face, but with perfect ringlets falling behind. On her feet were delicate blue heeled shoes that matched her gown, and long elbow-length lace gloves graced her hands and arms.

"Wow," Chakotay said. "You look amazing."

Kathryn smiled, gazing at him with the same admiration. "So do you."

She then walked towards him and held up a little bunch of blue flowers that he hadn't noticed she was holding in her hand.

"Victorian gentlemen were allowed to wear flowers with their evening suit," she said. "These are Forget-me-nots. To the Victorians, they represented true love." She fixed the bunch of flowers to his coat through a buttonhole, and then looked up at him, her eyes shining in adoration.

Chakotay gently brushed his fingers against her cheek, and then kissed her softly.

* * *

The restaurant was much larger and much more luxurious than Kathryn had thought it would be and she looked around in delight. A band was playing and there was a dance floor in the distance where happy couples were waltzing. All the women were wearing sumptuous gowns like hers in all kinds of colors, and all the men were wearing suits like Chakotay's. A waiter in costume attended to them as soon as they arrived, and guided them to a table that was beautifully set and adorned with red roses and candles.

"I had no idea there was dancing," Kathryn said when he was gone. "We'll have to dance before we leave." She paused. "I mean...if you would like too and if you know how."

"Both," Chakotay smiled.

Kathryn smiled in return. "Then I can't wait."

* * *

The meal over, Kathryn and Chakotay danced together on the dance floor. They moved gracefully together in perfect harmony. The happiness on Kathryn's face brought a lump to Chakotay's throat. He truly had never seen her look so happy.

As the music stopped, applause filled the air and Kathryn turned around. She blushed slightly when she realized the crowd were applauding her and Chakotay, but then smiled at the genuine warmth emanating from the onlookers. Chakotay gave a teasing bow and Kathryn curtsied. Then the band began to play again and she and Chakotay continued to dance.

After dancing for a while, Kathryn and Chakotay decided it was time to leave. Not only was it getting late, but quite a queue was forming for the only transporter on the premises. As it could contaminate the timeline if Chakotay's biosignature was recorded, only Kathryn was going to be transported back to the cabin. When she got there, she would transport him.

"I think you should wait outside," Kathryn said. "I suspect this place has quite high security. People might not be allowed to be transported in and out as they like."

"Quite possibly. I'll wait outside."

Kathryn gripped his shirt with her right hand. "Just don't think of running away again," she teased. "I have your biosignature recorded."

"I won't," he smiled. "I promise."

Kathryn kissed his lips softly, and then left him to wait in line for transport.

* * *

The queue was very slow moving. Kathryn suspected it was because some of the people didn't know the coordinates of transport, so their desired destination had to be manually found. As she was waiting in line, a thin young man in a tail coat suit approached her. He had a ginger mustache, a beard, and very friendly gray eyes.

"Excuse me, Ma'am," he said kindly. "I took a photograph of you and your partner on the dance floor earlier. I thought you might like it."

He held out a black and white photograph that had a creamy hue, just like old Victorian photographs. It had clearly been taken while she and Chakotay were looking at the applauding crowd, as both their faces were in the picture. Kathryn hadn't noticed him taking the picture, but there had been a lot of people about and this man clearly had a modern camera that simply created old-style pictures.

"Thank you," Kathryn replied, gratefully taking the picture. "That's very kind of you."

It then occurred to her that perhaps he had taken more pictures and that they could fall into the wrong hands.

"Did you take any more?"

"No," he replied. "Just this one."

Kathryn felt a sense of relief of that. He probably had a camera that produced pictures instantly and did not record the image, but even if he did have this picture on record, it would be hard to identify her and Chakotay in it as they looked so different in their Victorian attire.

The man smiled warmly. "Goodnight, Ma'am."

Kathryn looked back up at him. "Goodnight...And thank you again."

"You're welcome."

The man then disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

At last, it was Kathryn's turn to be transported. She gave her destination co-ordinates, stepped onto the grid, and in seconds found herself outside her cabin. A cold wind was blowing across the mountain and Kathryn hurried to the rear of the cabin and into the transporter room.

When she got inside, she put down the photograph in her hand on a shelf, and went over to the transporter console. She did a search for Chakotay's biosignature, and found that he was standing outside the restaurant, just as he had said he would be. After locking on to him, she energized, and turned around to greet him.

Moments later, Chakotay materialized before her. Kathryn smiled happily.

"Mission accomplished."

She then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. "I had such a wonderful time tonight, thank you so much."

Chakotay held her in return. "So did I."

Kathryn drew away from him and gazed deep into his eyes. "There's just one thing that would make this night even more special."

"And what would that be?"

"Spending the rest of it together."

Chakotay put his hand to her cheek, not quite sure if she was really ready. "Are you sure, Kathryn? There's no rush. We can take things as slowly as you want."

Kathryn put her hand over his. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

She smiled warmly, her eyes sparkling, and all Chakotay could do was hold her.

* * *

When Kathryn emerged from her bathroom after a quick shower, dressed in a white bathrobe, she found the bedroom bathed in candlelight and the bed adorned with white satin pillows and sheets. Chakotay was standing beside the bed in a gold Victorian style dressing gown, and was holding a single red rose in his hands. There was a silver tray on her bedside table, and on the tray was a bottle of champagne, two beautiful crystal glasses, a silver bowl full of strawberries and a matching bowl full of cream.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn said, looking around in awe. "This is more than I ever imagined..."

Chakotay smiled, stepped forward, and handed her the rose. "For you."

Kathryn took the rose and looked up at him with happy tears in her eyes. "Thank you..."

Chakotay then gathered her body against his. "I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

Kathryn smiled. "I love you too. I really do."

They gazed deep into each others eyes and then slowly, gently, Chakotay lowered his lips to her and kissed her softly. Kathryn deepened the kiss and let the rose in her hand fall to the floor as she slipped her arms around his neck.

* * *

Kathryn lay in a sweet haze of bliss after she and Chakotay had finally become one. Chakotay lay over her and tenderly stroked her damp forehead. Her eyes were glazed and she hadn't yet spoken a word.

"Overwhelmed?"

Kathryn gave a little nod. "That was...it was just...too amazing for words." She looked up at him and smiled softly. "Thank you."

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it, tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Kathryn."

"For years I've been scared of yielding myself to someone that way," she said, tears in her own eyes, "but I wasn't scared for a single moment with you."

Chakotay squeezed her hand and kissed it again. "I love you so much, Kathryn. And I've loved you so long. What we've just shared...what we are sharing...it means more than..." A tear ran down his cheek. "It means everything."

Kathryn reached up and traced the course of his tear. "To me too."

Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly.

When they drew away, Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes. "Want to do it again?"

Chakotay had to smile at that. "Now?"

Kathryn nodded.

Chakotay's eyes twinkled in amusement. "Unfortunately, a man needs some time to recover. But, that's one reason I replicated champagne and strawberries... I had a feeling we'd be having a long night."

Kathryn laughed softly and Chakotay kissed her forehead again before drawing away from her.

"I'll pour us a glass of champagne."

As he sat up, Kathryn did too. He reached for the bottle of champagne and opened it. As he did so, a ribbon of white froth shot into the air and rained down upon them.

Kathryn laughed happily and then hugged Chakotay from behind as he poured the champagne into glasses.

When he had finished, Kathryn drew away from him and he turned to her, a glass of bubbly in each hand. Kathryn took one and held it up to him.

"To us."

Chakotay knocked his glass against hers.

"To us."

They both took a sip, and then sealed their toast with a kiss.

**END OF CHAPTER FOURTEEN**


	15. Chapter 15

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Ireland would be perfect," Kathryn said as she and Chakotay walked by the lake the following evening. "There are some really remote spots there and the time difference could only work to our advantage. Their day is virtually our night. Would definitely reduce the chances of unexpected visiotrs." She then stopped walking and turned to Chakotay. "But do you really think you have to live in the shadows? I mean, it's not like you've done anything wrong. If we tell Starfleet Command what's happened, what's the worst they could do? They couldn't kill you. That would be murder."

"They'd do worse than that," Chakotay said. "They'd want information. They'd want me to tell them about the future and...and it isn't my place."

"Even if what you could tell them could make the future better?"

"How can I be the judge of that? How can I judge what is better? Better for who? Someone's gain is always someone elses loss. And there's no guarantee that things would be better. Things could be worse." He paused. "A life in the shadows is the only life I should lead. And, after they'd got what they want from me, Starfleet Command would insist on it."

"I suppose you're right," Kathryn conceded. "I just don't like the thought of you being invisible, of wasting your brains and education."

"I can still make good use of my time," Chakotay said. "I can work the land, make things out of wood, study. I've seen a lot in my life, more than I could ever dream of. My hunger for exploration is satisfied. And I'm not exactly young anymore. A slower pace of life won't be a bad thing." He smiled. "Besides, someone's going to have to do the cooking. I don't fancy living on burnt roast."

Kathryn laughed softly. "So long as you'll be happy."

"I will be," he assured her.

"Then let's see what we can find in Ireland," she smiled. She then began to walk again and Chakotay accompanied her. "And talking of food," she said, "how would you like to go for a moonlight sail tomorrow? My Uncle Ted has a yacht that I'm sure he'd lend us and it could be here in the blink of a transport. We could dine beneath the stars and sleep to the sound of lulling water."

"Sounds wonderful," Chakotay replied.

"I'll ask my mother if she can have Petunia. As much as I love her, she's so demanding."

"Your mother or your dog," Chakotay teased.

Kathryn laughed softly. "Both."

They stopped walking again as they gazed into each others eyes and then they began to kiss. After a while, Petunia nudged Kathryn's legs with her toy.

"See what I mean?" Kathryn smiled. "Never a moment's peace!"

Gently, she took the toy from Petunia's mouth and threw it as far as she could. Petunia woofed and chased it.

"Now," Kathryn said, turning back to Chakotay, "where were we?"

Chakotay slipped his arms around her and gently kissed her lips. "Right about here."

Kathryn smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him in return.

* * *

Stars glittered in a sky of black velvet and a full moon shone brightly. From the deck of a spacious yacht, Kathryn looked up at the magnificent sky and then out at the tranquil water of the lake. Waves lapped gently against the stationary boat, and the dark water reflected the pearl light of the moon. The night was calm, but chilly, so she and Chakotay had erected a forcefield around the deck to protect themselves from the cold air.

Behind her, there was an elegantly set table with a white table-cloth, gleaming cutlery, porcelain plates, crystal glasses, a single vase with red and white roses, two tall white candles, sliced bread rolls on a silver plate, salad in a bowl, and a bottle of wine. Chakotay emerged from the cabin, dressed very smartly in black trousers, a gold and black embroidered waistcoat, and a black shirt, and was carrying a silver tray in his hands. Upon the tray was a very large gold plate covered with a silver dome.

"I'm so glad we decided to do this," Kathryn said, turning towards Chakotay when she heard him emerge from the cabin. "It's so tranquil." Her eyes fell on the plate and she questioned. "So, what's for dinner?"

"Vegetable Risotto," Chakotay replied. "But this isn't dinner." He carefully put the plate down on the table and then gestured to the lid. "Care to do the honors?"

"Certainly," Kathryn said, her curiosity piqued.

Quickly, she closed the gap between them and reached for the lid. When she lifted it up, she gasped at what she saw. On the plate were two beautiful floral garlands, four burning gold candles surrounding a sparkling silver bowl, and inside the bowl golden water decorated with pretty yellow flowers.

"Oh Chakotay," she said. "It's beautiful. What is it?"

"Caratara," Chakotay replied. "Water of love. It's used by my people in a ceremony to unite a man and a woman in marriage. The water is made from the flowers you see, Caranturin, the flower of love. After a couple commit their lives to each other, they drink of the water. It's believed the water will bless them with a long and happy life together. The garlands represent everlasting love, love without beginning and end, and the candles represent the four elements of nature." He paused. "I'd like to share that ceremony with you. I'd like to commit my life to you before my God and the spirits of nature."

Kathryn gazed at Chakotay, half thinking she was dreaming. "Me too," she said. "I mean...I'd like to do all that. I can't say I've ever really believed in God, but you being here sure is a miracle, so maybe there is a God after all."

Chakotay smiled, her happiness mirrored in his eyes. "Then let's begin."

Carefully, he took up the two garlands, and after placing one on Kathryn's head, placed one on his. Then he took Kathryn's hands in his.

"Now," he said. "Close your eyes."

Kathryn did as he asked and he began to speak.

"Oh great one," he said, "god of gods, creator of all, before you this night I commit my life to this woman, to love her with all my heart, to cherish her with all I am, to protect her with all my might, and to comfort her with all my strength. Bless us, oh great one, as we journey through life together."

His following silence told Kathryn that he had finished speaking, so she began.

"I don't know if you're there, God," she said, "but if you are, and you're listening, I do the same. I commit myself to this man, Chakotay, to love him, cherish him, protect him and comfort him, for the rest of our lives. And thank you, God, if you're there, for bringing him into my life. Amen."

Kathryn then opened her eyes and found herself gazing into Chakotay's. He smiled warmly, let go of her hands, and picked up the bowl. Reverently, he took a sip of the ceremonial water and then offered it to Kathryn. She did the same and then handed it back to him.

"Now," Chakotay said, holding the bowl between them, "we both place our hands on the bowl and seal our promise with a kiss."

Kathryn placed her hands opposite his on the bowl. "Like this?"

Chakotay smiled. "Perfect."

He then lowered his lips to her and they kissed tenderly.

* * *

When their meal was over, Kathryn and Chakotay danced in a close embrace to classical music on the open deck.

"I keep thinking this isn't real," Kathryn said. "I keep thinking I'm dreaming or have stepped into a romantic holo-novel."

Chakotay smiled. "If this is a holo-novel, am I your knight?"

"Oh yes," she laughed, "in shining armor so bright it's dazzling."

Chakotay laughed softly. "I keep thinking I'm dreaming too. For so many years I've longed for us to be together."

"Why weren't we? Now your future has gone, you can tell me."

"You know I can't."

"But why not? What harm could it do? I want to know everything about your life."

"And I would like to share it with you. But there are parts that I can't, at least not now. When my present becomes the past, maybe I can, but until then we both have to accept that I can't. We don't know to what extent the future has been rewritten and I could tell you things that...that might impact it in ways neither of us can imagine."

Kathryn protested. "But if your future has..."

Chakotay silenced her with a finger on her lips. "Please, Kathryn, don't ask me about the future."

At the longing in his eyes, Kathryn capitulated. "Ok, I won't."

"Promise me."

Kathryn took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "I promise. I can see you feel strongly about the temporal prime directive and I won't ask you to betray your principles."

"Thank you. I know it isn't going to be easy for either of us to not talk about my future. You have a natural curiosity and I have foreknowledge. Let's just hope...let's just hope that events in this future play out differently. Then I won't have that knowledge and won't face the dilemmas it inevitably brings."

"I'm sure everything will be different. I certainly hope so. Because in your future I must have gone nuts. A woman would have to be nuts not to want you. I mean, you're a walking dream."

Chakotay seemed surprised at that. "I am?"

"Absolutely. Not only are you kind, gentle, intelligent, but also dashingly handsome. I'm not surprised women have fallen all over you."

"Hardly," he said. "Besides, the women I've dated wouldn't have appreciated night's like this."

Now it was Kathryn's turn to be surprised. "Really?"

He nodded. "They weren't romantics."

"And I am?"

"Let me see," Chakotay teased. "You like Gothic romantic novels, you like castles, you like romantic classical music, you like flowers, you like meals by candlelight, you like poetry and you like dancing. I'd say you're a certified romantic."

Kathryn smiled. "I guess, then, I must confess that I am. But you must be too because...well...here you are dancing with me on the deck of a boat to classical music in the moonlight."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Oh, just part of a charmer's technique. All part of an elaborate seduction plan."

Kathryn laughed, but then fell serious. "I just always liked the dream...you know? I never really expected it to be reality. Not to say that I wasn't in love with Justin, because I was, so very much, but our relationship it was...it was different."

"I understand," Chakotay replied. "And you don't have to justify your romantic side. There's nothing wrong with being romantic. I've experienced the other end of the spectrum and I can tell you that it's a cold and lonely place." He smiled. "So yes, I like romance. I like dancing with you here beneath the moonlight, I like dining with you amongst candles and roses, I like spoiling you with coffee-treats, and I like making love with you in satin sheets with champagne and strawberries."

Kathryn smiled, happy tears in her eyes.

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it tenderly. "The first night we spent together...it wasn't just a first for you, it was a first for me too." He looked deep into her eyes. "It was the first time I truly made love."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and Chakotay traced the course of it. Then slowly, gently, he lowered his lips to hers in a loving kiss.

* * *

Chakotay's tender kisses woke Kathryn up from a peaceful sleep. When she opened her eyes, Chakotay smiled down at her.

"Good morning."

"Good morning," she smiled.

For a long moment they gazed into each others eyes, then Kathryn's eyes strayed and she saw that he was fully dressed. "What time is it?"

"Almost 10.30. I hated to wake you, but we have a certain Irish cottage to view in less than an hour."

"We sure do," Kathryn said, already getting out of bed. "I'd better go and grab something for breakfast."

"No need," Chakotay said, going over to a small oak table at the other end of the cabin. "Your breakfast awaits."

Kathryn looked in the direction of the table and saw that it was set for one, complete with toast, cereal, a jug of milk, and a bottle of apple juice.

"Oh, Chakotay...thank you."

He smiled, picked up her black satin dressing gown, and held it out to her. Kathryn slipped into it and then embraced him.

"For everything," she said. "I had a wonderful time last night...really incredible."

Chakotay smiled and embraced her in return. "Thank you, Kathryn," he said. "Thank you for loving me."

* * *

"I love it," Kathryn said, looking around an empty Irish stone cottage. "It's got character, loads of land, plenty of space, and a magnificent view." Outside an old sash window, green grass rolled into a sandy shore. "It needs a lot of work, but we can stay at the cabin until it's done."

"I like it too," Chakotay said. "It has a good soul. Happy lives have been lived here."

Kathryn turned away from the window to look at Chakotay. "I could be happy here. Really happy. Could you?"

"Very," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn smiled happily. "Then, my Jack, let's snap it up!"

**END OF CHAPTER FIFTEEN**


	16. Chapter 16

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Three Months Later**

"I thought you'd be staying here over Christmas," Gretchen Janeway said to her daughter over the cabin's small wall comm display. "You always do."

"I know," Kathryn replied, "but I'm liking it here and have been invited so many places."

"You'll be here for dinner though, won't you?"

"Yes," Kathryn smiled, knowing how much a family dinner at Christmas meant to her mother. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"If you want you can bring a friend," Gretchen said. "Male or female."

Kathryn knew from her mother's tone that she was implying a boyfriend. "Are you suggesting something?"

"No," Gretchen replied hastily, "I just meant that if..." She sighed. "Oh okay, are you seeing someone? Because if you are, you don't have to hide it from me or tell me the details. I just worry about you, especially with you spending so much time up there alone."

"I know you do," Kathryn answered, "and you're right. I am seeing someone. But that's all I'm willing to say."

"All I wanted to know," Gretchen smiled. "I thought you must be. You've never spent so much time up there before or been as secretive." Her mother then couldn't help but ask. "Any chance I'll get to meet this someone?"

"You said you wouldn't ask for details," Kathryn reminded her.

"I know," Gretchen replied. "But you can't blame me for trying. And remember, he's welcome to join us for Christmas dinner."

"Mom," Kathryn protested.

"It would be a good time for him to meet everyone. Your Aunt Martha and Uncle Bob will be here, your cousins, Phoebe and her new boyfriend..."

"He's shy," Kathryn interrupted. "And you can't tell anyone about us, not even Phoebe. I only told you so that you won't worry about me."

"And I appreciate it. And of course I won't tell anyone. This is just between you and me."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

A door chime sounded in the background and Gretchen turned away from the screen. "That's my friend, Sally. I'm going to have to go."

"Ok, Mom," Kathryn answered. "Talk to you soon."

"You too," her mother said, turning back to her briefly. "And take care up there."

"I will. Bye!"

"Bye."

The connection them terminated.

When the screen went blank, Chakotay got up from the couch and made his way over to Kathryn. "Shy, huh?"

Kathryn laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well, I had to say something. And don't worry, she won't bother us. She might be nosy, like all mothers, but she's always given me and Phoebe our space." She smiled. "Besides, if she does come and finds you here, we can always say you're the repair man."

Chakotay laughed and then Kathryn kissed his lips.

"Now," she said, drawing away, "let's get into our riding gear and swap this icy wonderland for Mexican sun!"

* * *

Kathryn laughed heartedly as she and Chakotay raced on white horses across a sandy beach. Never had she ridden this fast, never had she raced so hard or struggled so much to overtake her competition.

"Come on, girl," she said, urging the horse to run even faster, "you can do it..."

At this encouragement the horse picked up yet more speed and Kathryn triumphantly sailed passed Chakotay.

"Good girl," she laughed. "Keep going. We're almost there!"

But just as they were yards away from the finishing line she and Chakotay had marked in the sand, Chakotay whizzed passed her. Kathryn did her best to catch up with him, but to no avail, Chakotay crossed the line first.

"I win," he laughed as they slowed down and turned their horses to meet each other.

"Only just," Kathryn smiled. She then looked up at the sky, her face a picture of joy. "But what a ride! Boy, what a ride!"

Chakotay dismounted his horse and went over to Kathryn's, offering her his hand to dismount. Kathryn took it and jumped from the horse.

"No one's ever defeated me," she said, seeming to delight in her defeat as much as she was her potential victory. "Not even on the holodeck with the safeties on!" She then poked his stomach. "But don't you be gloating. Before we leave today, I'll have you beat."

* * *

Riding faster than the wind, Kathryn flew across the beach, determined this time to beat Chakotay. Glancing quickly behind, she laughed to see him yards away, and then spurred her horse on faster. After a while, she looked behind again, relishing in her lead, but her triumph turned to horror when she saw Chakotay's horse was running behind her riderless. The race forgotten, she turned her horse around as soon as she could and scoured the shore for Chakotay. She saw him, lying face down in the sand.

In no time at all she reached him, dismounted her horse, and hurried over to him.

"Chakotay," she cried, "are you hurt?"

He made no answer and she saw that he was unconscious. Trembling, she knelt beside him and felt for his pulse. She found it, soft and steady. Instinctively she reached for her tricorder, but found that she wasn't wearing one.

"Damn," she cried.

What was she going to do now? She couldn't call for medical assistance because Chakotay didn't want anyone to know he was in this time-frame, but neither could she leave him here injured while she rode back to the transporter station to be beamed back to the cabin.

But then the dilemma took care of itself as Chakotay stirred awake.

"Chakotay," she said, relief consuming her.

Slowly, painfully, he tried to sit up.

"Don't move," she said, "you may have broken something."

"I'm okay," he said, putting his hand to his head. "At least I think so."

"We're going to have to get you back to the cabin. Will you be okay while I ride back to the station and get myself transported? I'll then transport you and get someone to collect the horses."

"I'll be ok," he said.

Kathryn reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. "Then I'll be as quick as I can."

Without another word, she climbed back onto her horse and in seconds was just a speck in the distance.

* * *

When Kathryn had accomplished her mission of reaching the cabin and transporting Chakotay to safety, she took out a med-kit and went over to him. He was lying on the couch, conscious, but dazed.

"I don't know what happened," he said. "One moment I was riding and the next I was on the sand."

"You may have blacked out," Kathryn said. "The effects of Post-Transportation-Trauma can last for months and it was pretty hot out there."

She opened the med-kit and pulled out her tricorder.

"But this has made me see that I'm going to have to take some more medical classes. I can do the basics, but not enough to effectively be your physician."

Activating the tricorder, she knelt beside him and then began to scan him. As she did so, her face paled.

"What is it?" Chakotay asked.

"I...I'm detecting chronoton particles," she said quietly, "cellular degeneration."

That could only mean one thing: a temporal transport attempt.

"But it's mild," she said, "not like before."

Chakotay made no reply. If it was a temporal transport attempt, that had to mean his future still existed. But how could it? he had felt so sure it was gone...

"It might not be your people," Kathryn said, trying to convince herself it wasn't. "It might just be a PTT flare up. It happens and we have been heavy on the transporter lately."

Again Chakotay made no response. The last thing he could remember before blacking out was riding like the wind. There had been no dizziness, no headache, no warning he was going to pass out. It was possible there had been no warning, but a temporal transport attempt seemed more likely.

"We'll have to stop," she said. "No more transporting for you for a few weeks."

She then pulled out a hypospray from the med-kit, fiddled with it, and then put it to his neck.

"I'll put you to sleep and stabilize the PTT."

A darkness fell before Chakotay's eyes, and then he was asleep.

* * *

Outside the cabin's small windows, soft snow fell from a midnight sky, lacing an already white carpet of ice. Inside the cabin, Chakotay sat before a roaring fire and gazed at a silver heart locket nestled in a box of white satin and red velvet. He had intended to give Kathryn the locket for Christmas, but if his blackout had been due to a temporal transport attempt, another could be made any moment and he wouldn't be here for Christmas. He hoped with all his heart that Kathryn was right, that he was suffering from a flare up of Post-Transportation-Trauma, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was a temporal transport attempt.

Suddenly, he heard movement inside the bedroom he now shared with Kathryn and he quickly snapped the box shut and hid it under a cushion. He was just in time as the bedroom door opened and Kathryn came out, followed by Petunia.

"Trouble sleeping?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "But I hope I didn't wake you."

"No," she said. "This furry lump did by sleeping on my foot." She made her way over to the couch. "Are you feeling ok?"

"I'm fine," he answered.

Kathryn sat beside him and watched as copper shadows danced over his tortured face. "Then what's wrong?" she asked kindly. "Because you can tell me. You don't have to be strong for me all the time. I want you to share your burdens with me too."

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes. "I'm afraid," he whispered.

"Of what?"

Chakotay was a moment in answering. "That my future isn't gone. That I'll have to leave."

"Your future is gone," Kathryn said. "I'm sure of it."

At that Chakotay turned to her. "But what if it isn't? What if I have to leave? I don't want to, Kathryn. I don't want to go back."

Kathryn took his strong hands in hers and squeezed them. "And I don't want you too. But if you do, and you won't, then we'll still have each other. Because if I love you, then she does too."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "Not like you do. She's never loved me the way you do."

"I don't believe that. Don't you see? If your future still exists then she and I are the same."

"Not if all this is erased from time," Chakotay argued. "And I know that if it is all erased, I won't remember anything, but I don't want it be erased. I don't want to be anywhere except here with you. I don't want this to end."

"Neither do I. And it won't. All the transports you've had lately have aggravated your PTT, that's all. You're going no where."

"But the chronoton particles..."

"You're out of your time-frame. They'll probably resurface until your PTT fully clears. You're here to stay, Chakotay."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. She was sure of it, or at least had done a good job persuading herself.

"So no more talk about you leaving," she said. "This will be our first Christmas together and I don't want anything to spoil it."

Gently, Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"That if this is some kind of alternate reality and I go back to my own, you won't...no alcohol and pills."

Kathryn put her hand over his and kissed it. "I promise."

* * *

**TWO DAYS LATER**

"Wow," Chakotay said, admiring a huge smiling snowman Kathryn had built in the snow. "You've been busy."

With a red nose and snow-covered gloves, Kathryn turned to him. "We're old friends," she said, "Mister Snow and I. Every year, exactly ten days before Christmas, he'd come visiting. I didn't know as a child, of course, that my parents built him, so I'd wait at my window every year for him to come from snowland. And he did, without fail. One minute there'd be just an empty backyard, the next Mr Snow would arrive in a transport beam. Phoebe and I would rush out to greet him and then leave him milk and cookies. When it was time for him to go, usually New Year's Day, we'd wave him goodbye." She turned back to the snowman and looked at him fondly. "Even when Phoebe and I were too old to believe in snowland we'd build him. Somehow it wouldn't feel like Christmas without him."

"I can understand that," Chakotay replied. "And you've done a great job."

Kathryn smiled. "All he needs is some finishing touches. A hat...a scarf..."

"Want me to replicate them?" Chakotay asked.

"No need," she said, taking off her own blue hat and scarf. "All taken care of." Skillfully, she wrapped her scarf around the snowman's fat neck and then popped the hat on his head. "There," she said proudly. "All done." She then bowed before her creation. "Welcome to Alberta, Mr Snow."

"He says thankyou," Chakotay teased.

Kathryn laughed and stepped away from him. "I think this deserves a coffee and a cake. What do you say?"

"Absolutely," Chakotay smiled.

With that, Kathryn headed back to the cabin, Chakotay following.

"I believe there's a pageant on the lake every Christmas," she said, just as she was about to step into the cabin. "Would you like to go? We can ride in my shuttle."

When Chakotay made no reply, Kathryn turned around.

"Chakotay?"

But he was no where to be seen.

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes. "No," she cried. "You can't be gone, you can't."

But he was gone. Her Chakotay was gone.

Hardly able to breathe from the pain, Kathryn sank to the icy ground and wept in agony.

**END OF CHAPTER SIXTEEN**


	17. Chapter 17

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Seventeen**

**THREE DAYS LATER**

Raylar's Bar was noisy. Kathryn sat rather nervously in a dark corner with a glass of mineral water, and looked around the room. This was not the kind of bar she was accustomed too. The people were roudy, heavy drinkers, and the women were scantily dressed. Kathryn felt very out of place in her smart white pants, elegant blue blouse, very little make-up, and her hair clipped back innocently from her face.

Every time the main door opened, Kathryn looked up to see who was entering. When it wasn't who she was waiting for, she looked away again, and tried to make herself invisible.

"Hey sister..."

The unfamiliar female voice seemed to be addressing her, so Kathryn looked up. A woman about her own age, who had long curly black hair and distinctive green eyes, stood before her. She was wearing a black leather skirt and a bright red top that matched her lip stick.

The woman sat opposite Kathryn and crossed her legs. Kathryn noticed she was wearing high leather boots.

"What are you doing here, angel? No offense, but this doesn't look like your kind of place."

"I...I'm waiting for someone," Kathryn said quietly.

"I see. Some fellar invite you here did he?"

Kathryn made no reply.

"Don't mean to hurt you, lady, but I think he was having you on." The woman turned to a waiter who was wiping down a table near by. "Hey Gaz, bring us a pint of lager over here."

The main door opened and Kathryn's face lit up when she recognized the man who stepped in, dressed in what had to be a mock leather studded jacket and matching pants. It was Chakotay... his younger-self. She had made enquiries about his regular haunts over the past couple of days and had been told he came here almost every Saturday night around this time. She was beginning to think he wasn't coming, or that she had the wrong place or the wrong day, but she had got the right place, and here he was. Even though he looked years younger and had no mustache, she recognized him immediately.

The woman sitting opposite her couldn't help notice the way Kathryn's face illuminated when Chakotay walked in.

"It isn't him, is it?"

Chakotay looked in their direction and Kathryn almost gasped. Then he made his way over to the bar and sat on a stool.

"I guess not," the woman went on.

Kathryn didn't take her eyes off Chakotay and again the woman noticed.

"Cute, ain't he? But don't be getting any ideas. You're not his type, honey." She nodded in the direction of a curvy brunette who was leaning over the bar in a silver mini-skirt over fish-net tights and a shimmering orange top that showed her ample cleavage. "That's his type."

Gaz, the waiter, approached with a lager, and the woman took it gratefully.

"Ta."

Gaz left and the woman took a generous mouthful of her drink. "I'm Mel, by the way. What's your name?"

"Kathryn," she replied.

The woman laughed at the 'stuffy' name, but not unkindly. "Not too many of those around here. As I said, 'Kathryn', you don't belong here. Go home and find yourself a good guy."

A thin bald man whose arms were covered in tattoos of dragons approached the table. "Hey Mel, long time no see."

Mel got to her feet and hugged the man. "Hey Les...how you doing!"

"Good, yeah. You?"

"Been better darlin', but can't complain."

They drew apart and Les spoke. "Wanna join us out back?"

"Sure..."

The woman turned back to Kathryn.

"I'd invite you, honey, but this place really ain't your scene. Do yourself a favor and go home."

With that, the woman left with the man and they disappeared through a side door.

When she was gone, Kathryn looked again at the bar. Chakotay was still sitting there and appeared to be alone. Summoning up all her courage, Kathryn got up from the table and went over to the bar. Chakotay was drinking what looked like a beer and he downed it very quickly. Kathryn moved as close to him as was decent and, after taking a deep breath, spoke.

"Hi," she said.

Chakotay put down his drink and turned to her. He looked her up and down and then dismissively turned back to his drink.

"Hi."

"I'm..." She was about to say Kathryn, but then remembered what Mel had said. "I'm Kaz."

Chakotay made no reply, just downed the rest of his beer.

The sexy brunette that Mel had pointed out joined him at the bar and he turned to her.

"Ready?"

The woman put her mouth to his and kissed him. "Let's go, baby."

Without even a goodbye, Chakotay left the establishment with the woman.

Kathryn watched him leave, her eyes stinging with tears.

A tall dark topless man with a pint of beer in his hand approached her. "You lookin' for a bad man to make a good girl naughty?"

Unable to tolerate another moment, Kathryn fled out of the building into the cold and dark back street outside. Feeling faint, she leant against a street lamp and tried to regulate her breathing, tried to swallow her sobs. She heard Chakotay's laugh, mingled with a woman's, and her eyes darted in the direction of the sound. Shadows moved in a dark corner of the street and Kathryn found herself walking towards them, almost as though she had no choice in the action.

As she got closer, the sounds changed to heavy breathing. Still driven on by an inexplicable force, she turned the narrow corner. In the dim light, she saw Chakotay and the sexy brunette making out against a dirty wall. Her back was pushed against the brick and his body was pushed against hers.

Kathryn felt as though she was going to be sick, and all she could do was run as far away from the scene as possible.

* * *

Alone in the cabin, Kathryn opened a bottle of whiskey and gulped it down. Crying heavily, she opened a new packet of sleeping pills and downed them one by one, drinking whiskey to help them slide down her throat. When they were all gone, she lay down on the couch, and cried until she fell into black oblivion.

* * *

The mountain was bitterly cold. Putting a glittering blue gift bag under his long coat to protect if from the snowfall, Mark knocked the cabin door and waited for Kathryn to answer. When she didn't, he knocked again. Still getting no response, Mark stepped away from the door and wandered over to the window. There was a dim light emanating from it, so the chances were Kathryn was inside. Perhaps she was listening to music and couldn't hear him. He put his hand to the window, cleared away some snow, and looked inside. There was nothing to see but an empty room. Then, just as he was about to turn away, he saw what looked like Kathryn's hair falling over the edge of the couch. He strained his eyes to make out the shape, and it definitely looked like Kathryn's hair. Thinking she was asleep, he knocked the window to wake her up, but she didn't stir. He studied the scene even closer and saw what looked like a bottle of whiskey or brandy discarded on the floor.

His heart was in his mouth now. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He knocked the window harder, but when he got no response, he went over to the door. There was a keypad on the right hand side of the door, and Mark noticed that the light on it was green. The door wasn't locked. With trembling fingers, he pressed the "open" button and pushed the door. It opened. He hurried into the cabin and over to the couch. His eyes quickly scanned the scene, and when he saw the empty packet of sleeping pills, he knew instantly what had happened. He knelt on the floor beside Kathryn, put his hand to her neck, and searched for her pulse. He found it, soft and steady. He then reached for his communication device in his pocket and activated it.

"Johnson 35471 to Medical Emergency 01. Medical Emergency at my location."

A woman's voice responded. "Nature of emergency?"

"Attempted suicide...drug overdose."

"Stand by for transport."

Within seconds, both he and Kathryn dematerialized.

* * *

White...bright lights...headache...colors...a face...

"Mark."

"Hello, Kathryn."

She felt a hand on hers, it was Mark's hand.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"You're in hospital," Mark said. "I found you in your cabin. You had..."

Kathryn closed her eyes and tears brimmed under her lashes. "I remember now."

Mark squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. You must have been in so much pain."

Kathryn turned her head away from him and began to weep softly.

Mark watched her, his heart heavy at her pain, and then he slowly, hesitantly, reached out and stroked her brow. "But it's going to be alright, Kathryn. I promise. I'm your friend and I care about you. So many people care about you."

"Just leave me alone, Mark."

Mark withdrew his hand, but he didn't get up. "It was him, wasn't it? Jack?"

Kathryn made no reply.

"I knew he would hurt you, I just sensed it. What did he do? Promise you all the love in the world, make love to you, and then go?"

"I don't want to talk about him."

"He's not worth all this, Kathryn. He's not even worth your tears."

Kathryn turned to him, wanting the subject to change. "Does my mother know? About me being here?"

"No," Mark replied. "It's very late and I think they want to talk to you before they tell her...Patient confidentiality and all that."

"I don't want her to know. I don't want anyone to know. I wasn't thinking straight when I took the pills. I didn't mean it...not really. I don't want her to know. It would ruin Christmas and break her heart."

"I won't tell her, Kathryn. I won't tell anyone." He reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I promise."

Kathryn smiled in gratitude. Then she questioned. "What were you doing at the cabin, anyway? I wasn't expecting you."

Mark put the glittering blue bag on her bed. "I wanted to give you this...for Christmas."

Kathryn picked up the bag and sat up a little. "Oh Mark, you shouldn't have..." She reached inside the bag and pulled out a Christmas card. Carefully, she opened the envelope and pulled out a shiny red card with a picture of a Christmas tree on the front. She read the greeting inside, and then put the card down.

"Thank you."

She then reached into the bag and pulled out what looked like a snow globe.

"I found this in a science museum gift shop in Sydney," Mark explained, "and immediately I thought of you. It has all the known planets in our galaxy and the glitter represents the stars."

Kathryn shook the globe and watched as pretty flakes of silver fell over dozens of green planets in the milky way.

"It's beautiful, Mark," she said. "Thank you."

She then smiled warmly at him and Mark smiled in return.

* * *

Kathryn lay in a pretty white dress on her bed in her childhood home in Indiana, and gazed vacantly at the ceiling. All her relatives were gathering in the living room...Her Aunt Martha, her Uncle Bob, her cousins Jodie and Marsha, her great aunt Josephine, aswell as her sister and her new boyfriend Mike ...but Kathryn couldn't bring herself to face them. She knew she had to find the strength, that she had to somehow go down stairs and put on a smile, wish every one a merry Christmas, and thank them all for their kind gifts, but she didn't know how.

Suddenly, the door knocked and without waiting for an invitation, her mother came in. She held a little parcel in her hands, wrapped in gold paper and tied with a silver bow.

"This just arrived for you by special delivery."

Kathryn sat up and took the gift. "Who is it from?"

"I don't know, doesn't say."

Kathryn put the gift down on her bedside table. "I'll open it later."

Her mother looked at her sadly. "I know that today is difficult for you, sweetheart. And everyone down stairs knows that it's difficult. So don't feel like you have to put on an act."

"Thanks, Mom," Kathryn said quietly.

"But everyone wants to see you. How about you come down with me now?"

"In a moment," Kathryn answered. "Tell them I'll be down in a moment."

"Alright."

Her mother left the room, and Kathryn turned to look at the gift on her bedside cabinet. When she picked it up, she saw that it had a label with her address on it, and a note to say that it was to be delivered on the 25th of December 2360. Curious, she pulled open the silver ribbon and then unwrapped the gift. Beneath the gold paper was a red velvet box. Kathryn opened the box carefully and found a folded letter inside. She took out the letter and gasped when beneath it she saw a beautifully engraved Victorian style heart locket lying in white satin. Holding her breath, she unfolded the letter and began to read.

_My darling Kathryn._  
_Merry Christmas. I give you this locket not only as a Christmas gift, but as a token of my love for you and in memory of all that we shared. I wish I could be with you now to give you this gift in person and kiss your beautiful smile, but if you are reading this letter, then it means that I am no longer with you. But even though I am not with you, I am thinking of you across the years and the distance that separates us. And when you think of me, don't think of me with pain or sadness, but remember me with love and happiness. That is all I ask, Kathryn...that you be happy._  
_Yours, with all my love, "Jack"._

Kathryn tenderly touched the note as a tear ran down her cheek, and then she picked up the locket. It was so beautiful, so elegant...She ran her finger over the silver heart and then kissed it softly.

"We'll be together again," she whispered. "Someday, somehow, we'll be together."

And until then, she would wear this locket close to her heart.

**END OF CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**


	18. Chapter 18

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**ELEVEN YEARS LATER**

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on her floral quilted bed, and looked at a rumpled and creased note that had been handled so much over the past decade that the corners were frayed. She then put the note down and picked up her once beloved silver heart locket. She opened it carefully, and tears welled in her eyes at the images inside. In the left heart, there was a black and white picture of herself smiling back at her, adorned with a Victorian style hairdo and a sapphire pendant around her neck. In the right heart was an image of Chakotay with a mustache and chin-high starched collar. She could vividly remember searching the cabin's transporter room for the photograph taken of them at the Victorian restaurant, after he had gone, and she could remember carefully cutting the picture up to place in her locket after it had arrived on Christmas Day.

A thin layer of glass protected the images, and Kathryn tenderly touched Chakotay's face. She had never forgotten him, and she had never stopped loving him. For so long she had waited for him to come back into her life, but he had never come. Even though she had not seen him since that terrible night in Raylar's Bar, she had checked his Starfleet profile from time to time to see what he was doing, what he had accomplished. She had hoped to find some hint, some clue, about when they would meet again, but the closest she had ever come to seeing "her" Chakotay in "this" Chakotay was a single sentence at the bottom of his profile which said he was now an instructor at the Academy. His picture was updated fairly regularly, but his image never resembled the image of Chakotay captured forever in her locket and in her heart. This Chakotay didn't have a mustache and he didn't have sleek bouncy hair.

Then, three years ago, she read that he had left Starfleet to join the Maquis after his family had been killed by a Cardassian take over of his home-planet. This news had shaken her. Her Chakotay of so long ago had told of her a great tragedy that would happen to his family that could not be prevented. She had imagined a disease or a fire, nothing like this... And while this event seemed to connect this Chakotay and her Chakotay, his response to it did not. Rather than fight politically for the freedom of his homeworld, he had joined the Maquis. The Maquis was made up of criminals and terrorists and other trouble-makers who were just looking for a fight. Her Chakotay could never be one of them. He had been so kind, so gentle, and was a Starfleet Officer. After being in the Maquis, he would never be permitted to rejoin Starfleet.

This occurrence seemed to confirm what she had been suspecting for a while, but had not wanted to accept, that the future her Chakotay came from no longer existed. As painful as it was, she had learnt to let go, and had allowed herself to love again. She and Mark had been dating now for two years, and were planning to get married in the summer. The locket and note she had cherished for almost a decade, she had placed in a large box in the back of her wardrobe, left to gather dust with other souvenirs and mementos from her past.

But now, Chakotay had been thrown back into her life in the most unexpected way. She had been asked by Admiral Paris to lead a mission to capture him and his crew in the Badlands. When he had given the name of the Maquis captain she was asked to capture, her heart had almost stopped. Was this how he was to come into her life? No, she could not believe it. Admiral Paris had shown her a picture of this Maquis Captain Chakotay, and he looked even less like her Chakotay than all the other pictures she had seen over the years. His cropped black hair was streaked with silver, and there was a large tattoo on his forehead. This was not her Chakotay. This Chakotay was nothing like him. Her being asked to capture him had to be just a terrible coincidence.

But, as sure as she was that this was not her Chakotay, she didn't know if she had the strength to capture him. She had asked Admiral Paris for a couple of days to decide, and he had obliged. To refuse the mission could raise questions about her loyalty to Starfleet as so many people were leaving - either to join the Maquis, or in protest over the Federation's abandoning of colonies in the demilitarized zone - and it could adversely impact her career. But, the thought of accepting the mission and capturing him gave her shivers. Even if the future he came from no longer existed, meaning that "her Chakotay" no longer existed, for those few weeks over a decade ago he had existed, and the love they had shared had been so real. To capture him would seem like a betrayal.

* * *

"A replicator ration for them."

Kathryn looked up from her lunch of jacket potato with cheese and salad into the kind face of her friend, Penelope Brown. Penelope was a tall woman, very thin and wiry, and while she could never be described as beautiful, she had very pretty brown eyes and rich black hair that fell over her shoulders.

"You can have them for free," Kathryn replied.

Penelope sat opposite her, and put down a cup of coffee she was holding in her hands on the table. "What's wrong?"

"I've been asked to lead a mission into the Badlands," Kathryn began, "to capture a Maquis crew. I don't know if I can do it."

"Are you a sympathizer?"

"In some ways. I feel sorry for what some of them have suffered, and I wish the Federation had not abandoned those colonies, but my feelings on the treaty isn't what is bothering me."

"Then what is?"

Kathryn hesitated with her reply. "There is someone in the crew that I was once very close too."

"I see."

"I don't think I can capture him. I don't think I can do it."

"I understand," Penelope said sympathetically. "Tough call."

"But at the same time, I know it will be bad for my career if I don't accept this mission. They'll think it's because I'm a Maquis sympathizer. I can't tell anyone I was involved with this man because we weren't exactly "supposed" to be involved. But while we do have a history, I also know that he's not the man I fell in love with. He's very different...has become a very different man. I can't help think that, as difficult as it would be, if I do this, if I can face him and capture him, then I can truly let go of the past."

"Perhaps that's why this is happening," Penelope reasoned. "Perhaps you're being tested. Not only as a woman, but as a Starfleet Officer. There comes a time when the personal and the professional clash for all of us, but the good Starfleet Officer will be able to separate the two."

Kathryn nodded. "I know. I'm not the first person to face such a dilemma, and I won't be the last. A lot of officers are having to chase Maquis ships which have their friends or former lovers or even relatives onboard. I think I have to do this. I think I have to do it as both a woman and a captain."

"And if anyone can, it's you, Kathryn. You're the best Starfleet officer I've ever known. And I'm not just saying that because you're my friend."

Kathryn smiled softly. "Thank you."

Penelope took a sip of her coffee. "I take it Mark doesn't know about this."

"No."

"How are things between you?"

"Good...we're fine."

Penelope didn't seem convinced. "Really?"

Kathryn made no reply, just averted her eyes.

"Are you having second thoughts about marrying him?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I..." She paused. "Sometimes. I love him, I really do, but..."

Penelope finished the sentence. "You're not sure you're in love with him?"

Kathryn nodded. "I don't feel for him what I felt..."

Again Penelope helped her out. "For this man you've been asked to capture."

Kathryn nodded again.

Penelope took her hand. "Oh, Kathryn."

Kathryn looked up at her. "What should I do?"

"Only you can answer that. But if I was you, I would accept this mission and face up to your past. Perhaps you've built up your past relationship with this man into something it really wasn't. We've all done that sometimes. Memory can be deceiving. Sometimes we remember things how we want to remember them, not how they were. If you accept this mission and come face to face with this man, then perhaps you'll be able to see him for what he really is. Then you'll be able to let go and focus on the present... on the relationship you have with Mark that is real. He's a good man, Kathryn, and he loves you. That's what matters, that's what's real."

"You're right," Kathryn replied. "What Mark and I have is real. We have years of friendship, we have mutual trust and respect, and we love each other." She looked up at Penelope and made the decision that, unknown to her, would send her and her crew into the heart of the Delta Quadrant. "I've made my decision. I'll accept the mission."

* * *

**Four Months Later**

Alone in her quarters on Voyager, Kathryn sat before a window of stars and gazed at an old photograph on her computer of her and Petunia. It had been taken by her mother during the fall she and Chakotay had spent together in Alberta, and she and Petunia were sitting on the porch of her childhood home in Indiana. There was so much happiness on that young woman's face that it brought a lump to Kathryn's throat. Those weeks she had spent with Chakotay had truly been the happiest of her life and for so long the only reason she had felt for living was the hope that he would come back into her life.

And now he was. Now they were both stranded on a single starship thousands of light years from the Federation.

"_We're colleagues and we're friends,"_ she heard her 'Jack' say. _"That's all you need to know."_

When she had first seen a picture of Maquis Chakotay she had felt so sure that he could never be her Chakotay, but now...now she wasn't so sure. There was no doubt that this Maquis Chakotay was a little younger than her Chakotay, which could mean that the future her 'Jack' was from could still be waiting to happen. Perhaps this whole situation, them being stranded on a ship together, was the situation her Chakotay meant when he said their future relationship was complicated. Certainly things were very complicated now. There was no way they were going to get home any time soon, which meant it was out of the question to keep the Maquis in custody, but it also seemed out of the question to offer them a position on Voyager. How could Maquis criminals work alongside Starfleet Officers? And yet it seemed the only practical solution. To keep them confined would be a waste of their skills and a drain on Voyager's already limited resources. If any one onboard wanted to see home again, Maquis or Starfleet, working together to survive in this unknown, unchartered, region of the galaxy seemed essential. But could she trust the Maquis? If she offered to integrate them into her crew, could she trust them not to try to take over the ship? Could she trust Chakotay?

"_We're colleagues and we're friends."_

If the future her Chakotay came from was still waiting to happen, then she could. And even if it wasn't waiting to happen, if her 'Jack' had come from an alternate reality, then she still knew his character. She knew he was a man of principle, a man of loyalty, a man of kindness, and a man of skill. Every part of her being told her that she could trust him. She could trust him as a man and she could trust him as an Officer. For over twenty years he had served in Starfleet and had served well. He had an impressive record and had even been on the brink of captaincy before he left. There was no doubt that he would be a tremendous help in trying to get Voyager home, and no doubt in her mind that the only subordinate position on Voyager fit for a man of his experience was First Officer.

And if she made him her First Officer, perhaps that would make serving on a Starfleet ship easier for the Maquis. Given they were all stranded on this ship, possibly for the rest of their lives, she felt sure they would accept integration. Working together was the only practical thing to do, the only logical...

"Janeway to Tuvok," she said, hitting her combadge as she made her final decision. "Report to my quarters."

In seconds, Tuvok responded. "On my way, Captain."

The connection then terminated and Kathryn turned again to the picture on her computer. For a long moment she looked at it, then she closed the picture and switched off her monitor. It was ironic. She had come on this mission to lay old ghosts to rest, but far from doing that she had stirred them up and now they were haunting her more than ever.

Suddenly, the door chime sounded. Kathryn cast aside her computer and called out. "Come in"

The doors opened and Tuvok entered.

"Tuvok," Kathryn said, gesturing to a chair. "Have a seat."

Tuvok dutifully sat opposite her.

"I've had to do a lot of thinking," she said to her old friend,"about the Maquis. After giving the matter considerable thought, I've come to a conclusion." She paused. "I intend to make a proposition to Commander Chakotay. If he and the other Maquis are willing to submit to my command on this ship, then I'll integrate them into our crew and make Chakotay our First Officer."

Tuvok was silent for a moment, then he spoke. "Your words surprise me, Captain. Given our long working relationship and my seniority on this ship, I would have expected you to make me your First Officer. That would be the logical decision. Chakotay is a Maquis criminal responsible for a number of acts of violence. The only reason we are in this unfortunate situation now is because we were on a mission to capture him. And in that we have succeeded. The Commander and his crew are in our custody. That you suddenly believe him worthy of being First Officer defies my understanding."

"We're 75,000 light years from the Federation," Kathryn replied. "Even at maximum speeds it's going to take us 75 years to get home. We can't keep the Maquis confined to the cargo bay for years."

"Agreed. But neither can we ignore the fact that they are criminals, criminals we were given the responsibility of capturing. I suggest we punish them individually according to their crimes and Federation law. The length of time they are then confined will depend on the extent of their crime."

"I'm not willing to play judge and jury, Tuvok. Besides, it would only breed a lot of resentment and anger and make our lives more difficult. Being out here alone, our lives are going to be difficult enough. And let's not forget that Chakotay sacrificed his ship to help us and supported my decision to destroy the array. I believe he will make a fine First Officer."

"But it is a position of immense responsibility. A captain must be able to trust his or her First Officer completely. What makes you believe the Commander is worthy of such trust?"

"A gut-feeling," Kathryn replied. "If the Federation had abandoned our homeworlds to the Cardassians and they had slaughtered our families, wouldn't you be angry? I would be. I'd be as angry as hell."

"But you would not have joined the Maquis," he injected.

"No? Can you be sure of that? I'm not. Prior to his involvement with the Maquis, Chakotay had an exemplary Starfleet record. Admiral Turner even wanted to promote him to Captain. Not only has he taught at the Academy, but he has served on many ships and has years of command experience."

"Be that as it may, it does not follow that he is worthy of your trust. And to be frank, I doubt any other Captain in your position would even consider this. How can you be sure he won't use his position to take over the ship? The Maquis are not small in number. I believe we must proceed with caution. Given their history, giving the Maquis a menial position on this ship would be generous enough. And even that, in my opinion, is risky."

"You're right," Kathryn replied. "There is an element of risk. But if the Maquis see that we are prepared to trust them, they might be all the more willing to trust us. We're going to need to pool together all of our resources to survive out here. Keeping the Maquis confined would be a waste of manpower and a huge drain on our resources. We need everyone to pull their weight."

"Then they can be put to work during the day, full guarded, and confined at night."

"No," Kathryn said firmly. "I want to integrate them into our crew."

"They may not wish to join us."

"Then we'll have no choice but to confine them. But I have every confidence that they will co-operate. It's the most sensible thing to do."

Tuvok saw that he was not going to succeed in persuading her out of this. "I see you are fully resolved on this matter."

"I am," Kathryn replied. "The only question is, do I have your support?"

"Of course," he said sincerely. "It is my place to counsel you, not to countermand you."

Kathryn smiled warmly. "Then have Commander Chakotay brought to my Ready Room. I'll speak to him there."

* * *

Sipping a coffee for courage, Kathryn stood at a window in her ready room and waited for Chakotay to arrive. Any moment now he would and somehow she had to steel herself for another encounter. It was so hard being in his presence, so very hard. She could only hope it would get easier.

At last, the door chime sounded.

Mustering all her strength, Kathryn turned around, put down her coffee, and faced the door.

"Come in."

The doors opened and Chakotay came in, escorted by two security officers. He said nothing, just stared at her with visible contempt.

"Thank you, Dobson and Rintak," she said, addressing the security officers. "You may leave."

The two men glanced at each other uncomfortably, afraid of leaving their captain alone in the presence of this Maquis warrior, and didn't stir.

"Dismissed," Kathryn said, reading and appreciating their concern. "That's an order."

Reluctantly the two men left and the doors closed fast behind them.

Summoning all her strength, Kathryn narrowed the gap between her and Chakotay, cleared her throat, and spoke.

"As you are aware," she said, trying to sound as firm as she could. "This is quite a situation we're in. As far as I know it's..."

"I'm well aware of the situation we're in," Chakotay interrupted. "All I want to know is what happens now."

Kathryn swallowed. This Chakotay was so angry, so hostile, nothing like the Chakotay she had once known and loved.

"Your security officer," he went on, "my traitor, is convinced that we're going to try and take over your ship. And believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. But with so much against us in this space, a mutiny wouldn't do anyone any good."

"My thoughts exactly," Kathryn said.

"But we will," he continued. "If you don't give my people a fair deal, we'll either take your ship or die trying." He stepped closer, looming over her. "So what's it to be? What can you offer?"

"A proposition," Kathryn replied. "If you and the other Maquis are willing to recognize my authority, then I'll integrate them into my crew and make you my First Officer."

Chakotay flinched at those words, then his lips curled and he began to laugh. "First Officer? You expect me to believe you'd make me your First Officer?"

"You're more qualified than any one else on this ship," she said calmly. "And you being First Officer might help make integration easier for the other Maquis."

"Yes," he replied. "It might. But why would you trust me? Don't play games, Captain. We're willing to be reasonable. Don't provoke us."

"I don't play games," Kathryn answered. "And even if I did, I'm in no mood to right now. I haven't slept in days and I'm almost dead on my feet. The only one playing games here is you. The offer is yours for the taking. Be my First Officer and integrate your crew into mine or spend the next 75 years in confinement."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes, scrutinizing her soul. "If I accept, how can you be so sure I won't betray you and take over this ship?"

"I can't be sure," she said, struggling not to buckle under his gaze. "That's a chance I have to take. And I'm willing to take it. For over twenty years you've been an exemplary Starfleet Officer. I don't believe the Maquis has beaten that officer out of you yet."

"Is that why they sent you after me? To try and redeem me before its too late?"

"I can't answer that," Kathryn replied. "All I can say is that right now neither of us are in a position to make demands. To survive out here, we're going to need each other. I am confident that your crew members can make a valuable addition to this crew, and I am confident that you will make a fine First Officer." She paused. "Besides, if you wanted to take over this ship, you could make a start right now. It wouldn't be too difficult for a man of your strength and skill to kill me or take me hostage."

At those words, Chakotay averted his eyes.

"So do it," she said. "Take me hostage or kill me." She reached for her phaser and handed it to him. "I'll even give you the weapon."

Chakotay glanced at the phaser, but made no move to take it.

"I thought not," she said. "Because you're not a killer. You're a gentle man who would never take the life of another unnecessarily." She put the phaser back into her belt. "So, what do you say? Do I have myself a new First Officer?"

Chakotay hesitated, searched her eyes again, but then smiled warmly when he saw sincerity there. "Yes," he said. "You have yourself a new First Officer."

When he smiled Jack's beautiful smile, he took Kathryn's breath away. Trembling slightly, but not from fear, she held out her hand to him.

"Then I look forward to working with you."

Chakotay took her hand in his and they consummated their agreement with a shake.

**END OF CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**


	19. Chapter 19

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Nineteen**

When Chakotay disappeared with the yellow light of the transporter beam, B'Elanna studied the console before her, waiting for confirmation that he had reached his destination. It took a few seconds, but it came through just as the flashing green lights on the transporter grid turned pink again.

"Transport complete," she said, looking up at her captain. "But it took longer than I thought. I guess because of the distance involved. I think we should give him at least a minute to stabilize before we transport him back."

Kathryn made no reply. She just stared at where Chakotay had stood.

"Captain?"

Rather dazed, Kathryn turned to B'Elanna. "I'm sorry?"

"I said I think we should give Chakotay at least a minute to stabilize before we transport him back."

Kathryn forced her mind to engage her brain. She had to concentrate, had to make sure that everything came full circle - that Chakotay was not transported back too late or too soon. So far, B'Elanna had not realized Chakotay had been sent back in time, and she had to make sure things stayed that way.

"I'll update the co-ordinates," Kathryn said. "Otherwise we'll just transport him back from the same point in time as we transported him to."

B'Elanna stepped aside, allowing Kathryn access to the console, and Kathryn was glad that B'Elanna did not insist on doing it herself. Kathryn then updated the co-ordinates, estimating the time Chakotay had been transported back all those years ago, just as she had estimated the time he had arrived. It was strange to think that whatever her estimate was, it had to be precisely accurate, because the effect of her action preceded the action itself. It only took her seconds to update the co-ordinates, but as she did so, she remembered there had been a transport attempt a couple of days before he left. Working quickly, anxiously, she reconfigured the co-ordinates and then both initialized and aborted transport in a split second, hoping B'Elanna wouldn't notice. She didn't. Then Kathryn reconfigured the co-ordinates again and stepped away from the console.

"All done," she said.

B'Elanna took her place. "I'll initialize transport."

"Not just yet," Kathryn replied. "I think we'd better have the Doctor present." If Chakotay had suffered Post Transportation Trauma the first time he was transported, he would most likely do so again. She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to the Doctor. Report to cargo bay 1 immediately. Janeway out."

B'Elanna questioned. "Why do we need the Doctor?"

"It's a considerable transport, B'Elanna. We'd better have the Doctor here. Chakotay may suffer some form of Post Transportation Trauma."

"He won't. The Daiyk use this technology all the time. It's perfectly safe."

The Doctor materialized. "Medical emergency, Captain?"

"No," she replied. "I just want you to be present when we transport Chakotay back from the Alpha Quadrant."

"The Alpha Quadrant?"

B'Elanna explained. "The Daiyk gave us a temporal transporter. We've sent Chakotay to Earth and now we're bringing him back again. It's an amazing piece of technology, Doctor, and our warp core is more than sufficient to power it. We'll be able to get the crew home in no time."

Alarm consumed the Doctor. "I can't believe you transported Commander Chakotay without consulting me!"

"There was no need."

"There was every need! This technology is not compatible with human physiology. Daiyk physiology can withstand the stress of being transported vast distances at transwarp speed, but human physiology can not!"

B'Elanna swallowed nervously, but tried to dismiss his concerns. "You're overreacting, Doctor. You don't know anything about this transporter technology."

"That's where you're wrong, Lieutenant. When I heard about it, I was fascinated by the concept of being able to transport a humanoid through time and space. I've attended public medical lectures on the subject and I've talked about it with many medical experts. It may be compatible with Vulcan, Klingon and Cardassian physiology as they are more resilient, but it's not compatible with Human, Bolian, Bajoran, or Ktarian. A single transport may not kill Humans or Ktarians, but it would most certainly kill Bajorans and Bolians. Even for a Daiyk, a transport of this magnitude is not without some risk."

"Chakotay reached his destination," B'Elanna said quietly. "We had confirmation."

"And has no doubt suffered severe Post Transportation Trauma. If it's not treated, a second transport will kill him."

"I don't believe that," B'Elanna said, on the verge of tears.

"Then you had better start believing it, Lieutenant, because if you bring him back right now, he will be dead on arrival!"

Kathryn calmly stepped forward. "Time is no object here. Remember, this is a temporal transporter. It can transport someone to the past and from the future. All we need to do is forward the retrieval co-ordinates by a few days, and bring him back. He's bound to have been treated by then."

"Treated by who exactly?" B'Elanna asked. "We sent him to a remote cabin in Canada!"

"He will most likely have summoned help."

"If he could," the Doctor replied. "If he wasn't unconscious on arrival, then he would be within minutes."

"If, if, if..." Kathryn said, rather sharply. "That's all I'm hearing from you, Doctor." She went over to the transporter. "Move aside, Lieutenant. Let me update the destination coordinates by a few days."

B'Elanna dutifully stepped aside again, and Kathryn pretended to update the co-ordinates.

"Scan for him now."

B'Elanna performed an intensive scan and found him. "I've got him, Captain. He's alive."

"Then, as I thought, if he did suffer from Post Transportation Trauma, he's been treated. Get a lock on him, we'll bring him back."

"No," the Doctor interrupted. "His body will have been significantly traumatized by the initial transport. Even with treatment of the highest standard, a second temporal transport could prove fatal."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn. "Perhaps the Doctor's right. Perhaps we should leave him there. He's home, he's alive, and he's safe. Maybe we shouldn't bring him back if there's any risk he won't make it."

"We promised him we'd get him back, Lieutenant. And I'm not going to break that promise. He might have a headache for a while, but I think he would gladly put up with that to be back with us. If it's true what the Doctor says about the transport being fatal to some crew members, then there's no way we can use this technology to get the crew home. That means that Chakotay will be home alone. I don't think he would want that. He's First Officer of this ship and his place is with us."

"You're right," B'Elanna replied. "We promised him we'd get him back. And we don't even know for sure if he suffered Post Transportation Trauma. I'm going to bring him back."

The Doctor protested. "B'Elanna..."

But it was too late, she had initialized transport.

The flashing pink grid lights turned blue, and seconds later, Chakotay began to materialize.

As his body took shape amidst a glowing orange light, Kathryn felt her heart pound in her chest. Everything had happened so quickly that she hadn't had time to absorb it all. The irony itself was overwhelming. For so many years she had wondered how and why her Chakotay of so long ago had come into her life at that time, in that place. But of all the scenarios she had imagined, she had never ever imagined it was she who had sent him. The realization was mind blowing. And now he was coming back...now, after so many years, she would come face to face with the man who had captured her heart all that time ago, and who she had never really stopped loving. For so long she had wondered if her Chakotay and _Voyager's_ Chakotay were one and the same. Sometimes she had felt sure that they were, other times she had felt sure that they weren't. Sometimes she had hoped with all her heart that they were the same, other times that thought had terrified her. But now she knew for sure that they were one and the same, and what she was going to say, what she was going to do, she really didn't know...

The light turned red and disappeared as Chakotay solidified. However, as soon as the light vanished, Chakotay collapsed onto the flashing pink grid in an unconscious bundle.

Immediately the Doctor rushed over to him and began to scan him.

"He's dead," the Doctor cried. "Are you both satisfied now?" He hit his commbadge. "Doctor to transporter room one. Beam Commander Chakotay and I directly to sickbay."

Seconds later, they both dematerialized.

Kathryn stared at the transporter grid in horror. This could not be happening...it just could not be happening...She was dreaming...having a nightmare...it could not be happening.

B'Elanna spoke, desperation in her voice. "I'm going to sickbay."

The cargo bay doors swooshed open and shut as B'Elanna departed for sickbay, and Kathryn was left alone.

For a long time, Kathryn just stared at the grid, trying to take all this in, trying to find a course through the raging storm in her mind to a safe embankment. Chakotay couldn't die...he couldn't. And he wouldn't. The Doctor would revive him, treat him, and all would be well.

Clinging desperately to that thought, Kathryn made her way over to the transporter and recalled the destination co-ordinates. B'Elanna had Federationized the transporter's computer, so it wasn't hard to navigate the system. It took Kathryn less than a minute to delete the stored coordinates, and then she cleared transportation history. She then shut the transporter down and left for sickbay.

* * *

The doors to sickbay were shut when Kathryn arrived there, and B'Elanna was standing outside. The half-Klingon was agitated and hit the doors with the palm of her hands in frustration.

"They won't let me in," she cried. "Dammit!" She then lay back against the wall. "That damn transporter! We should never have used it."

"We didn't know this would happen," Kathryn said quietly.

Sickbay doors opened and Tom appeared.

B'Elanna turned to him. "What's going on? How's Chakotay?"

"Alive," Tom replied. "But only just. He suffered severe Post Transportation Trauma. The Doctor was able to revive him, but his injuries were so extensive that it's not looking good. He has serious cellular degeneration throughout his body, including his brain. He's currently on life-support and it's going to take the Doctor a while to treat all his injuries."

"But he will be alright, won't he?"

Tom put his hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "I don't know, B'Elanna. At this point, anything could happen." He paused. "And there's no point you and the Captain hanging around out here. We'll call you when there's news."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn. "This is all your fault, Captain. You knew there was a chance of Post Transportation Trauma, that's why you called the Doctor. I didn't. I thought it was safe." Tears welled in her eyes. "I would never have sent him if I thought there was any risk. How could you, Captain? How could you have put him at risk like that?"

Tom tried to reason with his wife. "B'Elanna, it isn't fair to..."

"Yes it is," she replied. She then turned back to Kathryn. "If Chakotay dies, it's all your fault, Captain...all your fault."

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes and she could take no more of this. "Excuse me."

Without another word, Kathryn turned around and left.

* * *

Alone in her quarters, Kathryn sat in her favorite chair and hugged a cushion to her chest as she wept. She still couldn't believe all this was happening... But it was happening...it had to be happening...because if it was a dream, she wasn't waking up. And she wanted to wake up...she wanted to wake up and find herself lying in her bed, knowing Chakotay was safe in the quarters next door. For so many years she had hoped to find her Chakotay again and to have answers to her questions, but now all she wanted was the questions...

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

Kathryn froze at the sound of the Doctor's voice. She couldn't respond. She didn't want to know if Chakotay was dead. There was no way she could bear it.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

But she had to be strong...she had to face this...

"Go ahead," she replied.

"Please report to sickbay."

Kathryn could hardly breathe. "Chakotay... is he...?" She couldn't even say the words.

"His condition is very serious, Captain. I would like to discuss it with you."

"Of course," she said quietly. "I'll be right there."

* * *

When Kathryn arrived in sickbay, she found only Chakotay and the Doctor present. Chakotay was lying on a biobed, attached to life support, but she couldn't see his face because of the protective dome that was covering him. The Doctor left his patient when he saw his captain enter, and he went over to her. Kathryn said nothing, just gazed in Chakotay's direction.

"I'm sure you're hoping that I'm going to tell you that the Commander will be as right as rain," the Doctor began, his tone betraying the anger he still felt towards her, "but I'm afraid that is not going to be the case. The Commander suffered severe cellular damage to his body and brain as a result of the second transport. It appears that he did have prior treatment for Post Transportation Trauma, but the treatment was incomplete and unprofessional. A second transport put too much stress on already weakened cells, and this caused immense physiological trauma when the Commander rematerialized. He suffered cardiac, liver and kidney failure, aswell as a brain hemorrhage."

Kathryn made no reply. She just stared at her hands, her face deathly pale.

"Most of the damage to the Commander's body I was able to repair," the Doctor went on. "But the damage to his brain, I was not. If he does survive, there will be permanent brain damage. I can say that with absolute certainty. How severely this will impact his quality of life, I can't predict at this stage. He may have motor and neurological impairment, but given the location of his brain trauma, the most likely problem will be cognitive. He will almost certainly suffer from amnesia. At best, he will only suffer mild retrograde amnesia, meaning he will simply have no recollection of events prior to the second transport. As frustrating as that can be, it won't affect his ability to serve on this ship. At worst, he will suffer severe retrograde and anterograde amnesia. If that is the case, then the Chakotay who wakes up will never again be the Chakotay that he was. He will have little awareness of who he is and will have serious difficulty remembering things on a day to day basis. There would be no way he could continue to serve as First Officer." The Doctor paused. "It's only fair that I warn you of all the possibilities."

Kathryn nodded. "I understand." A tear ran down her cheek. "This is all my fault. I should never have let B'Elanna use that transporter without consulting you."

"No, you should not have. And if you had listened to me back in the cargo bay, then the Commander would not be lying here now in a coma with permanent brain damage. You've gone too far this time in your zeal to get the crew home, Captain, and you leave me no choice but to state your negligence in my official report."

Kathryn took the reprimand without retaliation. Her only response was to look up in Chakotay's direction.

"Leave us alone, Doctor. Please..."

"Very well," the EMH replied. "I'll be in my office...writing up my report."

With that, the Doctor left.

As he disappeared into his office, Kathryn slowly made her way over to Chakotay. When she got close enough to see his face, her aching heart almost stopped when she saw her Chakotay of so many years ago lying on the biobed before her. A thin mustache graced his mouth, his hair fell in waves from his face, and his forehead was bare. Kathryn raised her hand to her mouth as her whole being contorted in agony.

It was a long moment before she withdrew her hand.

"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully. "I'm so sorry."

With blurred vision, she reached out and put a trembling hand to his cheek.

"Don't die, Chakotay. Please, don't die."

**END OF CHAPTER NINETEEN**


	20. Chapter 20

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty**

**TWO DAYS LATER**

A sharp prodding in her shoulder woke Kathryn up. As she raised her head, she became aware of an ache in her neck, a stiffness, and her hand automatically reached for the sore spot. It only took her a moment to realize where she was. She was in sickbay, sitting beside Chakotay's bed. He looked like his usual self now, as she had asked the Doctor to restore his tattoo, shorten his hair, and remove his mustache. The Doctor had refused at first, thinking it would be a violation of Chakotay's rights, but when Kathryn had explained that Chakotay had changed his appearance to momentarily blend in with the natives at his desired place of transport, the Doctor had reluctantly agreed. Chakotay's condition had improved over the past two days and he was no longer on life-support, but he was still unconscious.

"You need to get some rest, Captain."

The voice belonged to the Doctor.

Kathryn straightened herself up. "I'm alright, Doctor."

"You've been at the Commander's bedside virtually around the clock for the past two days. You need to sleep."

"I want to be here when he wakes up."

"He might not wake up for weeks, Captain. You can't..."

A bleep interrupted him, and the Doctor turned to a monitor close by.

Kathryn got to her feet in concern. "What's happening?"

"The Commander's regaining consciousness."

Kathryn sat again and with trembling fingers reached for his hand. She knew that he was most likely not going to remember what had happened between them, at least not straight away, but there was a chance, a small chance, that he might...

Chakotay's eyes fluttered open and Kathryn smiled warmly.

"Welcome back."

Chakotay's eyes met hers, but only blankness looked back at her. His eyes then shifted to look at the Doctor, who was scanning him with a tricorder.

"Where am I? Who are you?"

Kathryn's smile faded and she looked up at the Doctor anxiously.

"You're on the USS starship Voyager," the Doctor replied. "Do you know that ship?"

"No," Chakotay answered.

"I'm Voyager's EMH. Do you recognize me?"

"No."

"Do you know your name?"

"Chakotay," he replied.

"Do you know what year it is?"

"23...I...I don't know..."

"Do you know how old you are?"

"I...I can't remember." He frowned. "Why can't I remember?"

"You've suffered a serious head injury as a result of Post Transportation Trauma. You're suffering from amnesia." He paused. "Do you know what amnesia is?"

"Yes. Impaired memory function."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"A ship...I...I don't know."

"What about the Maquis? Do you know what the Maquis are?"

"French Resistance movement in World War II."

The Doctor looked at him in concern. This was not looking good. "What about B'Elanna Torres? Do you remember her?"

"No."

Sickbay doors opened and Seven of Nine came in, wearing a blue catsuit. When she saw that Chakotay had regained consciousness, she stopped walking and stood where she was.

"Welcome back, Commander," she said, trying and succeeding in not showing the relief she felt at his awakening.

At the sound of her voice, the Doctor turned around. "Seven...Of course, your check-up."

"It can wait. I will return at a more convenient date."

"Thank you, Seven."

She gave an acknowledging nod, turned around, and then left sickbay.

When she was gone, Chakotay gazed at the spot where she had stood. "Who was that?"

"Seven of Nine," the Doctor replied. "A former Borg drone."

"She's very beautiful."

"Yes, she is."

"And she knew me. Do I know her?"

"Yes." The Doctor put down his tricorder. "Tell me what you know of yourself."

"My name is Chakotay. I'm from Trebus, a planet near the Cardassian border. I have a large family...had a large family. They're dead. The Cardassians killed them. Except...I have a sister. Sekaya. She's still alive. I left my home to go to space. No... to go to an Academy. Starfleet Academy. I'm a Starfleet Officer. I serve on a ship. We're lost in space."

"Very good," the Doctor replied. "Can you tell me anything more?"

"I like boxing...wrestling...planetology...archaeology. I'm from a tribe...Mayan...vegetarian." He paused. "I know you. You're the Doctor." He then turned to Kathryn. "And you're Captain Janeway."

Kathryn smiled. "That's right, Chakotay."

"I'm on Voyager. The year is...I can't remember the year. We're in the Delta Quadrant...been here a while...trying to get home."

"The year is 2378," Kathryn replied. "And we've been in the Delta Quadrant for seven years."

"2378," Chakotay repeated. "I remember now. Maquis crew. I was a Maquis. Now I'm a First Officer...your First Officer." He then looked up at the Doctor. "I know you. You're the Doctor."

Kathryn shared a concerned glance with the Doctor. Chakotay had already identified the Doctor.

"Yes," the Doctor replied. "I'm Voyager's EMH."

Chakotay turned back to Kathryn. "And I know you. You're Captain Janeway."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes at this second repetition, and the Doctor noticed her pain.

"Captain," he said kindly. "I think it would be best if you left us alone for a while. There are some tests I need to perform."

"Of course," Kathryn said quietly. "I'll...I'll be in my quarters."

As she got to her feet, the Doctor spoke again. "Before you do, I'd like a word." He glanced back at Chakotay. "Excuse me a moment, Commander."

The Doctor went over to Kathryn and drew her to the side. "It's very common for a patient to experience confusion after a head injury of this nature, Captain," the Doctor began. "But the Commander has a good sense of who he is. In the majority of cases, this confusion is only temporary. He gave us an accurate outline of his life and he could identify us. This is all very good, Captain."

Kathryn gave a sad nod, almost as though she didn't believe him. "I'm sure it is, Doctor." She paused. "Well, I...I'll leave you to your patient."

Without another word, she left sickbay, and the doors closed behind her.

* * *

Beneath a window of soaring stars, Kathryn slept on a couch in her quarters. Almost as soon as she had lay down, sleep had consumed her exhausted body, and she had slept for over five hours.

It was the sound of her door chime that woke her up, and Kathryn sat up slowly. Her neck was aching again and she raised her hand to it while she called out.

"Come in."

The doors opened and B'Elanna came in. For the past two days, her Chief Engineer had been very hostile, but her demeanor was more friendly now.

"I would like to apologize," she began, "for the way I've behaved over the past couple of days. I know you would never have deliberately put Chakotay in danger. I've just been so worried about him that I wasn't thinking straight. I'm also feeling pretty emotional, you know, being pregnant."

Kathryn got to her feet. "It's alright, B'Elanna. I understand. And don't apologize. You were right. It was all my fault. I knew there was a risk of Post Transportation Trauma but I let you go ahead and transport him anyway."

"But you didn't know he would be seriously injured. You didn't think he would suffer more than a headache. And I disregarded what the Doctor said too. If anyone's to blame, it's me. I was the one who convinced you both it was safe." She paused. "Chakotay's your friend just as much as he's mine. I know you must have been going through the same hell as I've been going through. I'm sorry if I made things worse."

"If it makes you feel better, then apology accepted. But you're not in any way to blame for what happened."

"I am, Captain. But thank you just the same." She paused. "I've just spent some time with him. The Doctor says he's going to be okay...in a physical sense...but his memory is all over the place, Captain. One moment he knew me and the next he didn't. The Doctor says he's suffering temporary confusion, but I don't know. If he has permanent brain damage, as the Doctor says he does, maybe he's got permanent anterograde amnesia." Tears welled in her eyes. "We may have lost the Chakotay we knew and loved forever."

"We can't think that," Kathryn said quietly. "We've got to be hopeful."

"I know. It's just so hard. And I've been thinking. Perhaps we can stop it all from happening."

"How do you mean?"

"The temporal transporter. I was thinking we could use it to send a letter to ourselves...to arrive a few minutes before we transported Chakotay to the Alpha Quadrant. We'd read it, and we wouldn't transport him. If we don't, then none of this will happen."

Kathryn broke away from B'Elanna and went over to the window. It was a good idea, one that would undoubtedly have worked if there was just the present at stake, but there wasn't just the present at stake. If they didn't transport Chakotay to the past, then the whole course of her life could be different. And if the course of her life changed, so too could the course of everyone's life on Voyager. Perhaps she would still end up as Captain of Voyager, but could she take that chance? Could she endanger the history of all their lives?

"It would be a violation of the temporal prime directive," she said at last, her argument sounding weak and heartless even to her own ears.

"To hell with the temporal prime directive," B'Elanna said, going over to her. "This is Chakotay's life we're talking about!"

Kathryn turned to her. "I know that, B'Elanna, but..."

"But nothing! We made a mistake, Captain, and Chakotay is the one who is suffering for it. If we do this, if we send ourselves a letter, we can rectify our mistake and Chakotay will be okay. No one need ever find out. We can tell ourselves to destroy the letter and it will be our secret."

"It's not as simple as that."

"Yes it is! We've messed up so we should put it right!"

Kathryn bit her lip. She knew how stubborn B'Elanna could be. If the half-Klingon was determined to do this, then she would do it without authorization. And, sure enough, B'Elanna's next words confirmed it.

"And I'll do this with or without your approval. I only told you because I thought you would want to be involved. But I should have known that your Starfleet principles and directives would be more important to you that anyone's life."

"That's out of line, Lieutenant..."

"No, it isn't. It's dead on the line! You care for ideals, principles, and agendas, not people!"

"If that was the case, then none of us would be here right now!" Kathryn argued. "I compromised the Prime Directive in order to save the Ocampa. By destroying that array, I interfered with the balance of power in this quadrant. But I did it to save an entire civilization. And, if I remember correctly, it was you who objected. You would have let all those people die just so we could get home sooner."

"And I was wrong. And I say that I was wrong. But if you could compromise the Prime Directive to save all those people, why not compromise the Temporal Prime Directive to save Chakotay?"

"Because there's more at stake here than what you think, B'Elanna." There was nothing else for it, she would have to tell B'Elanna the truth...at least part of it.

B'Elanna frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I can't give you details, but I know that if I don't tell you this, you will use that transporter behind my back. The coordinates I entered didn't send Chakotay to present Earth. They sent him to the past."

B'Elanna flinched. "I don't understand. Why would you send him to the past?"

"To preserve history. I can't tell you any more than that, but I know that we've been through too much together for you to doubt my sincerity or my reasons for not telling you. If we send ourselves a letter and Chakotay is not sent to the past, then I don't know what damage will be done to the timeline. Perhaps everything that we know will be different." She paused. "If it was just about the last three days, then I would gladly do what you suggest, and I commend you for thinking of it, but there's just too much at stake here. You have to believe me."

B'Elanna looked into her captain's eyes and saw only sincerity mingled with pain and regret. "I believe you, Captain. We'll forget about the letter."

"And you can't tell anyone, B'Elanna. This has to stay between us."

"You have my word, Captain." She paused. "What do you want me to say in my official report? I mean, if Chakotay was in the past and not the present, but they think he was in the present, it won't exactly look good for him if he didn't report to Starfleet Command in the whole time he was supposed to be on Earth. They could think he was trying to avoid answering for his Maquis activities."

"I hadn't thought of that." She paused. "I suppose it would raise less questions if we said Chakotay was only on Earth, in the present, for five minutes. I don't think we need to mention his changed appearance."

"Then that's what I'll say. What about the Doctor, though? He's very angry with us both. He might not co-operate."

"I'll speak to him, see if I can persuade him to bend the truth a little. I'll let you know what he says." She paused. "I would also like you to disable the temporal transporter and keep it contained within a high security forcefield. I don't want it to fall into the wrong hands. As much as I'd like to say I could trust everyone on this ship not to try and alter the past for their own benefit, I'm afraid it could be too tempting for some of our less 'scrupulous' members."

"I understand, Captain. I'll do it right away."

Kathryn smiled a tired smiled. "Thank you, B'Elanna...for everything."

B'Elanna looked at her captain sadly. "I really am sorry for what I said, Captain. I know how much you care for Chakotay."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "It's alright, B'Elanna. It's all forgotten."

* * *

Chakotay was nowhere to be seen when Kathryn returned to sickbay. The Doctor was alone, working busily at a console.

"Where's Chakotay?"

The Doctor looked up at her. "Captain," he said. "I didn't see you come in." He picked up a padd and stepped away from the console. "Seven of Nine has taken him on a tour of the ship. The Commander's memory has stabilized a lot over the past two hours and I felt a tour of the ship could prove beneficial. I was hoping you or B'Elanna would take him, seeing as you're the two people he's closest to, but Seven volunteered and the Commander was happy to have her as his guide."

The Doctor held out the padd to Kathryn and she took it. "What's this?"

"My official report of the incident. You'll be pleased to know that I've modified my initial report to exonerate you from blame in this incident. I still maintain it would not have happened if you and Lieutenant Torres had listened to my advice, but I don't believe it would do any good to say so. You're an excellent Captain and are devoted above and beyond the call of duty. And you're my friend. I know you would never have knowingly endangered the Commander's life. It wouldn't be fair to have this unfortunate incident blight your record and I think Chakotay would feel the same." He paused. "I've changed my account to say that I gave you permission to use the temporal transporter. I'm sure Starfleet Command will be more tolerant towards an oversight by an EMH than they would towards you."

"I appreciate the gesture," Kathryn replied. "But it wouldn't be right for you to take the blame for my mistake. I should have consulted you before I allowed B'Elanna to transport Chakotay." She paused. "In fact, I think we can leave you out of it altogether. B'Elanna and I will synchronize our reports to exclude you, and then all you have to do is modify your report to say that the first thing you knew of the transport was when we summoned you to the cargo bay and Chakotay was...you know...not alive."

The Doctor looked at her with sympathy. He knew how much she loved Chakotay. Over the past seven years, he and his tricorder had observed the way she always reacted to the Commander's presence. And that last sentence was just further testimony of her feelings. She had not been able to say "and Chakotay was dead."

"I'll modify my report as you say," he said kindly.

"Thank you, Doctor. It would also help if you didn't mention Chakotay had altered his appearance. He's the victim in all this, but as B'Elanna pointed out to me, it could look bad for him if Starfleet Command thought he had disguised himself for...untoward purposes."

"Understood, Captain."

He reached for his padd and Kathryn let him have it back. She then hesitated with the next words, the question being one she wasn't sure she wanted an answer too.

"Do you...Do you have any idea yet what Chakotay's long term prospects are?"

"In cases like this, only time will really tell. The Commander does have permanent brain damage, but it doesn't appear to be as severe as I first thought it would be. He appears to be suffering from both retrograde and anterograde amnesia, but the first is more severe than the latter. He has good knowledge of his childhood, his teenage years, and his early adulthood, but his ability to recall events deteriorates from his late thirties onwards. He's able to recall many events that have happened over the past ten years, but there are a lot of blanks. He doesn't remember much about Kes, for example, or about Unimatrix Zero."

"Will he regain those memories?" Kathryn asked quietly.

"Given the damage to his brain, it's unlikely he will ever recall everything that has happened to him over the past ten years. It's also unlikely he will ever remember what happened in the days or weeks prior to his injury. But it's never possible to tell for certain, and I'm confident that over the next few days, weeks and months, he is going to regain more and more memories. I don't believe any permanent blanks will be a problem for the Commander in the long-term, however. No one can remember every detail of their lives. The human brain is selective. I'm more concerned about the anterograde amnesia he's experiencing as it can be a serious handicap. But my suspicion, as I told you earlier, is that this is a temporary problem. The Commander may be prone to forgetfulness for the rest of his life, but if his condition continues to improve the way it has been, I see no reason why he can't continue to serve as First Officer on this ship."

For a moment, Kathryn made no reply. She was relieved that Chakotay's brain injury wasn't as severe as the Doctor had feared, but that relief did nothing to lift the heavy burden of guilt that was weighing on her shoulders. It was her fault he was suffering this way, all her fault. She had hoped he would remember everything that had happened between them, but now it seemed he never would. And that hurt deeply. It hurt her own heart, and it hurt on behalf of his.

But, if Chakotay was going to be the same Chakotay she had always known and loved, then perhaps it was for the best that he didn't remember everything that had happened...as painful as that was. For seven years their positions had been an insuperable barrier to a relationship, and that barrier wouldn't suddenly dissolve because they had been involved in a distant past. Perhaps fate was being kind in being cruel. If Chakotay had remembered everything that had happened between them, then it would be very hard for him to go back to the way things had been. It would have been hard for both of them.

For seven years she had managed to keep a distance between them, and it had been incredibly difficult. There had been times when her resolve had weakened, especially on dark lonely nights. But she had managed to do it for her crew; out of a sense of faithfulness to Mark in the early years; and finally to preserve history. Her Chakotay of so long ago had made it very clear that they were not involved in the future. Therefore, to have had a relationship with this Chakotay, if he was her Chakotay, would have changed history. Chakotay having no recollection of what had happened between them would make things easier for him. She alone would be the one to struggle, and she was very good at suppressing her feelings - she had suppressed them for most of her life.

As hard as it was going to be, the most important thing was that Chakotay was going to be okay. If he had been lost to them forever, either from death or injuries that were too severe to ever heal, then she didn't know how she would have coped with the pain and the overwhelming guilt. But he was going to live and he was, most likely, going to be the same Chakotay he had always been. That was all that mattered.

"That's great news," Kathryn said at last. "Great news."

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY**


	21. Chapter 21

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty One**

**FOUR MONTHS LATER**

Wearing a long elegant evening dress of slate-blue brocade, and holding a crystal glass of champagne in her hand, Kathryn watched as her beloved crew talked and laughed together as they celebrated their return to Earth. It had all happened so unexpectedly that Kathryn was still trying to absorb the day's events. One moment they were retreating from a Borg infested nebula, and the next they were being boarded by an older version of herself saying she had come to bring Voyager home. It had all been rather surreal and several times Kathryn had had to pinch herself to make sure she was awake and not dreaming. Time-travel. She had spent most of her career trying to avoid temporal paradoxes but they always seemed to find her. It was not the way she had ever imagined getting home and, if she was honest, not the way she would have chosen. By accepting the Admiral's help, she had broken almost every rule in the book. She knew there would be a lot of explaining to do when they got home, and, sure enough, within an hour of landing the ship she had been summoned before a board of Admirals at Starfleet Headquarters. She was asked to explain her reasons for collaborating with her future-self and it had been a grueling interrogation.

Amongst other things, her superiors had wanted to know why the Admiral had chosen that moment of time to return to if she hadn't, initially, wanted to destroy the Borg transwarp hub. If the Admiral was prepared to erase sixteen years of pioneering space travel in the Delta Quadrant, and all the good they had done in that time, then why not the past seven years? Why not return to the incident that had stranded them in the Delta Quadrant in the first place and destroy the array after it had been used to send Voyager home? All Kathryn could tell them was that she didn't know why the Admiral had chosen that point in time to return to.

Kathryn suspected that the temporal transporter incident was one reason the Admiral had chosen that point in their journey, but she couldn't tell them that. By returning to the past to change the future, it was inevitable that a temporal paradox would be created, but at least by returning to that point in time, it was only the future beyond that point that would be changed. The same could not be said if she returned to the incident that had stranded them. If they had all got home at that point, then Chakotay would never have been transported to the past. At best, another temporal paradox would have been created - her Chakotay of so long ago would have been from a future that no longer existed. At worst, because of the changed future, Chakotay would not appear in her past, and that could change the history of all their lives. There would be no way of knowing for sure which outcome would happen, and knowing herself as well as she did, it was too big a gamble to risk. Returning to the first possible way of getting the ship home after the transporter incident was the only sure way of preserving the past.

The Admirals had also been very interested in the temporal transporter, which had been seized by Starfleet Command as soon as they were aware of its existence. They had asked why Admiral Janeway hadn't simply sent them the necessary technology by an unauthorized transport from the temporal transporter. It would have been a lot easier than trying to travel through time herself. All Kathryn could tell them was what the Admiral had told her when she'd asked about the transporter...that it had received irreparable damage during an aggressive and unprovoked attack on Voyager by a species called the Vurlanah in 2380.

But, whatever misgivings some of her superiors harbored about the way they had got home, it didn't change the heroes welcome she and her crew were receiving. Hundreds of people had gathered to welcome them at Voyager's landing site, and their return was headline news throughout the Federation. Kathryn would never forget the joy on the faces of her crew as they were reunited with their loved ones, and that joy had vanquished any doubts lingering in her own mind about the way they had got home. Kathryn had thought her heart was going to burst with happiness when she saw her mother, her sister and her dear Aunt Martha waiting for her amongst the crowd of expectant relatives. Her mother, usually a very reserved woman, had scooped her daughter in her arms and held her so tight that Kathryn had thought she was going to suffocate. It had all been very emotional and there had been a lot of tears shed.

After an emotional reunion with family and friends, a glorious banquet had been put on for the crew and their loved ones in a grand hall at Starfleet Headquarters. During the banquet, Admiral Paris had announced on behalf of Starfleet Command and the Federation that no charges were going to be brought against the Maquis and that they were all welcome to rejoin Starfleet. This declaration had met with deafening applause. And, if this wasn't enough, there was further cause for celebration when several crew members, including herself and Tuvok, were given a promotion for outstanding achievement over the past seven years. She was Captain Kathryn Janeway no longer, but Admiral Kathryn Janeway. The promotion had come as a surprise, especially after the grueling interrogation she had been given by Starfleet Command, but it was not unwelcome. After seven years of captaining a ship in uncharted and mostly hostile space, she welcomed the opportunity to work in a less demanding and more relaxed environment. She also could not deny that if she were to captain a ship again, it would always be there, looming like a black monster in the back of her mind, that they could get stranded again.

When the banquet was over, the celebrations had moved to this luxury hotel in the bay of San Francisco. Starfleet Command had arranged accommodation here for all Voyager crew members who needed a temporary place to stay, and the hotel staff, honored to be host to the famous Voyager crew, had thrown a welcoming home party for the entire crew and their loved ones. Most crew members were going to stay with friends and family, but for those crew members who were from faraway planets or were former Maquis members who had no family or friends left to stay with, the hotel accommodation was a blessing. Even though Kathryn longed to be with her family and to see her hometown again, she was going to stay until the last crew member left, just to make sure she was on hand to answer any questions any one of them had, and to make sure all her crew members had a place to go. She didn't feel that her responsibility to her crew was over just because Voyager was home.

Kathryn took a sip of her champagne and moved her eyes away from the chattering crowd to look at a small dance floor at the rear end of the hall. The Doctor, who said he was going to give serious consideration to a name now they were home, was dancing with a tall red-haired woman that Kathryn didn't recognize, and Samantha Wildman was dancing with her husband. Kathryn's eyes then fell on Chakotay and Seven. They were swaying slowly to soft music and their bodies were linked in what looked more like an embrace than a dance. The sight of them holding each other so close, and gazing so starry eyed into each other's eyes, hurt profoundly. But, as torturing as the sight was, Kathryn could not look away. For four years, she had felt nothing but a motherly desire to protect and nurture Seven, but the feelings she was having towards her prodigy were rather different now. She couldn't help notice with some degree of envy how stunning Seven looked with her long blonde hair flowing over a sumptuous gown of red satin, and she couldn't help feel resentful towards the beautiful young woman who had taken her place in Chakotay's heart. Chakotay was wearing a black suit with a waistcoat of red satin that matched Seven's dress, and there was no denying that they made a very handsome couple.

When the Admiral had told her that Seven would marry Chakotay in the future, an agonizing pain had sliced through her heart, and she could feel it still. The only comfort she had taken was from the possibility, as selfish as it was, that the Admiral's future would no longer happen and Chakotay would remember what he had once felt for her. But, at the celebratory banquet, Chakotay and Seven had announced they were dating, and the last tentative sinews holding Kathryn's heart together had broken.

"It isn't real, you know."

Kathryn turned to her right and found B'Elanna standing beside her. The half-Klingon was wearing a pretty short dress of cream velvet, and no one would have been able to tell from her slim figure that she had given birth only hours before.

"This 'thing' he has with Seven, it's only because he hasn't had all his memories back yet. It's you he loves, not her."

Kathryn gazed into her glass of sparkling champagne. "He may never get all his memories back, B'Elanna. What he has with her is real to him, and it's real to her." She paused. "Most people think he's made a miraculous recovery since the transporter incident, but you and I both know that he isn't exactly the same man as he was before. But he's happy...happier than he's ever been all these years...and their relationship is no doubt why Seven has really blossomed over the past couple of weeks."

"They don't have a 'relationship'," B'Elanna replied. "They've only been on a few dates. And he's totally deceiving himself if he thinks he loves her."

"Chakotay wouldn't toy with her heart. He remembers enough to know that she's very fragile. He would never have a relationship with her if he wasn't sure of his feelings." She paused painfully. "We've lost the Chakotay we knew and loved, but that's our burden to bear. He's happy, and I'm so grateful for that."

"You've lost more than me," B'Elanna said sadly. "He's still the same with me...more or less. But you've lost everything. I was sure that one day you and he would, you know? And now we're home...it's just not fair."

"It is fair. I'm the one to blame for what happened to him. It's only right that I'm the one who suffers most."

"You're no more to blame than I am. But, if it's any consolation, I really don't think this infatuation will last. I can't think of a worst matched couple."

Kathryn made no reply. If Chakotay and Seven had married in the Admiral's future, then there was every possibility that they would marry in this one.

Tom approached, dressed smartly in a brown suit with a cream shirt, and slipped his arm around his wife. "I hate to be a party pooper," he said, "but the Doctor said you need to take things easy for the next couple of days. I think it's time we left."

Kathryn smiled. "Be honest, Tom. You just can't wait to get home and cuddle that new baby of yours."

"That too," Tom smiled in return.

"Just five more minutes," B'Elanna beseeched.

"You've been saying that for the past hour," Tom argued. "And we promised my mother we wouldn't be too late, remember? I've only just got back in my parents good books. I don't want to be back in their bad books as an uncaring father who abandons his new born daughter in favor of a party."

"But this is hardly a regular party," B'Elanna reasoned. "It's the party we've waited seven years for." She grabbed his shirt. "And I've just spent half the day giving birth, so the least you can do is indulge me." She kissed his mouth. "Five more minutes."

"Alright," Tom smiled. "Five more minutes...but that's it."

Kathryn spoke. "Have you decided yet where you're going to live? I take it you don't plan on living with your parents in the long term."

"No way," Tom replied. "As soon as we can find a place of our own, we're out of there."

"We're thinking of Sydney, Australia," B'Elanna went on. "Tom's been offered a holo-studio and publishing deal for Captain Proton, which he really wants to do, and I can apply for a part-time position teaching Engineering at a Starfleet regional base there. The climate is also good for the Klingon half of me." She paused. "What about you? Have you made any plans yet?"

"Some," Kathryn replied, putting down her drink on a table beside her. "I'm staying here for a couple of days, and then I'm going to stay with my mother in Bloomington for a while."

"Is your mother still here?" B'Elanna asked. "I don't think I got to meet her."

"No. She and my Aunt Martha are getting on in years so they left after the banquet. My sister was here for a while, but she left about an hour ago."

Tom questioned. "Have you thought about where you will live yet?"

"Yes. I'm going to live here in San Francisco."

"Didn't you live in Bloomington before we got stranded?" B'Elanna asked.

"Yes. I moved back there when Mark and I got involved. But I'd rather live here in San Francisco. It's convenient for work and I like the city." It would also make things easier for Mark. He still lived in Bloomington with his wife and toddler son, and the last thing she wanted was to be a ghost from the past haunting their lives.

In the distance, Seven's aunt, Irene Hanson, approached the dancing lovebirds and they drew apart.

"Thank God for that," B'Elanna commented. "The sight of those two fawning over each other was starting to make me feel quite nauseous."

"They're in love," Tom said. "Give them a break."

"They're not in love," B'Elanna retorted. "How can they be? Seven doesn't really know who she is yet, and Chakotay doesn't remember who he is. What they have is just...it's just fake!"

Seven left the dance floor with her aunt, and Chakotay walked towards B'Elanna, Tom and Kathryn.

"Well," Tom replied, "you'd better hold that Klingon tongue of yours because I think Chakotay's coming over."

Sure enough, Chakotay joined them. "Seven's aunt has decided to call it a night," he said. "So Seven's escorting her to the transporter room. Her aunt gives everyone her best regards."

"Much appreciated, I'm sure," B'Elanna said, rather sarcastically. "Too bad she couldn't be bothered to give us them herself."

"I haven't had the chance to speak with Seven all night," Kathryn said, deliberately trying to peddle the conversation in a different direction. "How does she feel about being home?"

"Good. I think she was overwhelmed at first, but now that she's met her aunt and they get on really well, she's feeling a lot happier."

"She looked perfectly happy to me just now," B'Elanna remarked. "But then some women have no shame in stealing..."

"B'Elanna and I were just leaving," Tom said, interrupting his wife. "Weren't we, honey?"

"It hasn't been..."

"Tom's right," Kathryn said, again interrupting the half-Klingon. "You really need to rest."

"I'll third that," Chakotay smiled.

B'Elanna sighed. "Looks like I'm outnumbered."

"I'll be leaving for Trebus at the end of the week," Chakotay said. "I'm going to stay with my sister for a while. If I don't see you both before I leave, then I guess this is goodbye."

Tears welled in B'Elanna's eyes at that. "I'm going to miss you, Big Guy."

"I'm going to miss you too," he said sadly.

B'Elanna drew him close and held him a moment before turning to her former captain. "And I'm going to miss you too.." she emphasized the next word affectionately, "Admiral."

"As I will you," Kathryn said, a lump gathering in her throat. For so many years she had wanted to get her crew home, but it had never occurred to her how hard it was going to be to say goodbye. "You just make sure you stay in regular contact."

"You can count on it."

Tom extended his hand to Chakotay. "It's been an honor to serve with you, Chakotay. And, seeing as we're about to part ways, I think now is as good a time as any for me to give you back your life."

Chakotay laughed softly. "About time."

Tom then extended his hand to Kathryn. "I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for me."

Kathryn took his hand but also drew him close. "You've done me proud, Tom. And you absolutely were the best pilot I could have had."

Tom laughed at that and then drew away, his eyes moist.

"Okay," B'Elanna said, "we'd better get going before this gets any harder."

"Good idea," Tom replied.

B'Elanna embraced Kathryn and Chakotay one more time, and then, after a last goodbye, she and Tom left.

When they were gone, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Are you going to be staying here at the hotel until you leave for Trebus?"

"No," he replied. "I'm going to stay with my cousin and his family in Mexico City for a few days and then I'm going to stay with Seven at her aunt's house so that she and I can spend some time together before I leave."

"I see," Kathryn replied, trying to hide her disappointment.

"I'm hoping I can get an appointment to see Dr Yvonne Briluk before I leave. Admiral Carter was telling me about her. She's a specialist in memory loss. By using a combination of medicine and innovative techniques, she's had a lot of success in helping patients recover their memory. She may be able to help me in some way."

"Let's hope so," Kathryn said sincerely. "And, if you have time, I'd like to see you again before you leave. You can tell me what she says. I'm going to stay with my mother in Bloomington as soon as I'm satisfied every crew member is settled, and you can drop by any time."

Chakotay smiled warmly. "I'll do that." He then held out his hand to her. "Care to dance?"

The offer took Kathryn by surprise. Ever since the Transporter incident, Chakotay had been rather distant. Not deliberately, but because of his lost memory. He had come to see her as no more than his captain and comrade.

"Sure," Kathryn said.

She took Chakotay's hand and he led her on to the dance floor.

When they reached the dance floor, Chakotay slipped one of his arms around her waist and drew her body against his. They danced slowly and Kathryn couldn't help but gaze at him. When he had first come into her life all those years ago, she had thought he was the most wonderful man she had ever met. And that feeling hadn't changed. If anything, her admiration and respect for him had only grown over the past seven years. It must have been incredibly difficult for him in the beginning to serve under the captain who had been sent to capture him, but he had never complained about the injustice or made life unnecessarily difficult. Quite the contrary, he had done everything he could to make life easier for her.

Over the course of her career, Kathryn had met many men who believed strength lay in dominating others in both a physical and mental sense, but Chakotay was different. To some, his capitulation to her leadership may have been seen as a sign of weakness, but she knew it had taken far more courage to capitulate than to retaliate. Chakotay's strength was a quiet strength, and that made it all the more powerful. She had often wondered how she would have got through the past seven years without him. Those times she had gone too far, he had been there to pull her back, and those rare times she had felt like giving up, he had been there to hold her up and give her strength to continue. She had fallen in love with him that fateful spring eighteen years ago, but over the past seven years, her love for him had deepened beyond measure. And now that she knew for sure that this Chakotay was her Chakotay, she loved him even more.

Chakotay's eyes found hers and he flinched at the warmth he saw in them.

The subtle action wasn't missed by Kathryn and pain pierced her heart. It had been so hard over the past few weeks seeing the change in Chakotay, but it had never been as hard as it was now they were home. For so many years she had waited for a time when they could be together again, but now that they finally could be, his loss of memory made it impossible. It was ironic that the incident that had brought him into her life was the incident that was now keeping them apart.

Averting her eyes, Kathryn missed her step and broke their flow.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I guess I'm not used to dancing." She disentangled herself from his grasp. "And I won't cramp your style. I'll...I'll go and see how Tuvok's doing." He wasn't leaving for Vulcan until the morning. "See you later."

Without waiting for a response, Kathryn walked away, and Chakotay watched as she made her way through the crowd. When she'd looked at him, he'd felt...he didn't know what he'd felt...but whatever it was, it had been overwhelming. And he'd seen an image in his mind of a younger Kathryn in a blue dress and fancy hairdo looking back at him, smiling happily. But the image had disappeared as soon as it had come. As he watched her leave, more memories returned to him. He remembered standing close to her on a place they called New Earth, and he could see pictures of her in his mind. She was wearing something blue and her hair was long over her shoulders. She was close...he was touching her...massaging her...

But that's where the memories stopped.

The feeling, however, the feeling lingered...a feeling he couldn't identify or understand...but something that was deep, warm, protective, and a desire that was strong yet tender...

"In need of a partner, Sir?"

The voice was Seven's and he turned towards her. She smiled warmly at him and Chakotay smiled in return.

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"Then may I have this dance?"

Chakotay held out his hand to her. "With my pleasure."

Seven took his hand and Chakotay gathered her against him.

As they moved slowly to the music, Chakotay couldn't help but look out at the crowd again. It had felt so right, being with Seven, but now...but now it didn't feel quite so right anymore. He couldn't understand it or explain it, but he could hear a voice inside him trying to tell him something, but he couldn't make out the words as there was too much interference. His eyes singled out Kathryn in the crowd and he watched as she joined Tuvok in a quiet corner of the room. She must have felt the weight of his stare as she looked in his direction. Then, a dancing couple clouded his view and he lost sight of her. When they moved away again, Kathryn was gone.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**


	22. Chapter 22

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Two**

Raylar's Bar was unusually quiet for a Thursday night. Seated at the bar, dressed in black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a mock black leather jacket, Chakotay ate some salted peanuts from a bowl and washed them down with beer.

"If it isn't the Delta Quadrant hero..."

Chakotay turned in the direction of the voice and saw Mel standing beside him. Her black hair was as long and curly as ever, and she was dressed in white pants, a low cut shimmering blue top, and had large silver hoops dangling from her ears.

"Mel," Chakotay smiled. "Good to see you."

"You too."

Chakotay put down his beer, got to his feet, and embraced her.

"You don't look a day older," he said as he drew away. "You're still the hottest chick in town."

Mel smiled. "Not looking so bad yourself. Love the tattoo."

"Thank you." He sat again and gestured to the stool beside him. "Join me?"

"Try and keep me away." She climbed onto the high stool. "I'm surprised to see you here, though. It's been...God, I don't know how long. Fifteen years?"

"Something like that. I'm just checking out my old haunts." He looked around. "Not much has changed."

"Never does around here." She turned to the bartender. "Hey, Lez. Give us a lager over here."

"So," Chakotay continued, "how are you? What are you up to these days?"

"Same old, same old. Just finished with 'no 8' and this time I swear I'm not getting hitched again."

Chakotay laughed softly. "It's your taste, Mel. It was always terrible."

"Well, you know what they say, takes one to know one."

"I won't argue with that."

"Last thing I heard you were knocking around with that Borg chick. That still happening?"

"No," Chakotay replied, taking a sip of his beer. "It's over. Probably should never have started."

The bartender put a pint of lager before Mel and she took it gratefully. "Ta, Lez." She then took a sip and addressed Chakotay again. "So, what are your plans now you're home?"

"I'm hoping I can get a teaching post at Starfleet Academy. I don't want to go back to space."

"I don't blame you. It can't have been much fun stuck on that ship day in and day out."

"It wasn't all bad. There were some good times. But, in general, it was a kind of lonely life."

"Not many women to take to the sack, eh?"

Chakotay laughed. "You could say that."

"Tell me, what's the goss on Janeway? I saw some interview on FNBC with that EMH guy. God, isn't he up himself? He said Janeway denied herself intimacy for the sake of the crew. Is he for real?"

"It's true," Chakotay replied. "At least as far as I know. I can't remember everything that happened. I suffered a serious head-injury in a transporter incident a few months ago and I've lost a lot of memories. I have bits and pieces, but I just can't get them to form a whole. It's hard. I don't really know who I am anymore. Every time I think I do, a memory returns to me and makes me question myself."

"You seem the same old Chakotay to me," she said kindly. "Well, maybe a little more tame, even if you do have a tattoo." She got to her feet and fluffed out her bushy black hair. "But that can be remedied. What do you say? We're both free agents. How about we head back to my place for some wild action?"

"No," Chakotay replied. "But thank you."

"Come on," Mel urged. "For old times sake..."

Chakotay considered a moment, then relented. "Alright."

Mel smiled at her triumph. "I'll go and get my jacket."

When she was gone, Chakotay turned to his right and an image unexpectedly flashed before him. He saw a young woman with long auburn hair clipped back from her face standing beside him. She was looking at him with all too familiar eyes and spoke with an all too familiar voice. _"Hi... I'm Kaz..."_

Then the image and the voice was gone.

Chakotay stared at the place where she had stood. This was the second time in a week he had seen a younger Kathryn in his mind. But he and Kathryn had only met seven years ago. They couldn't be memories. Kathryn would never have attended a place like this or called herself "Kaz". What he was experiencing was just...He didn't know what he was experiencing. It was so hard to tell what was real any more. Mel returned, a leather jacket over her arm. "Okay. I'm all set..."

Chakotay then got to his feet and they left.

* * *

Frothy waves lapped a moonlit beach. With a glass of wine in his hand, Chakotay stood on a high balcony and looked out at the Floridian shore. It was a beautiful sight, so natural and peaceful. The tranquil scene should have been enough to soothe a restless soul, but Chakotay didn't feel at peace. For some reason, Kathryn kept coming into his mind, and every time he thought of her, he felt a profound ache in his heart.

Glass doors leading onto the balcony slid open, and Mel appeared, wearing a red satin dressing gown with black lace trims.

"Pretty, ain't it?"

"Very."

Mel stood beside him and leant against the balcony. "But it don't look like you're appreciating the beauty. What's on your mind?"

"I don't know," he replied. "When I was on Voyager, things were...they were less complicated. I thought I knew who I was. But since we got back, it's all been different. I'm seeing things, feeling things, that I can't identify or explain."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Feelings for someone, maybe, a need of someone. But it doesn't make any sense." He paused. "Do you think you could love someone and then forget that you do?"

"Don't ask me about love, darlin'. I can only give you the screwed up version...in every sense of the word."

"Can't say I know much about it myself," Chakotay said sadly. "I don't know. I'm thinking, maybe, I loved someone. But I'm probably just being crazy. She would never have looked at a man like me. But when I think of her, I feel...I don't know." He paused. "I never felt this way until the welcoming home party. Before then she was just...But my head is so mixed up right now. I don't know what I'm thinking, who I am."

"You, Chakotay. That's who you are." She took the wine from his hand, put it down, and slipped her arms around him. "And enough of this seriousness. Life's too short." She began to kiss his neck. "Let's have some fun."

Chakotay closed his eyes at her sensual kisses, but as he did so, Kathryn's face fell before him again. He could see her so clearly...she was close, touching him...getting closer... And with the images came those feelings again...love, longing, pain. Then the pictures and the feelings were gone, only the haunting memory of them remaining.

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said, breaking away from Mel. "I can't. It doesn't feel right."

"Sure it does. You just need some warming up. Let me..."

"No," he answered firmly. "I'm sorry. "

Mel sighed, but backed away. "No skin off my nose. Plenty more fish in the sea." She then began to tie the belt on her dressing gown. "But you won't run away like a scardy cat, will you? At least stay for a bit. We've got a lot of catching up to do."

"I don't know, Mel," Chakotay said. "I..."

"Oh come on. I don't bite where I'm not wanted. I promise."

At that, Chakotay smiled. "Ok," he said. "I'll stay for a bit."

Mel smiled back. "Good. I'm glad that's settled."

* * *

A full pearly moon bathed Kathryn's childhood bedroom in a silver light. The room was just as Kathryn remembered it...every ornament, every picture, every book. Time had stood still here. In the familiar surrounding of yesteryear, Kathryn lay on her bed in a blue negligee, and gazed at the images of herself and Chakotay inside her precious locket. In her mind, she could see Chakotay standing before her, looking so distinguished and handsome in his Victorian evening suit, and she could see herself fastening a bunch of "Forget-me-nots" to his coat. There was such a painful irony to that now.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and Kathryn put her locket down on her lap. "Come in."

The door opened and her Aunt Martha stepped into the room. She was a tall, well-built, and very smart woman who took much pride in her appearance. Her short silver hair was swept back elegantly from her face and she was wearing a pretty blue skirt, a matching cardigan, and a cream blouse. In her hands she held a wooden tray, and on the tray there was a plate of brownies and a delicate floral cup which had steam puffing out of it. The very family orientated woman had never taken to living on her own, so had moved in with her sister-in-law three years ago, and had come to regard this house as her home.

"Your mother and I have hot chocolate and brownies every night at this time. I thought I'd bring you some too."

"That was very thoughtful of you, thank you."

Aunt Martha put the tray down on Kathryn's bedside table. "Shall I leave them here?"

"Please," Kathryn replied. "And I have to say, the brownies smell delicious."

"Homemade," her aunt said proudly. "And fresh today."

Kathryn reached for a brownie and then took a bite. "Wonderful."

Aunt Martha smiled, but then looked at her niece in concern. "Far be it for me to pry into your business, darling, but is all well?"

Kathryn looked up at her. "How do you mean?"

"You've been very quiet since you got here and have kept mostly to this room. I know it must be overwhelming to be home after all these years, but I can't help but wonder if there's something else wrong. You seem a little disheartened."

"Everything's fine," Kathryn lied. "More than fine. I got my crew home and I couldn't ask for things to be better than that."

Aunt Martha sat on the edge of her bed. "I'm not talking about the captain," she said kindly, "I'm talking about my Kathryn." She paused. "I know your mother buries her head in the sand so she doesn't have to face what she doesn't want to see, but I'm not her. You can talk to me, darling. Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're feeling, you can tell me."

"Thank you, Aunt Martha. But I'm fine, really. I've spent a lot of time up here as I've had a lot of mail to read and I've been going through the box of things Mom saved from my house." After a year of waiting for her to return, her mother and Mark had finally given up and begun the difficult task of clearing her house. Most of her furniture had been recycled or given away, but her mother had collected some personal belongings and stored them in a box. "And, it's like you said...I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that's happened. I've been the captain for so long that it's going to take time to get used to being Kathryn again."

"I can understand that," Aunt Martha replied. "But would I be right in thinking that all is not well with your heart right now?"

Kathryn flinched. "How do you mean?"

"I saw the way you were looking at that handsome First Officer of yours at the banquet."

Kathryn shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do, Kathryn. You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Kathryn picked up her cup of hot chocolate. "He was my First Officer, that's all. Our relationship was strictly professional."

Aunt Martha reached out and put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "This is me you're talking to, darling. I've known you since you were a little girl. I know that you're unhappy. And I would be unhappy too if the man I loved was seeing someone else."

Kathryn was silent for a long moment, and then spoke. "You're right," she said quietly. "I do love him. But it was an impossible situation on Voyager because of our positions and it's an impossible situation now."

"You were a long way from home, Kathryn. I think everyone would have understood if you'd got involved with someone. You could have been out there for the rest of your life. That's a long time to live without an intimate relationship...in every sense."

"Maybe, but I've lived without an intimate relationship for most of my life. And I'll be living the rest of my life without intimacy so I guess these years have been good grounding."

Aunt Martha looked at her sadly. "One of these days you'll meet someone and it will all just be right."

"Not for me," Kathryn replied. "I'm never getting involved with anyone again. It's true what they say, love hurts. Every man I've ever loved, I've hurt in some way. Justin died because he loved me, Mark was left devastated because he loved me, and Chakotay...let's just say I hurt him in more ways than one."

"You mustn't think like that, Kathryn. You were in no way responsible for what happened with Justin or with Mark. I can't imagine what it was like for you, losing your father and fiancé the way you did, but none of it was your fault."

"Perhaps, but Justin's life would still have been better if he had never met me... at least he would still have a life."

"You don't know that. I believe that if our time is up, then it is, regardless of who we're with or what we're doing. I only ever met Justin that one time you and he came to dinner, but he told me then that you were the best thing to have ever happened to him."

Kathryn looked up at her. "He said that?"

Martha nodded. "I sat with him in the garden while your uncle showed you some Victorian antiques we'd just acquired, and he was awfully quiet. I was worried that he was having second thoughts about marrying you, and being the busy body that I am, I couldn't help but ask. He said that he had no doubts about his feelings for you, but that he had a lot of doubts about whether he was the right man for you. He said he wasn't like other men, that he had a lot of issues from his past to deal with, and that he didn't know if he could ever adequately show you all the love he felt for you. He felt that you needed a man who was more open and affectionate."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "I had no idea he felt that way."

"I told him that all he had to worry about was whether or not he loved you. If he did, then with time and determination, everything else would take care of itself. He said he loved you more than anything and that you were the best thing to have ever happened to him." She paused. "You're a remarkable woman, Kathryn, and you have a lot of love in your heart. Don't be afraid to share it again."

Kathryn said nothing. She knew her aunt meant well, but she just didn't understand. It was too hard to love only to lose all the time. It was better not to love, was better to just be alone...

Aunt Martha's eyes fell on the locket lying forgotten on Kathryn's lap. "That's a pretty locket."

Kathryn's eyes registered the locket and she picked it up. "Yes." Not wanting questions asked, she hastily put it down on her bedside table.

"Was it given to you by someone special?"

"I can't remember," she said, turning back to her aunt. She hated to lie, but she wasn't comfortable in sharing the truth. "I think I got it when I was staying at your cabin."

"If that's the case, it must be quite old. No one's been to the cabin in over ten years." She sighed. "I dread to think what condition it's in now."

"Why doesn't anyone go there anymore? We always had to fight for time there in the past."

"You know how it is. People get bored of going to the same place. Jason and his wife have their own vacation home in Europe, and Frank and his wife haven't been there since their children left home. My friend, Selene, prefers what she calls a less "demanding" environment now that she's advancing in years, and your sister hasn't been there since she got married. There's no one else to go there, really, except your mother, and she doesn't want to go there alone. We thought of going a couple of years ago, but I've only been back there twice since Bill died and both times were a little overwhelming for me. In the end we decided to go to Germany." She paused and fiddled with the band of gold on her left hand. "I should pass the cabin on to someone who would appreciate it, but it was such a special place to Bill that I can't quite bring myself to let it go." She then looked up at Kathryn. "You were always quite fond of the place. Why don't you have it?"

"That's very kind of you," Kathryn replied. "But there's a lot of memories for me there. Good ones, but painful aswell, if you know what I mean. I just don't think I would make any use of it."

"I understand," Aunt Martha said, trying to conceal her disappointment. "I have bittersweet memories of time spent there too. Bill and I had such good times there that it hurts to remember them. I miss him so much, even now." She paused. "I really should do something with the place, though. It meant such a lot to Bill and he'd hate for it to fall into decay and disuse. I'll talk to my son about finding a new owner."

As much as it hurt Kathryn to think of staying in the cabin, it hurt even more to think of the cabin passing out of her family. It occupied a very special place in her heart, and someday she might want to stay there again.

"I'll take it," Kathryn offered. "I'm not sure how often I'll use it, but I'd hate to see it fall out of the family."

Aunt Martha's eyes lit up. "It would be a huge weight off my shoulders, but are you sure, darling?"

"Absolutely." Kathryn put down her now empty cup. "How about we go into town tomorrow and change ownership to me? It shouldn't take more than twenty minutes. Then I'll go to the cabin and see what needs to be done."

"That would be great." Aunt Martha then laughed softly. "You sure do grab the bull by the horns."

Kathryn smiled. "That's what comes of being a Delta Quadrant captain too long."

Aunt Martha got to her feet. "I'll go and tell your mother the happy news." She then opened her arms to Kathryn. "But before I do, come here and give your old Aunt Martha a hug."

Kathryn gladly obliged and her aunt embraced her warmly.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY TWO**


	23. Chapter 23

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Three**

Soft summer rain fell from a gray Canadian sky. Wearing solid brown boots and a white raincoat over blue jeans, Kathryn surveyed the exterior of the cabin, now officially hers. A sadness filled her heart at how derelict it had become. There was a large hole in the roof, the front door was hanging off, and the windows were nothing but broken glass. It was so different to the picturesque and welcoming cabin she remembered.

Walking against the rain, Kathryn went up to what had been the living room window and peered inside. The once cozy room was dirty and dusty and rubble from the roof lay scattered over broken furniture. There was no way she could go inside, the falling roof was a death-trap.

Kathryn drew away from the window and began to walk around the cabin. To the rear of the cabin, the roof had almost completely collapsed, exposing the rear bedroom almost entirely to the elements. It was a very depressing sight. Even the roof of the transporter room had caved in.

Turning away from the cabin, Kathryn looked out at the yard. It was overgrown with grass now and cluttered with debris. Slowly, she walked over to where she and Chakotay had sat around a roaring fire all those years ago, and saw that the stones they had used to contain the fire were still there, buried deep in the grass. Oblivious to the rain, Kathryn knelt down and picked one up. Tenderly, she ran her fingers over the cold, wet, stone, and then looked around. In her mind she could see Chakotay sitting before her, could smell roasting potatoes, could feel Petunia's warm body nestling beside her, and could hear the rhythmic beating of a drum...

Kathryn put the stone down and got to her feet. Raising her hand to her brow to shield her eyes from the hardening rain, she looked up at the cabin once more. While the windows were broken and the doors were hanging off, the chimney was still intact and the shell of the cabin was standing strong. She concluded that with a new roof and some general maintenance, the cabin would be habitable again.

* * *

When Kathryn arrived home in Indiana, she changed out of her wet clothes, took a bath, and then began to get ready to dine out with her mother and Aunt Martha. They had booked a table for 6pm at a quaint local restaurant that overlooked Lake Griffy. Not wanting to look too formal or too casual, Kathryn had replicated a short cream dress, matching sandals with a small heel, and an elegant lace-style cardigan of glittering gold fabric. Just as she was buttoning up her dress, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!"

Her mother came in, smartly dressed herself in a pleated skirt of navy blue and a short-sleeved white blouse. Her hair was swept up from her face in a plaited bun and she had a string of pearls around her neck.

"Mark's here to see you," she said. "I didn't like to tell him we're going out. I told him to wait in the living room."

"You did the right thing," Kathryn replied. Since returning from the Delta Quadrant, she had wanted to see him. Because of all that had happened, there was a lingering awkwardness between them, and she wanted to clear it. She also wanted to ask about the fate of Molly, her once beloved dog. But she hadn't liked to seek Mark out. He had a new life now, and she didn't want to barge into it and impose herself. "We've still got a good forty minutes before we're due at the restaurant," she continued,"but if he and I are not finished by then, you and Aunt Martha go on without me. I'll join you later."

"Very well," her mother replied.

Kathryn picked up her sandals. "Tell him I'll be down in a moment."

"Alright."

With that, her mother left, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Mark was looking out of the living room window when Kathryn arrived in the room. He was wearing a brown jacket over black pants and looked just like she remembered...older, but the same. At the sight of him, a lump gathered in Kathryn's throat. For so long he had been the most important person in her life, and a part of her would always love him. He turned around when he heard her enter the room, and he looked distinctively uncomfortable.

"Hello, Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled at him warmly. "Hello, Mark."

A red blur moved behind his legs, and a Red Irish Setter appeared from behind an armchair.

Kathryn's heart skipped a beat. "Molly?"

"The one and only," Mark replied, relaxing a little at Kathryn's warm welcome. "I wasn't sure if it was right to come, but aswell as wanting to see you, I needed to return her."

Molly strolled over to Kathryn and looked up at her with friendly brown eyes. Kathryn knelt down and hugged the large dog.

"It's so good to see you, old girl," she said, drawing away. "How are you doing?"

Molly wagged her tail at Kathryn's display of affection, but there was no recognition in her eyes.

"As I expected," Kathryn said, getting to her feet. "She doesn't remember me. You're her family now. I couldn't possibly take her away from you."

"Are you sure, Kath? We've always known that one day she might leave us."

"I'm absolutely sure. It wouldn't be fair to her or to you"

"Carla will be pleased," he replied. "She dotes on Molly. And, I admit, it would be kind of strange without her in the house."

Kathryn smiled. "Admit it, Mark. You're smitten with her too."

Mark laughed softly. "I guess I am. Who'd have ever thought it?" He then fell serious. "I thought you were dead, Kath. If I'd known you were still alive, I would have waited."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "But perhaps then it's for the best that you didn't know."

"I guess. But I was totally devastated when Voyager went missing. If it wasn't for Carla, I don't know how I would have got through. I don't want you to think that my grief wasn't real, that I just cast aside my loss and moved on."

"I've never thought that, Mark. I know that you loved me. And I'm glad that you found happiness again."

"Thank you, Kath," Mark smiled. "That means more than you could ever know." He paused. "And I'd like it if we could still be friends. We were friends for so long."

"I'd like that too," Kathryn replied. "And I'd like to meet your wife...see if she gets my approval."

Mark laughed. "I'm sure she will. She's a wonderful woman, Kath. I've been so lucky to be loved by two wonderful women. You couldn't hope to meet a kinder or more thoughtful woman."

"And I hear you have a son."

"Yes. His name's Kevin. He's eighteen months old. You'll have to come to dinner, get to meet him and Carla at the same time."

"I would love too."

"How about tomorrow evening? That is if you don't have any other plans."

"None at all. Tomorrow it is."

Mark was just about to speak when the door opened and Kathryn's mother appeared.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she began, "but you have another visitor. Chakotay."

Kathryn swallowed. Of all the times, of all the days... But it had been eighteen years since Mark and Chakotay had met at the castle and it was unlikely that Mark would recognize him. If he was going to recognize Chakotay as Jack, he would have done so by now as he must have seen pictures or media footage of Chakotay over the past seven years.

"Show him in."

Her mother left again, and Chakotay came in, wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt.

Kathryn smiled. "Chakotay, it's good to see you."

"I hope now's not a bad time," he said, seeing that Kathryn had company.

"Not at all." It was the worst possible time, but she was so glad he had come, that she didn't want him to leave again. She gestured to Mark. "This is Mark, my former fiancé." She then turned to Mark and introduced Chakotay. "Mark, this is Chakotay, my First Officer and Maquis miscreant."

Mark stepped forward and held out his hand. "It's an honor to meet you, Chakotay."

Chakotay smiled and shook his hand. "Likewise."

As the two men parted hands, Mark studied Chakotay curiously, a familiarity about this man bugging him. "Have we met before? You seem rather familiar. And I don't just mean from the media."

"I don't think so," Chakotay replied.

"Then you probably just remind me of someone."

"That's probably it," Kathryn said hastily. "May I get you both a drink? Tea, coffee, juice?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Chakotay replied.

"Mark?"

"No, thank you." He pulled a dog leash out of his pocket and began to fasten it to Mollly's collar. "And I'd better get going. I have a lecture to give this evening."

"Alright," Kathryn replied, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable by insisting he stay. "I'm glad you came."

He smiled. "So am I."

"What time shall I come over for dinner tomorrow?"

"About 6.30pm. That will give you a chance to meet Kevin before we put him to bed."

"I look forward to it."

Mark gazed at her, his eyes moist. "It really is good to see you, Kath."

"You too."

Kathryn then broke their gaze and turned to the door, about to show him out.

"No," Mark protested. "I'll show myself out. I know the way."

Kathryn smiled. "I guess you do."

"See you tomorrow...and welcome home."

"Thank you." Kathryn then looked down at her former pet and tickled her ear. "Goodbye, Molly."

Mark and Molly then left and Kathryn closed the door behind them. She then turned to Chakotay and gestured to the couch.

"Please, have a seat."

Chakotay sat down and Kathryn sat in a chair opposite him. "So, how was your cousin and his family?"

"Good," Chakotay replied. "I wouldn't have recognized the children, though. They've grown so much."

Kathryn smiled. "They have a habit of doing so."

"But it was great to spend some time with them and see the city." He paused. "I've also stayed a couple of nights with an old friend in Dallas, and last night I stayed in Florida."

Kathryn frowned. "I thought you said you were going to stay with Seven and her aunt before leaving for Trebus?"

"I stayed one night, but it wasn't really working between Seven and I, so we decided to call it quits."

"I'm sorry." Even though her own heart wasn't exactly sorry, she was sorry for his. Being with Seven had made him so happy.

"It was a mutual decision. I was having doubts and she was too. Things seemed so right on Voyager, but now that we're home, it didn't seem right anymore."

Kathryn could understand that. As small as their world on Voyager was, it was the only world Seven had really known. Now they were home, there was a whole Federation of opportunities for her to explore. Being tied down in a relationship could be very restricting.

"When are you leaving for Trebus?"

"I don't know. There have been developments. That's why I'm here. I saw Dr Briluk this afternoon, just an hour ago, in fact, and she believes she can help me."

Kathryn's eyes lit up at this news. "That's...wonderful."

"Yes. She performed several tests, including some brain scans, and concluded that with treatment I can recover most of my memories. This treatment would involve open-brain surgery, but she says the risks in our day and age are very small."

At this, the brightness in Kathryn's eyes faded. Despite the advancements in medical science, open-brain surgery could still be fatal.

"I would have had the surgery today, if I could, but it's a long and complicated operation and needs to be done at hospital. As my condition isn't life-threatening, a theater has to be booked in advance. Dr Briluk has booked me the first available slot, which is next month. That gives me plenty of time to go to Trebus, as it only take a few days to get there, but I'd rather go when...when I'm recovered. That way, my sister will get to meet the real me." He paused. "The operation is my only hope of recovering my memories. While in fictional novels and drama all memories suddenly return after a certain stimulus, she said that in real life that rarely happens in cases of head-injury. The tests that she did show that ninety-nine percent of my memory ingrams are undamaged, but that neural pathways accessing those memories are either dead or damaged. I will continue to regain some memories, because even the brain heals itself somewhat, but unless the neural pathways are restored and regenerated, she said I will never regain access to more than five percent of those memories." He paused again. "Restoring the pathways would involve deep neural regeneration and, unlike with memory ingram suppression or alteration, this kind of deep regeneration can't be done through bone, at least not effectively. That's why the brain needs to be exposed."

"I don't think you should have it," Kathryn said quietly. "Not if there are risks. You're well, you're happy. That's all that matters."

"Not to me," Chakotay replied. "I don't know who I am, Kathryn. You see? I just called you Kathryn and I don't know why." Tears welled in his eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you. Ever since the party, you've been on my mind. And I'm seeing you, a younger you." He got up and went over to the window. "I don't know who I am or why I have certain feelings or memories. The last ten years are just a jumble in my mind. I want to understand, I want to know who I am." He turned to her. "And I want to understand why I feel the way I do about you. Did we meet in the past or am I just making up memories? Dr Briluk said that I might do that. Were we lovers? Did something happen between us? Help me to understand."

Kathryn went over to him and put her hand on his arm. "Come with me, Chakotay. I'll show you something."

With that, she turned around, opened the door, and began to walk out of the room. Chakotay hesitated a moment, but then followed. Kathryn led Chakotay through a long hallway to the stairs, and then up them to her childhood bedroom. As she went over to her bedside cabinet, Chakotay looked around, absorbing every detail of the room. Kathryn picked up her red velvet box and carried it over to him.

"You gave me this for Christmas, a long time ago." Carefully, she opened the box and pulled out her precious locket. "I cherished it for many years and it's still very special to me."

She held out the locket to him, and Chakotay slowly took it. He gazed at the intricately engraved silver heart and then opened the locket. His eyes first fell on an image of himself with a mustache wearing Victorian attire, and then on a familiar image of Kathryn. He tenderly touched the glass covering the picture.

"This is how I saw you," he said quietly. "The other night at the party...when we were dancing. I saw you in my mind, just for a second, only a glimpse, but you looked like this." He looked up at her, pain and confusion in his eyes. "But I don't understand. If this was all so long ago, why don't I remember?"

"Because it was only four months ago to you," she answered. "The transporter incident...You weren't just transported to Earth. You were transported to the past. My past. I sent you because...because I knew that I had too...that it was my place. I never knew that before...would never have imagined. But when I saw you in the cargo bay, dressed as you were, I knew then that it was my place to send you. I sent you to 2360, to late summer of that year when I was staying at my family's log cabin in Canada. When we thought you were stuck there...in the past...we became lovers and planned a life together. But we only had weeks together because 'your people' came for you." She paused. "I never thought for a moment that I was 'your people'. It's so hard to comprehend, even now."

Kathryn then held out the letter to him.

"You gave me this letter with the locket. There was a temporal transport attempt, you see, after we became lovers, and...and we knew there was a chance you'd have to leave." She paused. "You signed it Jack because...well, it's a long story."

Chakotay read the words that were definitely written in his handwriting, and an agonizing ache consumed his heart.

"I wish I could remember," he said quietly. He then looked up at her. "But I will, Kathryn. When I've had the operation, I will remember."

"I wish you could remember too, Chakotay. But I don't think it's worth risking your future to remember the past. You've suffered enough." She lowered her eyes. "And I'm so sorry. I knew you would get Post Transportation Trauma, but I never thought you'd be so seriously injured."

"It wasn't your fault, Kathryn. If this was some kind of a temporal loop, then you did what you had to do."

"So I keep telling myself. But, more than doing it for the preservation of history, I did it because...because I wanted it all to happen. The time I spent with you...it was the happiest time of my life."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "I want to remember, Kathryn. I want to know what we shared. I need to know. I need to remember who I am, not who I was." He paused. "I want to have this operation. Will you support me? I don't know why it matters if you don't, but...somehow...it seems to matter."

Kathryn put her hand over his. "All the way, Chakotay. All the way."

He smiled warmly and they looked into each other's eyes for a moment.

Then, Kathryn took back the locket and the letter from his hand. "I'm going for dinner with my mother and Aunt Martha in..." She looked at the Victorian style clock on her wall. "Well, right about now. Why don't you come too?" The restaurant didn't do tables for three, so there would be a spare place for him.

"Thank you, but I wouldn't be comfortable."

"Ok," Kathryn said, trying to hide her disappointment. She put the locket, letter and red velvet box down on her bedside cabinet, and then turned back to him. "I was going to start hunting for an apartment in San Francisco tomorrow, but I think I'll put that on hold for a while. My aunt has given me her cabin in Canada, and I think I'll spend my time getting that repaired and restored." She paused, but then forced herself to look up at him. "When you've had the operation, you might...you might want to recuperate there...with me."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes. "I'm sure that I will."

Gently, Kathryn put her hand on his arm. "Where are you staying now?"

"In a hotel. But tomorrow I'm leaving for Tenus Prime. Captain Villers is leading a team of stellar archaeologists there and I've been invited along. It's a good opportunity to do something I've always wanted and I need a distraction."

"I understand that," Kathryn said, eyes moist. "But I'm going to miss you while you're gone."

Almost instinctively, Chakotay reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I'm going to miss you too."

Tentatively, Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. Slowly, hesitantly, Chakotay put his arms around her and held her in return. As his hold tightened, Kathryn closed her eyes and let herself melt into his embrace. Chakotay closed his eyes too and buried his head in her hair.

"I will remember," he whispered. "I promise I'll remember."

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**


	24. Chapter 24

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**A MONTH LATER**

Sitting alone in a quiet hospital corridor, Kathryn looked at the images of herself and Chakotay in her locket. No matter what the occasion, no matter what the time or the weather, the faces looking back at her were always smiling. There was so much happiness contained in her locket, so much love.

When silver doors opposite her opened, Kathryn slipped the locket under a pretty lemon dress she was wearing and looked up, hoping to see B'Elanna step through the doors. Chakotay had been prepared for surgery and any time now he would be taken to theater. While he was waiting, only one person at a time was allowed to see him, and Kathryn had insisted on B'Elanna going in first.

Sure enough, B'Elanna appeared, casually dressed in black pants and a blue t-shirt. Her eyes were moist and for a moment she said nothing. Kathryn knew that she was very worried about Chakotay. It was a serious operation he was about to have, and anything could happen.

At last B'Elanna spoke. "You may go in now."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder as a small gesture of comfort, and then went inside.

* * *

When Kathryn entered the pre-operative room, she found Chakotay alone there, lying on a trolley with a white gown over him. His hair had been shaved off, his tattoo had been removed, and there were markings on his head where incisions were to be made. The sight brought a lump to Kathryn's throat, but she swallowed it. Chakotay needed her to be strong. Steeling herself, she walked over to him and smiled.

"Love the new look."

Chakotay smiled in return. "Apparently all the rage on Vorlarik Prime."

Kathryn sat on a green hardback chair beside the trolley and took his hand in hers. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't too late to change his mind, but she had promised him that she would support him, and she wouldn't break that promise.

"How are you feeling?"

"Drowsy. They've given me some pre-op medication and it's making me sleepy."

But, as tired as he felt, he couldn't help but notice how pale Kathryn looked, how drawn, and how dark the shadows were around her eyes. The events of the past few months had taken there toll, and he remembered enough of their life together over the past seven years to know that if he didn't survive the operation, she would blame herself.

"Any moment now I'll be taken in," he said softly, "but there's something I want to say first." He squeezed her hand. "If, for whatever reason, I don't make it through, I don't want you to blame yourself. It's my decision to have this operation, I know the risks. And I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened to me...the transporter incident. Whatever happened between us in the past, I'm glad that it did. Just because I can't remember what we shared, doesn't mean it wasn't real. I'm glad I knew, if only for a short while, what it is to love and be loved in return."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "You're not going to die, Chakotay. You're going to make it through and you're going to remember."

"But if I don't, Kathryn, promise me that you won't blame yourself, that you won't think of me with pain and regret, but only with love."

Kathryn hesitated a moment, but then spoke. "I promise."

Large bronze doors to her left opened, and Dr Briluk appeared, followed by two male porters in brown uniforms. She was a tall, attractive, woman with long black hair and pale blue eyes, and had a sweet smile. "We're ready for you, Chakotay."

Chakotay turned away from her and looked up at Kathryn. "Looks like this is it."

Kathryn nodded.

"I have to do this, Kathryn. I have to remember."

"I know," she said quietly. "And you will make it through, Chakotay. I just know that you will."

The two male porters approached the trolley and took hold of one end each. As they did so, Kathryn squeezed Chakotay's hand before letting it go . "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm counting on it."

The Porters released the trolley's wheels, and Kathryn reluctantly stepped away from Chakotay. Before she knew it, he was on his way through the doors, and then he was gone. A stubborn tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and she clumsily wiped it away. She felt a kind hand on her shoulder and turned to her right to find Dr Briluk standing beside her.

"We always have to inform patients of the risks," she said softly, "but I'm confident this operation will be a success." She then withdrew her hand, reached into the pocket of her long white coat, and pulled out a small round bronze badge. "The operation will take about three hours. There's no point in you hanging around the hospital. Take this communication device. I'll contact you when the operation is over and I'm about to wake Chakotay."

Kathryn took the device gratefully. "Thank you."

Dr Briluk smiled warmly and then made her way back into the theater.

* * *

When Kathryn left the pre-operative room, B'Elanna got up from the chair she was sitting in. "Have they taken him in?"

Kathryn nodded. She then showed B'Elanna the communication device Dr Briluk had given her. "Dr Briluk gave me this. She's going to contact us when the operation is over so that we don't have to wait out here." She pinned the device to her dress and then looked up at her former chief engineer. "How about we go to my cabin?"

B'Elanna gave a nod. "Alright."

* * *

Sun streamed through the cabin's small living room windows, and B'Elanna looked around the room as she entered the very welcoming log-home with Kathryn. There was a very comfortable looking brown sofa with two matching chairs, a pine table, and a brown faux-fur rug before a very handsome stone fireplace. The floor was made of pinewood and there were a couple of landscape pictures on the walls.

"This is such a quaint cabin you have here," B'Elanna said, impressed. "It's so cozy and homely."

Kathryn smiled. "Not what you'd have said if you'd seen it a few weeks ago. The windows were broken, the doors were hanging off, and the roof had decided it would rather be a floor. I've had to have a lot of work done on it, but I'm glad to say it's now back to its former glory."

"You've done a great job."

"Thank you. I did very little myself, of course. I just got in a repair team and told them what I wanted doing." She paused. "It's not exactly an ideal place for a baby, but if you and Tom ever want some time to yourselves, you're welcome to stay here."

"That would be great. Thanks."

"You're most welcome." Kathryn then made her way into the kitchenette area. "I'm having a coffee. Would you like one?"

"Please."

As Kathryn manually replicated the coffees, B'Elanna followed her into the kitchenette area.

"Unless your family have a chain of cabins in this part of the world, I'm guessing this is the cabin we sent Chakotay too."

"Yes," Kathryn replied.

"Quite fitting, then, for him to recuperate here."

"I guess."

B'Elanna hesitated, but couldn't resist the curiosity. "I know you can't give me details, but you can't blame me for being curious. This mission we sent Chakotay on. Were you involved? Because if you weren't, how would you know where and when to send him?"

Kathryn bit her lip, not liking the way this conversation was going. "Let's just say our paths crossed."

"That's kind of weird," B'Elanna said as Kathryn handed her a coffee. "To think that you knew him before you knew him."

"Been trying to get my head around it all myself."

"I bet." B'Elanna took a sip of her coffee. "Was that why you made him First Officer? I mean, one moment you're a woman on a mission to capture us, and the next your prime convict is your First Officer. That was a hell of a lot of responsibility to give someone you had every reason to mistrust. Most captains would have made us prove ourselves before giving us the slightest responsibility on the ship."

"There were a lot of reasons why I made Chakotay my First Officer, but yes, having met him in the past influenced my decision. I knew, or believed, that I could trust him."

B'Elanna sat down by a large pine table. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"What was me?"

"You treated Chakotay for Post Transportation Trauma."

Kathryn was a moment in answering. "Yes," she said. "But you can't tell anyone any of this."

"I wouldn't dream of it. You and Chakotay are the closest thing I have to family...excepting Tom and Miral, of course. You can trust me."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "And there are few people I trust, believe me." She then joined B'Elanna at the table, and the half-Klingon watched as her former Captain gazed absently into the cup in her hands.

"He will remember," B'Elanna said kindly. "When he wakes us, he'll remember that he loves you."

Kathryn said nothing. As much as she longed for that with all her heart, right now she just wanted him to make it through the operation.

"You do love him, don't you?"

"I...I don't want to talk about this, B'Elanna," Kathryn said. "And I don't want to think about what may or may not happen. It's better to just wait and see."

"But even if he doesn't get all his memories back," B'Elanna persisted, "he's bound to get some. That will surely be enough to remind him that he loves you. Then you and he can be together and it will be like this amnesia thing never happened."

"That's just one possibility. And, as I said, I don't want to..."

"Why are you being so negative?" B'Elanna interrupted, her tone agitated.

"Because I don't believe in fairytales," Kathryn retorted. "There isn't always a fix-it button in life, B'Elanna. We have to live with the consequences of our actions."

"I know that as well as anyone, but the odds that Chakotay will wake up with his memory restored are in our favor. The same couldn't be said about our odds of getting home from the Delta Quadrant. But we beat the odds. Doesn't that give you faith?"

" I just...I just can't allow myself to build up expectation on this," Kathryn said uncomfortably. "You're a young woman with a husband and a child. Your dream for both has come true. I'm a middle-aged woman who can no longer have a child. Every man I've ever loved, I've lost, and I've lived most of my life alone. I've long had to let go of the dream I had as a young woman of having a family of my own. Our perspectives on this are very different."

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna replied. "When you put it like that...I just didn't think." She paused. "And I'm sorry about children. For what it's worth, I think you would have been a wonderful mother."

Kathryn softened at that. "Thank you." She paused. "And I'm sorry too. I know you meant well."

B'Elanna looked at her sadly. "Are you sure you can't have a child, though? Lots of women have children in their mid-forties."

"My great grandmother for one," Kathryn answered. "She didn't start her family until she was 45 and went on to have four children. Two boys and two girls. "

"Wow. She had a busy few years."

"She certainly did. Although two of them were twins...identical too. Martha and Mary Strathon. My aunt was named Martha Mary after them."

"Well, if she could have four, twins to boot, I'm sure you could have one."

"It's not impossible. I just...it's unlikely. I've accepted that and made my peace with it. Sometimes, as hard as it is, we have to let go of our dreams."

B'Elanna put down her coffee. "I know it's no where near the same, but if you like, you can look after Miral sometimes."

Kathryn smiled wanly. "Thank you, B'Elanna. I'd like that."

* * *

Time passed too slowly, every moment feeling like an eternity. Kathryn replicated what was her fourth cup of coffee and returned to the living room where B'Elanna was sitting.

"It won't be long now," B'Elanna said as Kathryn sat down. "It's been two and a half hours."

"I hope not," Kathryn replied. "I'm not sure how much more of this I can take."

"The worst of it must be over. If something had..."

The communication device on Kathryn's dress bleeped, interrupting B'Elanna. Then Dr Briluk's voice filled the air.

"Dr Briluk to Admiral Janeway."

It was a long moment before Kathryn answered. As much as she wanted this hell to be over, if Dr Briluk bore bad news, she would rather still be waiting. "Janeway here."

"I'm happy to say the operation was a complete success."

At these words, infinite relief consumed Kathryn and she saw the same relief on B'Elanna's face.

"That's...that's wonderful news," she smiled.

"I'm about to wake him up."

"Then we'll be right there. Thank you for telling us."

"You're welcome. See you shortly. Dr Briluk out."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn and B'Elanna got to their feet and hugged joyfully.

* * *

When Kathryn and B'Elanna arrived at the hospital, Dr Briluk was waiting for them outside the post-operative room.

"The operation didn't take as long a I thought it would," she said after greeting them. "Chakotay's brain responded to the treatment better than most. I was able to restore ninety-seven percent of his damaged neural pathways, so he should now have access to almost all the memories he lost."

"I knew it would work," B'Elanna smiled. "I just knew it."

Kathryn questioned. "Will he also remember what has happened over the past few months?"

"Yes." She hesitated with the next words. "Amnesia doesn't generally change someone's personality, but it can have an effect if the person has changed lifestyle or religion but can't remember the weeks, months, or years leading up to that decision. This can result in a reversion to a former lifestyle. When they regain their memory, this can cause some distress." She paused again. "Have you noticed any changes in his attitudes or behavior?"

"I have," B'Elanna replied. "Subtle ones, but changes nonetheless. For example, he got involved with someone who I don't think he would have got involved with if he hadn't lost his memory."

"That's the kind of thing that can cause some distress. Some patients have forgotten they are married, or even forgotten that they love or know their spouse. This has resulted in separation or divorce and getting involved with someone else. When they've regained their memory, this has left them feeling guilty and regretful. It's important to remind them that their condition was responsible for their behavior." She paused. "Chakotay's going to be very drowsy when he wakes up because of the sedatory effect of the painkillers I've given him. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to take it in turns to see him."

B'Elanna turned to Kathryn. "You go in first. I was first last time, and it's you'll he want to see more than anyone."

Kathryn wasn't going to argue. Instead, she put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder and smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

Dr Briluk opened the doors by pressing a flashing blue button, and then turned to Kathryn. "Let's go inside."

Kathryn stepped into the room and Dr Briluk followed. Chakotay was lying unconscious in a bed, covered in a white blanket, and his head was bandaged. Several machines were monitoring him and there was a flashing device on his neck. Dr Briluk went over to him, pulled off the device, and put a hypospray to his neck.

"It will take about a minute for him to fully regain consciousness," she said, drawing away from him. "I'll be in the next room if you need me."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied.

With that, Dr Briluk left, leaving Kathryn alone with Chakotay. Slowly, she walked over to the bed and gazed down at him. Her heart was racing and her whole body was trembling. It was hard to believe that the moment she had dreamt of for so many years was about to happen... She was going to be reunited with "her" Chakotay.

As Chakotay stirred, Kathryn sat down and pulled out her locket from under her dress. She wanted him to see it, wanted him to see just how much it still meant to her. Gently, she reached for his hand and held it in hers. Moments later, his eyes fluttered open.

Kathryn smiled and squeezed his hand. "Welcome back."

Slowly, Chakotay's eyes found hers and he looked into them. As he did, tears welled in his own. "I remember...Oh Kathryn..."

Tearful herself, Kathryn raised his hand to her cheek with a kiss. "I dared not hope. I wanted you too...needed you too...but I dared not hope."

"What we shared...I can hardly..."

"I know," she said. "But it was real, Chakotay. And he was you. That's all that matters."

A tear escaped his eye. "I love you so much, Kathryn."

"I love you too. I always have."

"I...I'm so sorry I forgot."

Kathryn kissed his hand. "It wasn't your fault."

"But Seven...I'm so sorry..."

"None of that matters. All that matters is what happens now. We're home. No more parameters, no more barriers. We can be together. After all these years, we can finally be together."

Chakotay nodded. "Together...that's all I've ever wanted. You're everything to me."

Kathryn smiled. "And you to me. I always hoped we'd find each other again and we have. We have."

The locket around her neck caught the light and, with a trembling hand, Chakotay reached out and touched it.

"You kept it...all these years..."

"And I always will."

Carefully, Chakotay opened the locket and gazed hazily at the picture. "Where did you get it...the picture?"

"A man took it while we were dancing. He gave it to me when I was waiting to be transported back to the cabin. I forgot about it until you'd gone."

Chakotay let go of the locket and looked up at Kathryn. "I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay...wanted to stay forever."

"I know you did. And I wanted you to stay. It was so hard after you'd gone."

Another tear ran down his cheek. "Raylar's Bar. You came looking for me."

Kathryn flinched. Given how brief their meeting was, she never thought he would recollect it.

"I...I didn't think you would remember that."

"I didn't...not until a few weeks ago. I saw you in my mind...you called yourself Kaz." Tears flooded his eyes. "And I ignored you. We could have...but I ignored you. I'm so sorry."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "That's how it was meant to be, Chakotay. We weren't meant to be together then."

"No," he whispered. "Not then...but now...together now...always..." His head then drooped to the side and his breathing deepened.

Kathryn swallowed. "Chakotay?"

No response.

Bronze doors behind her opened, and Dr Briluk appeared. Kathryn looked up at her anxiously. "What's happening?"

"He's sleeping," Dr Briluk replied calmly. "It's a common reaction to the medication. He'll probably sleep for a few hours. There's no cause for alarm. I've monitored his brain activity and everything is fine."

At this, relief consumed Kathryn. "Thank you, doctor. For a moment there I thought..." She paused. "You said that if all went well with the operation, Chakotay could be discharged tomorrow."

"That's right. It's standard procedure to keep patients in over night following an operation of this nature, but I see no reason why Chakotay can't be discharged tomorrow evening, providing no complications develop over night and we are satisfied he'll have adequate care."

"He'll have all the care he needs," Kathryn smiled. "I promise you"

Dr Briluk smiled in return. "I'm sure he will."

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR**


	25. Chapter 25

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Five**

"Everything is just as I remember," Chakotay said, looking around the cabin's cozy living room. He was wearing a blue shirt over smart black pants, and it would have been impossible to tell by looking at him that he had undergone a serious operation the previous day. Black hair streaked with silver covered his head, and his tattoo had been restored.

"That was my intention," Kathryn smiled. "I wanted it all to look the same."

Chakotay turned to her and gazed at her in the soft light of the setting sun. Even though she had aged by almost two decades, she looked as beautiful to him now as she had done the last time they were together in this cabin. She was wearing a long flowing green skirt and a pretty white top that shimmered silver when it caught the light. For seven years he had seen her in the same uniform, virtually day in and day out, and it was so good now to see Kathryn, not the captain. Around her neck was the silver heart locket he had given her, and Chakotay gently reached for it.

"All these years I've loved you," he said quietly, "but I could never really be sure of your feelings for me. I wanted you to love me, and sometimes I thought that you did love me, but I could never be sure." He let the locket fall back onto her chest and looked up at her. "Yet all the time you did love me...or had loved me...in the most intimate of ways. It's...I'm still trying to get my head around it."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "Me too. It's been so hard all these years. I had no way of knowing if you were my Chakotay, my Jack. For so long I waited for you to come back into my life, but our paths never seemed to cross. From time to time, I checked out your Starfleet profile to see what you were up to and to look for a clue for when we would meet again, but I never found one. Then I read that you had become a Maquis and I felt sure then that you couldn't be him...my Chakotay." She paused. "After everything we'd shared, it was so hard to let go of the dream that one day we would be together again. But when you became a Maquis, I knew then that I had to try."

Chakotay gently put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. It worried me, after the first transport attempt, what was happening between us. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you, but after all we'd shared, there was no going back." Tears filled his eyes. "I only wanted to do what was right by you."

"And you did, Chakotay. It was hell when you were gone, but I could never be sorry that you came. I'll forever cherish every moment."

"Is this...what happened between us...the real reason you kept a distance between us on Voyager? I know you said it was because of the command structure but..."

Kathryn finished his sentence. "It's a kind of hollow reason when you're a lifetime away from home."

He nodded.

"All I can say is that it was part of the reason. Even if protocol wasn't really an issue in our circumstance, and I blew hot and cold on that, I couldn't let something happen between us because you had told me that in your future we weren't involved." She paused. " I wanted you to be him, my Jack, and yet...and yet at the same time I didn't want you to be. If you weren't, then history was safe. The Chakotay I had known and loved was another Chakotay from another timeline or reality, and there was nothing I could do or say that would endanger that time we spent together. But if you were him, just not him yet, then I could easily do or say something that would rewrite the history of our lives. So many times on Voyager I wanted to tell you that I loved you, so many times I wanted to show you with a kiss, but if I kissed you, then...then not only would we be compromising the command structure but I could kiss away the happiest time of our lives. I couldn't risk that. I couldn't let my Jack go. Not again. Letting you go the first time, accepting that you were never going to come back into my life, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. All these years... I would never have guessed what we'd shared. You never gave any indication, nothing. You once even said that you hadn't known my name three years before but now couldn't imagine a day without me. I remember that because it meant so much."

"I was afraid, Chakotay. If you were my Jack, I didn't know when it would happen, how it would happen...even if it had already. I was afraid what it would mean. But I wasn't always scared, sometimes I longed for it to have happened. I even once thought that it had happened, but that you didn't think I remembered. So, I tried to drop a hint by asking you to join me for a moonlight sail." She paused. "I couldn't forget the image I'd seen of you cradling my dead body in your arms. I thought then maybe you were him, my Chakotay, because that's how much he would have loved me. Other times I didn't want you to think I remembered, so that's why I said what I did. I'd read that line in a novel once and I really liked it." She lowered her eyes. "But I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it."

"It's alright, Kathryn. I can't imagine what it was like for you. And now I understand why you questioned me so much after the deflector dish incident. You thought it might have happened then, didn't you?"

"Yes. Something had evidently happened outside the normal space-time continuum, and you were about as old as I remembered my Chakotay being. If it had all happened, I didn't know what you would do...whether you would tell me or if you would just keep it to yourself because of our positions. I just didn't know."

"If I knew then what I know now, then I would have told you what had happened. But I didn't tell you because I thought I'd seen the future...at least a glimpse of it. And it wasn't a future you would have wanted to know about. You and I were dead and Voyager was still trying to make her way home twenty years later." He paused. "But it occurred to me after our dinner that it was probably some kind of alternate reality I experienced. The Kathryn Janeway I met in that reality said to me that Voyager was her first command. Your first command was The Bonestell. I thought for a moment that perhaps I was still in that reality, but I looked up your profile and it said that your first command was indeed The Bonestell." He paused. "I don't think that Kathryn had ever met me in the past. When we first met she was very hostile, and afterwards, when she trusted me, she didn't behave towards me like an engaged woman would have done."

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at that. "How did she behave, exactly?"

Chakotay smiled in return. "Let's just say she was a little flirtatious."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Can't say I blame her." She then fell serious. "But she must have met you in the past, I don't see how it could have been otherwise. Perhaps she was just putting on an act. I can be pretty convincing when I put my mind to it."

"I know you can," he smiled. "But I just don't think we had met in her past. And, given the future I'd seen, it would make sense. If we were both dead, then you would never have transported me, and it all wouldn't have happened."

Those words unexpectedly sent a cold shiver through Kathryn's body. "I've often wondered," she said quietly, "what would have happened to me if you hadn't come into my life at that point. Perhaps that answers it. If I hadn't of been waiting for you to come back into my life, perhaps I would have got involved with other men. There was no shortage of offers. And, if I'd got involved with someone else, perhaps I wouldn't have focussed so much on my career, which would explain why I was later in becoming a captain."

"That might explain it," Chakotay replied. He then smiled. "It really puzzled me how you knew I hid my cider in the Cargo Bay. Now I know...I told you."

Kathryn laughed. "You certainly did. It was one of the things that made me wonder if you were my Chakotay. But it could have been just a coincidence so I couldn't be sure." She fidgeted uncomfortably. "And, talking of alcohol, there's something I have to tell you. I didn't keep my promise about the drink and pills. That night at Raylar's bar, after I'd spoken with you, I went outside and I saw...I saw you and a woman together. It broke my heart. When I got back to the cabin, I overdosed on sleeping pills."

Blood drained out of Chakotay's face and infinite pain filled his eyes.

"Mark found me and got me to hospital." Tears welled in her eyes at the agony in his. "I wouldn't have told you, except that these things have a habit of coming out eventually."

Chakotay broke away from her and wondered over to the window.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said quietly. "You shouldn't have." A tear ran down his cheek. "But I was a different man then, Kathryn. I was just drifting without direction and without an anchor. I'm so sorry. I've only ever wanted to love you and protect you from what could hurt you. To think that I..." He paused painfully. "I hoped with all my heart that I was stuck. I knew it would be too much for you, losing someone else you were close to after losing your father and fiance. I messed things up. I'm so sorry."

Kathryn went over to him and stood beside him. "There's nothing to be sorry for, Chakotay. You did nothing wrong. All you did was love me. Don't ever be sorry for that. I've never been as happy in my entire life as I was with you. I have no regrets."

Chakotay slowly turned to her. "I regret it had to end the way it did...me leaving, you seeing that..."

"It didn't end that way, Chakotay. It ended on Christmas Day when I received this beautiful locket. I was so depressed, despondent, and then I got your locket and note. You'll never know how much they both meant to me. I'm so glad you came into my life, Chakotay, so thankful for what we shared."

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "I didn't know if it was real," he said quietly, "what was happening. I didn't know if it was the past, an alternate reality, or an hallucination of some kind. But it was real, and she was you."

Kathryn nodded. "Just like he was you." Tears filled her eyes. "But there was one thing you were wrong about. You said I didn't love you as much as she did. But I do. Every bit as much."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "Oh Kathryn."

"And I want you here by my side always."

Chakotay took her hand in his and kissed it. "I'll be here, Kathryn. I promise."

They gazed into each others eyes, love reflecting, and then held each other close.

* * *

After a commemorative dinner of vegetable casserole with rice, followed by coffee ice cream with fudge pieces and chocolate sauce, Kathryn and Chakotay prepared for bed. Chakotay took a shower while Kathryn cleared up after their meal, and then she took a long, relaxing, soak in the bath.

When Kathryn finally emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a white bathrobe, she gasped at what greeted her in the bedroom. The room was bathed in soft, golden, candlelight; the bed was covered in white satin sheets; and on a silver tray resting on the bedside cabinet, there was a bottle of champagne, two crystal glasses, a bowl of strawberries and a bowl of cream. Chakotay was standing before the bed, wearing a gold Victorian style dressing gown, and was holding a single red rose in his hands. Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. It was like stepping into a memory.

Chakotay bridged the gap between them and held out the rose to her. "For you."

Kathryn took the rose and then looked up at him. "This is all so wonderful, Chakotay, but you've just had..."

Chakotay put his fingers to her lips. "I've spoken to Dr Briluk and she says it's fine so long as I'm feeling up to it." He smiled warmly. "And I am. I'm feeling wonderful..."

Kathryn smiled at that. "Me too..."

"There's just one thing that would make this moment even more perfect," he added.

Kathryn put the rose down on a chest of drawers beside her. "And what would that be?"

Chakotay got down on one knee, pulled out a little black velvet box from the pocket of his dressing gown, and opened it wide. Nestled in white satin was a glittering diamond ring.

"Kathryn Janeway, will you marry me?"

Kathryn smiled, delight and amusement in her eyes. "Aren't we married already?"

"I guess we are," Chakotay smiled, remembering their self-service that night so long ago. "But I'd like us to make it official. So, Kathryn Janeway, love of my life, will you marry me?"

"Yes," Kathryn exclaimed, not even having to think about it. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Chakotay laughed from joy and then slipped the ring onto her finger. When it was in place, he got to his feet and scooped her in his arms.

"I'm going to make you happy, Kathryn," he said, kissing her hair, "I promise I will."

"As I promise you," she smiled. "Over the past seven years you've seen the worst of the captain, but you haven't seen the best of Kathryn. From now on, that's what you'll get...the best of me." She drew away from him. "But I want a short engagement. A very short engagement." After losing Justin, then Mark, she wasn't taking any chances this time.

"As short as you like," Chakotay said. "I'd marry you this second."

Kathryn laughed softly. "Maybe not quite as short as that. My mother would never forgive me if I didn't invite her...or my sister either...or my Aunt Martha." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "How about next month? We could have it here... I mean in Victoriana, the restaurant that we went to. It still exists. They do all kinds of functions, including weddings, and it would be perfect in every way. Aswell as our families, we're going to have to invite the crew, and it's just about the right size to hold everyone. The guests could come in ordinary clothes, but we could get married in costume. It would all be so wonderful."

"It would indeed," Chakotay smiled. "But next month might be tricky. Historical venues often have to be booked well in advance."

"True. I guess I was just being hopeful. But the waiting list can't be as long as for the castle." It had recently been restored by an enthusiast and was now a hotel. "We shouldn't have to wait more than a couple of months. Three or four at the longest."

"Then how about we go there tomorrow and book it?"

Kathryn smiled. "First thing."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Maybe not quite first thing."

Kathryn laughed. "We do have a lot of catching up to do, don't we?"

"Eighteen years," he teased.

"In which case, we'd better get started."

Chakotay smiled. "We'd better indeed."

With that, he lowered his lips to hers and they kissed softly.

END OF CHAPTER 25


	26. Chapter 26

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Beneath a golden afternoon sun, Kathryn and Chakotay walked through the village's cobbled streets. The village had grown over the years, especially since the restoration of the castle, and now had a lot more shops and attractions. One such attraction was a magnificent fountain with marble statues of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert, and next to the fountain was a quaint cafe. Unable to resist the aroma of fresh coffee, Kathryn and Chakotay stopped at the cafe for a drink. They sat outside, just a few feet away from the fountain, and enjoyed a coffee and a cake beneath its gushing water.

As they sat, talking and eating, a horse and carriage pulled up across the street. It was a grand black and brass carriage and was drawn by two white horses. A family of five stepped out of the carriage, and then the driver made his way over to the cafe. He was a small man with red hair and blue eyes and he smiled warmly at Kathryn and Chakotay.

"Good afternoon, Admiral and Commander," he said.

For a moment it unsettled both of them that he recognized them, but as they were famous all over the Federation, celebrity was just something they were going to have to get used to.

"Good afternoon," they both said.

The man sat at a table close by and waved through the window at a waitress inside. He then looked again at Kathryn and Chakotay.

"I'm guessing that you don't want to be bothered by folks," he said, "but I'd like to say welcome home."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

"We might seem to be behind the times up here, but most of it is for show, know what I mean? At home we like our modern luxuries as much as anyone. I think you and your crew showed tremendous courage and determination and I'm glad that was rewarded."

"Thank you," Kathryn said again. "And, if I may, I'd like to say what a fine carriage you have. Is it antique?"

"No," he replied. "It's old, about fifty years, but not genuine Victorian. It is a mighty fine carriage, though. Regal and sturdy. If you like, I can give you a ride."

Kathryn smiled. "That would be fabulous. Thank you."

* * *

After they'd enjoyed a wonderful ride in the carriage, a ride that took them right around the village, Kathryn and Chakotay made their way to Victoriana. The restaurant was almost exactly as they remembered and they were welcomed by a friendly female receptionist. The young girl had a bun of blonde hair and she was wearing a black Victorian dress.

"Oh, we would be absolutely thrilled to host your wedding," she said after Kathryn told her the purpose of their visit. "When are you thinking of?"

"As soon as possible," Kathryn answered. "When is your first vacancy?"

"I'll just check for you, Ma'am," she said. The girl then pulled out an old-fashioned black book and looked through it. "I'm afraid our next available slot is March. We only do two weddings on Saturdays, you see, and we're booked up until then."

Kathryn's disappointed was visible. March was six months away and she really didn't want to wait that long.

"I see," she said quietly.

Disappointed too, but mostly for Kathryn, Chakotay spoke. "Is there any way we could have the wedding on another weekday? We don't mind which."

"I'm sorry," the girl answered, "but we only have a license for Saturdays. We always get cancellations, so I could put your names down for one, but as we already have several couples waiting its unlikely you'd get a slot before February."

Chakotay turned to Kathryn and gently put his hand on her shoulder. "What would you like to do? Look for another venue or wait until March?"

"I suppose wait," she said. "I've set my heart on this place and...I guess March will come soon enough."

Chakotay smiled and squeezed her shoulder. "Then wait we will."

The receptionist spoke. "I think you are making the right decision. Our weddings are worth waiting for. Not only do we throw a lavish Victorian banquet for guests followed by a ball, but we provide all bride's with a suite for the night before, and offer exclusive wedding dress designs inspired by real Victorian gowns. If you love the era and want a period style wedding than we are definitely the place for you."

Kathryn smiled, the thought of such a wonderful wedding easing her disappointment. "You most certainly are. We'll book March."

The girl smiled back. "Excellent. All I need now is your details and we have ourselves a wedding!"

* * *

That evening, back at the cabin, Kathryn and Chakotay sat outside roasting potatoes on a fire.

"When I close my eyes," Kathryn said, "the years fade away and I'm a young girl again. I can see you by the fire, just as you are now, can feel Petunia beside me, and I can hear the rhythm of a drum calling me to dance."

"When I close my eyes," Chakotay said, "I can see you too...can see you dancing. You look...breathtaking."

"I've danced that dance a million times in my dreams," she went on. "Sometimes I thought it was only in a dream that I ever had."

Chakotay reached for her hand and took it in his. "I'd like to see you dance again."

Kathryn smiled. "Then maybe later I will."

They gazed into each other's eyes, kissed softly, and then turned again to the fire. The potatoes were roasting nicely and would soon be ready.

"Now that you've had the operation," Kathryn said, "and our wedding date has been set, I suppose you'll be wanting to leave for Trebus."

"Yes," he answered. "But not for a few weeks. This is...our time."

Kathryn smiled. "I'm glad. I'd hate for you to leave so soon. In fact, I'd hate for you to leave ever." A sadness filled her eyes. "Admiral Jenson tells me you're going to be offered promotion to captain. Will you...take it?"

Chakotay's kind eyes held hers. "I think you know the answer to that, Kathryn."

"But it's a great opportunity, Chakotay, and you'd make a fine captain. I don't want to stand in the way of your career."

Chakotay reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. "That's exactly how I felt all those years ago when you talked about giving up a life in space to be with me. But you made me see that pips on a collar mean nothing if life has no meaning. I love you and I want to be with you. For so many years I feared there would never be a time for us, that we would never have a chance of happiness. We have that chance now and the last thing I want is to fly off into space. If I can't get a post teaching at The Academy then I will at a university. All that matters to me is that we are together."

Kathryn lay her hand over his and squeezed it. "To me too. And you will...get a post at The Academy. Don't doubt that."

"When I go to Trebus, why don't you come with me?"

"I'd love to," Kathryn answered, "but not this time. You and your sister have a lot catching up to do. There'll be plenty of time for me to visit in the future."

"I look forward to it. I want to show you all the places I roamed as a boy."

"And I want to see them. I also want to give you a tour of my old haunts. Like here, Bloomington has changed little."

"Would you like to live there again? I'm happy to live where ever you want."

"No," she replied. "I'd rather live in San Francisco."

."Then we will."

"But not for a while, eh? There's no rush to leave this cabin."

Chakotay smiled. "No rush at all."

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**


	27. Chapter 27

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

MARCH 2379

In Victoriana's luxury bridal suite, Kathryn looked at herself in a long mirror framed with oak. She was wearing an elegant Victorian style gown of white satin, and was surveying her appearance. Her mother and Aunt Martha watched her, while B'Elanna looked through a bride's catalogue.

"I don't know," Kathryn said, fidgeting with the high neckline. "It feels tight. I think the neck's too high."

Her mother sighed. "This one's too high, the other one was too low, the dress before that was too puffy, the one before that was too plain..."

"Oh, leave her alone," Aunt Martha smiled, "a bride's allowed to be fussy."

"Then she should have taken the time to select a dress before now," Gretchen replied. "Honestly, leaving it until the night before..."

"The best time," Kathryn answered. "If I'd picked one earlier, I'd only have got tired of it by now or found something wrong with it. Besides, Samantha couldn't arrive with Naomi until today, and we need to make sure our dresses compliment each other. Aswell as all that, this place has exclusive designs only available to guests. They're worth waiting for."

"They certainly are," Aunt Martha smiled. "You replicate as many gowns as you like, darling, and I'll be right here to give you an opinion. Tomorrow's going to be the most special day of your life. Everything has to be perfect."

B'Elanna stepped forward and held out the catalogue to Kathryn.

"What about this one?"

Kathryn looked at a very pretty dress she was pointing too, but it didn't inspire her. The sleeves were too short. "I don't know," she replied. "I'd prefer long sleeves." She pointed to a dress above it that was similar, but had a low neckline that swept off the shoulders. "Something like..." Her heart skipped a beat as she studied the exquisitely embroidered dress. "Yes, that's it...that's the one I want. It's perfect. Not too low, not too high, not too plain..."

Her mother chirped in. "Not too fancy?"

"Not too fancy," Kathryn smiled. She looked up at B'Elanna. "Will you replicate it while I take this one off?"

"Sure," B'Elanna replied.

The bedroom door opened and Samantha Wildman appeared, Naomi behind her. The child was wearing a pretty Victorian style gown of yellow satin trimmed with lace and had matching yellow shoes on her feet.

"Wow, Naomi," B'Elanna smiled. "You look amazing."

Naomi beamed a smile. "Mom helped me pick out this dress."

"And you made the right choice. It suites you perfectly."

Samantha turned to Kathryn. "Is it okay with you, Admiral?"

"It's absolutely fine with me," Kathryn smiled. "You look beautiful, Naomi." She then looked back up at Samantha. "And please, call me Kathryn. We're not in a command structure any more."

Naomi looked at the pile of dresses on Kathryn's bed. "How come you have so many dresses? Don't you just need one?"

Gretchen laughed. "A child after my own heart."

Samantha blushed. "You mustn't ask things like that, sweetheart."

Kathryn smiled. "She's observant and inquisitive, I like that." She then addressed Naomi. "I've had a hard time picking out a gown that I like, sweetheart. But, I think I've found one now."

"Which I am just about to go and replicate," B'Elanna added. "Excuse me."

With that, B'Elanna left the room and went into a lavishly ornate period living room. All the furniture was made of oak, gold brocade curtains hung at the windows, and a sumptuous rug was laid before a glorious fireplace in which a simulated fire was burning. The replicator was concealed in a tall oak cabinet, and B'Elanna went over to it.

Just as she was opening the doors, the ringing of an old-fashioned bell filled the air. B'Elanna looked in the direction of the sound, and found that it was coming from a small silver bell hanging above the main door. Someone had to be at the door. She made her way over to the door and opened it.

When she did, she found Phoebe Janeway there. Her black wavy hair was flowing over a long blue dress and in her hands she was holding a fluffy white puppy that had a black button nose and large brown eyes.

"Phoebe," Kathryn cried as she came into the room. "I'm glad you're here at last." She saw the puppy in her sister's arms. "And who do we have here?"

"An abandoned pup," Phoebe replied. "Half shih-tzu, half terrier. She was brought to the shelter I volunteer in only this morning. I thought I'd bring her to the wedding and see if anyone wants her. I'd have her, but I've got three dogs already and Mitzi's expecting a litter. I just don't have the time to take care of her."

"I'll have her," Kathryn answered. "Providing Chakotay wants her too, of course. But I think he will."

"In that case, she can be a wedding present," Phoebe smiled. "Poor thing, she was just dumped in the middle of a woods. Luckily someone found her and brought her to us. She was dirty, cold, injured and hungry."

Kathryn took the pup in her arms. "Hello, little lady. Would you like to come and live with me?" The puppy licked her nose and Kathryn laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Don't take this the wrong way, sis," Phoebe said, "but I don't like that dress you're wearing at all. It's too...what's the word...stuffy. It doesn't flatter you in the least. You want something a little more revealing...one of those nice Victorian dresses that comes off the shoulder...otherwise Chakotay's going to think he's marrying a schoolmarm or something."

"I don't think Chakotay would care if she turned up in a sack," B'Elanna smiled, "just so long as she turns up."

"Still, it's not right in my opinion," Phoebe continued, "but I guess if it makes you happy."

"Actually, it doesn't," Kathryn replied. "I've been trying different gowns on and was just about to take this one off when I heard someone was at the door. B'Elanna's replicating me another one."

"Which I am finally going to get too," B'Elanna declared. With that, she returned to the cabinet and set about her task.

Phoebe stepped closer to her sister, rather regretting her words. "I always have to speak my mind, you know me, but whatever you're going to wear tomorrow, you're going to look stunning, Kath."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you."

"And I'm glad that you've finally found someone. I wasn't sure about Chakotay at first, him being a Maquis criminal and all that, but after seeing you both together, I see that you make each other happy, and there hasn't been enough happiness in your life. I hope that you'll always be happy together."

Kathryn put her hand on her sister's shoulder. "Thank you, Phoebe. That means a lot."

B'Elanna returned with a newly replicated all-in-one gown over her arm.

"Finally, I got it done."

Kathryn smiled, handed the puppy back to her sister, and took the gown from B'Elanna. "I'll go and try it on."

* * *

While the night sky over the village was dry, it was raining over the cabin. Kathryn and Chakotay now owned a large house in San Francisco, but it was at the cabin that Chakotay wanted to spend the night before the wedding. His sister, Sekaya, was staying with him as she'd made the journey from Trebus especially for the wedding. Having lived for a while in the modern world, she was qualified to fly a shuttle and had her own. With her she'd brought her five year old daughter, Laraka, and the pretty little girl watched avidly as Chakotay replicated himself some toast with honey. The child looked a lot like Chakotay and she had their tribal tattoo on her forehead.

"Uncle Chakotay?" she asked as he took a bite of his toast. "Can a replicator make everything?"

"Everything it's programmed to make," Chakotay smiled.

"Can it make strawberries?"

"It certainly can," he said. "Would you like some?"

The child nodded.

"Then go over to the replicator and tell it what you want."

Laraka didn't need to be told twice. Happily, she happily over to the replicator and demanded strawberries. But when the replicator asked whether she wanted fresh or preserved, she turned to her uncle in confusion.

"What does that mean, Uncle?"

"The replicator just wants to know what kind of strawberries you want," he explained. "You want to say fresh."

Laraka turned back to the replicator. "Fresh...Fresh strawberries."

Instantly, a bowl of fresh strawberries materialized and the child gazed at them in awe.

"Like magic, Uncle!"

"Yes," he smiled.

"May I have a drink too?"

"Anything you want," he said, "just help yourself."

Chakotay then left the kitchenette and made his way into the living room where Sekaya was sitting. Like Laraka, she looked a lot like Chakotay. Her eyes were the shame shape as his, her lips formed the same distinctive heart, and she too wore their tribal tattoo.

"You're spoiling her, Chakotay," she said as he sat down.

"She deserves it," he smiled.

"Maybe bringing her wasn't such a good idea. The more she sees of this world, the less satisfied she's going to be with our tribal life on Trebus."

"Perhaps," Chakotay replied, "but perhaps not. You lived with the luxuries of our technological world for years after the Cardassian take over, but now our planet's free again, you've chosen to return to Trebus. And you've chosen that because it's what you want. If it's what Laraka wants, then she will choose it too. It's only fair that she has the liberty to make that choice for herself."

"I know," Sekaya answered. "You're right. It wasn't fair the way our parents tried to pressurize you into staying in the tribe. It wasn't the life you wanted and they should have respected that. I hope that Laraka stays with us on Trebus, but if she wants to leave, I won't do to her what they did to you. She will leave with my blessing."

"And she will respect you for giving her the choice."

Laraka came through from the kitchen now, a bowl of strawberries in one hand and a pink cup in the other.

"What do you have in that cup, honey?" Sekaya asked.

"Just water, mama," she answered. "I was thirsty."

The child sat next to Chakotay and snuggled up to him. "I like your cabin, Uncle. Can I come and stay again?"

"Of course," Chakotay replied, putting his arm around her. "Your aunt-to-be and I won't be living here all the time, but you're welcome to come and stay when we are. You're also welcome to stay with us in our house in San Francisco."

The child looked up at her mother. "May I, mama?"

Sekaya nodded.

Laraka smiled happily. "I'm so glad you came back from space, Uncle."

Chakotay smiled back. "So am I."

Laraka picked out a strawberry from her bowl and took a bite.

"It's not too late," Chakotay said, watching her. "You can still be a bridesmaid at our wedding if you want."

"I don't want to," she replied, taking another bite. "I want to stay with mama."

"I'll be there," Sekaya assured her. "You'd be able to see me as you walk down the aisle with Kathryn and the other bridesmaid."

The child considered a moment, but then she shook her head. "I'd rather watch."

"You'd get to wear a pretty dress," Chakotay added. "Wouldn't you like that?"

"No," she answered. "I want to stay with mama."

"Alright," Chakotay said, kissing her little forehead. "But let me know if you change your mind."

* * *

Standing at a window in the living room, dressed in blue negligee, Kathryn looked out at the quiet historical street below. Stars twinkled above the buildings and silver moonlight reflected on black slate roofs and shiny cobbles on the road. Soft light emanated from a couple of windows, and Kathryn saw that one of the buildings was a jeweler's shop. Perhaps it was the same shop Chakotay had got her locket from all those years ago...

"It won't be long now," her mother said, approaching her. "This time tomorrow, you'll be a married woman."

"Yes," Kathryn replied, turning away from the window.

"It will be the start of a whole new life." She paused. "But are you sure it's a life you want?"

Kathryn frowned. "How do you mean?"

"It isn't usual for a bride to wait until the night before her wedding to choose her gown. Are you having second thoughts about marrying Chakotay?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I have no doubts. I just..." She turned to look out of the window again. "I just didn't want to tempt fate. When I was marrying Justin, I selected out a dress the month before and took it home with me. I must have looked at myself in it a million times, and I would walk up and down the hallway in my house pretending I was walking down the aisle. Then the accident happened and there was no Justin anymore, no wedding. But when I got home from hospital, my dress was still there, still hanging outside my wardrobe. And when I saw it, I felt sick inside, felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and I slashed it into a thousand pieces. Then I took it into the garden, made a fire, and watched it burn until there was nothing left. And that's where you found me the next morning...lying on the grass in the rain, just looking at a fire that was no longer burning."

"I'm sorry," Gretchen said quietly. "I didn't think...But I should have." She reached out and tentatively put her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "But nothing is going to go wrong this time. The wedding is only a few hours away and Chakotay loves you very much. That's clear for anyone to see."

"And I love him," Kathryn answered, turning back to her mother. "But while I'm looking forward to the wedding, this feeling of unease I have won't leave until we've exchanged rings and been declared husband and wife.'

In the distance, a door opened and Samantha emerged from the room beyond. She closed the door and made her way over to Kathryn and Gretchen.

"I've finally got Naomi to bed," she smiled. "But I don't know how much she'll sleep. She's so excited about tomorrow."

"I remember when I was a bridesmaid at my cousin Hannah's wedding," Kathryn reminisced. "I didn't sleep a wink the night before...or for several nights before that either."

"I remember," Gretchen smiled. "Yet Phoebe took it all in her stride. I'd never have thought it would be you who would end up the Starfleet Officer."

Another bedroom door opened and Aunt Martha appeared. She was wearing a pink dressing gown, matching fluffy slippers, and had a white towel wrapped around her head. "The bathroom's now free if anyone wants it."

"Then I think I'll take a bath," Gretchen said. "It will save me having one in the morning." She turned to Samantha. "Excuse me."

She then made her way into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

"Where's Phoebe and B'Elanna?" Aunt Martha asked, making her way over to Kathryn and Samantha.

"B'Elanna's gone home," Kathryn answered, "and Phoebe's taken the puppy back to the shelter. Mom was worried she'd do her business all over the place, and she had a point. Even though they allow dogs to stay here, I'd rather not be responsible for soiling the furnishings. If Chakotay's happy to have her, then we'll pick her up from the shelter when we get back from honeymoon...wherever it is that you're sending us," she teased.

"You'll see," Aunt Martha smiled.

"But don't I even get a clue?"

"No."

Kathryn was about to beg for one, when she felt a sudden pain in her abdomen. With a groan, she put her hand there.

"What's wrong?" Aunt Martha asked in concern.

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "I felt..." The sensation came again, stronger this time. "Now it's worse."

"Shall I call The Doctor?" Samantha asked.

"No," Kathryn replied. "At least, not yet. Just replicate me a medical tricorder. I've probably just eaten something that doesn't agree with me."

"Ok," Samantha said.

The Ensign then went to replicate the tricorder while Kathryn sat on the bed.

"I knew something would go wrong," she said. "When it comes to weddings, I'm jinxed."

"Nothing is going to go wrong," Aunt Martha declared. "An upset stomach is easily taken care of. Just relax."

"Easier said than done when you feel like you have a Klingon playing soccer in your stomach."

At these words, a light lit up in Aunt Martha's eyes, and as soon as Samantha returned with the tricorder, she snatched it from her.

"If I'm right," she said, "it isn't an upset stomach you have after all." She switched on the tricorder and quickly scanned her niece. As she did, tears filled her eyes. "And I am...I'm right."

Samantha questioned. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing," Aunt Martha smiled. "We've just got ourselves an extra guest at the wedding."

Infinite joy filled Kathryn's eyes. "You mean..."

Aunt Martha nodded. "You're pregnant."

Unable to contain her joy, Kathryn got to her feet and hugged her aunt. "Oh Aunt Martha..."

"Congratulations, darling," she smiled. "I'm so thrilled."

Samantha spoke. "Congratulations from me too."

Kathryn drew away from her aunt, happy tears in her eyes. "Are you sure? Are you really sure?"

"Absolute positive. See for yourself."

Kathryn took the tricorder she was offering and studied it. Sure enough, there was a lifesign inside her.

"I am," she said. "I'm really pregnant."

"I'd say at least four months."

Kathryn looked up at her. "Four months...but..."

Aunt Martha laughed. "You don't think they start kicking at four weeks, do you?"

"But four months? How could I be pregnant for so long and not know?"

"It happens all the time, darling. It happened to me."

"And to me," Samantha added. "It was weeks before I knew I was having Naomi."

"All that matters is that you're pregnant," Aunt Martha said. "And I'm over the moon!"

"Me too,"Kathryn smiled. "And I have to tell Chakotay...right now."

"Oh, but you can't," Samantha cried. "Isn't it bad luck to see the groom before the wedding?"

"Nonsense," Aunt Martha answered. "Just old hoddlewash!"

"Hoddlewash or not," Kathryn said, "with my wedding luck I'll play it safe and stay away."

"Well," Aunt Martha smiled, "it looks to me like your luck has changed, because this has to be the best wedding present ever."

"Yes," Kathryn said, hugging her aunt again. "It certainly is!"

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN**


	28. Chapter 28

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

In a magnificent hall decorated with flowers and candles, Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged wedding vows before their family, friends, and all the Voyager crew members who could be present. Chakotay was wearing a very formal black Victorian style suit, complete with a black bow tie, and Kathryn was wearing the very beautiful white satin gown she had finally decided upon. Her hair was swept up from her face in a partial bun, and the rest fell in auburn ringlets over her shoulders. Naomi stood at their left, holding a pretty bridal bouquet, and Tom stood to their right, wearing a suit that matched Chakotay's. In his hands he held a small white velvet cushion, and on it were two exquisitely engraved gold wedding rings. The registrar, who was an old man with a gray mustache and beard, was also in costume, and stood before the bride and groom as he led the service.

"Do you, Kathryn May Janeway," he asked in a loud and clear voice, "take this man, Chakotay, son of Kolopak, to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, to cherish him, to respect him, and to comfort him, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Kathryn replied, gazing deep into Chakotay's eyes.

"Do you, Chakotay, son of Kolopak, take this woman, Kathryn May Janeway, to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, to cherish her, to respect her, and to comfort her, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Chakotay answered, squeezing her hands in his.

The registrar then turned to Tom. "The rings."

Tom stepped forward and Kathryn picked up the largest ring from the cushion. She then partially placed it on Chakotay's finger and spoke. "I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

She then slipped the ring over his knuckle until it rested firmly on his finger.

Chakotay then picked up the remaining ring and slipped it partly onto her finger. "I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

He then pushed the ring into place, and the registrar united their hands. "Before your family and friends gathered here today, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

At that, the large crowd broke into applause and several whistles filled the air.

The registrar smiled. "You may now kiss the bride."

Chakotay gently lowered his lips to Kathryn's and kissed her softly.

* * *

After the wedding reception was over, a live band assembled for the evening ball. Everyone watched as the bride and groom had the first dance, and then those who wanted to joined in.

"It's hard to believe that almost two decades have passed since we last danced here," Kathryn said, dancing slowly with her newly made husband. "And yet, to you, it's only a few months ago."

"Yes," he replied.

"It was the most special night of my life...at least, so far."

Chakotay smiled. "Of mine too. But tonight just might top it."

"Depending where my beloved family are sending us, of course," she teased. "We might find ourselves on safari. That's how my Aunt Martha spent her honeymoon and she firmly believes everyone else should too."

Chakotay laughed. "As much as I love animals, two weeks in a jungle isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Me either. More like a luxury hotel in Venice, Rome or Paris."

"Venice, definitely."

"But shall we put ourselves out of our misery and demand to know?"

Chakotay smiled. "You can't stand the suspense, can you?"

"No."

"Then how about we say we're ready to leave," he teased, "and see where they send us?"

Kathryn poked his stomach. "I'm not that desperate, Mr Chakotay. Close, but no replicator ration."

"Well, we hardly need one now."

"No, but if we end up in some God forsaken outback we just might!"

Chakotay laughed.

"But I do want to know, Chakotay, and it's only fair that we do...Wait here."

With that, she left him on the dancefloor and went over to her mother and Aunt Martha. They were sitting at a table, watching everyone dance, and every now and then Aunt Martha dried a wet eye. Chakotay watched as Kathryn spoke to them and, at her thrilled reaction to their words, the honeymoon was clearly not a safari. After hugging her mother and aunt, Kathryn quickly returned to Chakotay.

"You'll never guess where," she said, eyes sparkling with joy.

"Then you'd better tell me," he smiled.

"Our castle."

"Really? That's...fantastic. But how?"

"There was a cancellation and, let's just say, fame has its perks." She smiled her beautiful smile. "It's perfect, Chakotay. A dream come true!."

Chakotay smiled back and took her hands in his. "It is. This whole day is a dream come true."

They gazed into each other's eyes and then Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, Mr Janeway."

"I love you, Mrs Chakotay."

They laughed softly and then kissed tenderly.

* * *

It was almost midnight by the time Kathryn and Chakotay left Victoriana for the castle. In the bridal suite they changed out of their wedding attire into ordinary clothes, and then, to the cheers of happy guests, departed via transport. When they arrived at the castle, they found themselves in the lobby, and they looked around the room in awe. It was so different to the ruins they had stood in so long ago. A rich red carpet covered the floor, chandeliers of candles hung from a white ceiling of elaborate carvings, Victorian portraits adorned the stone walls, and the tall arched windows were embellished with glorious stained glass. Before them was a Victorian style reception of polished oak wood, the receptionists being in costume, and to their right was a magnificent staircase, adorned with the same red carpet that was beneath their feet, and it too was lit by chandeliers.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn said. "It's incredible!"

After admiring the splendor for a while, Kathryn and Chakotay reported to reception with their luggage. A friendly young girl in a blue dress served them and, once she'd processed their booking, presented them with an old fashioned silver key for their room, which was number 91. She then took their luggage so they could walk unencumbered to their room, which was on the third floor. Kathryn and Chakotay duly left, and linked arms as they walked up the grand staircase. It led to a long corridor of gray stone and, with only sconces for light, was quite eerie.

"I bet if anywhere is haunted, this place is," Kathryn said as they walked down the hallway.

Chakotay smiled. "I thought you didn't believe in ghosts."

"Oh, I've always been open to the possibility."

"Always?" he teased.

"Ok," she laughed. "Not always. But I am now. I definitely think there is more to our existence than the physical."

Chakotay stopped walking and turned to her. "What changed your mind? To be definite about something you were once indefinite about is quite a leap."

"A lot of things, but mostly that incident with Kes and the shrine. Going into it should have killed us, but it didn't. And it didn't because...because of my belief that the ancestral spirits really existed and they really controlled what happened in the shrine. After that...I really couldn't doubt the existence of something greater than ourselves anymore."

Chakotay gently put his hand on her shoulder. "There are other explanations for what happened. The Doctor, he..."

"Explained it all, I know. But it really was the ancestral spirits, Chakotay. I can't explain it, and I won't even try, but I know it was them."

"Then I believe you. But I wish you'd talked to me about what happened. An experience as profound as that...it should be shared."

"We both kept a lot of things to ourselves, Chakotay. It was...a coping mechanism in our situation. If we let open the flood gate then...we couldn't. But from now on I want us to share everything. No secrets."

"You have my word, Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled. "That's all I need."

They gazed into each other's eyes, losing themselves, then they began to walk again.

"Room 90," Chakotay observed. "Ours should be next."

"And so it is," Kathryn smiled as they reached a mahogany door with a gleaming gold "91" on it. "Mr Chakotay, care to do the honors?"

Chakotay opened the door with the key and then Kathryn stepped inside. The room was dark, but as soon as she stepped into it, a fire lit up in a stone fireplace and filled the room with a soft copper glow. In the dim light, it was possible to make out the shadowy surroundings, and Kathryn looked around. To her right, opposite the fireplace, was a magnificent four poster bed adorned with shimmering red sheets and drapes, and at the foot of the bed was a huge red rug with a frill that led all the way to the fireplace. Upon the rug, side by side, were their suitcases. Directly ahead was a tall arched window and beneath it was a cushioned windowseat. The luxurious room also had a two red velvet armchairs, a mahogany wardrobe and chest of drawers, two small bedside cabinets, and a wooden door that had to lead to the ensuite bathroom.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn exclaimed. "It's absolutely delightful!"

"De-lightful is the word," he smiled. "Computer, lights."

Nothing happened.

"Maybe the lights are manual," Kathryn said.

"Could be," Chakotay agreed. "I'll check for a switch."

Quickly, he looked by the door to see if there was a switch, but there wasn't. "No switch," he declared.

"Then maybe there's a malfunction." She hit a silver commbadge on her chest. "Room 91 to reception."

In seconds, a female voice answered. "Reception here, Emma Carter speaking. How may I help?"

"We have a lighting problem," Kathryn told her. "They did not come on automatically, did not come on by request, and we can't find a manual switch."

"There are no manual switches, Ma'am. All our lights are computerized. It sounds like there's a technical problem. I'll get someone onto it right away. You are welcome to stay in your room, especially given the hour, but many of our attractions are still open if you prefer to vacate. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience."

"Apology accepted. Thank you for your assistance."

"You are most welcome, Ma'am. May I help you with anything else?"

"No, thank you."

"Then I will contact maintenance and one of the guys will be with you as soon as possible. Reception out."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "So much for our hitch without a glitch!"

Chakotay laughed and took her hands in hers. "No doubt it's a minor problem and will easily be fixed."

"Let's hope so. I really don't want to share our wedding night with the maintenance man."

"Me either."

"What shall we do? Stay or go?"

"How about we take a walk? We could look around, get our bearings, and see how things have changed."

"Good idea. They'll probably notify us when the job is done and then we can head back."

Chakotay stepped away from her and offered her his arm. "Care to accompany me, Ma'am?"

Kathryn smiled and linked her arm with his. "Yes, Sir!"

They then left the room and the door locked behind them.

* * *

The midnight castle was virtually deserted. As Kathryn and Chakotay walked through the gothic corridors, it was almost as though they had the castle all to themselves, just as they had all those years ago. They made a note as they walked of where everything was and, after spending some time in a large room that was now a museum of Victorian antiques, they ended up in the chamber that housed the well. It was one of the few chambers in the castle that had changed little. The well was still the main feature of the room and, apart from new windows and a fancy board telling the history and legend of the well, everything was the same as they remembered.

"Of all the rooms," Kathryn said as they looked around, "this has to be the most special for us. It's filled with memories."

"Yes," Chakotay agreed.

Kathryn wandered over to the well and gazed into its crystal water. "I've never forgotten how it was your face I saw when I performed the legendary ritual. Superstition, some might say, but to me..." She turned to face Chakotay. "Well, here we are as husband and wife."

Chakotay smiled. "I was standing behind you. That would make my face reflect in the water."

Kathryn poked his stomach. "There's no rule to say legend's can't use science to come true." She turned away from him and looked around. "No, there's something magical about this place. It's like...it's like our fates intertwine here, like it's the nexus of our being, like our destiny has always been waiting for us here. I never felt that before, but now...now I feel it."

"Me too," Chakotay said sincerely.

"I wish I'd known. All those years we were apart, all the loneliness and heartache, I wish I'd known for sure that we'd find each other again. I wish I'd known on Voyager."

Gently, Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm sorry for those lost and lonely years. I wish I'd known too. I wish somehow I could have reassured you that we'd meet again. I wish I'd known on Voyager all that had been between us and all that was to come. Those years, they were lonely for me too. But the heartache then is part of our happiness now."

"Yes," she said. "While knowing might have made things easier, I wouldn't change anything, not a second."

Chakotay brushed his fingers against her cheek. "Me either."

Their eyes locked, then Kathryn looked again at the well. In her mind she could see Chakotay sitting at the foot of it, his leg broken.

"I will never forget that day Mark and I found you here," she said. "Never in my life have I run as fast as I did back to the cabin. I'm amazed I didn't rupture something."

Chakotay laughed.

"I was afraid you and Mark would tell each other things I didn't want either of you to share. I was so relieved to reach the cabin and beam you both in."

"I bet."

"Strange though," she said, musing, "to think the man I almost married was here with the man I have married. As I said, our destinies converge here."

"I felt the moment. And, during the whole time I was in the past, it was the only moment I felt like an outsider, like I didn't belong. Mark was...everything you deserved. I've never felt that, never felt as though I deserve you."

At this, tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "I had no idea you thought that. Why, darling?"

"Because you're an incredible person, Kathryn. You're brave, beautiful, compassionate, and the cleverest person I've ever known. You've achieved so much in your life and everything you've done you can be proud of. There is so much in my life that I'm not proud of. I've always felt that you deserve someone better, someone distinguished like Mark or a decorated Starfleet Admiral. No man could love you more than I do, I love you with every fiber of my being, but I know one could love you as much. That's why I never pushed for a relationship on Voyager. I wanted you to make the move as I didn't think I had the right."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "Oh Chakotay. How can you think for a second that you're not good enough for me? If anything, you're a great deal too good for me. No one compares to you. No one ever has. What Mark and I had was no where near as special as what you and I have. In so many ways, he was second best, and I was second best for him. And, deep inside, we both knew that. He knew that I still carried a torch for you and I knew that the love of his life was a woman he had loved but lost to someone else. You're everything I could ever want, Chakotay. You're kind, brave, loyal, and for years have been my rock and shelter. You have a strength that I need and depend on. You're the wind beneath my wings. I wouldn't have got through the Voyager years without you. And, if you hadn't of come into my life all that time ago, who knows what would have become of me. I was in so much pain, Chakotay, was so lost and despondent. I felt there was nothing to look forward to. But then this wonderful man came into my life, literally out of no where, and this man gave me a reason to live again." She paused. "I had no one, Chakotay, no one to comfort and hold me. And I needed that. I've always needed that. Because Kathryn she...she's not as strong as the captain. She needs to love and be loved. After the accident Mom just withdrew into herself, Phoebe just pushed me to get on with my life, and my friends, well, those that stuck around pretended that nothing had happened. I just wanted someone to hold me, to comfort me, but the only person that did was you...right here in this room."

Tenderly, and with tears in his eyes, Chakotay took her hands in his. "I wanted to help you, Kathryn. I wanted to take away all your pain. I'm glad that, in some small way, I did. And I promise you that I will always be here to comfort and hold you."

Kathryn squeezed his hands. "Ditto."

Then, needing no more words, they held each other tight. As they did, a voice spoke through Kathryn's commbadge.

"Maintenance to Admiral Janeway."

Kathryn drew away from Chakotay and responded. "Janeway here."

"I'm pleased to inform you that your lights are now in working order."

"That's wonderful news," Kathryn replied. "Thank you."

"No trouble, Ma'am. May you enjoy the rest of your stay and congratulations on your marriage."

"Thank you," Kathryn said.

"Goodnight, Ma'am. Maintenance out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay spoke. "Shall we head back?"

"Not yet," Kathryn said. "There's another wedding present I have to give you and I think this is the perfect place." Gently, she took his hand and laid it on her abdomen. "It's in here, growing."

At these words, infinite joy filled Chakotay's eyes. "You mean...?"

Kathryn nodded. "I'm pregnant."

Chakotay laughed from joy and scooped her in his arms. "Oh Kathryn!"

"I thought it was too late," she said, "didn't think we could. But we are. We really are."

Chakotay kissed her and buried his head in her hair. "I never thought I could be happier than I was today, but right now I am. Oh Kathryn.."

Kathryn drew slightly away, her eyes sparkling. "You like your present then?"

Chakotay smiled. "The best present I could ever have."

Kathryn smiled back and then they held each other tight.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT**


	29. Chapter 29

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

FOUR MONTHS LATER

In a sunny bedroom in the large house Kathryn and Chakotay now owned in San Francisco, Kathryn slept soundly in a luxurious bed of blue satin sheets. She was now heavily pregnant, her bump visible through the thin sheet, and her now long hair tumbled onto the pillows. From beside the bed, holding a tray on which was a lavish breakfast, Chakotay gazed at her. He thought she looked more beautiful now than ever, even though with her sun kissed face of freckles she would be the first to disagree, and he didn't have the heart to wake her. So, he put the tray down on the bedside table and then grabbed a notepad and pen. He'd been called into work unexpectedly, so he quickly scribbled a note to inform her. That way, she wouldn't wonder where he was when she woke to find him gone. But, just as he was finishing the note, Kathryn stirred awake. As she did, Chakotay put down the notepad and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Good morning," he smiled.

Kathryn's sleepy eyes looked into his. "And to you."

Chakotay kissed her forehead and then took her hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just woken up," she teased.

Chakotay laughed softly.

"Ohhh," she groaned. "And junior has too."

"Playing soccer again?"

"Right on my ribs."

Chakotay put his hand on her abdomen and smiled as he felt the baby move. "Quite some action. I swear Junior's boxing too."

"I can quite believe it. But fist and feet? It's got to be a boy!"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Chakotay smiled. "I'm sure little Miss Janeways can kick and punch with the best of them."

Kathryn smiled back and then sat up. As she did, she noticed that Chakotay was in uniform. "Been called into work?"

"Unfortunately," he answered. "Commander Velrik is ill and there's no one but me to teach his summer classes. I might be home by noon, but as his classes for tomorrow will most likely be rescheduled for this afternoon, I probably won't be home until this evening. I'm sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to spending this weekend at our cabin."

"I was. But so were you. These things can't be helped."

"We'll go next weekend, I promise."

"Then next weekend it is."

Chakotay gestured to the breakfast tray. "I've made you breakfast...pancakes, cereal, toast...all your favorites."

Kathryn smiled. "Thanks, honey."

Suddenly, the computer spoke. "Incoming transport request: The Doctor."

Chakotay responded. "Accept."

In seconds, The Doctor materialized before them.

"Good morning, Admiral, Commander," he smiled. "How are we both today?"

"Very well, thank you, Doctor," Kathryn replied.

"I'm glad to hear it. I am, of course, here for your weekly check up."

"And here was me thinking this is a social call," Kathryn teased.

"If only I had the time," he answered. "My services are so in demand that I haven't had a rest in twenty hours. Twenty hours, Admiral! Not that I suffer from fatigue as a hologram, but twenty hours of whining patients is mightily monotonous!"

Just as he finished speaking, a female voice spoke through his commbadge. "Nurse Mandi to The Doctor. Emergency house call. Debra Manks."

"You see?" The Doctor exclaimed. "I beam in only to beam out!" He hit his commbadge. "Emergency acknowledged, Nurse. I'm on my way." He then addressed Kathryn. "I'll call back tonight, Admiral. Just don't go into labor in the meantime. Junior will have to stay put today. I simply cannot accommodate him." He then bit his holographic tongue. "Drat, I've done it again! Oh well, no time for regret!" He hit his commbadge. "The Doctor to HQTS. Beam me to the Manks mansion! Doctor out."

Almost immediately The Doctor disappeared.

When he was gone, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Did The Doctor just let slip what I think he did?"

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking, then yes."

Kathryn's eyes sparkled. "I knew it. I knew it was a boy."

"Happy?"

"Absolutely thrilled. You?"

He smiled. "The same."

They gazed happily at each other and then hugged joyfully.

"The only trouble now," Kathryn said as they drew away, "is that we're going to have to start thinking of names."

"Yes. How does Zefrazoonki sound?"

"Like some Klingon shampoo."

Chakotay laughed. "We could always shorten it to Zefra. It means special one in our ancient language."

"I don't care what it means. We're not calling our son Zefra. Think again, Mr Chakotay."

"Karzvinliski?"

Kathryn poked his stomach. "Never, Sir."

A voice suddenly spoke through Chakotay's commbadge. "Leston to Chakotay."

Chakotay reluctantly responded. "Go ahead."

"You're running late. Is there a problem?"

"No problem, Sir. I'm on my way."

"Ok. See you shortly. Leston out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay put his hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I'd better go. See you when I see you."

Kathryn nodded. "Have a good day."

"You too. But don't hesitate to call me if you need me."

"I'll be fine, Chakotay."

"I know. But with Junior due any moment..."

"Not for another two weeks. You get going. We don't want to keep all those eager students waiting."

Chakotay gazed deep into her eyes. "I love you."

Kathryn smiled. "I love you too. Now, get going."

"Yes, Ma'am." He kissed her lips and then got to his feet. "See you later."

"Later."

Chakotay then requested a beam out and in seconds was gone.

* * *

The late morning sun was warm and hazy. In blue dungarees over a white t-shirt, Kathryn sat in the garden of her house enjoying an early lunch with Phoebe. With Chakotay gone, Kathryn had invited her sister over for a couple of hours, and they'd spent the morning decorating the nursery with cute transfers designed for baby boys.

"I do wish you'd let me paint on characters instead," Phoebe said. "The transfers are nice and everything but I could do so much better."

"I'm sure you could," Kathryn replied, "but we don't plan on staying here so it would be a wasted effort. As soon as we've found the right house, we're moving."

"But why? This house is everything you could possibly want. It's fabulously big and close to everything that San Francisco has to offer."

"It certainly is big," Kathryn answered. "And that's the problem. We want something smaller, cozier."

After seven years of living in relatively small quarters, both she and Chakotay were finding it hard to settle in a house that had six ensuite bedrooms, three living rooms, two bathrooms, a huge kitchen, a music room, a library, and a study.

"But you could make this place cozy," Phoebe argued. "Decor makes all the difference. Use warmer shades instead of the clinical white you have everywhere and you'd soon see a difference."

"Maybe, but we'd still have half a dozen rooms that we don't need. As Seven would say, it's an inefficient use of space."

Suddenly, a white ball of fluff that was lying under the table raced down the lawn in pursuit of a ginger cat.

"Topsy!" Kathryn cried, getting up from her very comfortable chair. "Get back here!"

The animal ignored her and darted into a bush.

"I said get back here!"

Phoebe laughed as the animal defied her again. "Looks like you're losing your touch, Kath."

"Don't bet on it," Kathryn answered. "Topsy! Here, now!"

At this "don't you mess with me" tone, Topsy jumped out of the bush and bounced up the lawn to her mistress. The dog's thick coat was covered in leaves and mud, and a red ribbon holding her long hair above her eyes was hanging unevenly over her face.

"Oh honey," Kathryn said as Topsy reached her, "look at the state of you!"

"She needs a bath, for sure," Phoebe laughed. "Want me to do it?"

"No, thank you," Kathryn replied. "I'll manage."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

As Topsy curled up at Kathryn's feet, Chakotay's voice spoke through a small gold commbadge fixed to her dungarees.

"Chakotay to Kathryn."

Kathryn responded. "Hi, honey."

"Hi. How are you?"

"Just fine. Phoebe's here. How are things going?"

"Good, but I definitely won't be home until this evening. I'm not sure what time, exactly."

"That's ok. And don't rush back. Everything's fine here. Enjoy yourself."

"I'll do my best. Love you."

"You too. Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, Phoebe spoke. "If you want some company this afternoon, you can come with me and my friends to the slopes."

Kathryn laughed. "If you haven't noticed, I'm hardly in a condition to ski."

"Oh, you don't have to. Erin and Lynne won't be skiing either. Erin because she's phobic and Lynne because she can't. You can sit on the terrace with them and enjoy the view."

"Thank you," Kathryn said, "but I'll give it a miss. I hardly know either of them and I'd like to take it easy. Maybe even do some knitting. Now I know Junior's a boy, I'd like to make a blue suit."

"Ok, but if you change your mind, just let me know."

"Thanks, Phoebe."

"So," Phoebe said, filling her glass with orange juice from a jug, "will there be a name on this outfit you're making?"

Kathryn smiled. "If that's a subtle way of asking if we've chosen a name yet, then the answer is no, we haven't. And, I get the feeling, we won't for a while. Middle names we have, of course, as we've always said we'd call Junior after our fathers if he was a boy, but for a first name we haven't got a clue. It's got to be something that goes with Kolopak Edward Janeway, but also something that we both love. But, like with a house, we'll know when it's right."

"You could always have Phoebus," Phoebe teased.

Kathryn laughed. "Thank you for the suggestion, sister, but we'll pass."

* * *

When Phoebe had left for the slopes, Kathryn cleared away the table and then bathed Topsy in the conservatory. The animal had her own pink bath, which Kathryn placed on a large silver table, and she sat miserably in it while her mistress shampooed and showered her. Kathryn worked quickly, knowing that Topsy hated the bath, and was finished in minutes.

"There, honey," she said. "All done. Now we just have to dry you."

Gently, she lifted the petite dog onto the table and began to dry her with a soft pink towel.

Suddenly, a hostile male voice boomed behind her. "Don't move."

Topsy began to bark, but Kathryn stayed calm and did what he said. "Who are you and what do you want?"

"I want justice," he said.

Kathryn heard his footsteps approach her, and then he grabbed her, holding her firmly against his chest with one arm and holding a phaser to her head with the other.

Topsy jumped from the table to the floor, via a chair, and seized the man's trousers, desperately trying to defend her mistress.

The man kicked the animal towards the hard wooden leg of the table, and Topsy yelped in pain as her body smashed against it. She then slid to the floor in an unconscious bundle.

Kathryn's heart contorted in agony at the fear that her beloved pet was dead, but mustering all the strength of the captain she had depended on for so long, she steeled herself.

"Justice for what?" she asked. "How have I wronged you?"

"By killing my sister, that's how!"

"Your sister?"

"Seska."

Kathryn swallowed. There was only one thing worse than being taken hostage, and that was being taken hostage by a Cardassian.

"I didn't kill Seska," she replied. "She died as a result of her own actions."

The man gripped her tighter. "Don't give me that. I know you're to blame for her death. You and that vile Maquis husband of yours. You and he made her life hell on Voyager, and then you gave her up to that savage species who were no kinder to her than you."

"I don't know who told you all that, but it isn't true. Seska left of her own free will."

"No, she didn't! My sister would never have gone to live with the Kazon! You gave her to them so they would leave Voyager alone. I know all about how you treated her, know all about the blackmail and the abuse. No doubt when Chakotay violated her, you watched and took pleasure in her suffering. Well, I'm not letting you get away with it. Never! Just as you took pleasure in her destruction, so am I going to take pleasure in yours!"

"Chakotay never harmed her," Kathryn argued. "Whoever told you all these things is not telling you the truth. Seska left Voyager because she wanted to."

"That is a lie! And I'm not listening to any more of your poison. You killed her and I'm going to kill you!"

"I'm pregnant," Kathryn cried. "Whatever you blame me for, my child is innocent!"

"Just like her child was innocent, but what did you care about that? What did you care about leaving her kid with that barbaric race to be abused and tormented? You sentenced her kid to a life of torture. How right, then, would it be for your kid to live a life of luxury? It's not right! It's wrong, wrong, wrong! And I'm not going to let the kid live! Prepare to meet your death, Admiral. And may you burn in the hell your people believe in!"

He dug the phaser so deep into Kathryn's skull that she was sure she felt blood trickle to her ear. Then she closed her eyes and waited for the shot that would kill her.

**END OF CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**


	30. Chapter 30

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Thirty**

TWENTY YEARS LATER

A soft summer breeze blew across a vast hilly graveyard. Trees lined a winding gray stone path, and Chakotay walked slowly down it. His hair was silver now and his face was lined and creased from age. He was wearing a black jacket over black pants, and in his right hand he held a large bunch of daisies tied with a blue ribbon.

After walking for a while, he turned off the path and walked towards a tall white marble pillar. As he did, a woman walked towards him, a tall woman with a blonde bob and a bright pink jacket over white pants, and as she got closer Chakotay recognized her.

"Mel?"

The woman smiled warmly and stopped before him. "Hi, Chakotay. Long time no see."

"It certainly has been a while. How are you?"

"Same as ever. You?"

"Okay. Finally made it to Admiral."

"So I heard. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"If you're wondering what I'm doing here, I was putting flowers on my mom. It's her birthday today and I like to, you know?"

"Same here. I come on Kathryn's birthday and I come on the day our son was due. At least, I try to. Sometimes, like this time, I'm away. But I come at the first opportunity. I like to give him daisies." They were a symbol of childhood innocence and, in Chakotay's mind, his son was forever a little boy. A beautiful little boy with black hair and a cheeky smile.

Mel looked at him sadly. "You really loved Janeway, didn't you?"

Tears welled in Chakotay's eyes. "She was my life. When Polark took her life, took our son's, he took mine too."

"I don't think she'd want that, Chakotay. I think she'd want you to be happy, to have a life with someone else."

"Maybe," Chakotay answered. "But there's no one else for me. I haven't been with anyone since the day she died and I never will. I can't even bear the thought."

Mel was silent for a moment, then she spoke. "I wish I had known it," she said quietly.

"Known what?"

"What it is to love and be loved as much as you loved each other. When I was a kid, I'd dream of my knight in shining armor and how we'd have a nice home and five kids. I've often wondered what happened to that kid, how she grew up to become the woman that I am...or the woman that I was for most of my life." She then smiled. "I know I said I never would, but I got hitched again. My Bryan. I ain't going to lie and say it's some great love, because it ain't, but we do have love, know what I mean? And for me it's as good as I'm going to get. But I wish I 'd known the kind of love you guys had. I think it's what we all want but only some folks get."

"My mother used to say that a man alone was only half of a whole," Chakotay said, "but I never understood what she meant until I met Kathryn. For so many years I searched for peace within myself, but I never thought I'd find it in loving and being loved." He paused. "Kathryn was so brave, so strong. There had been so much pain in her life, so much loneliness and sorrow, but she'd never became bitter, never hurt others to ease her own pain. She was everything I ever longed to be. Not only did she show me how to be a better man, but in loving her I wanted to be a better man, and in loving her I found that I was."

"You were always a good guy, Chakotay," Mel said kindly. "Rough around the edges for a while and easily seduced by a pretty chick, but you always had a good heart. Of all the guys I knew, you were the one I most respected and liked. You'd always listen to my problems, no matter what kind of mess I'd got myself into, and you'd never take advantage, not like the other guys. Sometimes I just needed a shoulder, you know? And you'd always lend me yours, no strings attached. You had real decency. And you cared so much for nature and animals and stuff like that. Most guys just cared for themselves." She paused. "Janeway was lucky to have you."

Chakotay lowered his eyes. "No. I failed her. I failed our son."

"It wasn't your fault what happened."

"It was. I was the one who let Seska join my crew, I was the one who was blinded by her, and I was the one who didn't see her defection coming. Kathryn was innocent of it all. She always treated Seska with the same respect as she did everyone else. If Polark was intent on having revenge, he should have killed me, not her. I was to blame."

"He was crazy, Chakotay. Like most Cardassians. It wasn't your fault." She paused. "But I'm sorry. I'm sorry he's never paid for what he did."

"He is going to pay, Mel. I'm going to make him pay."

"But how? No one knows where to find him."

"I do. And when I find him, I'm going to kill him."

Mel's eyes widened in fear. "You can't, Chakotay. If you do, no matter how just your motive, you'll be done for murder. They'll put you in prison."

"They won't because they won't know it's me. I've got it all covered."

"Let Starfleet Command know where he is and they'll get him. Don't take the law into your own hands."

"Starfleet won't go where I'm going."

"Don't do it, Chakotay," she implored. "I know you want him to pay, but this isn't the way. And what if he kills you instead? Don't let him claim your life too."

"As I said, he took my life when he killed my wife and my son. I don't have a life to risk. And even if I did, I would gladly risk it for this." He put his hand on Mel's shoulder. "I appreciate the concern, but I know what I'm doing. I've got it all planned. And, when I'm done, everything will be better."

* * *

Wind howled around the cabin that Chakotay had once shared with Kathryn and heavy rain beat down on the roof. The cabin had been Chakotay's home for twenty years, but he had changed very little in it. He wanted everything to look just like it had when Kathryn was alive. It helped him feel closer to her, made him feel that in some way she was still with him.

Inside the cabin, Chakotay sat before a simulated fire and tied up black laces on his shoes. He was wearing a red Starfleet uniform, and the pips on his collar indicated that he was an Admiral.

When he had finished lacing up his shoes, he got to his feet and fixed a belt holding a phaser and a tricorder to his waist. Then he put on his Starfleet jacket.

From a shabby brown faux-fur rug before the fire, a well groomed sheepdog watched him. The animal's dark eyes were sad as she knew that every time her master put on his uniform, he was going out.

When he was fully dressed, Chakotay knelt before his dog and tickled her ear. "You've been a good friend and companion to me, Gertie," he said, tears in his eyes. "But you can't come where I'm going. That means we're not going to see each other again. At least not in this life. But whatever happens to you in the next one, I know Phoebe will make sure you get a good home."

He then buried his face in the animal's soft fur and held her head against his for a moment. When at last he drew away, Gertie looked at him curiously. This wasn't his usual goodbye.

Chakotay then reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a personal communication device.

"Chakotay to B'Elanna."

Seconds later, B'Elanna responded. "Hi, Chakotay."

"Hi. I might be going away for a few days, work related. Is there any chance you could look after Gertie for me?"

"In normal circumstances I'd be happy too," B'Elanna replied, "but I'm going away myself. In fact, I'm on my way now. Miral and Mikal are with me. We're going to stay with my mother for a few days. You can try asking Tom, but he's really got his hands full with a new holonovel he's working on, and you may find a starved dog when you get home."

Chakotay had to smile at that. "I get the picture. Have a good trip."

"Thanks. Sorry I couldn't help."

"No worries. Chakotay out." The connection terminated and Chakotay looked at his dog. "Guess you'll have to come along after all."

There was no one else he could ask. Ever since Kathryn had been killed, he had kept mostly to himself and consequently had few friends. Phoebe had gone to an art exhibition on Varlika Prime, and apart from her and B'Elanna, everyone else he knew was rather afraid of Gertie. The few times he had left her in a kennel, it had broken her heart, so he didn't want to leave her there. For better or for worse, the dog would have to come with him.

* * *

As Chakotay expected, the corridors at Starfleet Headquarters were quiet. It was almost 9pm and not many people were about. He only passed three people as he made his way through the long corridors, and he arrived without effort at his place of destination, which was a highly secured lab. It was so secure that there were even two security guards standing outside high silver doors that led inside.

"Good evening," Chakotay said, trying to act as normally as possible.

"Good evening, Admiral," the two men replied in unison.

Chakotay went over to the access control pad, and keyed in a security code he had managed to steal by old Maquis tactics. The silver doors faithfully opened, and Chakotay stepped inside. Once he was inside, the doors shut behind him.

The lab was bigger than he had thought it would be, and there were quite a few storage units. Chakotay took out his tricorder and scanned them. All but two of them were empty, and one was just a chemical storage cupboard. He went over to the other unit, and found that it needed a security code to be accessed. Thankfully, it needed only a general Starfleet access code, so he typed in his own. The doors on the silver unit opened, and Chakotay looked inside. There were a lot of shelves, most of them in use, and one of them had four unlabeled bottles on it. Chakotay scanned the bottles with his tricorder, and found that the same serum that was inside all of them could not be identified. However, the ingredients of the serum could be identified, and according to his tricorder, the serum was safe for human injection. It had to be the serum he was looking for. As carefully as he could, he reached into the unit and took out one of the bottles. He then put it into his jacket pocket, closed the unit, and left the lab as quickly as he could.

* * *

In the safety of his shuttle, Chakotay took the bottle out of his pocket and looked at it.

"One down," he said, talking to Gertie who was standing beside him. "One to go."

He then put the serum back into his pocket and made his way over to the helm. As soon as he was seated, he began to scan Starfleet Headquarters. Gertie walked over to him, jumped onto the vacant chair beside him, and curled up comfortably.

"Scan complete," Chakotay said. "Penetrating defenses...getting a lock...energizing."

Blue light glowed behind him, and Chakotay turned around just in time to see the temporal transporter materialize before him.

"Victory," Chakotay smiled.

But there was no time to savor the moment. He turned back to the helm and worked busily.

"They'll be coming after us, old-girl," he said. "Got to get away..." His fingers flew over the console. "Maximizing shields...bringing the cloak online...setting a course to space..."

In less than a minute, his shuttle was soaring to the stars. Chakotay sat back in his chair and reached over to his dog, petting her. "Home dry, my friend," he smiled. "We're home dry."

* * *

Three hours later, satisfied that no Starfleet ships were in pursuit, Chakotay brought his shuttle to a standstill and powered up the temporal transporter by feeding it from the warp core of his vessel. For the past three months he had ate, slept and breathed transporter mechanics, and was sure he now knew enough to operate the transporter successfully.

After a couple of failed efforts, the transporter booted up and Chakotay managed to access the main computer system.

"Now, all we need is to put in the destination co-ordinates," he said to Gertie. "Should be easy enough."

With no difficulty at all he managed to the open the imputation box, but to his dismay, he found that the transporter's computer system would only accept coded destination co-ordinates.

"Damn," he said, slamming his hand hard against the machine, "it only accepts codes."

He took a deep breath and forced himself to think.

"But there must be a way of deciphering it."

He took out his tricorder, tried to use it to decipher the code, but was unsuccessful.

"All I get is gibberish," he said, his frustration growing. "But there's got to be some way of deciphering it..."

He returned to the helm and downloaded the contents of his tricorder into his shuttle's computer system.

"Computer," he said, when it was done, "based on the information I've just given you, can you decipher the code used?"

"Unable to decipher code. Code is too sophisticated."

"Can you make any guesses?"

"Based on information given, guesses can be made regarding times, stardates, and location."

"What would you guess the code is for 14:30 hours, stardate 55971.5, location SF 562417.50?"

"Based on information provided, guessed code for 14.30 hours, stardate 55971.5, location SF 562417.50? is ahjk hours, stardate hu234789hkl, location 89iuauiobril."

"Transfer guessed code to my tricorder."

The computer did as he asked. "Transfer complete."

"Also transfer to my tricorder what you guess the code is for 15:00 hours stardate 55971.5"

"Transfer complete."

Chakotay then picked up his tricorder and returned to the temporal transporter. He carefully entered the first code given for the destination co-ordinates, and then the second as the retrieval co-ordinates.

When he was finished, he set up the transporter to auto-transport him back, specifying a global scan to locate him. If the computer had wrongly guessed the code, and he found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, all he had to do was make sure he did nothing to disrupt the timeline. Then, providing he had the right serum and it worked, he would be transported back here and he could try again with an amended code. What would happen if his mission was successful, he didn't know. Perhaps the time-police would remove him from a time-frame he wasn't meant to be in, perhaps he would fade away as the future he came from faded from existence, or perhaps he would be stuck in the past for the rest of his life. If he was, he would do what Kathryn had suggested all those years ago...he would make himself invisible and exist in an existence he was not meant to exist in.

"Now all I need is to inject myself with the serum," Chakotay said, turning away from the transporter. "Let's hope I've got the right bottle."

He went over to a med-kit that he kept in the shuttle, opened it, and took out a hypospray. Then he pulled the bottle of serum out of his pocket. He carefully filled the hypospray with the serum, and then injected it into his neck. When that was done, he returned to the transporter and set it up to transport him in twenty seconds.

The flashing green and pink lights on the grid turned white, indicating that a transport had been programmed, and Chakotay stepped onto it.

Gertie watched him, and Chakotay looked at her sadly. "Goodbye, Gertie."

Then a red light descended on him and he felt the familiar tingle of transportation.

* * *

When Chakotay rematerialized, he found himself in the side garden of the large house he and Kathryn had once shared in San Francisco. The computer had accurately guessed the location, he only hoped she had accurately guessed the time and the date. He took out his tricorder, activated it, and found that while the date was correct, the time was a little later than he had wanted. Instead of being 14:30, it was 14:40.

Not wanting to waste a moment, Chakotay hurried over to a large white door only a few feet away from him, and keyed in an access code from memory. His plan was to enter the house, make his way to the conservatory, and kill Polark before he could kill Kathryn. However, as the door opened, Chakotay found to his horror that the hallway was full of smoke.

"No," he cried. "I'm too late. Dammit, I'm too late!"

Without closing the door, Chakotay hurried around the side of the house, rushed through the back garden, and burst into the conservatory. Smoke gushed towards him from the living room as the double glass doors that usually divided the two rooms were wide open. Chakotay looked around, desperately scanning the room with his eyes, and pain knifed his heart when he saw Kathryn lying lifelessly on the floor, Topsy beside her. Kathryn was lying on her side, her head at an awkward angle, and there was blood on the dungarees she was wearing.

Almost blinded by tears, Chakotay rushed over to her and frantically searched for her pulse.

"No," he wept when he couldn't find it. "No, Kathryn..." He reached for his tricorder and scanned her, but it only told him what he already knew. Both she and the baby were dead.

Weeping, he took her hand in his and kissed it. "I won't let you die," he vowed. "I'll be back, Kathryn. I promise I'll be back."

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY**


	31. Chapter 31

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Thirty One**

Held firmly in Polark's strong and hostile arms, Kathryn helplessly tried to convince the angry Cardassian of her innocence.

"I didn't kill Seska," she cried. "She died as a result of her own actions."

The man tightened his grip on her, the pressure suffocating. "Don't give me that. I know you're to blame for her death. You and that vile Maquis husband of yours. You and he made her life hell on Voyager, and then you gave her up to that savage species who were no kinder to her than you."

"I don't know who told you all that, but it isn't true. Seska left of her own free will."

"No, she didn't! My sister would never have gone to live with the Kazon! You gave her to them so they would leave Voyager alone. I know all about how you treated her, know all about the blackmail and the abuse. No doubt when..."

He stopped speaking suddenly and the next thing Kathryn knew she was falling to the floor, locked tight in the Cardassian's arms. She landed on her side with a thud, but the large man's body against hers protected her from the full force of the fall.

Then footsteps hurried towards her and someone knelt beside her.

"Kathryn...Are you hurt?"

The voice was familiar. Oh, so dearly familiar. It was Chakotay's.

"I don't think so," she replied, not aware of any pain.

Chakotay's strong hands freed her from the grasp of the Cardassian, and then pulled her to her feet.

"That's what I call good timing," Kathryn said, standing up. "Another minute and..." She gasped in astonishment when she looked up and saw an older Chakotay standing before her. His hair was silver, his face aged, and he was wearing a mock black leather jacket over black pants.

"It's alright," he said kindly. "Don't be afraid. I'm from the future. I'm here to help you."

Kathryn made no reply, just stared at him

Chakotay looked over her shoulder and then back at her. "We have to get out of here. The house is on fire. "

Kathryn turned around and inhaled sharply when she saw ferocious flames dance with smoke behind the solid glass doors of the living room.

"Go into the garden," Chakotay urged. "I'll get Topsy."

As quickly as she could, Kathryn left the conservatory. Chakotay went over to Topsy, who was still lying in a collapsed heap at the foot of the table, and gently picked her up. Then he hurried into the garden.

When Kathryn saw him emerge from the conservatory, she approached him, her eyes on her beloved pet. "How is she? Is she...?"

"She's still alive," Chakotay answered. He then looked around. "We're going to have to get out of here. It's not safe. Any minute now there will be an explosion. I only narrowly survived it before."

"Before?"

"This isn't my first visit...long story." He saw the tail of Kathryn's shuttle at the side of the house and turned towards it. "Your shuttle. Let's go there."

He began to walk in the direction of the shuttle, and Kathryn followed. When he reached the vessel, he keyed in the access code and the door slid open.

"I guess you're thinking that for a rescue mission this is really poorly planned," Chakotay said, extending his hand to help Kathryn climb into the shuttle, "but I wasn't expecting the fire. I thought he'd set the place alight after he'd..." He stopped, bit his lip. "I just wasn't expecting the fire."

Once Kathryn was safely inside the shuttle, he climbed in himself, closed the door, and put Topsy onto the floor.

"Computer, bring shields online and maximize."

"Shields online. Shields maximized."

Chakotay then took off his jacket, revealing a black shirt underneath, and gently put it over Topsy. He then took out his tricorder and turned to Kathryn.

"Are you sure you're not hurt? That was quite a fall."

"I'm fine," Kathryn replied.

Chakotay looked up at her and a twinkle filled his dark, sad, eyes. "That's no reassurance," he teased. "We both know you'd say you were fine if you had your legs torn off by a trachon beast."

Kathryn laughed softly and for a moment all Chakotay could do was gaze at her. He had done it. After so many years, so many obstacles, he had finally done it. He had saved his Kathryn.

Kathryn's smile faded as she looked into his eyes. There was so much sadness there, so much pain and longing.

"He killed me, didn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes and he lowered them. "Yes," he said quietly. He fiddled with his tricorder and then held it up. "But that all belongs to a future that will never happen now."

"How did you get here?"

"Take one guess."

"The temporal transporter?"

He nodded. "It's taken years, but finally a serum has been produced that will protect humans from Post Transportation Trauma when they are transported through time and space. Needless to say, both the serum and the transporter have been guarded with the utmost security. They're hoping to develop similar transporters without the temporal capacity, but they're still a long way from achieving that."

"How did you gain access to them?"

"I stole them," he answered plainly. He then scanned Kathryn and smiled. "You're okay. A few bruises, but you're okay. So is the baby."

Kathryn looked down at her dog. "What about Topsy?"

Chakotay knelt beside the animal and scanned her.

"Some bruising and a nasty bump on the head, but she'll be ok too."

Relief consumed Kathryn at that.

Chakotay got to his feet and made his way to the helm. "I'll take you to our cabin in Canada. You'll be safe there."

As he sat down and powered up engines, Kathryn went over to him.

"We can't leave Seska's brother in the house."

"It's the best place for him," Chakotay said, bitterness in his voice. "The fire will finish what I couldn't."

"How do you mean?"

"My plan was to kill him before he...But I was afraid that if he moved suddenly, I'd have hit you instead."

Kathryn looked at him sadly. Chakotay was the gentlest man she knew. To bear so much loathing towards this man that it was stronger even than his humanity, he must have suffered tremendous heartache. "Computer," she said, sitting in a vacant black chair beside him. "Power down engines and deny Chakotay access to all systems."

_"Request in process. Request complete."_

Chakotay turned to her sharply. "What are you doing?"

"Getting Seska's brother out of there."

"No, Kathryn," Chakotay cried. "He's intent on killing you and won't stop until..."

Kathryn interrupted him. "This is not up for negotiation, Chakotay. We're getting him out of there." She began to operate a console. "He only wants revenge because he thinks we mistreated his sister and handed her over to the Kazon to save ourselves. Who told him that, I don't know. Someone who got the wrong end of the stick, maybe, or someone with a grudge against you but too cowardly to act themselves. When he knows the truth, perhaps he'll have a change of..." She was going to say 'heart', but she didn't think Cardassians had one. "Opinion. And even if he doesn't, I can't stand by and let him die." She addressed the computer again. "Computer, lower shields and initiate transport. When male Cardassian materializes, raise shields, identify him as an intruder and contain him within a forcefield."

_"Request in process."_

"You can't let him get away with this," Chakotay argued.

"He'll be taken into custody, Chakotay, and he'll be charged with attempted murder, assaulting an animal, aswell as putting our house on fire. He'll be going to prison for a very long time."

A blue transporter beam glowed behind them and an unconscious Polark materialized in the rear of the shuttle.

_"Request complete."_

"Scan intruder to determine if in need of medical assistance."

A red beam quickly scanned Polark's body.

_"Intruder in need of minor medical assistance."_

"Elaborate."

_"Intruder has mild asphyxiation."_

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion outside and the shuttle shook as debris fell on it.

"We haven't got time to waste on him," Chakotay cried. "We've got to get out of here."

"Agreed," Kathryn replied. "Computer, restore Chakotay's access to all systems."

_"Access restored."_

Chakotay powered up engines again and in seconds they were soaring through the sky at terrific speed.

"Monitor condition of intruder," Kathryn continued. "Raise alarm if urgent medical assistance is needed."

_"Intruder monitored."_

As Chakotay piloted the vessel, Kathryn sat back in the chair and watched him. There was pain etched in every line of his face, just like there had been in Admiral Janeway's. A cold shiver ran through her body. This was the third time in three years that a ghostly figure from the future had appeared in some form to prevent a disaster. First there was Harry, then herself, and now Chakotay. She could only hope this was the last time.

"We're there," Chakotay said. "Preparing for landing."

He brought the viewscreen online, and Kathryn watched as they descended through a wet gray sky onto welcoming Canadian soil.

As soon as the shuttle landed, Chakotay powered down engines and got to his feet.

"I don't know how much longer I'll be here," he said, pulling out his phaser. "I might be stuck in this time-frame, but on the other hand I might disappear any moment. I'd better give you this."

He held out the phaser to her.

"It's a classic phaser. 2378. I replicated it especially. You can say you fired at Polark in self-defense."

Kathryn took the phaser gratefully. "Good thinking. The last thing I want to do is have to explain yet another temporal infraction." She paused. "I guess I can say I grabbed the phaser from the table when Topsy distracted him and then shot him in the side. He won't know any different because one moment he was holding me and the next he was on the floor."

Chakotay reached into a pocket in his shirt and pulled out a small, round, flat silver container. "I also want to give you this."

Kathryn put the phaser down on the console behind her and took the object. "What is it?"

"The ovum you had stored when we were in the Delta Quadrant."

Kathryn looked up at him. "But... how?" The ovum had been destroyed during a skirmish with the Hirogen when they had invaded Voyager. She had not preserved any more incase Voyager was boarded again and they fell into the wrong hands.

"The temporal transporter. I used it to send myself back to Voyager the night before the Hirogen invaded. It wasn't an easy task as I had to make sure I'd got the time, date, and location absolutely right, otherwise I'd find myself a floating corpse in open space." He paused. "The first time I tried to save you, I arrived too late. The second time, I arrived thirty years too early and was stuck in 2349 for almost two days. Not knowing what else to do, I booked myself into a hotel. While I was staying there, I saw a news feature on FNBC about an infertile woman having a baby after using ovum she'd stored before a disease left her barren. This reminded me of the ovum you had asked the Doctor to store after Q's visit, and I guess one thought led to another. I figured that if I could only find a way of determining the correct codes without transporting myself, I could send myself back to Voyager and get your ovum. I knew Voyager's sensors wouldn't detect me as an intruder because they would recognize me only as Chakotay, First Officer. In the end I came up with the idea of transporting a tricorder to my desired location and setting it up to read the time, date, and place it was transported too and from. This helped immensely. It took about a dozen attempts, but eventually I got it right. I transported myself to sickbay, knowing the Doctor would be in the Mess Hall attending one of Harry's concerts, and found the container in which your ovum were preserved. I put an empty one it's place, and opened the container to inject the solution inside with some serum to protect the eggs from damage during transport. When I got back to my shuttle, I scanned the ovum to see if there was any damage, but the serum had done the trick. All four were in perfect condition."

Tears welled in Kathryn's eyes. "I don't know what to say. This means..." A tear ran down her cheek. "Thank you."

Chakotay smiled warmly and put his hand on her shoulder. "Let's get you into the cabin. You've had a shock and need to rest in warmth and comfort."

He made to move, but Kathryn stopped him. She then got to her feet, wrapped her arms around his neck, and hugged him. Chakotay tentatively responded, and then tearfully buried his head in the crook of her neck.

"Oh Kathryn," he whispered. "I've missed you so much. All these years..."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "I missed you too... all those years after you'd gone."

Chakotay kissed her soft hair and cherished the feel of the woman he had loved, and missed for so long, in his arms.

A little moan filled the air, and Kathryn broke away from Chakotay. Topsy had regained consciousness and was moving beneath Chakotay's jacket. The animal shakily got to her feet and whimpered as she looked around in confusion.

Chakotay went over to her and gently picked her up. Kathryn closed the gap between them and held Topsy's trembling paw in her hand.

"You're going to be just fine, honey," she said reassuringly. "You're safe now."

The dog calmed at the sound of Kathryn's relaxed voice and lay still in Chakotay's arms.

"Come on," Chakotay said kindly. "Let's go to the cabin. I'll make myself scarce and you can call emergency services."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know. But my mission is complete. Wherever I go, whatever becomes of me, I'll be happy."

He went over to the door, opened it, and dismounted the shuttle. It was raining outside and the grass beneath his feet was muddy.

"Be careful," he said, offering Kathryn his hand. "It's slippery."

Kathryn carefully stepped out of the shuttle, and then accompanied Chakotay to the cabin's front door. She quickly keyed in the access code and the door opened.

"You first," Chakotay gestured.

Kathryn stepped inside and smiled to see a roaring fire greet her in the hearth.

Chakotay followed her inside, and for a moment stood in the doorway and looked around the room. Everything looked so new, so bright and vibrant. It was very different to the sad and shabby cabin he had left behind.

Kathryn put the silver container in her hand down on a table and then turned to Chakotay.

"Put Topsy on the couch. She'll be more comfortable there."

Chakotay did as she said and Kathryn went to sit beside the trembling creature.

"I'll replicate her a blanket," Chakotay said. "It will be lighter and softer for her than my jacket."

He went into the kitchenette, and Kathryn carefully removed Chakotay's jacket from around her dog.

In no time at all, Chakotay returned with two white fleece blankets.

"I replicated one for you aswell," he said. "You need to keep warm."

He handed Kathryn a blanket for Topsy, and watched as she put it over the dog and tucked it around her. When she was finished, he gently placed the blanket in his hands over her shoulders.

"Thank you," Kathryn said, looking up at him.

Chakotay smiled warmly, and then took his jacket from the couch. "I think I'll be needing this."

Kathryn looked at him in concern. "You have nowhere to go, Chakotay. You don't even have a shuttle. You can't wander around this mountain just hoping you'll get to wherever you want to go. Remember what happened last time you tried that."

"It was a totally different situation," he reasoned. "I have to leave, Kathryn. I don't belong here. You know that as much as I do."

"Then at least accept some help. As long as you make yourself scarce for a few hours, you can stay here with us tonight. Tomorrow we'll get you a shuttle and you can head anywhere you want."

Chakotay smiled gratefully. "Thank you. That would be wonderful."

"Don't thank me," Kathryn answered. "It's me who should be thanking you." Tears welled in her eyes. "And I do, Chakotay. For everything."

Chakotay reached out and brushed her pale cheek with the back of his fingers. "I would do anything for you, Kathryn."

They looked into each other's eyes until Chakotay broke their gaze and put on his jacket.

"I think I'll go down to the castle for a while. Hopefully, this time, I won't get lost in a fog."

It was wet and miserable outside and Kathryn didn't like the thought of Chakotay going to the castle in such weather. "I don't think that's a good idea. How about I transport you somewhere? Mexico City? Then I'll transport you back tonight when it's safe."

"You need to call emergency services and get yourself and Topsy seen too."

"It won't take two minutes to transport you. It would make me happier."

"Okay," Chakotay replied, relenting at that. "If it would make you happy."

"It would." She got to her feet. "Move Topsy onto the rug before the fire. If we leave her on the couch, she might wriggle and fall off. I'll make my way back to the shuttle."

With that, she walked away from him and made her way to the door. Just as she reached it, she stopped and turned around, talking as she did so. "On second thoughts, they might want to the check the shuttle's transportation history. I think it would be better to..."

She stopped talking when she saw that, except for a little white dog lying on the couch covered in a fleece blanket, the room behind her was empty. Old Chakotay was gone.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY ONE**


	32. Chapter 32

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Thirty Two**

Before a simulated fire that filled the moonlit cabin with a cozy copper glow, Kathryn lay against Chakotay on the couch, while Topsy slept on the rug before the fire. Chakotay cherished the feel of Kathryn in his arms, and a cold shiver ran through his body every time he thought about how close he'd come to losing her.

"I'm so glad no awkward questions were asked about how I defended myself from Polark," Kathryn said. "A part of me was worried they wouldn't believe me."

"They had no reason to doubt you," Chakotay replied. "And they know just how capable you are of defending yourself."

"I guess." She paused. "It's frightening, though, to think how easily he got through every security measure we had in place and even managed to disable our fire detectors."

"I know. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. But, for what it's worth, I don't think it was easy for him to penetrate our security. I think it took a lot of time and a lot of intelligent thinking. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd been surveying our house for weeks."

Kathryn shivered at that thought.

"I just hope they put him in jail and throw away the key. I know he thought we'd given Seska to the Kazon, but that is no excuse for what he tried to do."

"Let's not think about him anymore," Kathryn said, seeing how agitated Chakotay was getting. "Let's think about something else...our future. We have so much to look forward to, Chakotay. Junior will soon be here, and now that we have my ovum, we can think of having another child. With four perfect ovum, there's a good chance that when fertilized one of them will implant."

"Yes," Chakotay agreed. "There certainly is a lot to look forward too."

Kathryn sat up a little. "You would like another child, wouldn't you?"

Chakotay smiled. "If I didn't, I don't think my older-self would have bothered going to all that trouble of transporting himself to Voyager and back."

Kathryn laughed. "I guess not." She then looked deep into Chakotay's eyes. "And I'm so grateful to him."

Chakotay brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. "So am I...for everything."

Gently, their lips drew together and they kissed softly.

"We're going to have to speed up our hunt for a new home now," Kathryn said as they drew apart. "I know our house in San Francisco can be restored by the end of the month, but to tell the truth, I don't want to go back there."

"Neither do I."

"Or maybe," she said, looking around, "we've already found what we're looking for." With a sparkle in her eyes, she turned back to Chakotay. "How would you feel about living here?"

A light filled Chakotay's eyes. "In this cabin?"

Kathryn nodded. "I know it isn't as grand as houses in San Francisco, but this place holds so many happy memories for us. When we come here, it feels like...it feels like we're coming home. And that's what a home should feel like." She paused. "I know the cabin is small and the winter's here are bitter, but we can easily extend onto the back of the cabin, and in winter we can erect a forcefield around the place to protect us from the harsh weather. Imagine it, Chakotay. Our children could go out and play in a blizzard but not be touched by it because of the forcefield. There's a small school in the village that they could go to, and even though we're quite far from civilization, in this day and age of transporters, that doesn't matter. I think the seclusion would be safer too. So many strangers bother us when we're in San Francisco, but hardly anyone bothers us here because they can't find us as easily. And, as this cabin is the only one in use for miles, we can apply to own all land within a radius of two miles, except for the lake and the castle, and have the area monitored for unauthorized access and transport. It would be very hard then to have a repeat of what happened today."

Without waiting for Chakotay to reply, she got to her feet and walked towards the kitchenette, talking as she did so.

"I'm thinking we could extend this area backwards to give us additional kitchen and dining space. We can also add on three more bedrooms and convert the back door into a hallway that leads to them. The bedroom we're currently not using we can turn into a study. We'd have everything we need, Chakotay. We really would."

Chakotay got to his feet and closed the gap between them with a smile. "You don't have to convince me, Kathryn. There's no place I'd rather live."

"Really?"

"Truly."

Kathryn smiled her beautiful smile. "Then welcome to our new home."

They gazed at each other with happy tears in their eyes, then Chakotay gently gathered her against him and they held each other joyfully.

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER

Sun streamed in through the cabin's bedroom window, bathing it in bright light. Her brow damp with sweat, Kathryn cradled a naked baby boy with a mop of fluffy black hair. He had only just been born and was still attached to her by a long umbilical cord. Kathryn gazed at the baby in adoration and kissed his tiny hand before kissing his little forehead.

Chakotay emerged from their bathroom with a clean soft white towel, and Kathryn carefully wrapped the baby in it. Chakotay then sat beside her on their bed and gazed at their son.

"He's amazing," Chakotay said. "Really amazing."

Kathryn smiled. "He's going to look like you, Chakotay. I can see it already. He has the same shape lips and eyes."

Chakotay kissed her hair. "I'm so proud of you, Kathryn."

"I'm proud of you, delivering this little fella." She kissed the baby's head again. "I can hardly believe he's ours, Chakotay. But he is, he's our son." She paused. "We're really going to have to decide on a name, though...unless we plan on calling him junior forever."

Chakotay smiled. "It isn't me who's fussy."

"I know," Kathryn conceded. "But a name is so improtant. It has to be special, has to mean something. I can understand now why the Doctor is taking so long to choose one."

"Any new ideas?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. What do you think of Albert? Not only was he born here in Alberta, but it was the name of Queen Victoria's husband. It's so perfect, has so much meaning for us. We could call him Bertie for short."

"Albert Kolopak Edward Janeway," Chakotay considered. "I like it."

Kathryn smiled. "Then Albert it is."

"Well," a familiar voice said from the doorway. "Looks like you didn't need me after all."

Kathryn looked up and saw the Doctor walk into the room. "He came rather quickly, Doctor."

"Very quickly I'd say," the Doctor said, going over to her. "A first labor usually lasts for hours."

"Maybe giving birth as an amphibian helped," Chakotay teased.

"Quite possibly," the Doctor replied seriously. "Or you may not have realized you were in labor until the end of the second stage, Admiral. It's not uncommon."

The Doctor opened his med-kit and took out a tricorder. "Have you delivered the afterbirth?"

"Not yet," Kathryn replied, looking again at the baby.

"Then if it doesn't come in the next ten minutes, I'll induce it." He held up his tricorder and began to scan Kathryn. "Mother is in fine health." He then began to scan the baby. "And so is the baby. All eight and a half pounds of him."

Chakotay got to his feet. "I'll go and get a camera."

"No need," the Doctor beamed. "I always pack a camera when I'm attending a birth." He reached into his med-kit and pulled out a camera. "Here we are."

Kathryn looked up at the Doctor. "Could you take one of us all together?"

"My pleasure," the Doctor smiled.

As Chakotay sat again, the Doctor backed away from the bed, preparing the camera as he did so.

"Look at me, please. Smile on the count of three. One, two, three..."

Kathryn and Chakotay smiled, and the Doctor took their picture.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY TWO**


	33. Chapter 33

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Chapter Thirty Three**

**CHRISTMAS 2380**

Snow fell outside the cabin, covering the Canadian mountain in a soft white blanket. Contained in a forcefeld, however, the cabin was untouched by the falling particles of ice. A circle of luscious green grass surrounded it and if it wasn't for the Christmas lights on the windows and the large wreath of holly and ivy on the door, it would be impossible to know at close inspection that it was winter.

Inside the cabin, Christmas decorations glittered in the light of a roaring log-fire, and dozens of Christmas cards adorned the walls. In the left hand corner of the room, directly next to the window, was a tall Christmas tree of faux-pine. It was handsomely decorated with tinsel, baubles and fairylights, and on top of it a silver star sparkled. At the foot of the tree was a large pile of presents, all different sizes and shapes, and wrapped up in papers of different colors and types, and variously decked with ribbons and bows

Lying before the fire on the brown rug she regarded as her own, Topsy watched as the occupants of the room stood in the middle of it, talking. Aunt Martha and Grandma Gretchen were dressed very formally in thick winter coats, one gray, the other black, and both had shimmering white scarves around their necks. In Aunt Martha's arms was a much loved little boy with wavy black hair and dark eyes, and Topsy tilted her head to the side as her mistress, wearing only gray pants and a white top, fixed something curious to his head.

"There," Kathryn said, putting a woolen sky-blue pompom hat on Bertie's head. "Now we only have to button up your coat and you'll be ready to go."

Her mother and Aunt Martha were taking him to Santa's Grotto in Lapland for the afternoon. He was a little young to appreciate it, but Gretchen had won tickets in a crossword competition and was determined to use them.

"You're going to have to be more organized than this when the new baby arrives," Gretchen said.

"I had to go out for a while," Kathryn answered. "And I got held up. It happens."

"It certainly does," Aunt Martha replied. "And you're a fine one to talk, Gretchen. Almost every time you and Edward came to our house for dinner, you were late."

"That was Edward's fault, not mine. I was always ready well in time but he was always held up somewhere and I'd have to wait."

"My mistake," Aunt Martha smiled.

Kathryn closed Bertie's padded navy-blue coat and then smiled at him. "All set."

"I don't know what time we'll be back," Gretchen said. "But it won't be before five o'clock."

"There's no rush. Have a good time." Kathryn affectionately squeezed her son's cheek. "Just make sure he doesn't eat too much chocolate. He could eat it all day."

Bertie smiled at her, sweet little dimples showing, and Kathryn kissed his cheek several times in quick succession, making the child laugh.

Gretchen looked into a silver bag Kathryn had packed. "Have you checked you've packed everything? Wipes, diapers, change of clothes?"

"Yes, Mom," Kathryn replied. "Everything's there."

"Then we'd better go," Gretchen continued. "Our ticket expires at two o'clock. It's quarter to now."

"So it is," Kathryn said, looking at an antique gold clock that adorned the chimney breast. "We'd better get a move on."

Quickly, she walked across the room to a door that led to the transporter room. When she and Chakotay had drawn up plans to modify the rear of the cabin, they had incorporated a door from the living room into the transporter room to save them having to go outside. Because space was limited, they had decided on using a folding door of mock pine, and Kathryn opened it by pressing a button. She then stepped inside the small room and her mother and aunt followed her. Topsy got to her feet, minded to accompany them, but just as she was about to trot to the transporter room, she saw Chakotay enter the living room. He was wearing a white shirt over black pants and the shirt's sleeves were rolled up passed his elbows. It seemed a long time since Topsy had last seen her master, so she hurried over to him, greeting him eagerly with a wagging tail. Chakotay scooped up the affectionate little dog and she licked his cheek happily.

A jingle sounded to his left, and Chakotay turned to a small silver electronic mail tray that was next to the front door.

"Looks like we've got mail," he said. He walked over to the tray and saw a pile of red, white, green and gold envelopes, all with the imprint of a Christmas tree in the top right corner. "More Christmas cards." He put Topsy to the floor and picked up the envelopes. Most of them were from well-wishers he didn't know, but one appeared the be from Harry and Libby, and another from the Paris family, which no doubt included the latest addition to their family, their son, Mikal.

"More cards?"

The voice was Kathryn's.

Chakotay turned around and smiled. "Half a dozen."

"Seems like we're getting more and more every year. If this carries on, next year we're going the need a whole room just to store them."

Chakotay laughed and held up two envelopes, one red, the other gold. "These are from B'Elanna and Tom and Harry and Libby."

Kathryn went over to him and he gave her the gold envelope from Harry and Libby. Kathryn opened it and smiled at the picture on the card, which was of a dog resembling Topsy standing in falling snow wearing a Santa's hat. "Cute," she said. Then she opened the card, read the greeting, and went to put it on display with the others.

"I'm so glad they got back together," she said, clipping the card onto a silver string. "But, to tell the truth, I don't think Harry ever really got over her. He could have had his pick of ensigns on the ship, but I just don't think any of them matched up to her."

Chakotay opened the envelope from B'Elanna and Tom, and laughed at the image on the card.

"I'm not sure you're going to like this," he said, his eyes glowing with amusement.

Kathryn turned to him. "Not one of those awful humorous ones, is it?"

"You could say that. Only the joke is on us." He opened the card and laughed again. "This is what B'Elanna says: Tom found this while visiting a cartoon shop in New York recently. I thought you'd get as much of a giggle from it as we did. Seems there's no end to our notoriety."

Kathryn made her way over to him. "Let me see."

He held up the large card, and Kathryn blushed crimson at the picture on it. She was sitting in the captain's chair on Voyager's bridge wearing sexy black underwear, complete with suspenders, while Chakotay was sitting next to her showing off his biceps and wearing only black boxershorts. Tom was sitting at the helm, seemingly wearing nothing at all, and B'Elanna was sitting on his lap in a black negligée. Tuvok was standing at his station with a disapproving look on his face, while Harry, in uniform, was at the left of the picture eyeing up Seven who was in a blue bikini. Neelix and Kes were lying on the floor kissing, and the Doctor was kneeling beside them getting readings with his tricorder. Each of the them had a red voice or thought bubble coming out of their mouths filled with suggestive words.

"That is definitely not going up," Kathryn said, taking the card from him. "And makes me wonder where exactly Tom has been shopping." She opened the card. "Have yourself a nicey, spicy, Voyager vicey Christmas. Definitely makes me wonder where Tom has been."

Chakotay laughed. "You have to admit, though, it's pretty funny."

"You're not the one in suspenders saying 'Thrusters now, Commander!'"

Chakotay laughed again while Kathryn studied the back of the card. "Viceroy Vaults. They will be hearing about this." She then put the card back into the envelope and put it onto a table next to the mail tray. She then looked through the rest of the cards on the tray. "They don't seem to be from anyone I know. It's so nice, though, isn't it, that people take the time to send them?"

"It certainly is."

"I'm going to have to put up another string. There's no way all these will fit in the remaining space."

Chakotay stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll do that later. Seeing as we've got the place to ourselves, how about I run you a warm bath and then treat you to a massage?"

Kathryn smiled and leant back against him, entwining her hands with his. "Sounds heavenly."

She turned her head towards his and they kissed softly.

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway," Chakotay said as they drew apart. "Just incase I haven't told you lately."

"I love you too."

"When we were first married, I didn't think that life could get any better. But it gets better all the time. I know we've had some difficult times over the past couple of years, especially with every attempt to have another baby, except this one, not working, but I've never been as happy in my entire life."

"Neither have I. What we have now beats even that time we shared all those years ago."

Chakotay kissed her cheek. "And I have a feeling this Christmas is going to be the best yet."

Kathryn smiled. "So do I." She paused. "I always dreaded Christmas more than any other time of the year. I always wished I could stay in space and just avoid the whole thing, but my mother always looked forward to having me home. But now it's such a special time, and will be even more so as the children grow up."

"Yes, and I can't wait." Chakotay then drew away from her. "I've been working on the nursery all morning. Want to see?"

Kathryn turned to him and smiled. "Sure."

They began to walk in the direction of the nursery, and Topsy got up to follow them. They passed the study, the now extended kitchen and dining area, and made their way into a well-lit hallway that led to the bedrooms. The long windows in the hallway overlooked the backyard, which was now a very nice patio area, and part of a garden they had cultivated. After passing the first bedroom, which was Bertie's, they stopped at the second.

Chakotay opened the door, and Kathryn walked inside. Ever since they had extended the cabin, this room had been left bare and empty, except for a blue carpet that covered the floor. But it looked like a different room now. It was bright and cheerful and very inviting. There was a fluffy pink carpet gracing the floor, a pretty blind of bunny rabbits and butterflies at the window, pink velvet drapes, and a pink border containing pastel letters of the alphabet on the walls.

"It's wonderful," Kathryn said, looking around. "You've done a great job."

Chakotay joined her in the middle of the room and gestured towards the right wall. "I was thinking I could put up a couple of shelves there to store toys and things. I think it would be the best place."

"Agreed. Given the position of the door, that side of the room would be too drafty to sleep."

"What color shelves would you like?"

"I think...blue. No, yellow."

Chakotay went over to the other side of the room and opened a pine door that led into a small bathroom.

"I was thinking we could also change the suite in here. Bertie has blue and I was thinking we could put in pink or yellow. Something that makes it look more cheerful. It makes more sense to change it now that we're doing up the room than when junior has arrived."

"Definitely. And I think yellow would be good. It goes with most colors so we wouldn't have to change the suite again if we change the colors in this room."

Chakotay closed the door and came back into the bedroom. "So, I guess now we just have to decide where to put the crib. I know it will be time for Bertie to move into a bed by the time Junior is born, but he loves his crib so the transition might take a while. It's better if I make another one."

Kathryn gazed at him, her eyes sparkling. "I think you'll find you mean two."

Chakotay stilled a moment as he tried to comprehend her meaning, and then his eyes lit up as he did. "You mean?"

Kathryn nodded. "We're having twins. I suspected last night when I checked the baby's lifesign and found two, but I didn't want to say anything until the Doctor confirmed it."

Chakotay closed the gap between them and took her in his arms. "Oh, Kathryn," he laughed happily. "This is just... fantastic."

Kathryn smiled and held him in return. Then Chakotay drew slightly away.

"But if this was our last ovum, then..."

Kathryn nodded. "They're identical. Just like my great aunts Martha and Mary." She paused. "I'm going to have to see the Doctor quite often, though. Because the split happened after implantation, the babies are sharing the same placenta and amniotic sac. That's always more risky than when they have their own. But, so long as they're carefully monitored so any potential problems can be dealt with before they happen, they should be just fine."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes, his own shining with happiness. "I guess I'll be spending a lot of time making cribs."

Kathryn laughed softly. "I guess you will."

Chakotay then kissed her tenderly and they happily embraced.

**END OF CHAPTER THIRTY THREE**


	34. Chapter 34

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Way The Wind Blows**

**Epilogue**

FORTY YEARS LATER

Sarah Marie Janeway, a pretty young girl of fourteen with long black curly hair and sapphire blue eyes, stood before a shelf of framed photographs in her grandparents cozy cabin. She picked up a picture that had been taken of her father just minutes after he was born, and tears welled in her eyes at the happy face of her grandmother. She had seen the picture many times when she was growing up, but now she looked at it as though she was looking at it for the first time. After studying it for a while, she reached for the picture that had stood next to it for as long as she could remember. It was very similar, only there were two babies in this picture, her identical twin aunts, Elizabeth Ann and Emily Rose.

Behind her, Goldie, an old Labrador, slept soundly on a rich rust rug before a roaring log-fire. The animal slept most of the time and was generally oblivious to all that was going on around her.

Kathryn emerged from the kitchen, a glass of apple juice in each hand, and put the drinks down on a pine table next to the sofa. She looked remarkably young for her years. Her silver hair was swept back from her face in an elegant bob and the blue trousered twin-set she was wearing flattered her figure

"Looks like it's going to rain," Kathryn declared. "Let's hope it stays dry until your grandfather gets back from the village."

Sarah put the pictures back onto the shelf when Kathryn entered the room, but was not quick enough for her interest in the shelf to have gone unnoticed by her observant grandmother.

Kathryn went over to her granddaughter. "Looking to see if there are any new photos?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, not knowing what else to say.

Kathryn picked up a large picture from the end of the shelf. "This one's new. Your Aunt Milly sent it to me the other day."

Sarah took the picture and looked at it. There were quite a few people in the picture, all of them smiling happily at the camera before a backdrop of blue sky and white sand. At one end of the picture was her Aunt Lizzie, a very attractive woman with long silky black hair, chocolate brown eyes, and a familiar tattoo above her left eye, and on the other end was her Aunt Milly. To a stranger's eye it would have been almost impossible to tell the two women apart, but to Sarah it was easy. Her Aunt Lizzy's lips were slightly smaller than her Aunt Milly's, but her eyes were bigger. They also had very different personalities. Her Aunt Lizzy was in Starfleet, like her father, while her Aunt Milly taught history at a school in Indiana. Sitting inbetween the two women were three children; her younger cousins, Louisa, Darlene, and Thomas. Louisa and Thomas both had brown eyes and wavy chestnut brown hair, where as Darlene, her Aunt Lizzy's only child, had blue eyes, auburn hair, and a face full of freckles.

"It's nice," Sarah commented, hardly enthusiastically.

Kathryn put the picture back onto the shelf and then turned to her granddaughter. "What's wrong, darling? You've been ever so quiet since you got here."

"Nothing," Sarah replied.

"There's clearly something. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Tears welled in Sarah's eyes. "I know the truth," she said quietly.

"The truth about what?"

Sarah was a moment in answering. "That I'm adopted."

"I see," Kathryn replied.

"Mom told me the other night. She thought it was time I knew." She paused. "It hurts so much, Grandma. I've always thought I was their real daughter, your real granddaughter... always thought I was a Janeway."

Gently, Kathryn lay her hand on Sarah's shoulder. "You are a Janeway. Never think otherwise. I might not be your biological grandmother, but in every other way I am. You're a Janeway, Sarah. And you're my granddaughter."

A tear ran down the young girl's cheek. "But how can you love me as much as you do the others?"

"Oh, Sarah," Kathryn said, drawing her granddaughter close. "Of course I love you as much as the others. Of course I do. I love you so very much."

"As much as you love Aunt Lizzy and Milly?"

"Every bit as much. Never think otherwise." She drew away from the young girl and put her hand to Sarah's wet cheek. "Wait here, darling. I've got something to show you."

Kathryn disappeared into her bedroom, and then reappeared a few moments later with a red velvet box in her hands.

"Your grandfather gave me this, a long time ago. It's always been very special to me."

She handed Sarah the box, and the young girl opened it. Inside, lying in white velvet, was an intricately engraved silver heart locket.

"It's beautiful," Sarah said, looking at the locket in awe. "May I open it?"

"Please do," Kathryn smiled.

With delicate fingers, Sarah carefully opened up the silver heart. Inside, two smiling faces in two old gray photographs looked back at her. The first face she recognized immediately as her grandmother's, but it took her a moment to identify the second.

"Is that Grandpa?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "Doesn't he look handsome with his wavy hair and mustache?"

"I guess he does," Sarah smiled.

"It was with much love that your grandfather gave me this locket, and it's with much love that I have cherished it all these years." She paused. "I won't always be here, darling. I'm an old woman and we're only given a short time in this world. When my time comes, I would like this locket to pass to someone who will treasure it as much as I have. I therefore decided long ago that I would leave it to my first born granddaughter. You're my first born granddaughter, Sarah. When I'm not here any more, I would like you to have it."

Tears welled in Sarah's eyes. "Oh, Grandma..."

"Just promise me you will always cherish it."

"I will," Sarah replied. "With all my heart."

Kathryn smiled at that and Sarah hugged her.

"I just hope you'll be here for a long long time."

Kathryn returned the girl's embrace and kissed her dark curly hair. "Don't worry, darling," she smiled. "There's still a few more years left in this old girl."

Sarah laughed happily at that, and then lay her head on her grandmother's welcoming shoulder.

**THE END**


End file.
